You Kept My Heart Beating
For those who don't know, a doily is a crochet technique which I have never been able to do. This link has a picture of one. .com/images/mid/2430_Gold_Heart_
Columbus, Ohio October 18th, 1911
"Come on Esme, you can do it!!!" My best friend Mary screamed from the bottom of the tree. We were having our fifteen minute recess with the other kids, when Mary looked at a few boys from our class climbing the tree. She said that they were so brave for being able to climb that tree because it was such a large tree. I bet that I could climb the tree, and my friend Becky bet me twenty five cents that I couldn't reach the top. Never one to turn down a trip to the penny candy store, I accepted.
"I bet she can't do it. Girls can't climb trees." I heard Charles say this. I had always had a crush on Charles Evenson, despite the fact that he had a tendency to be rude to me. He always apologized after, though. So I never minded. Then we heard our school master, Mrs. Rochester, come running out of the school house yelling at me.
"Esme Anne Platt, you get down from that tree this instant!!!" I didn't hear her as I continued to climb to the top of the tree. I really wanted that twenty five cents. I could taste the caramel chews and butterscotch hard candy already. "Esme, either you come down right now, or I'll have Mr. Laurence climb up there and get you. And if I have to disturb the principle to get you down, your bottom will have to answer to my ruler!!" This stopped me dead in my tracks. I heard the chorus of ooohs and the six year olds singing 'Esme got in trouble'. Mrs. Rochester was always one to make good on her threats, and I knew, from personal experience no less, that Mrs. Rochester knew how to use that ruler to make you cry and beg for your parents. Then she would speak to your parents later and they would have a swing at you too. If I came down from the tree now, I would only get scolded. Being scolded wasn't so bad. I made my way down the tree, trying to repeat the steps I had previously taken. But one of the branches that I stepped on gave out, and I fell to the ground.
I heard all of my friends and class mates scream and come running towards me. I heard a deafening crack in my calf bone, and then I felt the crack. I screamed in pain and I heard Mary scream for the nurse. Mrs. Rochester was hovering over me and getting really panicky while having her say of 'I told you so's. Then the nurse, Mrs. Fawn, came out and examined my leg. She put me in a splint, put me on a mobile cart and hulled me over to the nurse's office. I heard her say that my leg was broken and that I needed to get to the free clinic that was down the street. That scared me. In all sixteen years of my life, not once had I gone to the doctor. I never needed to because I never got sick. I don't think I've been sick a day in my life. And I always shuddered at the thought of having to see a doctor. I always heard that they had cold hands and weren't very gentle and half the time, could never help you with whatever was wrong with you. Especially people with the Spanish influenza that's been going around.
It took them twenty minutes to get me to the clinic, even though it was so close. No one hand a car that we could use (cars were mighty expensive and hardly anybody had them) so two teachers out of the five teacher total staff had to hull me to the free clinic. The other kids were instructed to go back to class. When the teachers got me to the clinic, the lady at the front desk told the teachers to lay me on a bed in room B and that the doctor would be with me in just a moment. After the teachers went back to the school house, a nurse working at the clinic came in and examined me. She told me that Doctor Cullen would be taking care of me today and that he would be in the room shortly. Then she left me alone in the room. Before she left, she told me that the teachers were trying to contact my parents and let them know what happened. I waited for about ten minutes for the doctor to come in. That's another thing about doctors that aggravated me, they always take their dear sweet time to get to you. A patient could be dying and it wouldn't matter. The doctor will get to you on their own time. It made me so mad.
Then the doctor finally got to me and I was taken back. He was so beautiful. He must be a young doctor, no older than his early twenties. His hair was a golden blonde shade that glowed in the lamp light of the room. His face was pale and handsome, his nose a perfect shape, as well as his jaw. His face was the epitome of perfection. And his eyes were the most beautiful shade of brown…..no, butterscotch gold. His body was hidden under that hideous bulky doctor's jacket, and yet he made it look remotely presentable. His body must be gorgeous I was sure. He looked at some paperwork that the nurse had handed to him. I noticed the nurse get dreamy eyed as she looked at him and he smiled at her and said his thanks. When he looked at me and smiled, my heart sped up tenfold. He had such a beautiful smile.
"Well, Miss Platt, it looks like you broke your leg. We need to put it in a cast, but first I need to check out your leg and see how it broke." He walked to the table and began to examine my left leg. His hands were freezing, just like most doctors hands were, but it felt nice against the throbbing of my broken bone. His hands felt unusually hard against my skin, but smooth. Like touching polished, shaped granite. But I wasn't paying that much attention. I just kept looking at his face. I hardly felt any pain as he examined my leg to examine the break. When he was done, he went to the door and called for one of the nurses to get the needed plaster to form the cast. Then he took the paperwork in his hand and began to write stuff down. When he finished that he looked at me again and smiled. "Luckily, Miss Platt, it was a clean break and will heal easily and quickly."
The nurse brought in the stuff that Dr. Cullen needed for the cast. She gave him a flirtatious smile that he didn't appear to notice. When the nurse asked him if he needed any assistance, once again with a little more vigor then was necessary, he told her that he could do it himself and thanked her for offering. The nurse left with what I could have sworn was a pout on her face. Dr. Cullen came back to me with the needed equipment and got to work.
"So how did you break your leg Miss Platt?" His voice was like listening to a chorus of angels. No, better than a chorus of angels. Angels would be green with jealousy. I did want him to not call me Miss Platt though. It made me feel old. Before asking me anymore questions, I would like him to call me by my name.
"Um, you can call me Esme. Miss Platt makes me feel so old." He laughed lightly at my words. He looked me in the eyes again and my heart sped up again.
"If that's what you would like Esme." My name was like a song coming from his lips. It was wondrous to listen to. "So, Esme, how did you break your leg?"
"There were a few boys from my class that were climbing the tree in the front of the school house. My friend Mary said it looked scary. I told her that it wasn't so bad and that I would try to climb it. My friend Becky, bet me twenty five cents to get to the top, so I climbed the tree." He laughed lightly again.
"I should have figured recess was the culprit." He laughed lightly again. His laugh was so beautiful. It made me melt, and made my heart race faster. He somehow noticed my heart speed up. "Am I hurting you? I can see if I can find any pain killers to make this less uncomfortable if you like." No. He wasn't hurting me at all. It was like he wasn't even doing anything. But he was able to concentrate on what he was doing and talk to me at the same time. It was amazing.
"No, you're not hurting me." I smiled at him, hoping that my smile was convincing. He smiled back.
"If you're sure." Then he continued working. "So what were you planning on doing with the twenty five cents had you won it?" I couldn't seem to get over his voice.
"I was going to go to Madam Macy's candy store and get some caramel and butterscotch candy. I rarely get to have any." He laughed again.
"So you like caramel and butterscotch. Do you think she will still give you the twenty five cents?"
"I doubt it. She will claim that I didn't make it to the top and that it doesn't count. I doubt she even had the money to begin with."
"School children often don't. Does this mean you owe her twenty five cents now?" I shook my head no.
"No, she never said that I would owe her money if I didn't make it to the top. But then again, knowing her, she will probably say that it was obvious that I would owe her money if I fail. I know that Mary will stand by me in saying that was never clarified at least." He smiled. I decided I wanted to get off of this topic. I wanted to know more about him, for some odd reason. He was so interesting. "Forgive me for asking Dr. Cullen but I'm just morbidly curious. How old are you?" He laughed again.
"I'm twenty three Esme. I was born May 1st, 1888. I unfortunately lost my mother at a young age and my father died of sickness a short time ago. I became a doctor because I wanted to help people that are in need of my help. I prefer working in the free clinic. It just makes more sense to me for medical attention to be free. How about you, Esme? How old are you?" He smiled kindly. I was so glad that my question hadn't offended him. And he was so young. I was wrong on his age. He was younger than I thought. I always thought medical school took years.
"I was born August 19th, 1895. I just turned sixteen. I've been going to that same school house since I was about six years old, and have been going to school with the same children for ten years. What school did you go to when you were growing up?"
"I was home schooled by my father actually. He was a very religious man, and he raised me to be that way too, though I didn't always agree with his way of doing things. He seemed to get a little more testy after my mother died. It was his fault that she died though." He said the last sentence very begrudgingly. Even in that harsh tone, his voice was beautiful.
"What did your father do?" he kept his eyes closed and shacked his head from side to side for a moment, as if trying to clear his head. Then he looked at me, his expression no longer angry.
"Never mind, Esme. I shouldn't say that. Well, you're done." He had finished my leg so quickly and it was done perfectly. I hadn't even noticed any progress until now. He even signed his name on my cast. Doctor Carlisle Cullen. His handwriting was gorgeous. It reminded me of the calligraphy used to write the Declaration of Independence.
"You have beautiful handwriting." I couldn't stop staring at his name written on my cast.
"Thank you. One of the men that my father worked with at his church taught me. He worked for the king at the time and was teaching the kings son to write the same way. He and my father were friends so he taught me how to read and write just as well as any nobleman." He stopped talking abruptly, as if he felt he had said to much.
"You weren't born in the U.S.?"
"No. I was born in London, England. I studied throughout Europe after my father died and came to America after a few short years in Europe." He was still slightly tense. I wondered if maybe this was information that he didn't like telling people. Then I started feeling happy. He had shared this information with me. I felt warm all over with the knowledge. "Anyway, Esme, You will be in that cast for about six months until the bone heals completely. We can provide you with crutches, adjust them to your height and such. You will need to visit me weekly to make sure that everything is progressing as it should. One of the nurses will help you find the right size of crutches." He smiled at me again and then he left the room. I immediately missed him. Something about him made me really like him. Not just his beauty. There was something more to him that I couldn't seem to explain to myself. I found myself looking forward to seeing him again. The nurse helped me pick some crutches that worked for me and then told me that my parents were in the front waiting for me. Fantastic. No doubt my mother would have something to say about me climbing the tree. My father would probably have more to say about it. I started moving myself to the door that lead to the front office when I heard someone call my name.
