Hi Everyone. This is a complete crack fic, with the intention of being hilarious and random. LOL! Anywho's I hope Ya enjoy the fic.


SUMMERY: Sakura wants to do something nice for Naruto, after he helps her paint her family's sweet shop, so she brings him a box of sweets after training. What she doesn't know is how these sweets will affect Naruto... and Sasuke.


Why You NEVER Give Naruto Sweets!

Chapter 1 – Tomato, Where Art Thou?


It was a fine sunny day in Konoha as Naruto Uzumaki finished his daily training session. He walked out of training ground four, and over his teams' usual meeting place, the bridge. As he crossed the bridge, he saw Sakura waiting for someone.

"Hey Sakura-Chan!" Naruto called out loudly as usual.

"Hey Naruto. I was just looking for you." Sakura called back.

"Really? I thought you'd wanna spend all your free time with Sasuke, now that he's back?" Naruto asked quizzically.

"I wanted to give you these, to say thanks. We'd never have got the shop finished without your help." Sakura said cheerfully. Naruto grinned sheepishly.

"It's Ok Sakura-Chan. After all, it's not your fault that the decorators got food poisoning." Naruto stated. Sakura blinked.

"Oh yeah they went to that Dango place that Anko-sensei likes so much. Maybe we should tell her about that." Sakura said. They thought about it for a few moments.

"Nah!" They both said at the exact same moment.

"Still it was nice of you to jump in and help out with your shadow clones." Sakura added.

"Well you are my friend and my comrade, so it wasn't a big deal." Naruto stated.

"Still I wanted to give you this, to say thanks." Sakura said, holding out a nice big purple box.

"What is it Sakura-Chan?" Naruto asked.

"It's a box of sweets that my mom made fresh this morning." Sakura replied.

"Wow Sakura-Chan I haven't had any sweets since I was four. Dunno why though." Naruto said. He became thoughtful as he tried to remember why he didn't have sweets since he was four but nothing came to him.

"I've gotta go Naruto. I'll see you on Friday. Kakashi-Sensei said we have a mission." Sakura said.

"Ok see you then Sakura-Chan." Naruto called, as she walked off. He saw her wave at him and then walked back to his apartment. Once he got there, he was hungry, but found his fridge empty, which wasn't really a surprise.

"I could just eat the sweets that Sakura-Chan gave me until I go and get something to eat." Naruto thought to himself. He opened the carefully wrapped package and started to eat the sweets inside.


Sakura walked past the academy on her way home and saw Iruka-Sensei standing outside.

"Hi Iruka-Sensei." Sakura said politely.

"Hi Sakura. What are you up to?" He asked.

"I just gave Naruto some sweets for helping out at my family's shop yesterday." Sakura replied, chirpily. Iruka's eyes went wide with fear.

"What's wrong Iruka-Sensei?" Sakura asked.

"You gave Naruto SWEETS?" Iruka asked.

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?" Sakura asked.

"Have you ever seen what sweets do to him?" Iruka asked.

"No. Come to mention it, he did say he hasn't had them since he was four." Sakura answered.

"That's because sweets turn him hyperactive." Iruka stated sadly.

"He's already hyperactive." Sakura quipped.

"Like I said, you haven't seen him eat a sweet before." Iruka replied. At that point, he ran off, with a dust cloud kicked up behind him, leaving Sakura sweat-dropping in confusion.


Naruto was wide-eyed and felt like he had limitless energy. He looked around erratically and stared out the window periodically, for what could only be classed as a minute, then decided to think.

"I'm bored. I need something to do." Naruto said to himself.

"I could go and scare the hell out of Sasuke." Naruto added.

"Yeah, scare Sasuke, yeah!" Naruto ended, nodding to himself.


Naruto snuck into Sasuke's apartment, meaning only to scare him awake, then train with him. But as he snuck into the kitchen, something caught his eye. That was when an evil glint appeared in Naruto's eyes.


Sasuke woke up that morning with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. He got dressed and walked into the kitchen. His eyes went wide with shock. There were instant ramen pots all over the place.

"It must've been Naruto. Only that dobe would be stupid enough to break into my apartment and eat my whole stock of instant ramen." Sasuke thought to himself.

"At least I still have my tomato for breakfast." Sasuke thought again. He went to his fridge, opened the door, and screamed like a girl. Of course, Naruto had stolen the tomato...


Sasuke was in the next town now. Having found that every single tomato in the whole of Konoha was gone (after being bought by Naruto somehow) he was sure he'd find tomatoes in the next town, but he'd been searching every grocery shop in the town for the last hour. Not a sign of a single tomato.

"I'll kill that damn dobe when I get hold of him." Sasuke thought to himself.

That was when he heard ringing coming from his kunai pouch.

"What the fuck?" Sasuke exclaimed, as he rooted for the source of the ringing and found a mobile phone.

"This isn't even mine." Sasuke added, as he sweat-dropped.

"Hello?" He answered grudgingly.

