Author's note: So I was working on my longer story and I realized my true passion is writing pure unadulterated smut, so here it is. I got the idea for this watching an episode of home improvement, go figure. Well enjoy!

Post Script: I don't know these characters blah blah blah.


"Edward I swear to God if you don't install the new garbage disposal you are going to see a part of me that you are NOT going to like." I accented my anger by throwing the plates into the sink.

The box with the new disposal in it had been sitting in the garage for two weeks and I kept using the old one with out thinking about it. I wasn't in the mood today I had a deadline for this book I was editing and between that and the kids I was really stressed.

"I'm sorry love I've been busy I'll get to it as soon as I can." I glared at him hoping he wouldn't take my threat as an empty one, I fully intended to be such a bitch that even Rosalie would be jealous.

"Stop acting like its some big task. I would only take like a half hour. All you have to do is read the damn directions."

"I know love I'm sorry." I hated when he stayed calm when I was pissed. I just huffed loudly before walking out of the kitchen.


I sat in the driveway around noon two days after the kitchen melt down over the garbage disposal. I was attempting to work up some courage. I exhaled loudly as stepped out of the car and headed to the front door. I stood at the door only a second before I reached out and rang the door bell. Bella swung the door open with a look of curiosity on her face that quickly turned into annoyance.

"Edward what the hell are you doing? Why did you ring the door bell?" Her eyes racked over my newly purchased jumpsuit and stopped at my embroidered name tag that didn't read Edward.

"Hello Mrs…" I looked at my prop clipboard. "Cullen. I'm from Main Street Plumbing and your husband called me to install your new garbage disposal."

"Edward what are…"

I cut her off trying to get her to understand what I was doing. "My name is Brad and I can assure you it won't take that long, I'm very familiar with disposal instillation."

She just rolled her eyes and didn't protest anymore as she turned and walked in the direction of the kitchen leaving the door open. I just followed after her continuing to tell myself to stay in character. When I made it into the kitchen Bella was walking through the door into the garage. She came back with the disposal in hand. I took it from her and knelt down in front of the cabinet under the sink. She just watched me as she leaned against the counter near where I was working.

"Home all alone during the day huh?"

She rolled her eyes but I guess she decided to play along. "Yes I work at home as an editor and my husband is a doctor and often works during the days."

"Doctor huh he must work nights sometimes?"


"That must get lonely?"

A sly smile crept on her face. I was hoping that she had FINALLY figured things out. "Yes it does."

She picked up a dish towel and started to pull it between her fingers. I knew I was getting to her and I hope thing would go the way I was planning.

"So how about you BRAD, lonely life?"

"I must admit Mrs. Cullen I just broke up with my girlfriend a month ago so it's been kind of a dry spell for me since then."

"That's sad for such a good-looking guy like you. I'm sure there are many housewives like myself that would love nothing more then to help you with that problem."

"Maybe but I must say I have very particular taste in women."


"Yes. Something about the brown eyes and hair combo that gets me going."

"I see." Bella said with a flick of her perfect mocha colored hair.

I had started to work on the removing the old disposal while we talked. "Can you hand me the wrench from my tool box?"

Another sexy smirk crossed her face as she knelt down and grabbed the wrench. She handed it to me and looked into my eyes with lust over flowing from her gaze. This was working all to well but I needed things to keep going. I reached for the zipper of my jumpsuit but stopped aand looked at Bella.

"Do you mind if I pull down the top of my suit it can be restricting while I work."

She just nodded and bit her lip. I pulled the zipper down to my waist and removed my arms from the sleeves revealing the white beater underneath. I saw here bite her lip harder as her eyes floated down my chest. All of a sudden the slight soreness from the going to the gym the last few days was well worth it. I hadn't by any means let myself go but I just wanted to be as ripped as possible for this. I got back under the sink on my back and began to in screw the disposal. Bella sat on her feet by my leg and I couldn't help but notice her close proximity.

"Anything I can do to help?" Bella said as she leaned in a little bit and placed her small hand on my inner thigh. She was definitely getting into this.

"Nothing right now Mrs. Cullen but I'll be sure to let you know if anything comes up." I couldn't help but wink at the last part. She smiled back and I could again see the lust building in her eyes.