"Esme." It was Dr. Cullen. His voice was music as he said my name. I turned around to face him. He walked right up to me and put something in my pocket. "I say you won the bet. Have fun at Madam Macy's okay." He smiled widely at me again before going into another room after having received another set of paperwork from the same dazed nurse from earlier. I reached into my pocket to see what he put in there. It was twenty five cents!! In trouble or not, I planned on getting my penny candy after I explained myself to my parents. When I got to the front room, my mother immediately stood up and began to scold me for being so stupid and for ruining my nice dress. When we were on the street, father began to add to the lecture, saying that what I did was un-lady-like and that no man will marry a woman that spends her days climbing trees. After my parents spent an hour lecturing me, I excused myself to go to the candy store. It was a short walk away from my house.
That Sunday, I went back to the clinic myself. I couldn't wait to see Doctor Cullen again. I did wish that it was nicer out though. It looked like it would rain at any moment. The other day had been cloudy, but not this bad. It began to drizzle when I was halfway to the clinic. When I finally got there, I was damp. I got myself up to the front desk.
"Hello. I'm here to see Dr. Cullen please." The nurse looked like she was daydreaming when I said his name.
"He'll be with you in a moment. Go to room B and wait for him there, please." I nodded and went to room B. I didn't wait as long this time. He came in after five minutes. I didn't end up seeing a nurse that day.
"Hello Esme. How does your leg feel?" He came over and looked the cast over.
"It has been feeling a little sore." He then got a small light so he could look inside my cast to check for swelling.
"Well, the swelling isn't very bad today. The soreness will last a while, but that is perfectly natural. Pain means it is healing." I winced at that, and he just laughed lightly. When he looked at me though, I noticed something strange about his eyes. They were darker. They were still gold, but it wasn't the bright butterscotch that I remembered. They looked more like gold if you were looking at it in a dimmed room. Very dimmed.
"Yes Esme? Is something hurting?" Why weren't his eyes the beautiful butterscotch I loved?
"Why are your eyes so dark today? When I was here earlier in the week they were a bright butterscotch color, but now they look like…….a dark topaz." He stiffened at my comment. He was completely still. Oh no. He was mad at me. I didn't want him to be mad at me. "I'm sorry Dr. Cullen, it was rude of me to ask. I'm so sorry." I really felt horrible. I wish I knew why this was a touchy subject, but obviously it was.
"No Esme, it is alright, you've done nothing wrong. It's the lighting in the room. We need to get new lights is all. Your eyes look darker in this room too." He was smiling again. It looked so natural, but for some reason it seemed forced. The lights looked no different to me than they had the last time I was here, but I decided not to push the subject and nodded.
"I suppose your right Dr. Cullen." He didn't push the subject either. And then, far too quickly, he was done.
"Okay, Esme. Everything looks to be in good order. You're healing really well. You might not need to keep the cast on for all of the six months." He smiled at me and helped me to the door. He opened the front door for me and held it open until I got out of the clinic. "I'll see you again next week Esme. Remember, try not to over exert yourself okay." Before he closed the door I told him something.
"She ended up saying that I owed her the twenty five cents." He smiled a little. He looked amused.
"Did she now? And what did you do? I hope you didn't waste that nice quarter I gave you on her." I laughed. He was teasing me. It felt nice to talk to him this way.
"No, I didn't. Mary stood by me that it wasn't clarified. Before she make a really big deal out of it, Mrs. Rochester called us to the front of the class and made examples of us. She told the class that hell was in store for those that gambled. And that was the last I heard from her about the quarter."
"Well that's good, Esme. And your teacher is right, you shouldn't gamble. It is not healthy. I've seen far too many people come here either stressed to the point of breakdown or well past the breaking point that got that way because they were losing a lot of money at the track. So don't gamble anymore okay Esme." I nodded my head.
"I won't Dr. Cullen. I promise." He gave me a big smile and a small giggle from my enthusiasm.
"I'm glad to hear it Esme." Then he closed the door and walked back to the rooms where other patients waited for his attention.
It was Sunday again. I would get to see Dr. Carlisle again. I loved his name. It was so romantic. His British origins certainly explained his name. I thought it was a unique name for someone from here. But the fact that he was from far away made his name seem oddly exotic. I laughed at myself for the thought. It was a beautiful day out today. It was getting cold because of the fall but it was sunny out today. It was mid-afternoon. Right after church. I did find it strange that Carlisle was never at the church. I assumed he would be, considering that his father was a priest. Then again maybe he simply wasn't Baptist and went to a different church was all. Yeah, that seemed only logical. I crutched myself to the clinic as fast as I could. The day made me feel more energized somehow. I got to the clinic and let myself in.
"Hi Esme." The lady at the front desk said. "Just go to your usual room and the doctor will be with you in a moment." I went straight to room B and sat on the bed and waited patiently. I fiddled with my fingers, trying to occupy my mind while I waited for Carlisle. I waited……….and waited………..and waited. Where was he? He never kept me waiting this long before. It had been a whole half hour. Where was he? Maybe there was someone in critical condition was all. Yeah. Someone in the clinic was in serious danger of dying. That is all it was I'm sure. I simply had to be patient. Then finally the door opened. I lit up when it did, but then I darkened up again. It wasn't Dr. Cullen. It wasn't even one of the nurses. It was another man all together.
"Hello Miss," he looked at the sheet, "Platt. I'm Doctor O'Conner. How are you feeling today?" I was extremely disappointed. I didn't know this doctor. I had seen him at a distant glance before in the clinic, but I didn't know, never cared, who he was. Now I really wanted to go home. I had never felt such a desperate need to leave the clinic.
"Fine." He came over and started examining my leg. His hands weren't as cold as Doctor Carlisle's hands I noticed. And they didn't feel like stone when they touched me. But it still made me squirm when he touched my leg. He wasn't gentle at all. He was trying to move the cast to get a good look at my leg and it hurt when he did. Doctor Carlisle never had to lift the cast. I imagine he had really good eyes and didn't need to. To distract myself from this doctor's rough handling, I decided to make small talk.
"So Dr. O'Conner, where is Dr. Cullen?" He made a face that made me suspect that he didn't like Dr. Carlisle too much.
"Oh him? It's sunny out. Every time it is sunny out, he always plays hooky and goes camping or something along those lines. Honestly, you would think the man would have more self respect than that. And of course when I tried to get him fired for his repeated absences on sunny days, the staff, which is mostly female nurses of course, threw a hissy fit." I tried to contain my disdain for this man. Carlisle was an excellent doctor that deserved no less than this man's utmost respect. At least he could do his job without making my leg hurt worse than it already did. "I tell you, some women will do anything if they can look at a pretty face." I decided to cease any further small talk. But this did bother me. Carlisle didn't seem like the kind of man that would leave his patients just so he could enjoy himself. He seemed too self sacrificing for that. Once Doctor O'Conner was done, he reminded me to come back next week and I left as fast as I could. He didn't even bother to help me open the door. I hope I never have to have him as my doctor ever again.
But now I was really sad. I didn't get to see Carlisle today. My entire day seemed to be ruined. I did however run into Charles Evenson. He had been extra nice to me as of late. Maybe because he was trying to show off how kind and charming he could be.
"Well Esme. It certainly is a treat to see you. How does your leg feel?" I got a little closer to him and stopped when I was right in front of him.
"Fine I guess. But the doctor that examined my leg today didn't do a very good job. I think he did more damage than good. It feels even more sore than it did when I came into the clinic." Charles made a sad face at me.
"Well that's a shame Esme. Would you like to come with me to get some candy at Madam Macy's? I know how much you love chocolate." Butterscotch and caramel actually.
"Yeah, I do love chocolate."
"I bet you do. It is the same color as your eyes." This did make me smile. Charles could be rude at times but he was still sweet and charming. And my mother always told me that chocolate was inspired by my eyes. I knew she was lying, but I enjoyed the complement non-the-less. "I'll even by it for you." This took me by surprise. If there was anything that I knew about Charles, I knew that he had alligator arms. You would think you were prying his teeth out whenever you expected him to pay for something.
"Um, sure. That's very sweet of you Charles. Thank you." He smiled from ear to ear. Obviously he was proud of himself. I knew that Charles liked me. He had even told me before. It was when we were younger though. And he had taken it back because his friends were teasing him about it. That hurt my feelings. But now that we were older, no one said anything except the little kids at the school house, and no one cared what they said with regard to relationships and such. In truth, I liked Charles too. But as of lately, I found myself liking someone else much, much more. But I also knew that I didn't have any hope of winning him as my own. I didn't think Carlisle was married. I never saw him wear a ring, but then again he could possibly not wear it at work because he didn't want to get it dirty. And even if he wasn't already married, which I'm sure he was, no man as beautiful as him could possibly not have a wife, why would he want me. Marriage between people of different ages was common, but only when the parents were involved with the arrangement. He would want a women his own age, rather than a child.
Charles took me to the candy store and bought me two pieces of chocolate, which he watched me eat. I knew that if I didn't eat them he would get mad and start yelling at me. I was in no mood to be yelled at right now. I wanted to see Carlisle, but he was gone. Camping according to Dr. O'Conner.
