"No, Jasper, you can't do this. Not for me," I said to him. He was hunting, and I was behind him a few paces. He had decided that he was going to hunt once a night, even twice a night if the occasion called for it. He would go alone if he needed, which he wouldn't.
"Alice, today was a very close call. I can't risk that, not with this new family," he replied. He was only half focusing on the hunt, and if he truly wanted to do this, which I knew he did, his resolve was firm, he would have focused fully on the hunt. It was only because I was here.
"Today was nothing. It looked like you were getting up for a tissue. Very quickly," I said. Yes, this was somewhat a lie, but I had walked in the door just in time.
His teacher in Art I was showing them something with a knife, and the knife slipped. He was in the back of the room, near the door, and had made it halfway. I walked in and put my hand on his upper arm. I was squeezing as hard as I could, and I knew it probably did nothing to him, but he stopped and let me drag him away.
"Alice," he said, turning sharply. "It's been six months, and hunting once every two months is obviously not working for me. I've already told you I would not like you to come with me, but seeing your stubborn attitude show through on this more than usual, I'm going to have to take you with me. I know you love them, Alice, and I know you're unhappy, but with what, I'm not sure. I want you to be happy. I want you to spend time with them," he said. I stopped dead in my tracks.
"You think being away from them makes me unhappy?" I asked him. He was right, I did love the Cullen's, our new family. But as much as I loved them, it was nothing compared to my love for him. Surely he knew that. Surely he could understand that much.
"I do. And I know it does. I can feel it right now. I can only guess that you're unhappy because you aren't with them," he said. He growled the word "them," almost as if they were some enemy who wanted him dead.
"I'm unhappy because of you, Jasper. I love you, but this, what you're doing, it makes me unhappy. It's unnecessary. You're doing fine. This is too much," I said, anger entering my voice.
"And you're telling me that they have nothing to do with this?" he asked back.
"Jasper, you're part of that family. They welcomed you just as much as they welcomed me. Stop talking about them and treating them like – like – " I couldn't think of the right word. I didn't know how he was treating them, and only one thought came to mind. I didn't want to say it, but it slipped out before I could tell it not to.
"You're treating them like they're Maria," I said. His face, once angled and lined, now turned to shock. I covered my mouth. I honestly hadn't meant to say it. I never wanted to bring those memories back for him, never. I didn't want that to be my way to hurt him. I could think of many other ways to do it, and none were so rude as that.
"Alice," he said. I could hear a threat in his voice, but he wouldn't do anything. He couldn't do anything, not to me. I shook my head. If they could, tears would be in my eyes.
"Jasper, I – I didn't mean to, I swear. I would never – " he cut me off.
"Alice, I think you should go," he said. He looked down and I took a tentative step towards him. "Now," he said forcefully. He didn't look up. I stared at him, not wanting to leave him. I knew I hurt him, and I knew I couldn't very well take it back, but I wanted to.
I turned and walked back to where we came from, which – for me – was home. I hadn't meant to hurt Jasper so, and I surely hadn't meant to hit below the belt, but he was acting rashly. He didn't need to hunt every day. I know I should be praising him for trying, but I couldn't help but know he could do better. He was belittling himself.
I walked in the door, slamming it behind me. I heard a breaking noise and looked, wide eyed to the door. It was broken. Perhaps I was angrier that I originally thought. Carlisle walked in, looking from the door to me many times before saying anything. I was scared of his words.
"I heard," he said quietly. I looked at him with surprise and questioning him silently. He heard what? The door breaking? "Your argument with Jasper," he said calmly. I guess we had only been just a mile away from the house when we had started talking, and so it shouldn't have surprised me that Carlisle, or anyone else for that matter, heard.
"I don't know much about his past. Only what he's told Esme and I, but I do know enough about Maria, and his views on her, to know that that hurt him deeply. Knowing what Edward thinks, because we've discussed it, and considering what you could know, he might not be back for a while," he said. I had already gotten the vision of three weeks going by without so much as a whisper from Jasper, but I didn't think other people would know about it. I looked at the ground and felt his hand on my shoulder. My vision became blurred and I didn't know why.
Then I felt arms close around my shoulders, and I felt myself clutching to Carlisle's shirt as if my existence depended on it. Those threads of cotton were my last string to sanity, it seemed. It was an expensive shirt. I had spent two hundred dollars on it, and he wore it as often as he could. And now I was stretching it, stretching it so much so that it ripped.
"Carlisle, I'm sorry," I said, pushing the edges of the fabric together, willing them to heal themselves. They wouldn't stick together, and I kept trying. I pushed more forcefully. His hands covered my own. I stared at his hands, looking at his marriage ring. I would never know what that was like, being married, especially not now. For all I knew, I had ended my life with Jasper with simple words I never wanted to say.
He was telling me to be quiet with gently sh's, but I wasn't listening. I kept fretting over his shirt, which was not fixing. He closed his hands around mine, and angled my head up to look at him. I wanted to look away, but couldn't.
"It's alright. Esme will fix it. What I need you to do is go and make sure our boy doesn't get himself into too much trouble," he said. There was a small smile on his face. I replied with a weak smile.
"I can't. He's angry with me, and I can't stand myself," I said quietly. He sighed.
"Alice, if anyone can do anything, in all my years of meeting extraordinary people, you can make sure one person, the person you love, doesn't get into trouble," he said. I turned the words over in my head a few times, weighing their meaning. Carlisle always had this way to make someone feel like they could do anything. I didn't know if he believed in what he was saying, but nevertheless, I nodded and turned to go out the door. I turned back to say something.
"I'll have Rosalie tend to it," he said. I nodded.
It took me a matter of thirty seven minutes and forty two seconds to find Jasper. It was quite easy. He was just finishing an animal.
"Jazz?" I asked softly. I suddenly doubted Carlisle. He looked up, shock in his eyes and tainting the air around him. Not even an hour had passed and already I knew it was too long. I would never let this happen again. Jasper said nothing, so I continued. "I'm – I'm sorry. I stepped out of line, but I wasn't thinking. I never should have said it. I know you hate her, and you hate your past, and it should have never even entered my mind to say it in the first place. It was stupid of me, and wrong, and I understand fully if you don't even want to see me anymore. I was stupid, and out of place, and – " he held up a hand. I stopped talking and he straightened his pose.
"I knew it was coming sooner or later. That is why I did not want you to come with me," he said slowly, saying each word decisively. He walked a few steps towards me slowly, and I stood where I was. I was too scared to move.
"But how?" I asked. I shouldn't have spoken, but how had he known that that conversation was coming?
"Alice, you can't hold your tongue very well for very long. It was a matter of time," he said. I understood what he said. I had no tact and rarely ever thought of what I said before I said it.
"I'm sorry. I did not mean it," I said again. He held up his hand and closed the space between us. He looked down at me.
"It won't happen again. I know that," he said. I wanted to ask him how he knew that, but I'd rather not test his patience. I rested my head on his chest. "I'm still going to hunt every night," he stated dully. I pulled away and started walking home.
"I'm still going with you," I replied. He sighed. Everything was back to normal. Our fights never lasted long, even thought this was only our third. I hoped it would stay like this for the rest of our time together.
Can't seem to write anything lenghtly lately, I'm sorry. But I keep getting these things. Short, weird, worthing critizing. Or praising. Don't really know. Anyway, review if you read because it's nice and I worship y'all.