As I kept working on removing the broken equipment as Bella moved her hand slowly up my thigh as she leaned in like she was interested in what I was doing. I couldn't help but notice she was slightly sticking her chest out. By time Bella had moved high enough on my thigh to brush against my cock I stopped trying to suppress my hard on. After ten minutes of battling between thinking about the task at hand and my hot fucking wife feeling up my leg I finally got the old disposal out. I crawled out from under the sink and started to toward the box with the new one in it. Bella only stepped out of my way slightly so that my arm had to rub against her chest. She let out a little groan and I turned to her with her favorite crooked smile. She exhaled sharply before regaining her thoughts.

"You look really thirsty can I maybe get you some lemonade?"

"That would be great Mrs. Cullen."

I don't know who got more pleasure from me using her surname. She seemed to like it because I was staying in character and I KNOW I liked it because never got over how hot it was to know that my last name was now hers. While I was getting even more turned on by my own thoughts Bella sashayed over to the cabinet were we kept the glasses. She reached past the first two shelves that kept the glasses that we used on a normal basis for the third shelf that held the plastic cups from our first apartment that we just never threw away. I could help but take notice of how great her ass and legs looked in that position. It took all that I had to not blow my cover and rush over to her and grab her perfect ass. I contained myself as she retrieved the glasses and filled them with lemonade before handing one to me.

"Thank you Mrs. Cullen. I must say not many housewives I've encountered have been as nice as you."

"It's my pleasure Brad. I'm happy to help in anyway I can." She flashed another flirtatious smile. "I was hoping you could help me with something else before you got back to installing the disposal." Here we go!

"Oh?" She took a few steps toward me and I noticed her hips sway a little more then usual. She stopped when she was just out of arms reach and pointed at something on the top of the fridge next to me. "I need my roasting pan for a dinner I'm making tonight and it's in the small cabinet above fridge. Could you get it for me; I'm just a little short?"

"No problem."

Wasn't exactly what I was hopping she was walking over to me for but I knew she had to have a reason. Wednesday was always pizza night so she didn't really need a roasting pan. I decided to appease her so I set down my lemonade and stood in front of the fridge to get the supposedly necessary pan. I had just placed my fingers in the pan when I felt Bella place her hand on my shoulder.

"Did you find it?"

"Not yet. One sec."

Her hand started to drift down my back and before I knew it she had it resting on my ass. She always said she loved my butt so I figured she was getting turned on by this and I was so worked up at this point that she could have touched her pinky to my eyebrow and I would have gotten harder. I finally pulled the pan out and turned to face her. Much to my pleasure she kept her hand put as I moved.

"Why Mrs. Cullen are you always this forward?" I said in a husky voice.

"What can I say Brad when I see something I want I just have to grab it." She threw the sexiest smile I had ever seen on her face and I felt my dick twitch due to the fact that I couldn't possibly get any harder. "Ya know my husband won't be home for a few hours."

"Whatever did you have in mind MRS. Cullen?"

Bella's smile widened as she closed the space between us and her encased tits rubbed into my chest and I just couldn't take it anymore. I practically threw the pan on the floor and it landed with a loud crash that we were oblivious to. I grabbed two handfuls of the beautiful ass that had been taunting me only a few minutes ago and roughly pushed her back onto the fridge. My lips crashed onto hers in a kiss that was anything but sweet. She kissed me back with equal want and lust and before I knew it she had her legs wrapped around my waist and I held her up while my greedy hands massaged her backside. I let out a hiss and threw my head back when her fingers wound in my hair and pulled sharply. She took the opportunity to attack my neck. I ground my hip into her to let her know just how much she had turned me on and this time it was her turn to groan.

"I need you Brad. Fuck me."

"As you wish Mrs. Cullen."

With that I pulled her away from the fridge and headed toward the stairs. It took all my concentration to make it up the stairs with Bella clung to my front and her mouth again attacking my neck. The time spent away from her lips during the trip up the stairs was to long and when I had both feet planted at the top of the stairs I again slammed Bella into the wall and reenacted the fiery kiss from the kitchen.

"Where's the bedroom Mrs. Cullen." She was apparently still very much into the role playing because she groaned and pointed to our bedroom door. I almost ran to it and made allowed thud as Bella's back hit the wood. She worked her hand on the knobbed and it threw open. I took her into the room, kicked the door shut and threw her onto the bed. Before she could respond I crawled on top of her.

Our hands worked in a furry touching, rubbing, and grabbing at each others clothed bodies. I felt her hands work their way to the tied sleeves around my waist and expertly unknot them before pushing her zipper the rest of the way down. My hands in response went to bottom of her shirt and she lifted her self up slightly so I could take it off. I was greeted with the sight of her front clasp white bra that she wore when she was just bumming around the house. I couldn't contain my self, I graded the fabric with both hands and ripped it open. It fell to each side of her and I didn't bother to remove it from her arms. She looked at me shocked but I didn't care as I took her left nipple into my mouth and let my right hand work her right. I sucked and bit at her beautiful mounds while she emitted the most arousing moans from her mouth.