It wasn't sunny today. It was starting to get wintery, and that meant a lot of overcast days. I never used to like them, but if they meant that Carlisle would be there, I didn't mind them so much. I went to the clinic right after church on Sunday like I had for the past three weeks now. I let myself into the clinic and the lady at the front desk told me to go into room B. I went into the usual room and waited for Carlisle. I didn't even wait five minutes and he was in the room. My heart lifted and started to flutter.
"Hello Esme. How does your leg feel today?" He gave me his usual kind smile. My heart raced again.
"It has been good. I didn't like how Dr. O'Conner handled it last week though. He made it more sore." He gave me a guilty smile, like he sincerely felt bad for putting me in the other doctor's hands. My heart soared at the sight of it. He cared.
"I'm sorry about that." He walked over and began to examine my leg with his usual expert touch. "He has a tendency to be rough but he is a good doctor. He knows what he is doing." It was none of my business, but I wanted to know.
"Where were you the other day? I was so sad that I didn't get to see you." He laughed lightly at my comments.
"I missed you too, Esme. I must say you're a very good patient." This made blush every shade of pink and red imaginable.
"Dr. O'Conner said that you were camping." He looked guilty again. But this time it wasn't innocent. It was sincerely guilty. Like he had actually done something wrong. Impossible. Not Carlisle.
"Yes. There are so few sunny days in Columbus that whenever it is sunny, I like to take advantage of the weather." He had a smile on his face again. It was a perfect, composed smile, but it still looked forced. And then I saw his eyes. They were the beautiful butterscotch again. This made me happy. I loved his eyes. I could stare at them all day. He continued with his work, being exceptionally gentle as usual.
"Would it be horrible of me to say that I hope every Sunday is an overcast day?" He laughed again. This time the laugh had more life. As if what I said had been truly funny to him. This made me feel warm all over and my heart raced again. I laughed with him.
"No Esme. That is not horrible of you at all. I'm flattered that you trust me so much as a doctor." This comment made me sad. I already knew this, but this made it plainly more obvious. I was just his patient. Nothing more. I wanted to cry, even though I had already known, it still made me sad. Dr. Cullen obviously noticed my change it face. "Is something wrong Esme? Does your leg hurt." This took me out of my little internal rain storm and I tried to smile. I hoped it didn't look strange.
"No Dr. Cullen. I am fine. I just thought of something sad is all." I was trying so hard not to cry. I hoped that Dr. Cullen wasn't in an observant mood today.
"Would you like to tell me about it Esme?" I looked into his butterscotch eyes. They were so sincere. I could swear I saw something more in his eyes, but I was probably being foolish. He was just concerned about his patient was all.
"No. It is alright. Nothing that needs to be put into words." He nodded with a sad smile on his face. He continued to work. "Dr. Cullen?"
"Are you married?" I couldn't help but wonder. Even though I knew the answer would jast make me more sad. But his answer shocked me.
"I'm afraid not Esme. I'm not married." I was overjoyed for some reason. He wasn't married. He was free. "Why do you ask Esme?" I racked my brain for a quick and normal response.
"I was just curious is all." He smiled back at me and the rest of the appointment was spent in silence.
February 14, 1912 Columbus, Ohio
My leg had been healing very well. Carlisle said that I could take the cast off within the next few weeks. But I wasn't at all happy about this. This meant that I wouldn't have an excuse to see him every week at the clinic. Today, despite everything I knew was impossible, I was going to give him a Valentine 's Day gift. I had received one from Charles, but it was assorted chocolates. I really wasn't fond of chocolate. Madam Macy made better caramel and butterscotch candies in my opinion. I ate the chocolates in front of him in hopes to not upset him. He was a little annoyed that I hadn't gotten him anything for Valentine's Day, but I told him I didn't have money to do that. Charles had informed everyone that he and I were courting. I didn't confirm or deny this. No one asked, so I didn't bother correcting anyone. I knew who I wanted. No matter how illogical my desire was. I was in love with Dr. Carlisle Cullen. And I didn't care if he was too old for me. In two years, I would be a legal adult, and I intended to be his. It took a while for me to save up enough money, but I managed to get him a Valentine's Day gift. I got him a bag of caramel chew candies. Carlisle had told me on one of our visits that my hair reminded him of caramel. It was days before I stopped staring at my hair after that. I had told him that his hair reminded me of gold. I picked the caramel chews that looked the closest to my hair color. I made the bag myself, with pink fabric and a red tie with doily red hearts. It was a good thing my mother taught me how to crochet. I kept everything in my school bag so that no one would see my Valentine's Day gift. It was a nice day out. The sun was shining. I was nervous. I honestly hoped that he was at the clinic. My heart ached at the thought that he might not be there. Dr. O'Conner had not been joking when he said that Carlisle did this EVERY time it was sunny out. When I got to the clinic, that was the first thing I asked. If he wasn't here, then I was leaving.
"Is Dr. Cullen here today?" The receptionist looked sad. This made me feel worried.
"I'm afraid not honey. It is sunny today, that means a day off for him." She made a mournful sigh. I actually felt mad at this woman. I kept that to myself though.
"Would you please give me his address? I need to deliver something to him." The receptionist looked stunned.
"I'm afraid I am not at liberty to give you that information young lady." She was getting stern with me. I was not in the mood. But I made myself look pleading, begging even. I really wanted to give my gift to Carlisle.
"Please Miss. It is an emergency." She looked at me for a moment, skeptical I imagine. After just looking at me for what seemed like forever, she gave me a snide look.
"Is it really that important?" I nodded viciously. You bet your bottom dollar it is that important. "Alright then, I will give you his address. But you are not to tell this to anyone. If he asks, you traveled around for hours looking. Do you understand?" I nodded again. "Okay, here you go." She looked in the employee information journal she had on her desk and found Carlisle's name. She wrote down his address for me and gave me the sheet of paper. 69 West Bourbon Street. I knew where that was. That was out near the larger homes. Those homes usually belonged to the old money. I suppose I should have figured that he was wealthy. No poor man would be able to tour Europe and come to America. I thanked the lady and was off. I didn't care if he was camping. I would wait for him if I had to. I wanted to give him my gift.
When I reached his home, I was surprised. It was very large, but more humble than most of the houses in this area. His porch was beautiful. Covered in white brick and a canopy of more bricks and a tiled roof. It was stunning. I got myself to the door, and knocked as hard as I could. I didn't wait thirty seconds and he opened the door. He looked stunned to see me, almost scared.
"Esme. What brings you here?" He put on his forced smile. I got really nervous. Maybe this wasn't the right thing to do. Maybe I really was fooling myself. But for some reason, my heart told me that wasn't true. I decided to go with what my heart said. I blushed heavily, reached into my bag, and took out the Valentine's Day bag of caramel chews. I couldn't look at his beautiful face, I was far too embarrassed. I could hardly get the words out.
"Dr. Cullen, would you be my Valentine?" My heart was throbbing with anticipation. He was going to say no. Of course he would say no. He would say I'm far too young and that I should give that gift to someone my own age. I swear if he even mention Charles. I've had enough of my mother praising me for courting him. We weren't courting. I liked Charles yes, but I loved Carlisle, and I didn't care who knew.
"Esme." His voice sounded so strange. It was the same musical voice, but now it sounded……..regretful. Oh dear no. I was about to cry. He really was going to say no. My heart dropped to the pits of Hades. I looked up at his face, against my better judgment. He looked sad at first, then he gave me his forced smile again. No. I wanted his real smile. The smile I saw when he teased me, or when we talked about nothing during my weekly check up. Not this smile, this forced smile. He took the bag from me and I dropped my hands to my side. "Did you make this yourself Esme?" All I could do was nod my head. I knew what was coming. "It is very beautiful Esme. It really is." He examined the bag a little more. "Caramel?" How could he know? The smell wasn't that strong, even if you held it right up to your nose. I nodded again. "Thank you Esme. This was very sweet of you." Great. Even worse, he was dodging my question. I was about to break into tears, I knew I was.
"I'm glad you liked it Dr. Cullen." Without even looking at him, I turned around and started crutching myself away. I was crying long before I got onto the street. I didn't look back. There was no point.
I could smell her tears. I felt horrible. She was such a sweet girl. So kind and loving. She didn't deserve this. And she certainly deserved better than that Charles Evenson boy. I had heard from one of my younger patients that they were courting. I couldn't see it. That boy was so rude to others, and I've seen the way he treated her. It was deplorable. He would sometimes speak to her like she was no more than dirt, and then expect her to forgive him for it. What infuriated me was that she did. This took me completely by surprise. I was happy. But I realized I couldn't be. She was human. I would never be able to make her happy. This was a girl, a kind hearted, sweet, loving girl that dreamed of marriage and having children. I could never give her that. I was a vampire. Frozen in time, unchanging. She changed. I would lose her shortly after having her. Eighty years, and that would be if I was lucky. I knew my answer had hurt her, but there was nothing more I could do. I could only prey that she didn't marry that Charles boy. She deserved a man that loved her with all his heart, not a half witted low life such as him. He had come through my clinic many times for scrapped knees and such. One time he had even come into my clinic because his tongue was bleeding. I would rather not say how that happened. Only that a girl by the name of Rebecca Harold was involved. That girl was supposed to be Esme's friend. That was infuriating to me.
I watched Esme walk away from my house, tears flowing down her face. And I knew that I was the one that caused those tears. She must have spent months saving up the money to get me this gift. And the crochet work was perfect and beautifully crafted, even to my powerful eyes. I hated myself for hurting her. What killed me most was that her blood smelled so delicious. La Tua Cantante as Aro would have called it. Her blood smelled better than any human blood I had ever come across. It was much harder to control my thirst when I was around her. All those years of self discipline seemed to count for nothing with this young girl. But I did everything in my power to ignore it's pull. I would not end that sweet girl's life. She deserved everything the world could give her.
