No I do not own Johnny or any other of Jhonen Vasquez's characters because he is almighty and epic. I do however own Luna and all her mighty kitty cuteness! Yay.

I also own all those random characters that randomly appear throughout the story. Um.... yay?

Now, onto the fic!


Chapter 3: Kitty Parenting Part I

Alright, so kitty had a name and a gender, which was probably the easiest part of kitty parenting, and Nny was about to find out later. For now he was just enjoying little Luna's company. Normally he would have seen a cat and thought it was evil, but this one was far from it. Luna would run and jump on things, or at least as much as she could with her makeshift cast. Usually she just ran at something and tumbled, forgetting about her injury. It was….. adorable. Completely adorable. She would do some pretty strange things too though, or strange in Johnny's opinion seeing as he had never owned a cat before. Luna would look up at the ceiling and make chattering noises either at something she thought was there, or at flies that came into the room. That would disturb him slightly, but then she'd go back to swatting at some lint rolling across the floor and all would be well again with the kitty cuteness.

The next part of kitty parenting was a little bit harder. It was vet time, and vet time was very confusing. For this, Johnny would have to consult…. the phonebook! He usually just used the thing to prop up the broken leg of the couch, but now it was needed for once in his life. I mean, who was he going to call? Now there was reason and it seemed like a good idea. He carefully un-wedged the old book from underneath the short leg of the couch and brought it over to the phone. It was dirty, covered in dust, and it seemed to be a bit damp. Ew… that's gross. As Johnny leafed through its icky, icky pages he found something else. "Mr. Samsa! What are you doing hiding in there!? I haven't the time to kill you right now I'm far too busy!" The cockroach just scuttled about the page until Johnny shook him or her off. Luna, noticing the bug scuttle across the floor began her attack. There was much roachy bloodshed. Anyways, back to the phone. Johnny had found the number to a local veterinarian and began to cautiously dial it on the phone. He had somewhat of a fear of phones, due to one of his past suicide episodes, but he was brave. Oh how he was brave with that phone. He waited until someone picked up, only it wasn't someone. A machine had answered with a rather annoying woman's voice, "welcome to the automated veterinary system. Please press one for emergencies. Press two to contact animal control. Press three to make a donation. Press four to report a case of animal mistreatment. If you wish to make an appointment please stay on the line and your call will be received in the order it has been made." Well that was a pain, but then again, the pain was just beginning. Johnny started to wait, only to hear the sound of that elevator-type music crackling through the phone. He grit his teeth and growled a bit. He looked over at Luna, who was now proceeding to eat "Mr. Samsa's" remains. "You're lucky I'm willing to endure this crap because of your… fuzziness." Luna just stared for a moment, and then continued to clean up the roach bits.

It seemed to take hours, or minutes of waiting, you can never tell the difference with these things, someone answered. "Dr. Doggiepoke's office, this is Dolores speaking. How may I help you this fine day?" She spoke in a bored voice, as most receptionists usually do. "Um, hello. I'd like to make an appointment I suppose?" The voice over the phone grumbled, "what's the name?" Johnny blinked, "excuse me?" he asked. "The name. Your pets name?" He then cleared his throat, "oh, um. Luna, her name's Luna." The little kitty's ears perked up at the sound of her name and she peered over from licking her paw. "And what would your name be, sir?" Johnny didn't hear her; he was too busy staring at the kittyness of his kitty. "Sir? Are you there?" "Oh um, yes. My name is Johnny." He would be sure to kill this woman if she were there at the time of the appointment. "Alright Johnny, we have an opening today at 4 P.M. Are you available at this time?" Johnny nodded, then realized a nod can't be heard through the phone, "yes." Dolores sighed again, "wonderful. We'll see you then and thank you for calling Dr. Doggiepoke's office. Have a nice day." That last part seemed to be an exaggeration from the tone of her voice. After hanging up the phone Johnny checked the clock. "Alright Luna, you have three hours more before you have to go." He thought for a moment. "Let's watch T.V.!"