"Brad I need you in me now!"

I knelt up and yanked down her shorts and underwear in a swift movement. I quickly worked off the rest of the jumpsuit and my boxers and threw them carelessly aside. I brought my teeth to her neck and bit down hard as my hand went between us to stroke her core. I was shocked at how wet she was.

"Just fuck me." She said in such a demanding tone my swollen cock twitched again.

I moved my hand to guide myself to her entrance and I thrust in hard. We both let out labored sighed before I began to pump into her as fast and hard as I could. It was so rare that we fucked like this and I almost felt like I was going to cum in two thrusts. She must have been really turned on because I had never heard her gasp and scream like this. It took ever ounce of effort not to cum and I tried to distract myself with her neck and shoulder, biting and sucking. I worked her as hard as I could and hoped she was enjoying this as much as I was.

"I wanna ride you Brad. I wanna show you you're moneys worth." Her voice was so husky with lust I barely recognized it.

I put my arms around her waist and flipped us over with out pulling out of her. She didn't miss a beat as she straddled me and became to pound down onto me. It took me a minute to get over the pleaser of her working me so hard before I was capable of returning her thrusts.

"Fuck! I'm so close baby make me cum. Make me cum all over you hard cock."

This was also new; Bella and I dabbled in dirty talk but it was usually me saying these things to her. My whole body tensed as I tried not to cum over the words she had just spoken.

"Cum for me Mrs. Cullen I wanna see you're face as you clamp down on my dick."

"Edward." She screamed as her walls contracted and supplied me with the best sensation ever.

I grunted hard as I also let go and filled her with all that I had. She was immobilized by her orgasm so I thrust upward into her as we both rode out our pleasure. Bella collapsed forward onto my chest before rolling to my side gasping for her breath.

"That was… mmmmmm." Was all she could manage.

"You know Mrs. Cullen I think you're husband might kill me if he knew what he had just paid me to do to you.

She just laughed. We just lay exhausted in each others arms as our breathing normalized. We were so spent that we didn't hear the noise from the front door closing until the noise maker was in the hallway.

"Bella are you up here? You better not be in bed asleep."

Shit Alice. I shot up and, for some reason, ran into the bathroom.


What the fuck is Alice doing here? I thought as I jumped out of the bed and pulled the sheet from under the comforter. I let the remnants of my bra fall off my arms as I wrapped the sheet around my body. I had barely gotten it around me when she just waltzed in without knocking.

"Bella, what the hell?" I saw here eyes scan the room and they soon fell on the rumpled jumpsuit on the floor.

"Alice I can explain." I shouted as she walked over and picked up the jumpsuit and found the name tag.

"BRAD! Who the hell is BRAD? How could you do this to my brother? In HIS house." She went from screaming to hurt and back again. My eyes unconsciously went to the bathroom door and Alice noticed. "Is he in there?" She took my silence as a yes and stormed over and started banging on the door. "You better get out here mister and face the five feet of fury waiting for you."

The door slowly opened as Edward stepped out in a towel. Alice's face went from mine to Edward's quick as a flash and pure shock monopolizing her expression.

"Wha… wha… I don't understand."

Edward looked at me to explain because obviously he wasn't interested in having to tell his little sister what was going on.

"Um Alice you kinda interrupted us in the middle of… um… role playing?" That was the best I could come up with to clarify things. Edward let out a little chuckle and I shot him a scolding look. If he doesn't like how I explain things next time he can do it.

Alice nose wrinkled up and she shouted "EWWWWWW he's my brother I don't want to know." She threw down the jumpsuit and stomped out the door.

This time it was my turn to chuckle. "Next time we need to lock the door and take the key back from her."

"After this I don't think she will ever walk into a room in our house without knocking and getting verbal confirmation that the coast is clear." We both laughed. Edward walked over to me and brushed his fingers against my cheek. "So did you enjoy yourself before we were interrupted?"

"Ya know after all these years of marriage I thought there was nothing short of asking for a threesome that you could do to surprise me but today… what you did… that was amazing."

"I'm glad you liked it." He wrapped his arms around my waist. "Let's never fight again."

"Yeah that's probably not going to happen." He snickered as he bent down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. "Don't think you're getting out of installing the garbage disposal especially since you already took the old one out."

"Yes dear."