I waited until I couldn't smell her tears anymore before I closed my front door. I couldn't do this to her. It was wrong. I had to end this before this got any deeper. But I didn't know how. I wanted to say 'Yes. Yes Esme. I will be your Valentine' but I couldn't. And frankly, the age difference was the least of the reasons why. Hell, I'm older than most of the people I encounter, human or vampire. I occasionally meet vampires that are older than me, but most of them are in Europe. Most vampires didn't started coming to America until 1908, when all the immigrants came. And they were merely following their food supply. Like a herder following his sheep.
I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to give Esme a gift in return. But if I did that, I would be encouraging her, and she didn't deserve that. But I wanted to. Maybe I could give it to her simply as a thank you present. Yes, that would be alright. There was simply nothing wrong with telling someone thank you. That is what I will do. She deserve that much from me at least.
Esme hadn't come to her weekly doctor visit this Sunday. I knew why. And I knew that I was probably about to make it worse. Much, much worse. But I needed to do this, if anything to keep me sane. I knocked on the door to the Platt household. Her mother answered the door. She looked dazed when she noticed I was the one knocking. I was so used to women staring at me that I hardly noticed anymore. Same thing with human blood.
"Oh…Dr. Cullen. What can I do for you?" She was being a tad too nice to me and frankly I was uncomfortable. Granted the nurses were worse, but dear lord this was getting old. I've considered pretending I was married, just to get them to at least stop flirting with me. That would be better than nothing.
"Yes actually, Esme never arrived for her doctor visit and she needs to be examined. Especially being this close to taking the cast off." Her face immediately fell. Every time they knew I wasn't there for them, their faces always fell and it bothered me.
"Oh, she didn't? Well she's in her room. She's been so sad the past few days. I don't know what could have caused it. Charles hasn't stopped courting her. What could have made her this sad?" I shuddered. I wanted to do something about that vile boy, but there was nothing I could do. Only hope she found someone better.
"I don't know, Mrs. Platt. I am only here to make sure that she is healing properly. I might even be able to remove the cast tonight if her leg is fully healed." Her face was at least happy about that.
"Oh, Doctor, that would be absolutely delightful. I'm sure she will be overjoyed to be able to walk without those cursed old crutches. Please come in. Here room is that one to you right near the end of the hall." I walked past her and went to Esme's room. The door was closed. I could smell her through the door. She had been crying again earlier. My whole being ached. This was my fault. I took a deep breath that I knew very well wouldn't help at all, especially with the burn in my throat, opened the door and walked into her room. She looked at me with shocked eyes. She hadn't been expecting me. I should have assumed as much I guess.
"How is your leg feeling Esme?" She looked at me for a moment and then stared at her cast.
"It is doing well. I haven't been feeling any pain in my leg." Her eyes were sad. It broke my heart in two to see them like that. I forced a kind smile. Having a sad look on my face would not make this any easier.
"I am glad to hear that. I will take a look at it and see if we can remove it now." She flinched a little. It stabbed me when I realized how deeply attached to me this girl really was. This was all my fault. I let her get attached to me, knowing full well that I couldn't give her what she wanted, what she needed, what she deserved. I never let my face change. I wouldn't let her see me in pain. I examined her leg. It was healed, we could remove the cast. It shocked me how much this fact seemed to bother me. "Well, Esme, it looks like your leg is done healing. I'm going to remove the cast alright." She didn't respond. I didn't wait for her to. I began to undo the cast. I could have easily torn it off myself. In fact, I think that would have been faster. But Esme had already noticed far too much about me. Even the women that spent the whole day staring at me never noticed that my eyes changed colors. Once I got the cast off, she wiggled her toes. She didn't look happy at all. I decided that now was the time. I wanted to see this girl……no……this woman…..this beautiful, kind hearted, loving, giving, heartfelt woman smile. I reached into my bag and got out a small box that I had filled with butterscotch pieces that I had carved myself into hearts. She didn't notice this.
"Esme, I am truly sorry about the other day. I know that it took a lot of courage for you to come to my home and give me that gift that you spent a lot of time and effort on." She looked at me now and noticed the box in my hand. I heard her heart race twice its original speed. "I wanted to give you something in return. To show you how much I appreciate your kindness." She still didn't smile, but she took the box I offered. Hesitantly, but she took it. "Go on and open it Esme. I think you will like it very much." She looked at it for a whole minute. But I let her. I was sure this wouldn't end well, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to give her things. Finally, she opened the box and her heart beat even faster. And tears began to run down her face again. She took out one of the small candies that I made sure were perfectly shaped. Then she looked at me, and her face looked almost……..tortured. Oh God, what have I done?
"Carlisle." It was the first time she ever called me that. She usually addressed me formally. Like any person would address someone of my occupation. And hearing her say my name made me feel things, emotions that I shouldn't be feeling. Tears continued to roll down her face. "I know that you don't love me Carlisle." No. NO. That wasn't true!! "I can accept that. I am far too young to deserve your affection. And there are so many women that would gladly give themselves to you, so why would you settle for me?" NO!!! NO!!! ALL LIES!!! NOT TRUE AT ALL!!!!! "I suppose I was trying to live a dream that day. I knew that you would not return my affection, but I wanted so much to at least try. Thank you, so much. For everything that you have done for me. I really mean that." She put the butterscotch back into the box, closed it, and then tried to had it back to me. NO!!! NO!!! SHE HAD IT ALL WRONG!!! Tears never seemed to stop streaming down her face. What could I do? I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to kiss her. It wouldn't be her first kiss, knowing that vile weed that claims to be courting her, but it would be better I was certain. I would kiss her with love. Not purely lust, though that would be there, but with love. But I couldn't. I just couldn't.
"Esme." She looked at me. "I gave you this gift because you're a simply wonderful girl. A blind man would be able to plainly see that the same as I can. That is why I gave you this gift, and that is why I want you to keep it." She didn't take the box, so I put it on her night stand. I left the cast next to her bed, hoping to leave it as a memory of me. I knew what I had to do, and it was without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my whole existence. But I needed to if this beautiful woman was ever going to have a chance at a normal life. I stood from the chair that I had been sitting in and was about to leave. But then a desire got the best of me. I needed to kiss her, even if only a small peck. I needed to. I had to memorize her taste, it was the one thing about her I didn't know. I walked to her bed and lifted her chin up to face me. She looked like she was in pain, and I knew it had nothing to do with her leg. I lowered my face to hers and our lips touched for only an instant. It was a short, chaste kiss. But I got her taste, just like I had wanted. She was wonderful, just like her smell. Like tasting a sugar coated pear. When I lifted my face from hers, she stared at me, the pain in her eyes even more potent. I hated myself. I hurt this poor, innocent girl. No matter that I never took a human life, no matter that I made a living saving people, I was still a monster, the worst kind of monster alive. I took my hand away from her chin and walked away. 'You're wrong Esme, so wrong. I love you too, with all my heart' that is what I wanted to say to her. The words that I so desperately wanted to say. But I couldn't. I had hurt her to much already. I had scarred her. I was simply deplorable. Instead, I said possibly the worst thing I could ever say to her. "Take care of yourself Esme." And then I left her room. When I was out of the house, I heard her break out into a flood of tears, and I walked away from that house, a broken man.
April 14th, 1914 Columbus, Ohio
I had agreed to marry Charles a short time ago. The day that the children of eighteen graduated from the small school, he asked me to marry him. Without the slightest shred of emotion, I'm sure, I said yes. Today was our wedding day. I wasn't at all happy. When I walked down the aisle and finished saying my vows and said my I do's, I knew beyond a doubt that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. But I did not care. I simply did not care. The man that I truly loved, Carlisle Cullen, was gone. The day after he had given me that gift of heart shaped butterscotch candies, I decided to go to the clinic to apologize for the night before, praying to God that he didn't mean what I thought he meant by, 'take care of yourself Esme'. I had smelled him for the first time when he kissed me. He was never close enough before for me to smell him. His scent was the most heavenly thing my nose had ever be held. A garden of roses were put to shame. Lilacs no longer had any business being called sweet smelling flowers and honey took on the appeal of thick molasses. He had smelled of sugar coated raspberries combined with what I could swear smelled like the moon and the heavenly smell of burned rosewood. I will never forget his scent as long as I live, I swore that to myself. I had wanted to apologize, but when I got to the clinic, all of the nurses looked sad, and my heart throbbed. And oh so foolishly, I asked them…….
"Um, Is Dr. Cullen here." My voice shaky. Filled with pain I knew. The nurse even cried.
"I'm sorry dear, but Doctor Cullen has resigned. He got a job offer for a position in New York. He turned in his letter of resignation last night." I collapsed. He had meant what I thought he had. Carlisle had left. All of the nurses and Dr. O'Conner ran to me trying to wake me up. That had been a year and a half ago. I did not know what I looked like to people now. But I simply did not care anymore. Nothing seemed important anymore.
My wedding night with Charles had no appeal to me. I did not even remember what we had done. I only remembered a pinching, stabbing pain when he entered me, and that was all I felt throughout the coupling. In fact, I was positive that I cried.
Forxfield Train Route 19 for Chicago. November 19th, 1921
I had left Charles. We had been married for seven years. I was pregnant with his child….again. I would not lose this child. Charles had been abusive. I could take it if it was only directed at me, but not my baby. Not my child. He had caused me to have four miscarriages. All resulted from punches to my swollen pregnant belly. I would not let him do that to me. Not again. I truly hated him for it. I could only imagine what everyone thought. 'Oh poor Esme. She can't bear a healthy child'. No one knew what Charles did to me. I wouldn't let anyone know. Neither would he for that matter. Any bruises he gave me were easily hidden. I even had fresh bruises on me, but they were all on my arms and chest. I was eight months pregnant. Only weeks, if not days, away from going into labor. I wanted my baby to be healthy. I wanted my child that I knew would love me and need me. That was all I wanted in the entire world.
