Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character presented within my story. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer who created the world of Twilight.
I refuse to believe that this is the path my life has taken and yet, this is exactly where it has led me: fatherless, lonely, moody, feeling less than a woman, and a werewolf. Oh yeah, this is the life that every little girl dreams of having…yeah right!
A year ago I was perfectly fine with how my life was. Sure, the love of my life left me for my cousin and is now planning on getting married. My dad had passed away from a heart attack, but I was content with how things were. I knew I could have gotten over all the pain…in time.
I was planning on moving away from La Push, Washington. I needed to get away from this place. For so long, it had been my home, my shelter, and my refuge. It was the only place I felt safe, loved. I belonged here. Now, it had become a constant reminder of all the "what would have been."
The life I would have had with Sam. I would have been the one who was engaged to him right now. I would have been the one that was planning our wedding, sharing a home with him, starting a family. But that was beyond me now, only a distant dream of a past life. That future did not belong to me anymore, but to Emily. I know I should be happy for them. They are in love. They found love, but at what price? My pain?
And my father, he would have still been alive as well, at least I like to think he would. He would have been walking me down the aisle; giving me away on my wedding day. Knowing him, he would have been the one crying hysterically while my mother comforted him. He would have been my children's babysitter while Sam and I took off on our once-a-year vacations. Yet, my father was taken away. I was stripped of the two important men in my life and with them my humanity was too.
I became the only female werewolf of our pack. In fact, I became the only female werewolf ever known in the Quilente Tribe. Not really an achievement I could be proud of. Being a werewolf cost me of ever becoming a mother. That is probably why Sam never imprinted on me. I was not good enough to produce heirs that will carry on the werewolf gene, let alone bare children.
I was now a "protector" of the human race…and the "good" vampires. We all were: Sam, Jacob, Embry, Quil, Jared, Paul, Collin, and Brady, me, my little brother Seth, and the other little boys of our people. Jared, Paul, Collin, Brady, and the little boys of out tribe were apart of Sam's pack while Embry, Quil, Seth, and I ran with Jacob. We all use to be one pack, one family, and one mind. That was until Jacob had found out that Bella was pregnant with Renesmee. Sam believed she was a threat, we all did. Bella was pregnant with Edward Cullen's child, a vampire's child. For all we knew, Renesmee was capable of anything. She had to be destroyed, but since she was still in Bella's womb, Bella had to be destroyed as well. Of course Jacob would never let that happen. Even though she had broken his heart and married Edward, that boy was still stuck on her like a dead bug to a windshield. I didn't get how he was so head over hills in love with Bella. I didn't understand how any of these guys, Embry, Paul, Quil, Jared, and even young naive Seth, found her attractive. She looks better now as a vampire then she ever did as a human, but I guess that saying is true, "love is blind."
With that said, Jacob finally acknowledged his birthright. For Jacob was, indeed, the true Alpha of the pack. It was in his blood; his great-grandfather, and grandfather were the Alpha of their pack, and even though the wolf gene skipped his father's generation, Billy was the leader of the tribe. Jacob only denied his claim because he did not want to be a werewolf; he did not want this life. Sam was the Alpha instead, only because he was the first of us to turn.
Jacob's love and need to protect Bella was what caused him to defy Sam and call upon his Alpha to be awakened. Jacob became an outcast to us all; his mind was disconnected from ours. He was his own pack. Seth joined him, only because he loved the Cullens and was willing to protect them from our own. This was my ticket of freedom, not really, but freedom from Sam. I refuse to be the pathetic ex-girlfriend that could not keep away. So I joined Jacob's pack, willing to protect the bloodsuckers that had caused us all to turn in the first place.
It wasn't until Jacob had imprinted on Renesmee that made everything calm down between the leeches and us. It was against our ways; we were not allowed to harm anyone of our brothers' soul mates. Soul mates.
Gosh, everyone was finding their soul mates. Out of our pack, only Seth, Embry, and me were left. Still single, but that was going to change. For sure, Seth and Embry will find their one and only which will leave me: lonely, bitter Leah with no one to love, and no one to hold. How did I end up this way? Why couldn't I go back to the days were I was still that happy? When I had found my one and only in Sam.
I can still remember the way he held me. His muscular arms wrapped firmly around my waist, keeping me safe and secure. Holding me close to him, so that there was no space, no air between. So close and yet not close enough. The way our bodies fit perfectly together, as if we were made for another.
