AUTHORS NOTE: Ok well here is my first multi chapter comedy fic. Yes it completely contrasts my other multi chapter story I know. I would really appreciate reviews if you could tell me what you think!


Chapter One

(The Horror Begins)

Anko slumped back in her chair lazily. She sighed as she stuffed yet another dango into her large mouth. What was she supposed to do now that the chuunin exams were over? They just usually happened once or twice a year, and each time they came to a close, she found herself in this dilemma. Sarutobi didn't exactly find it to his liking to send her out on any missions either. She growled softly under her breath. For the life of her she couldn't figure out why either. Perhaps it was her skittish nature, or maybe he just didn't like her all that much.

"Humph," she shrugged the thought of, munching on yet another dumpling kebab.

"Well at least now I can have some peace and quiet," she chuckled to herself, but she was cut short when the sound of frantic knocking rung through her house. She jumped to her feet, immediately darting towards the door. She was almost certain it was an emergency when she swung it open and found herself looking down at a bare footed village kid, holding onto the rail of her staircase just so he could catch his breath.

"Anko Meet-your-arsey…" his voice trailed off as he met her un-amused glare. She took a deep breath, breathe Anko…just breathe she whispered to herself inwardly.

"It's Mitarashi," she corrected, folding her arms and leaning back. His jaw gaped open from intimidation for a moment before he continued.

"Th-the Hokage wishes to see you," he gasped, still trying to consume all the air his snotty nose could, and Anko had to refrain from laughing out loud as it made a slight gurgling noise. Suddenly she snapped back into to reality as she realised from the expression on the kids face that this was probably urgent. Without another word, she darted past him, leaving the child completely speechless.


'Hmm, I wonder what he needs me for… heh, maybe some super important S-ranked mission or something. That'd score me some great dough,' she thought to herself as she approached his office. 'Anko Mitarashi… hero of Konoha,' she beamed as she entered the room and bowed respectfully.

"Anko," Sarutobi leaned backwards in his chair, turning his neck each way quickly to click it. She couldn't help but cringe as she heard that sickening crunching sound.

"Considering you are not currently busy with any missions I presume, I would like to hire you for a slightly less dangerous job,"

At that, her shoulders sank in disappointment as she watched her dreams of becoming Konoha's next hot shot fly out the window.

"I would like you to teach at the academy,"

"What?!" she stormed towards him, fists in the air.

"Whoa… back up," he raised two hands in front of his face for protection, "I know you do well in the chuunin exams with the kids, these ones are just slightly younger."

She paused, letting her fists drop, "Oh really?" Her lip curved up slightly and she leaned back arrogantly, "What makes you say that?"

"Well ughh… I mean we often have positive results in the chuunin exams, and I partly think that could be due to your umm… encouragement."

Her muscles loosened, allowing her Hokage to flatter her.

"Also, this class may not be quite as drab as you expect it to be."


"Yes we have decided to bring in a new programme. A HEALTH class…"

"A health class?" She tilted her head in confusion.

"Yes, a sexual education class has proved to be needed, as to reduce the young kunoichi pregnancy rate,"

She looked up, chuckling slightly, "And you want me?"

"Yes," he nodded his head some what enthusiastically.

"Well I'm flattered," she licked her lips seductively, making Sarutobi's spine crawl. She loved to tease him like this, knowing he was secretly every bit a pervert as that gungie Kakashi guy.

"So when do I start?"


"Huh," Anko scoffed as she shuffled through the teaching manual, cringing at the technical diagrams sprinkled throughout the pages. It all seemed a lot less simple than it actually was. Just what were they intending to teach these kids? It wasn't like it was rocket science or anything. Even Anko, the nuttiest woman in town knew that safe sex was about as simple as glad-wrapping a carrot. And she also knew another thing, if some old decrepit hag slumped into the class tomorrow, the drone of her voice would make the kids want to give up being shinobi and pop out a hundred kids. So, tossing her curriculum aside, she made a decision; this wasn't just going to be your jo-average class.


"C'mon Haru," Iruka pleaded, "We can work this out,"

Haru tucked her long black hair under her shirt collar as she readied herself to walk out the door of their apartment. She had contemplated doing this many times before as her glass half full happiness had slowly dissipated over the past few years. "I'm sorry Iruka… but I just can't," she whispered so quietly he barely caught what she said, as she slid the thin paper door open the first inch. Pausing slightly, she opened her mouth to speak, but changed her mind immediately. Sucking back the tears, and shaking her head weakly, she pulled the slider open completely, and walked from Iruka's life for good.

Stunned by something he almost knew was coming, Iruka stumbled backwards, and slumped into the chair, winded.

Had what he thought was the love of his life just walked out on him for good? His hand sunk into his pocket, clutching a small velvet box and drawing it out. And just like that, he tossed the engagement ring aside, just as he had done with his hope.


Anko had had a bad start to the day, but that was to be expected on her part. She almost always had trouble sleeping through a night fully, and was certainly not a morning person. So when her alarm screamed into her ear early the morning of her first class, she only groaned, slapping her hand violently on her clock, an attempt to shut it up, but unintentionally managed to smash it into dozens of pieces. She did not notice however, she only rolled over, and drifted back into the world of sleep.

So naturally, she arrived late at the academy. Straightening her crinkled jacket out, she stumbled into the sensei's lounge for her check in.

"You're late," a some what aggravated voice called from the sign in table. She glanced over from where she was and saw a man whose hair she thought resembled a dying pineapple, and who had a large, thin scar streaked across his face, a man she recognised as that old chuunin Iruka. She remembered him from when she had gone for the exam herself. He was in one of the other teams, he hadn't impressed her much back then and she was surprised that he even passed, and was less surprised when he remained a chuunin as his pairs went in for jounin. She pranced over to the desk, swiftly grabbing the pen from his hand and scribbling down her name.

"Gee, grumpy today are we Pineapple head?" she teased, helping herself to one of the muffins that sat in the lunch box beside him, clearly labelled IRUKA.

"Hello students!" she stormed into the class, beaming, trying to make her entry as dramatic as she possibly could. But she was cut short when she met Kurenai's un-amused stare.

"Next door," she lipped, pointing right. Anko didn't take the time to look over Kurenai's bewildered class as she shrank backwards out of the room and made her way to her rightful pupils.

This time around she didn't bother to make herself known, she simply slunk into the room, getting straight to the point. Without even introducing herself to the impatient students she said, "Ok, sex is well… it's when the penis is inserted into the vagina." She pulled out a large poster and let it unravel, one of her master piece diagrams she invented herself.

"Any questions?"

The class fell so silent you could have heard a pin drop, until she saw a meek hand shakily rise.

She pointed, indicating for the girl to speak.

"Um, excuse me miss, but… what's a penis?"

She sniggered quietly, gee, she had a lot of work to do.


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