The train had finally made it to Chicago. I wasn't sure why I picked Chicago of all places. I had read 'The Jungle'. Enough said. But for some reason it seemed like the place I needed to be. I got off of the train, not sure what I was looking for. I didn't even know where I was going to live. I had no place to stay, and no money for a hotel. I didn't know if I would be able to check into a hospital. Probably not. I didn't have money for that either anyway. The more I thought about all the things that were wrong with this situation, the more scared I got. I was petrified. I had no idea what to do. I had never set foot outside of Columbus, Ohio before this. I walked out of the train station and walked the streets of Chicago, with no idea where I was going. I sat at a small bench outside. I began to think about Carlisle. I still had the box of heart shaped butterscotch he gave me. I could never eat them, they were to perfect. Pain flowed through me. I wished he were here. He would have helped me. Even if he didn't love me. I knew he would have helped me. Oh, shoot, who am I kidding. He wouldn't. He helped me before because it was his job, no more. The pain got worse and worse the more I thought about it. I was on the verge of vomiting from the pain when I heard a musical voice.
"Excuse me Miss." It wasn't Carlisle's musical voice, but it reminded me of it, because this voice was equally as musical. A voice that also put a chorus of arc angels to shame. When I looked at the man……no boy, talking to me I was taken back. He was beautiful. His bronze hair was a messy style that made him even more handsome. His face was perfectly sculpted and his eyes………..butterscotch gold. The same as Carlisle's. "Do you need any help?" I was so stunned. "Don't worry Miss, I won't hurt you. You looked lost was all and I was wondering if you needed any help." I just nodded. I needed all the help I could get. He laughed lightly for some reason. His laugh even more musical. This boy reminded me so much of Carlisle that hit throbbed. "I would never be able to fill those shoes." Wait. What? I didn't say anything. Was there someone else talking to him? I didn't see anyone else around. The boy cleared his throat. "Sorry, I was just talking to myself. Um, anyway I know a place that you could stay for free until you are able to make your own way. I admit it is no Hilton but it serves its purpose." He held out his hand to help me.
"What is your name?" I took his hand. His was freezing cold, and hard as granite. Just like Carlisle!!!!!
"My name is Edward." He hesitated a moment. "Edward Anthony Mason. And you are?" Ah, we were using full names. He seemed so formal. That made me feel a little better. He smiled a comfortable smile.
"Esme Anne Evenson."
"Nice to meet you Mrs. Evenson." Wait. How did he know……oh silly me. He guessed I was married because I am pregnant. Silly, silly Esme. Edward led me to a building that……..well, he did say it was no Hilton. It was very run down. But I was in no position to be picky. He even checked me in and walked me to my room. He was either very polite, or had a hidden motive. I prayed to God that is was the first one. As if answering my thoughts he said, "Don't worry Mrs. Evenson, I won't hurt you. I would never dream of bringing harm to a woman with child." He smiled sincerely. I felt a little better. When we got to my room I looked at him. His face was stunning, but then again, I would always believe that Carlisle was the most beautiful. He suddenly had an amused smile on his face for some reason, then held out his hand to shake mine. "I wish you the best of luck Mrs. Evenson. When that baby decides it wants out, there is a hospital nearby. Taxis are always coming through this area, and it will cost you a dime to get from here to the hospital. And don't worry about payments, people in serious conditions, such as labor, aren't charged." He smiled again and left. Edward. What a nice boy. But it hurt to look at him, to listen to him, to see him smile. He was beautiful and he was perfect. Exactly the way Carlisle had been. Wait. Exactly……….maybe they were related. They were so similar. Cousins perhaps. Mason was a relatively common British sir name wasn't it. I ran down the stairs, hoping that I could get to him before he left. But when I got downstairs, he was gone. The lady at the front desk hadn't heard him leave, but he was gone. I was in pain all over again. Maybe my one last link to Carlisle, and he disappeared.
November 24th, 1921 Chicago, Illinois
I had gone into labor at eight in the morning. It was really bright outside and the weather was cold. I wasn't sure the Windy City was the right name to give Chicago. Frozen Tundra/Morbid Desert City might have been more appropriate in my opinion. Every time the doctor checked me, they told me the same thing. "You are not dialated enough yet." I officially hated those words. I was in horrible pain. It felt like it was radiating to every cell in my body. My back hurt, my legs hurt, I have had a migraine for ten hours straight and my feet felt like fins. Then finally, at five in the afternoon, my baby, my baby boy, Carlisle was born. He was so beautiful. He was perfect. He had all ten fingers and all ten toes. He had a cute button nose, stunning brown eyes and brown curls. He was perfect. I finally had a baby.
It was time for my shift at the hospital. It was later in the year so it was getting dark sooner than usual. As I walked along the maternity ward, I suddenly smelled something delicious……….Esme? Could it really be Esme? What was she doing here? Was she alright. I ran towards the smell, hoping that Esme wasn't hurt. Then I saw her……..with her baby boy. I heard her say Carlisle. At first I thought she might have seen me. But she couldn't have. I was touched. She named her son after me. He was certainly a cute baby. He had so much Esme in his face. I smelled her tears. She was crying with joy. I was happy for her. I had felt so empty, because I didn't know what had happened to her. I still had the small bag of caramels that she had given me. Even if I could have eaten those candies, I never would have. It would have ruined the gift. Now I knew she was happy. Now that I knew that, I could move on. She left the hospital, with her little Carlisle, around eight the next morning. I went back home around that time. I still felt empty, but not quite as much. Edward was playing the piano when I got home. He had stayed at home for the first few years of his vampire life, but he was over the newborn volatile behavior now. He was much more calm. He took up playing that piano to pass the time. And the boy had gotten exceptional at playing the piano. I thought about Esme and her little baby boy.
"I'm glad to see she had a healthy baby boy." Edward had read my thoughts. It took some getting used to. I had been alone for so long, it was strange having someone to talk to. Especially when that someone could read your mind, and hence knew as much about you as you knew about yourself. It was truly an amazing gift he had.
"I see you're reading my thoughts again." Edward laughed a little.
"Actually I met her the other day." I stood very still. Edward heard my turmoil. "Don't worry, I didn't tell her I knew you. I didn't take notice of her at first, but then I heard her think your name really loudly. Like she was calling out to you." I felt a stabbing pain. "I realized it was Esme and I helped her find a place to stay." I was terrified to ask, but I needed to know. Why was she in Chicago? "She left Charles. He had been beating her and caused her to have a few miscarriages." I was furious. That rotten boy dared!!!! That monster!!!! How dare he call himself human??!!!!! I should have known. Of course she would end up with him. "She decided to save her baby and run away. She had no idea why she picked Chicago though." He laughed at something she had thought. I was to angry to ask. I didn't care. I knew that Evenson boy was bad news, I knew it………….and yet I let it happen anyway. Plenty of boys liked Esme, but Charles was the only one who ever had the courage, if you could call it that, to talk to her. "It is not your fault Carlisle. These things happen all over the world. Sometimes, people just make bad choices." Damn straight. I was the one who made the bad choice. "That's not what I meant Carlisle and you know it."
December 12th, 1921 Chicago, Illinois
I got out of bed at about eight fifteen in the morning. That is so strange. Normally Carlisle wakes me up to feed him at seven. Maybe the poor thing overslept. Even babies oversleep. His crib, which the land lady so kindly let me have along with all her other baby things, was right next to my bed. His eyes were closed and he was on his back, just the way I left him. He was such a sound sleeper. But when I touched his chubby cheek……….NO…..Oh God Please NO!!!!! His skin was so cold. I noticed he wasn't breathing. His heart wasn't beating……….Carlisle…..no……..don't leave me again…..no. I passed out.
I don't know how long I was out. But it was long enough that it was dark out. I checked on Carlisle. Maybe I had been dreaming. A horrible nightmare. Oh please Lord, let it have been a horrible nightmare. I touched Carlisle's cheek again, and it was colder than I remembered. Hard even. I couldn't breathe. My sweet baby boy was really dead. Just like Carlisle had left me so many years ago, he was leaving me again now. And just as before, he was going somewhere I had no hope of following him to…..no. I could follow him. I would follow him this time. I took Carlisle in my arms and ran out of the building, not bothering to get dressed. I didn't care if everyone saw me in my night gown. I couldn't care less. I was ending it all anyway. What difference did it make. I got a taxi to take me to the bridge that was on the Mississippi. I threw my life savings at him. $1.75. That would be enough to buy him a full tank of gas, and then some. The taxi driver drove away, and I walked over to the edge of the bridge. At first everyone stared at me indifferently, but then they saw me climb over the edge, with Carlisle in my arms. I heard someone scream to call the ambulance. I would make sure that would do them no good. I didn't hear the people in the background trying to reason with me, trying to tell me that there had to be another way. Not even the person who screamed, "SHE'S HOLDING A BABY!!!! STOP HER!!!" I didn't hear any of it. I just let myself fall over.
I had lost another person to the Spanish influenza. This was horrible. Nothing I did seemed to work. Edward was the only one so far to live, and that is only because I changed him. And once again, only because his mother begged. I had been toying with the idea of creating a companion for myself anyway. And I was glad it was Edward. He really was wise beyond his years that boy. He had a good head on his shoulders. I respected that. One nurse passed me, stared, and went to a nurse that I had just past. Then I heard them talking.