His intoxicating scent that always seem to make me go weak in the knees. That aroma that was a mix of the salt-water ocean and sweat, I could drown in his smell and not care at all. It was like heaven, my heaven. Burying my face into his chest, lost in his scent and drifting away to the sound of his heartbeat.
His kisses; how I miss the feel of his warm lips. The way his lips will always seem to find mine, and the way he will kiss me with such passion. They will always start off very soft with certain warmth, very easy as if he were not trying to hurt me. Then they will turn into a much different emotion, as if I was what he wanted, what he needed. Just when he will deepen his urge, he will pull away ever so silently, leaving me dazzled. Just as I found the will to recover, I could feel his heavy breath fall upon my cheek that were burning red from my blood rushing towards my face. Seconds later, his lips found their way to my ear. Nibbling very gently while he will whisper promises of our future together. And then he will being to bite the line of neck, sending an electric shock through out my body. I can still feel the after taste of his kisses, lingering on my lips.
And how can I forget the way he uses to look at me? The way his stares held me, I was fixed into an enchantment; a sweet session that seem to last for an eternity.
Eww, Leah that is so gross. Can you keep those imagines to yourself? I am so sick of having to think of Sam that way. That was the worst part about being a werewolf; in our wolf shape, our minds were always connected. My thoughts were theirs, and Embry did not like the idea of kissing Sam.
Well stay out of my mind then Embry. No one told you to listen, now did they?
Oh come on Leah, it's not like we can help it, and Embry isn't the only one that feels that way. I mean I like Sam but not THAT way. Plus, I'm a taken wolf. I don't think Claire will like it when I tell her I was forced to think of a guy that way.
Shut up Quil. You have nothing to worry about. Claire is only what? Two? Three years old? You got plenty of years until that day comes. With that said, STAY OUT OF MY MIND!
GIVE IT A REST YOU THREE! Leave it to Jacob to use his Alpha voice. We are on a mission. So until we figure out what's going on, stay focus…all of you. Embry and Quil, I want you two to take over Seth and Leah's post. Leah and Seth go home and get some rest. It's been a long night, and I need you two well rested for tomorrow.
I'm good for another hour or two Jake. I can stay.
Thanks Seth but you're still young, and you really need to get home to your mom. Plus Leah needs a break. Embry and Quil aren't the only ones tried of thinking of Sam. Even in our wolf form, I can see Jacob smirk. Oh, he thinks he's so funny.
You're such a jerk Jacob but it serves you right. Now you know what I had to go through when you were stuck on Bella. I can hear Jacob growl, but it doesn't really bother me. Good, I'll be more then happy to leave, and a night's sleep does sound pretty tempting right about now.
Whatever, I'm gone. Let's go Seth.
For the past couple of days, we have all been patrolling the Cullen's House. There has been a strange scent lurking around in the forest. It was found by the weird fairly like vamp, Alice and her statue like boy-toy Jasper. It was an unfamiliar scent. Not like that of a Cold One nor one of us wolves, an unfamiliar smell. Oh course Jacob wanted to patrol around the Cullens' house. He will make sure nothing will hurt Renesmee. So that left Sam's pack to patrol back in La Push.
Great which means I'll probably run into him on my run home. Could this night get any worst? Let's see, a good night's rest on my soft and comfortable bed or another backbreaking restless night on the cold forest floor? I know what I should do, but I really didn't want to risk the chance of running into the big black wolf. We haven't exchanged any words since I left his pack. I know he must have been pissed or maybe even betrayed. Serves him right. I couldn't help but let out a low mocking laugh. I could just picture Sam's face wearing a mask of hurt, but who was he to try to hold me back?
Seth? Where did you go?
I'm right here Leah, what's up? You know, for a fast runner you really are taking your sweet time.
I think I'm going to stay close to the vamps' house tonight.
Again? Oh come on Leah. He knows what I'm trying to avoid. I hope he drops it.
Seth, can you just tell mom I'm good, and tell her to get some things together for me. Please?
Yeah, thanks Seth.
You know Leah; he might not even be patrolling the line tonight. Just come home, it's much safer then sleeping in the woods especially with what's been going on. Mom's been worrying since she hasn't seen you in like three days. I knew Seth wouldn't drop the subject. It's Seth for crying out loud.
Please Seth just tell mom what I need. I'll be just fine out here. I'll sleep in my wolf form so that I can still be connected to the others. Don't worry Seth. I've been through worst; I think I can handle whatever else comes my way.