After a few hours of horrid daytime television shows, lots and lots of petting, and little kitty purrs, it was time to leave. Johnny checked the address one more time in the phonebook before he headed into the garage to start up the car. He realized something though. Kitties and seatbelts don't mix very well. He thought long and hard about this situation. Even kitties should be safe in the car shouldn't they? "I guess I can let it slide this one time. Just for now." This would take some time to figure out, and time is something they didn't have in the moment. He picked Luna up and placed her into the passenger seat, buckled his seatbelt, started the car, then began to drive to the vet. The journey was easy, the inside of the actual building, not so much. There were people, everywhere. People holding onto pets that looked horrid compared to his teeny-tiny kittypoo, Luna. Other pets were sneezing, drooling, and leaking other various fluids all over the floors and chairs. Johnny made his way to the counter and signed the sign-in sheet. He then looked at the chairs and decided he would stand while clutching Luna closely to his chest. He surveyed the area to find that apparently Dolores had gone home, as he did not see her anywhere. That was a relief; at least he didn't have to hear her sarcastic tone again. After a while of seeing some pets going in, some pets going out, it was their turn. A nurse who seemed more interested in what was going on called out, "Johnny and Luna?" Nny looked up and waved his free hand, "um, right here." The nurse motioned for them to step into the back room, "the vet will see you two now."

He walked into the back, still clutching Luna close, as he was not sure if something might happen to her here. The nurse led them to another room where there sat a chair, a counter full of the usual medical things such as gauze and cotton balls and a small scale, and he also spied the coldest looking metal table that anyone has ever seen. The nurse, who seemed a bit nicer than Dolores and her sarcasm looked at the Luna, "aw, look at you cute little kitten. It looks like you have a hurt little paw-paw!" Annoying, but better than sarcasm. She then looked up at Johnny and motioned towards the scale, "please place little Luna on the scale and we can get her weight." Knowing that this was probably all part of helping his kitten get better he placed her into the scale. The woman adjusted the scale and wrote down the numbers, "oh my my, this little kitty is underweight." Nny grumbled, but not loud enough for the woman to hear. He hated that word, underweight. "We'll get you some help with that. The doctor will be in shortly so please place Luna onto the table." Johnny picked the apparently underweight kitten and placed her on the freezing table, earning him a hiss and a growl. He sighed, "don't be a cranky kitty, this is for your own good."

Not too much longer and someone else came in. "Hello Mister Johnny! My name is Doctor Doggiepoke! It's nice to meet you and your kitty Luna!" The man shook his hand overenthusiastically and then proceeded to poke at Luna. She mewed rather loudly as he prodded at her broken paw. "Okee-dokee, seems like we do have a break here! Its healing rather nicely though, good job on the makeshift brace!" The man flashed Nny a thumbs-up to which he replied, "thanks," in an unhappy tone. "Well we're gonna have to wrap it up a little more properly and then we'll get to vaccinations and fixing her this little one." Johnny perked up, "excuse me? What do you mean fix her? Her paw is broken and you already said you'd wrap it up. Why repeat yourself?" The vet slowly turned towards him, "well we don't want too many little baby cats running around do we? I'm gonna take out her kitty reproductive parts so she doesn't have any babies in the future." This wasn't going to go well. The vet turned back to Luna and Nny growled, "I don't want her fixed." He turned back, "excuse me?" Johnny put his head down, "I do not want my cat fixed. She may just be a cat and I may not favor the act of," he shuddered, "reproduction, but that doesn't mean you have the right to take out a creature's… er… stuff," he picked up his head and gave the man a glare. "O…kay then. We'll skip that step.. if you insist. But I do recommend that we do f..," he was cut off, "no. You will not touch her things. You will leave them intact or so help me I'll rearrange yours. How does on the floor sound? Now, make with the making her feel better so I can get on with my day!" After much prodding and poking, hissing and growling, the job was done and the vet began to write down Luna's records. He spoke with an attitude in his voice, most likely from Johnny not going with his previous suggestion of fixing his cat, "now I suggest you feed her some high protein kitty food, and maybe some snacks here and there." Nny picked up his little kitty friend, who had been sporting a brand new kitty cast, "fine." He started to turn out the door but then turned back to the vet, but not before grabbing the syringes he had used on Luna, "oh and Dr. Doggiepoke?" The vet turned, "yes? Can I help you with something else?" Nny grinned, "yes you can." The syringes went sailing into the man. One in each eye, several on his man-bits, and one went straight into his adams apple, where it began to slowly kill him. "That's for the attitude and for suggesting that I cut out my cat's organs without her permission. Have fun dying!" With that Johnny walked out to the counter, paid the bill, and set back for home while lots of non-animal blood was spilled out by the vet attempting to take the syringes out of his body. Oh what a productive day. Upon his arrival at home, Johnny placed Luna on the couch for some well-deserved kitty naptime, then head down to the lower levels to do some more productive killing, which helped out with his stress levels a bit. He was being productive! Very, very productive! Oh the productivity!



Part II should be up... whenever... stay tuned kids! :D LOL! Also, remember to give reveiws! Reveiws keep me writing! YAY!