"Oh my goodness, Agnes. Did you hear about what happened at the bridge today?"
"No. What happened." Agnes and Florence. Those two love to gossip. Love, love, love to gossip. She had excitement in her voice.
"Some lady, holding her baby mind you, jumped off of the bridge and landed in a boat on her back. The women broke her spine. The baby died to!"
"Oh my goodness, that is horrible! What would posses that woman to do that? And condemn her innocent child to that fate?" Florence said.
"I don't know dear. The nerve of some people these days. I hear that her husband had been unfaithful, so she decided to end hers and the baby's life." Florence made a disgusted grunt. I can only imagine she made that up. This happened tonight, so who would know the actual story. I ignored them and went about my work. As I walked away I heard Agnes say, "And she was brought to this hospital. She was taken straight to the morgue though. With a broken back, there is no hope for her."
About an hour later, I checked on one of my patients. He had died a half hour ago judging by the scent. Now I had to wheel him down to the morgue. I hated doing that. The morgue was so eerie. And I always felt ashamed when I did. I felt like I had failed yet another person. And the hospital wasn't doing much in the way of getting better medicine. There was only so much any doctor, human or vampire, could do with poor equipment. I rolled the dead man to the morgue. There weren't many people on staff at four in the morning. There were always more on staff during the day. But at night, the staff was drastically halved, doctors, nurses and all. No one wanted to stay up at night. I got the man into the morgue and was about to leave, but I heard something. It was a weak sound. I looked towards the sound, but not before seeing a small child on one of the tables. It was Carlisle, Esme's son. Oh God, tell me this wasn't true. The woman who jumped off the bridge…….Esme. I saw Esme on the table near the far middle right of the large room. It was her heart that was still beating. It was so feeble, not the beautiful sound I remember. The sound of her heart whenever it raced from embarrassment or excitement. Her face was no longer that beautiful peach with natural rosy cheeks. They were grey and her face was pained. Why would Esme do such a thing? She finally had a child, someone who could love her unconditionally. That is what she has always wanted. Why would she do this when she was so happy?
I walked to the baby, Carlisle, so that I could single out his scent more easily. Just as I thought. He had died of SIDS. And he had been dead well over twenty four hours. More like thirty or so. So that was why. She lost her baby. My dear Esme. She finally had a child that she had always so desperately wanted, only to have him taken from her by sudden infant death. She was in so much pain. And now she was discarded in the morgue, left to die because no one bothered to check for her heart beat. But it was there. I wouldn't let her die. Her child wouldn't want this…….I don't want this. I left the morgue and ran at blinding speed to the front desk. Anyone who was in the hallway didn't see me, only felt the breeze as I ran past them. I clocked out for the night, and ran back up to the morgue where Esme was. I couldn't save her son, but I could, I would save her. I cradled her limp body in my arms and carried her out of the morgue and to the closest window. When I got out of the building, I ran up the building to the roof top and hopped from roof to roof until I got back to the place I was staying. Edward must have heard my thoughts, because when I was a few meters away from my home, he opened one of the larger windows so that I could run in. Edward already heard everything he needed to know from reading my thoughts. I thought of everything that had happened. When Edward had read everything, he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"That's awful. I was so sure she would have a healthy baby. I never smelled anything off about the baby. And from what I gathered from her mind, she was a model mother. Never ate or drank anything that could be bad for the baby." He put his hands down and followed me to my room, where I placed Esme on the bed that I never used. "Do you think she will be upset for not letting her just end it?" I didn't care. I couldn't let her die. I loved this woman far too much to let her die. Especially like this. "Whatever you think is best Carlisle. I will leave you to it." Edward left the room and went to read. I heard him take out a book from the book shelf.
This was the only way I could save her now. This was her only hope. And I swear I will save her, like I had failed to do years before. I bent my head to her neck and was about to bite. Then I heard her stir. I looked at her to see if she was coming to. She opened her eyes and saw my face. Her face almost immediately gained some color, but not much. Her heart beat slightly stronger, and she smiled at me. I had to do this. For her. I bent my head back down to her neck, and bit her. She screamed from shock at first, then from pain. Her blood was so delicious. Better than Edwards blood by a thousand times. It took every ounce of strength I had to get myself to stop. But I did. Somehow I did. When I was finally able to take myself from her, her eyes were wide with fear and shock. I wanted to sooth her in any way that I could. I wanted her to know that everything was going to be fine. I touched my hand to her face. She didn't relax, but that, I am sure, was due to the pain she was feeling now. That awful burning sensation that was far more painful than any other pain on this planet. I stroked her cheek with my thumb.
"It is alright Esme. Everything is going to be alright. I will explain everything when this is all over. Trust me Esme, everything will be alright." Then, somehow, she smiled at me. Despite the pain she was in, she smiled at me. And before the pain took her over completely, she surprised me with the most beautiful words I have ever heard from anyone.
"I…..tru..st..you….Carlisle.." She smiled one last time, before she let out a blood piercing scream.
It was a hard three days. She screamed for the duration of the first day. Someone had called the police about the screaming. I had to tell the police that my wife was in labor and that it was too late to take her to the hospital to get the police to finally leave. Esme stopped screaming about an hour after that. After that she only looked in pain, but never made a peep. That was the only time I left her side. She needed me to be there, especially since she will need me to explain what happened. I kept my hand on her cheek. Her skin kept getting colder, but her heart never stopped beating. This made me hopeful that she would be alright. I heard Edward walk into the room, but was far to engrossed with Esme to acknowledge the new presence.
"She is in pain Carlisle, but she will be fine. I know she will. I think you went the better route this time." What are you talking about? "When you changed me, you weren't sure how you would do it. You recreated all of the wounds that you had received, thinking that it was necessary. You didn't do that to Esme. You made it easier on her. I'm proud of you Carlisle." That made me laugh lightly. He was proud of me. This boy was proud of me. It was oddly fulfilling to hear him say that. Edward walked out of the room and began to play with the piano again. It was a composition by Mozart that he was playing…….It was Esme's favorite song. I must have thought that at some point without realizing it. But yes, it was her favorite song. It was the one song she knew how to play on the violin that her mother had forced her to learn how to play, but never bought lessons for her to learn. She learned that song from non-other than Mrs. Rochester. How strange that the children thought the woman so vile. She was always a kind lady, stern and resilient. She was the one women in that town that never gawked at me. She was a happily married woman, and madly in love with her husband.
Esme's heart began to suddenly speed up again. This was a sign that she would be finished soon. Her heart beat filled the room like the pounding of a piano. Loud and impossible to ignore. Edward came into the room to see Esme. I felt myself getting scared now. What would she say when she realized what she was now? Would she still love me after everything I had done to her?
"Relax Carlisle, everything will turn out alright. You cannot imagine the joy she felt when she saw you again." Joy? What joy? I left her to fend for herself. To marry that vile pig of a man Charles Evenson. "She loves you Carlisle, as you love her. She was happy that she was able to see you one last time before she died. She will be even happier knowing that she can be with you in this life." Such comforting words Edward. I can only hope that you are right. "I am right Carlisle. You will see just how right I am when she wakes." Edward and I stayed silent for the rest of Esme's change. It was twenty minutes that her heart pounded, and her breath came and went in what was similar to hyperventilating pants. Her heart made two more beats, and then stopped. Then she stopped breathing. We waited for her. Then, she opened her bright red eyes.
Carlisle was there when I opened my eyes. He was holding my hand and smiling apologetically at me. Why would he do that? What did he need to apologize for? Then I realized there was someone else in the room. It was Edward. I knew it!! I knew he was connected to Carlisle somehow. They were far too similar for them not to be. Then I noticed something else. Carlisle's hand was warm now. And it no longer felt like stone, but like silk. I realized I could smell everything, see everything, hear everything, taste everything. And I liked it. Everything was so intriguing. Fascinating and easy to admire. I admired my surroundings only for a sixteenth of a second however. I wanted to look at Carlisle. I must be dreaming. But I wasn't. He was really here, holding my hand.
"Carlisle." My voice was like music. Just like his and Edwards. I looked at my skin, and it was a pale color. Like Carlisle's and Edward's. I touched the skin of my face….just like Carlisle's. What was I?
"Now is a good time to start explaining things to her Carlisle, she is getting panicky." Edward said to Carlisle.
"Yes, I should." Carlisle looked back from Edward to me. "Esme, don't be frightened. I will explain everything. Please remain calm Esme." My ears and eyes from before this moment had no bearing on his true beauty. With these new eyes and ears, I could see and hear him, truly, for the first time. I calmed as he asked me to. But now, more than ever, it was clear that Carlisle was more than human. And now….so was I.
"What am I Carlisle." My voice was so beautiful. It was amazing. But at the same time, it was terrifying, because I no longer knew what I was. I smiled at him non-the-less. There was nothing I wouldn't do for this man.
"Don't be scared Esme. You are what I am. You are a vampire now." Now I was scared. A vampire?! An unholy creature?! But how? Carlisle was so kind and gentle. He was so pure and loving. How could he be a vampire? My great grandmother, my Memma as I called her while she was alive, had told me many stories about vampires. My mother thought she was going senile because Memma was positive they existed. She always told me they were evil creatures, godless and blood thirsty monsters. They couldn't come out during the day for fear that they would burn to ashes. I could understand now why they were repelled my onions and garlic. With a sense of smell like this, how could one not be? They cowered in fear at the sight of a cross, and would burn when it touched their skin. They could only be killed by a wooden stake through the heart and they slept in the coffins their families put them to rest in. But most importantly, their eyes were a frightening red. A red that resembled the color of the blood they drank. A red that would send chills down the spine of the bravest of men. This wasn't Carlisle. He was kind and loving. He would never hurt anyone. And his eyes were gold. Butterscotch. Not frightening at all. They were eyes that made every woman they looked upon weak at the knees and fall in love. Like I had. Edward came closer to the bed I was lying in.