I know you're tough Leah, but everyone needs to come home once in awhile. Some people do miss you back at La Push.
HA! Who mom? Who the hell will be missing me? I chased everyone away with my bitterness. What loser will want to stick by me?
Of course mom, I already told you that. Collin and Brady have been itching for a rematch race. Em's been asking about you and… He seems to hesitant for a second, not sure if he should say the next name on the list. Sam's been wondering why you haven't come home.
Just the mention of his name makes me all tense. Just go home Seth.
Okay, I'll go. But promise me Leah.
Promise you what? Gosh, little brothers are such a big pain.
That you'll sleep in your wolf form so that you'll have the others with you.
Oh stop being such a little puppy Seth.
Promise me Lee, we already lost dad and I don't know what me and mom… He trails off and disturbing imagines of my potential death race through our minds. My heart aches for my brother's worry. Just promise me Leah.
Okay, I promise and Seth?
Be safe! And with that, I watched my little brother run off into the night. He never ceases to amaze me. How did he become so wise? Seth was right, I should come home but that's something I will never admit to him. It will hurt my pride too much.
Well I better go find my spot in the woods; the place where I've called home for the past 3 nights. As I sniff my way back to where my last pair of garments was, I could hear the others in my mind.
Man why is Leah still like that? What the hell was Embry going on about this time?
Chill Embry, you know well enough about Leah and Sam's history. Just let the girl be herself. Thanks Quil, but again, I will not say it for him to hear.
Quil's right Embry. It's not like Leah chose to be this. If the world was the way it was supposed to be, Leah will be the one marry Sam in a couple of months not Emily. You can't really blame her for her own bitterness. Plus, you wouldn't know how it feels to see someone you love with another. Wow, I was actually taken aback by Jacob's defense for me. Well he was the only one of those three who actually knew my pain.
Yeah yeah, the guy was her true love and he broke her heart but damn, does she really have to keep thinking of him THAT way? I mean I'm a guy who likes girls. Lately, I've been dreaming about Sam. Sam holding me and caressing my face and last night, I was kissing him. I WAS KISSING SAM! This is just wrong. I can hear Quil and Jacob's laughter through their howls. She just needs to hurry up and imprint or something.
I thought Leah couldn't imprint like us.
I know Quil, I'm just saying.
Are you freaking kidding me? Were they really talking about my ability to imprint? Well screw you all.
I hated being connected with their minds. So right when I found my dress hanging from the biggest fur tree in the forest, I phased back to my human form. I know Seth will be heated if he found out I broken yet another promise to him, but I just couldn't take it anymore. It's bad enough that I had no privacy but to have them talk about me and imprinting? Well that just open up deep scars that will never heal.
"Damn imprinting, it's your fault Sam left me. You're to blame for my pain." I hated imprinting with a passion. Everyone was imprinting but me.
I felt the tears that began to spill down the side of my cheek right when I had the last strap of my dress on my shoulder. Great! Another night of crying myself to sleep. When will my agony ever end?
I started screaming, letting my anger come out. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" I began to wipe the tears away from my face and that is when I heard it. I was consumed by my own frustration that I didn't even notice the sounds around me. I turned around several times, trying to find the eyes that I felt were burning my skin. I heard a twig break under a massive force.
"Who's there?" Dammit! I knew I should have listen to Seth. I should have stayed in my wolf form. The others will already know what's going on and will be standing by my side right now.
Feeling exposed to the set of eyes watching me, I began tugging at my dress ever so slowly. I didn't want my enemy to know I was on to it. I needed to change back into a werewolf and fast. Another twig breaks, this time I could hear it break much closer to me.
"Crap!" I turn suddenly, trying to meet the glare of my pursuer and that's when it happened.
All of a sudden, my body was overwhelmed with a strange feeling. What was that? Joy? Happiness? It had been so long since I felt this emotion, and I welcomed it with open arms. The session was unbelievable. It was mind blowing, so much that I felt my connection to the world was somehow cut. I was floating in true ecstasy. The only thing that was pulling me back was a single cord, connecting me to the eyes that were watching me before.
As I stared back, his eyes held me and I realized for the first time, I was staring into the eyes of a familiar stranger.
Author's Note: Hmm...I wonder what just happen to Leah just now? LOL. Are you all enjoying it so far? I know majority of the chapter was a recap of, basically, the whole Twilight series. I'm still trying to capture the character of Leah and her bitterness for what has happen to her. Don't forget to review!!