"Hellooo Sasuke." Naruto yelled at the other end of the phone.

"When I get my hands on you-" Sasuke was abruptly cut off.

"I wouldn't be mean if I were you, Sasuke-Teme, I have ALL the tomatoes in fire country." Naruto sing-songed down the phone. Sasuke's eyes went wide with horror. Then logic balanced it out.

"You couldn't possibly have all the tomatoes in fire country." Sasuke said smugly. He was sure he'd caught Naruto out.

"You can go and check but I'm telling you I've got them all." Naruto replied. Sasuke glared.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE THAT?" Sasuke yelled. Drawing the attention of pretty much every living thing within a ten mile radius.

"Does that matter now?" Naruto asked.

"YES!" Sasuke yelled. Onlookers were still gazing in awe.

"Well I'm not gonna tell ya." Naruto sang out.

"What the fuck? Why not?" Sasuke asked.

"Because I don't feel like it." Naruto replied back.

"Why did you take all the tomatoes in fire country? Including the one in my fridge?" Sasuke questioned.

"Because I was bored?" Naruto stated back.

"This is NOT funny Naruto. BRING ME BACK MY DAMN TOMATO!" Sasuke yelled.

"No!" Naruto answered. He then giggled.

"Are you on drugs Dobe?" Sasuke asked.

"Of course not you Teme!" Naruto replied.

"So when are you going to give me my tomatoes back?" Sasuke asked.

"When you complete all the tasks I ask you to do. Think of it as a mission ne?" Naruto said happily. Sasuke bit his lip, wondering where Naruto was.

"You're not going to find me, no matter how hard you look." Naruto replied.

"We'll see about that." Sasuke hissed. He closed the mobile phone then started running towards Naruto's apartment. When he got there, there was no one there and a drawing of Naruto eating a tomato, surrounded by other tomatoes. If Sasuke wasn't so angry, he'd have taken time to notice that the drawing wasn't bad. But of course he was steaming angry. So he ran to Ichiraku ramen, and asked Teuchi the owner if he'd seen Naruto.

"He told me to give ya this if you showed up." Teuchi told Sasuke, handing him a folded note.

Sasuke glared at the piece of paper as he unfolded it. He read it, and yelled at the top of his lungs.

"NARUTO! YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" The note was as follows.

Run, run,

As fast as you can

You can't catch me

I'm the Ramen-Man.

You won't get tomatoes,

Until you agree,

To do all the tasks,

That come from me!

Sasuke was seething. He heard the mobile phone ring again. He sighed in defeat and picked up the phone.

"Yes Naruto?" Sasuke asked.

"So you're going to co-operate. Good for you emo-muffin. Way to communicate socially." Naruto said cheerfully.

"What the- What the FUCK did you just call me?" Sasuke asked.

"Nothing? Now are you ready to do what I tell you?" Naruto asked. Sasuke nodded.

"I saw you nodding. So let's make this as painless as possible." Naruto said.

Sasuke's eyes went wide in shock.

"How the hell can you see me nodding? Unless you're nearby?" Sasuke asked. His eyes gleamed with hope, as he looked around for the elusive, knuckle-head ninja.

"Nope, sorry Sasuke I can see you coz of a satellite tv linked to your mobile phone." Naruto replied.

"HOW the HELL can YOU afford all of this?" Sasuke asked.

"That's my secret. Now for your first task. You must steal Tsunade Baa-Chan's Sake stash." Naruto stated.


"You and I will have to live with that." Naruto replied cheerfully. Sasuke inwardly groaned.

"I don't even know where she keeps her stash." Sasuke almost whined, almost.

"She has two stashes. One in a secret cupboard, hidden by a picture of her and ero-sennin doing it when they were younger." Naruto said. Sasuke's face faulted and he got a sickly green look on his face.

"Where the hell did you find out this stuff?" Sasuke asked.

"Don't ask its better that you not know." Naruto replied.

"Wow, the old pervert and the old hag, who'd have thought." Sasuke mused.

"Never mind that. I thought I'd tell you before you came across the magical picture, and was scarred for life." Naruto said happily.

"I'm already scarred for life." Sasuke replied.

"Yeah from the whole Itachi killed the whole clan thing. Ya know ya really need to get over that. They've been dead for nine years already." Naruto said.

"Shut up you baka and tell me where else I've got to look." Sasuke said.

"Well, Shizune Nee-Chan keeps a confiscated stash of Baa-Chan's Sake in Ton Ton's bed." Naruto replied.

"Why the HELL would anyone do that?" Sasuke asked.

"You'll see." Naruto said. Then the line went dead.


What did y'all think people? Please R&R this is the first time I've tried to do a Naruto comedy.

Sneak Peak For Next Chapter!

"Sasuke, you'll have to go and steal Icha Icha from Kakashi-Sensei if you ever want to see your tomatoes again." Sasuke felt like telling Naruto to stick the tomatoes where the sun doesn't shine. Of course he didn't. After all, he loved eating tomatoes...