"Esme, the things that you think you know about vampires are mostly wives tales." He looked at Carlisle. "She is starting to get frightened again. Explain everything and try to calm her down." Carlisle nodded without looking away from me.
"Esme." His hand caressed mine, and I felt less apprehensive because of it. "Vampires are not all that you think they are. True, we need to drink blood to survive. But Edward and I do not drink human blood like most of our kind. We drink animal blood. That is why our eyes are a golden color instead of the red that humans know us best for. Crosses do not ward us off. It does no more to us when it touches our skin than what it does to any human. We can go out into the sun, but not without fear. The sun doesn't kill us. Instead it makes our skin reflect light. I will show that to you when I take you hunting this morning. And a wooden stake doesn't kill us. Wood would never be able to get through our skin. The only known way to kill a vampire is to tear them to pieces and burn them. And we don't sleep in coffins, we don't sleep at all for that matter. Your first few months will be very hard because of your thirst, but do not worry. I will help you in every way that I can." He smiled at me sincerely. It was the smile I loved the most. His truest, kindest, loving smile. I was suddenly reminded of my son. I ached.
"Where is my son?" His face fell. He gave me his doctor face again. Please Carlisle, not this face.
"I am sorry Esme. Your son died of SIDS. There was nothing I could do. I'm so sorry." SIDS. It was my fault. I did something wrong. Edward spoke.
"It wasn't your fault Esme. You did everything right. It is called sudden for a reason. No one knows what causes SIDS. They can only make theories." My heart still ached. Now I felt worse because there was nothing I could do to save my son. I wanted to cry. But when I tried, the tears wouldn't come. "Don't panic Esme. Vampires cannot cry. You could say we have lost our ability to perform most bodily functions of that nature."
"Esme, I am going to take you hunting now. You will be able to concentrate more when your throat is no longer burning as much." The burn was horrible. If anything quenched it, I wanted it. Carlisle lead me a few miles outside of Chicago. It was still dark out, so moving around was not as hard. But every human we passed made my throat throb. Carlisle and I ran on the roofs, but I could smell them, and it burned. One roof we passed had a mirror on it. I looked at the mirror for only an instant, and I froze. Stopping Carlisle in his tracks since he was holding my hand to guide me through the city. I couldn't see myself. I could see someone in the mirror, but it was not me. It was an apparition. Her face and body were flawless, her skin a stone looking white. Her hair looked silky and beautiful and her eyes were the frightening red that my Memma had warned me of so many years ago. I was scared again. I really was the monster out of horror stories. The red scared me. This woman, this monster, couldn't possibly be me. Carlisle stepped in front of me, blocking my view of the monster in the mirror.
"Where am I?" I didn't mean my location. I meant where was me. Carlisle knew this, smiled kindly, and answered me.
"You are still here Esme. The red eyes will go away after you have been drinking animal blood for a long time. They will turn gold within the next few months." He kept stroking my cheek with his thumb. I was suddenly reminded of the many human memories I had of him. They were ghastly from the lack of vision from my human eyes, but I remembered them.
"Why did you leave?" Carlisle stiffened. He never stopped looking at me though.
"To save you from me. I cared so much for you, but you deserved someone who could give you everything in life that you deserved. A man that could give you a family. Children, grandchildren and so on. I can't give you that. And, I was hurting you by being there. You were far to attached to me and I to you. It was the only way I could protect you. If I had known what would have become of you with my leaving, I swear I never would have left." He was so genuine. So kind and loving. He did care for me after all. "I did it because I love you Esme. I loved you enough to want what was best for you. I just wish I had known that this would all happen." He loved me too. Those words made me want to sing. He loved me. The silly sixteen year old girl that had a crush on her older doctor.
"How old are you really?"
"I told you the truth about everything but my date of birth Esme. I do not know exactly when I was born. Sometime in the sixteen-fifties. I don't remember what month. I was born in London, England to a very religious father, like I said. He led hunts for vampires, werewolves, witches and so on. That was how my mother died." His voice became begrudging. "My mother used to like doodling in her notebook. She was fascinated by the human body and such. My father accused her of being a witch and had her burned. I took over his hunts after he died. That was how I was changed. I was twenty three years old. Myself and a large mob had waited out for some vampires I had found in the sewers to come out. One finally did and we pursued him. Weak from thirst, he attacked me, but he didn't finish me off. He attacked two men that were behind me. One was ripped apart, the other was carried away. I hid myself out of fear. I knew that the people would kill me when they found me. That is, after all, what my father would have done. After my transformation, I tried everything I could do to end my life. I saw myself as a monster. But nothing worked, and I wasn't drinking human blood, so I was growing weak from thirst. A deer past me, and I attacked it out of hunger. Then I realized that I could be more than the monster I thought I was. I never drank human blood, with the exception of yours and Edwards, and that was to save your lives. Edward was dying of the Spanish Influenza. His father and mother died of that disease. His mother, with her last ounce of strength begged me to save her son, so I did. And I couldn't let you die, so I saved you to. I've studied medicine for centuries all over Europe. Hoping to make myself less of a monster." He really was a good man. No matter what he was. My Memma had been wrong. Carlisle was no ungodly monster. He was a good, kind and loving man, just like I had always known he was.
"You are no monster Carlisle. You never have been. You are more of a man than most men I have known in my entire life." He smiled genuinely at me. The smile I loved, with the butterscotch eyes that I loved. I finally knew that this man loved me as much as I loved him, and I was filled with joy at the thought. I remembered the last time I saw him, when he kissed me. His lips had felt like stone and were cold as ice. But it was still the best moment of my life. I wanted that moment again, more than anything. I lifted my face to his. His eyes were stunned for a moment, but, for once, I didn't look at them. I only looked at his lips. And the world went away, just as it had that first time, when my lips touched his. After a moment, he kissed me back. With love in his kiss. His lips were no longer hard like stone. They were soft and warm. Like we were both human. He still held me gently. He was caressing my arms with his hands and I rested my hands on his chest, letting myself feel it. I remembered thinking that he must have a wondrous body if he could make even a doctor's robe look good. From what I felt with my hands, I was right. Every bit as perfect as I had ever dreamed. My hands roamed from his chest to his neck. He then took my bottom lip and began to suck. I did the same to his top lip, over and over again. He wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me closer. He still smelled the way I remembered. Like I had promised myself, I didn't forget his scent. The smell of sugar coated raspberries, the moon and rosewood. I was wrong. The moon wished that it smelled as wonderful as he did. His jaw was chiseled perfection and his hair was better than touching silk. My arms were around his neck now. Trying desperately to get closer to him. One of his hands trailed to my hair and he ran his finger through it. His fingers went through with no interference from tangles in my curly caramel hair. Our lips eventually parted. Our lips clung to each other like a promise. He looked into my eyes and smiled at me.
"I should make sure you drink. We can do whatever you want when we have done that." I smiled back at him, knowing the burn in my throat was not going to go away by just standing here kissing Carlisle, as nice as that would be. Hand in hand, he led me to the forests that were outside of Chicago and taught me well, laying to rest many assumptions that I had about vampires.
May 15th, 1922 Chicago, Illinois
Carlisle had asked me to marry him only a month after I had changed. It was the happiest moment of my life. Edward was out hunting, so Carlisle and I had been alone to have a pleasant evening together. He had never given me more than a loving kiss, but they were always sweet and loving. We were sitting in front of a lovely fire, simply enjoying each other's company when he asked me to marry him.
"Esme," he had said, "I love you so very much. And I want to give you everything. If it is the moon you desire, all you need do is ask and I will get it for you. And I want to spend eternity with you, and give every part of myself to you, and only you." He got down on his knee in front of me, me still sitting on the couch, and pulled a small box out of his pocket. He opened it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. It was like looking at a diamond sunflower and it sparkled in the light, just like our skin sparkled in the sun. He took the ring out of the box, took my left hand in his and, before slipping the ring on my finger, he looked into my eyes and said, "Esme Anne Platt, will you do me the great honor of being my wife?" After looking at the ring in the light, I looked at him again. How could I deny this man anything? I loved him so much. I had thrown myself on him, saying yes in between every kiss I placed on his face.
Today was the wedding day. Edward would be the only other person in attendance as Carlisle's best man. We were married at a church near where we lived. My dress was white and trained several feet behind me. The sleeves were made of see through lace that was designed into floral designs all along my arms and my chest and neck. My dress was covered in this designed lace, with a silk bodice under it. After we said our vows and said 'I do', we shared a loving, chaste kiss. He was the one I should have married so many years ago. Carlisle. I wished he had been my first and only husband, the only man to every know every inch of me. I would have to settle with him being the only man I have ever loved.
Now Carlisle and I were swimming, in plain clothes of course, in the Atlantic ocean off the cost of Brazil going somewhere. He still hadn't told me where we were going. We had been swimming for about an hour, then finally, something came into sight. It was an island.
"Carlisle, where are we?" He smiled at me and finally answered me when we reached the sandy shore.
"I bought this Island after you agreed to marry me. I named it Isle Esme. Do you like it?" Did I like it? He might as well have asked me if I thought babies were precious, or if I thought he had a beautiful face. I nodded instead of saying anything. He laughed a little. "Well, I wanted you and I to have a nice honeymoon, and I was thinking of Edward's well being when I planned this honeymoon." He winked at me then. I would have blushed had I been capable of the chore. I was nervous, I will not lie. He was perfection in its truest form. What was I? A woman whose innocents had been taken by another man, when he saved himself for me. I think somehow he knew what I was thinking about. Or at least along the lines of what I was thinking. He lifted my chin so that I would face him. "Nothing matters before now. Forget everything that has ever happened. Only think of the here and now. Let me make everything right again Esme." I was so touched. All I could do was nod again.
Carlisle took me into his arms and carried me to a small house in the middle of the Island. It was beautiful inside. There was a large kitchen that we would never use, two large bathrooms that served us minimal purpose and two bedrooms that we didn't need because we never slept. But the beds would certainly serve a purpose. And I waited for myself to blush at the fact, knowing I wouldn't. Carlisle carried me into the master bedroom, which had a large round bed with white sheets and mosquito netting that we wouldn't need. He put me down and let my feet touch the floor before he let go of me. I was nervous and so was he. I had always dreamed that I would be Carlisle's wife someday, but now that I was about to become his, I felt extremely self conscious. I hadn't felt this way on mine and Charles wedding night. Most likely because I didn't care at the time. I was so devastated that it could have been the end of the world and I wouldn't have cared. This was different. I loved this man with all my heart, and he loved me to. I wanted to show my love in the most intimate and close way that a couple could express their love to each other, but I was so nervous. Carlisle put his hands on my arms and rubbed up and down my arms. I felt myself shiver with excitement. I looked into his golden eyes, and they were so sincere. I forgot all of my worries. They all blew out the door with the wind.
"I am yours now Carlisle. Please take me as yours." His hands moved to cradle my face.
"Esme." He said my name like a whispering song, and then brought his lips to mine in a loving, sincere kiss. We kissed for what felt like forever, and I never wanted it to end. My hand moved to his chest and then wrapped around his neck. His hands then moved from my face to wrap around my waist. He lifted me up with him and he carried me a few short feet closer to the bed then placed my feet back on the floor, never breaking his lips from mine. His hands roamed all over my back and bottom. Eventually, his hands made their way to my hair and he threaded his fingers through my hair. He tilted his head a little and then licked my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and he delved in. He tasted better than he smelled. Instead of smelling the sugary raspberries, the moon and rosewood, I was tasting it. And it was better than blood. Our tongues dueled with each other in a quest for dominance that I knew I would lose. But it didn't stop me from trying to win. His hands traveled to the zipper of my dress and pulled the zipper down. He took the straps of my dress and bra off my shoulders and began to kiss where the fabric had once been. I remembered being ticklish there when I was human, but not anymore. It still felt good for his mouth anywhere on my body though. He pulled the fabric further and further down until in fell to the floor. He had unstrapped my bra when the dress fell, and then the bra followed the dress to the floor. I stood before him in only my panties, his hand roaming again. I felt so warm, and wanted. It was a sensational feeling to have this man want and love me. His lips roamed all over my neck, collarbone and jaw. He sucked at my skin here and there and would often bite my ear whenever he got to that spot. My hands clung to his shirt, trying to force him closer to me. As his kisses continued their little journey along my collarbone and neck, my hands made their way to the top of his button down shirt. I began to undo all of the buttons. When the last button of his shirt was undone, I put my hands on his bare chest and felt him. He felt wonderful. He put the statue of David to shame, much like many things that are deemed beautiful to a human. My hands tried to push his shirt off of his shoulders, but I could only get it so far with his arms around me. He let go of me and let his shirt fall. Before the shirt even reached the floor, Carlisle's lips were back on mine, kissing me just as passionately as before. His hands then went to my panties and pulled them off of me. I stepped out of them when they fell. Both of his hands took my bottom and he lifted me up slightly so that my center was flush against his growing erection.
I moaned in his mouth, and he in mine. I felt myself starting to want more and more with every passing second. My hands trailed down his chest and I scratched his chest lightly with my nails and then wrapped around his back. His hands left my butt and trailed up my waist and stopped at my breasts. As his hands kneaded and caressed my breasts, he took his lips away from mine and began to kiss along my jaw. When they got so my ear, he sucked and bit lightly, then trailed a circle in my ear with his tongue. I shivered with ecstasy. His lips then began to trail kisses down my neck with a suck and a bite now and then. He came towards the center and laid a chaste kiss in the middle of my throat at the bottom of my neck. I moaned again. His hands made magic on my breast as he continued to caress and knead them. His lips trailed down my collarbone and made their way to my left breast. When he took my nipple in his mouth, I whined with pleasure. He licked, sucked bit and nipped numerous times and my head began to spin. The world no longer existed to me. Only Carlisle existed now. Him and me. My fingers threaded through his hair, trying to force him closer to me. Both of his hands roamed from my breasts, down my waist and down my thighs. When he got to the inside of my knees, he lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked the last few feet to the bed. And when his knees touched the edge, he laid us both down onto the soft sheets. When my back rested on the comforter, he brought his lips back to mine in another passion filled kiss. Our tongues dueled once again while his hands performed magic on my body. One of his hands began to knead my breast again, while the other hand trailed down my body to my sensitive center. I was wet and aching. When he touched me, I could swear I saw stars. His lips never left mine as he tickled me and rubbed me profusely. I was shuddering all over, my body felt like it wanted to expand. His fingers delved in and my world went into a frenzy. He caressed the walls of my femininity and I could feel myself going higher and higher into nowhere at all. We continued to kiss. More kisses than even I could count. I tasted every part of his mouth that I could, and everything tasted wonderful. Each sampling of his mouth was better than the first.
Higher and higher, my body and mind seemed to soar. The was no end, and I didn't want there to be. The higher I went, the more magnificent the sensation was. But eventually, my body convulsed one last time, and my body collapsed upon itself. I had reached the highest point I could and was now coming down very, very slowly. All I could do was moan in pleasure. My body convulsed over and over until it came to rest. He didn't move for a moment. Then he lifted his mouth from mine and our eyes met. We didn't need to say anything. Everything that could have been said, we said to each other with just our eyes. He started rubbing me again. It was like repeatedly hammering at already broken glass, but it was wonderful. He kissed me again, fiercely this time. Different than any of our other kisses, but it was a wondrous kiss. He continued to torture my already spent body, and before I knew it, my body felt like it was rising again. Then I felt something enter me. It was Carlisle. At last we were joined. I was finally completely his. I gasped from the how my body expanded to accommodate him. It was like finally connecting the missing piece to the rest of the puzzle. I felt complete. He looked into my eyes before doing anything. He was asking permission to start. I kissed him, showing him that I was ready. When the kiss ended, he began to move. Slowly at first. Setting a pace. Eventually it wasn't enough. I wanted more, so much more.
"Please Carlisle. Faster my love." He did as I asked without a second thought. He went faster. Much faster. The world was spinning. Like I was on a mad marry-go-round. Each thrust was better than the one before, each giving me a heightened sense of pleasure. I was going higher and higher into nowhere again. It was higher than before, so much higher. I wasn't even scared to fall. I was more worried about floating away. Carlisle being the only one keeping me in place. I was aching, but I was wonderful. My mind was blank. I couldn't think. It just wasn't possible. I could only feel every sensation that Carlisle sent through my body with the movement of his. Our hands had joined above my head and he went faster than ever. I was getting dizzy from pleasure, but I didn't care. It felt good. Higher and higher into the sky I was going. I wanted to keep going higher, as high as possible. Carlisle groaned numerous times, but never said anything. I did the same, I simply moaned and whimpered from pleasure. It was all I was capable of doing. I reached the highest point I could go, and my body collapsed again. I felt Carlisle reach his highest point and moan in satisfaction. He filled me with his warmth, and I shuddered again from the feeling. I was coming down from the highest point in the universe again, missing it. The feeling was so fulfilling. Like the feeling one had when they accomplished something major, only a much, much stronger sensation. We looked in each other's eyes for a moment, and then Carlisle began to move again. He was still hard inside me, and I was still quivering. He didn't bother going slowly this time. He immediately was moving faster than sound. It was amazing. My body still quivered from my last trip, but it was already preparing for the trip again. So was Carlisle. I kept feeling him get harder and harder. My mind was going blank again and I saw the universe inside my closed eyes. I was gasping, trying to collect myself, knowing I had no chance of doing that. Higher and higher all over again, I was going. And I felt like I was reaching even higher than before. If that was even possible. When I reached the highest point I could reached, I collapsed again, my body shaking now. Like the motor of a car. Carlisle groaned loudly this time. I felt his completion and he collapsed on top of me. He gave me a loving kiss.
"I love you, Esme." I smiled at his perfect face. He had wrapped his arms around me and rolled me on top of him. I rested my head on his chest and kissed him gently.
"I love you too, Carlisle. So much." He smiled wider and squeezed my body closer to his. "How long can we stay?"
"However long you want to Esme. All eternity if you like." I laughed with him.
"But what about Edward?"
"Edward is a big boy, Esme. He can take care of himself." I laughed again. Then I had a thought. Carlisle had called Edward his 'nephew' to everyone who asked. They thought they were related. I couldn't have my son, but maybe I could have the next best thing.
"What would you say if I told you that I still wanted children?" Carlisle stiffened a little at that. I immediately tried to save the thought. "I know that we cannot have children of our own, but maybe we could adopt. Let the world believe that Edward is our adopted son and such. Granted, he isn't the baby I lost, but he will do." Carlisle laughed again. I think he liked the idea. I smiled.
"I think we should run the idea past him first, don't you think dear?"
"Probably. But it is a thought."
"Well, Edward does like and respect you. I would like to think he feels the same for me. We will tell him about your little plan when we get back okay." I nodded in his chest.
"But for the time being, let us be newlyweds and pretend the world is at a standstill shall we?" He rolled us over and made me forget about the world as I soared into the sky all over again.