I always try to publish a prologue and chapter 1 at the same time. Prologues are boring. Plus, I wouldn't expect one to make people want to come back and keep reading. That being said, I hope this chapter does that for you. Oh, I didn't mention before, since I was being polite, but I'm a literary vampire! What that means is, instead of blood, I live on reviews. So… you know, please review my work. Because I'm one of those good literary vampires- if you do send me reviews, I give you my undying gratitude. You don't want me to turn into one of those evil literary vampires, who hunt down people who just favorite and put on story alert lists, but don't review. Once they hunt that kind of person down, They perform a terrible ritualistic beating with a mackerel that's been dead for six days. It's not pleasant…

Summary: Edward left Bella during New Moon and her way of coping with the loss causes her to be hated by everyone in Forks, including herself. All she wants is to be with Edward again, but would he even want to look at her after everything she's done?

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters in it.

A Capella Luctuoso

Chapter 1

A Bloody Crusade

Another rainy day in Forks. How abnormal… not. The only thing that made this day different from the many others was that I was sitting outside, perched on top of a low concrete wall outside Forks High School, leaning over above Ben, Angela's boy… ex-boyfriend. Any one-eyed half-wit could see our lips were locked together. Ben's tongue was always so eager, pushing past my lips seconds into the kiss. He enjoyed swirling it around in my mouth, dancing around my tongue, trying to provoke a reaction out of me. Once in a while I'd humor him and take control of the make-out session, but usually I was passive, like now.

After a few minutes, I broke away from him to catch my breath. Or, that's what he figured. It was easy enough to breath through my nose when my mouth was otherwise occupied, and his feelings might get hurt if he noticed his kiss didn't have much effect on me. Some little part of my brain found it comical that I was worried about his feelings, especially now, at this moment.

I pushed him to the side and hopped off the wall. We hadn't spoken yet; I waited for him after school and immediately pressed our lips together. Somehow or another, I'd ended up sitting on the wall, his arms wrapped around me. But as the kiss progressed, those little thoughts once again crept back to the forefront of my mind. Ben wasn't enough.

I started walking to my truck, and he followed me like always, my little lovesick lapdog. I reached the driver's side door and Ben stopped a few feet behind me. I turned and stared at him with a bored expression. "Go away. Don't talk to me anymore." Another one bites the dust. I climbed into my truck and started it up, pulling out of the school parking lot.

Ben was in the same spot; his crushed expression followed me as I drove out to the road. I decided to be merciful and didn't spare him another glance.

This is what my life has become, but I don't mind it. Not really.

-

Once I'd decided to do things differently, it was easy to get started. Jacob didn't need any prodding, and it was so easy to melt into his arms, to let him comfort me, protect me, love me. We dated for a few months, surely the happiest times I've had in a long time. I met his friends, got to know Billy better… I ended up spending most of my time in La Push, staying with Jake for the day and spending the night with a friend of the family, Leah Clearwater. Charlie didn't mind, it eased his mind about me and gave him an excuse to party with Billy whenever he wanted.

I probably wouldn't have minded living like that. I wasn't happy, but I was content. It was better than being miserable. I could have married Jacob, he wouldn't need to think about it, and no one would ever object. No one except me, I guess.

Now, like with Ben, it can happen in an instant, but with Jacob it was a slow process. First I noticed how warm and soft he was; his young, tender, human flesh was so smooth, like pebbles at the bottom of a creek bed. It made my skin crawl. Where were the cold, marble-like arms I wanted to touch, the solid-as-a-wall chest that could mold itself to cradle my face so perfectly? Gone.

That was a big rock thrown in my stomach, it weighed me down all the time, and making these comparisons reminded me of him. So I fought to forget him, and Jacob's soft skin. But then Jacob decided to give me a piggy-back ride and my face was pressed into his hair. It made me sick. His long, oily black hair made my stomach churn and my throat burn. It was so dark, nothing like that beautiful bronze color I'd loved. That hair entered my mind; it's stylish, messy-on-purpose look, its color, the face below it… I gagged, and Jacob set me back on the ground.

It was a downward spiral from there. Jake's dark complexion was a foil to that beautiful, pale white skin, sparkling like diamonds in the sunlight. His smile shined like the sun, spreading his joy with everyone, but I longed for the silly crooked grin I'd grown attached to. The kissing filled me with warmth, but never excited my heart in any way.

The eyes were what broke the camel's back. Late one night, down on First Beach, in the firelight, I stared into Jacob's dark eyes. I stared until the tears blinded me, burning away my vision and spilling out. I ran, he followed, begging me to tell him what was wrong. I ran to my truck and went home. I didn't want to look back at those not gold-brown eyes. I didn't.

It wasn't easy, but I was able to ignore him. It wasn't hard to convince Charlie to upgrade our phone service to include Caller I.D. He hated wondering whether it was his best friend calling, or just another telemarketer. Once that was done, I was always the first to the phone when it started ringing. Jacob called a lot, but Charlie didn't bother to check when I told him I didn't recognize the number. Why should he?

That protected me for about a week. Then Jake showed up at my school, waiting for me in front of the parking lot. His home-made Rabbit followed me to my usual space, making sure I had no escape. I'd almost made it to the school doors when he caught up with me and demanded an explanation. Big mistake.

I told him plainly (and loudly) that I didn't like him anymore. I told him he was a creep, I didn't like him stalking me and that if he didn't leave me alone, I was going to call the police, or worse, Charlie. The whole school, packed full of gossipers and busybodies, had surrounded us by the time I finished. Jacob stood there, shame-faced, until his gaze fell to the ground. A few seconds later, he started running, trying his best to force his lanky body through the tight-packed crowd.

And that was really the last I've seen of Jacob. Billy and Charlie still hang out occasionally, and I could tell that Billy was doing his best to avoid me. I guess I did feel a little bad about poor, heart-broken Jake. But it was hard to care much about him while my own heart trailed after a vampire.

My next sacrifice was even easier. Mike Newton came up to me after Jacob left and asked "Hey, Bella. What was that all about?"

I just turned and asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner sometime. Jessica almost screamed and Mike was barely able to stammer out a 'yes.' I guess he was feeling pretty good about himself; in his eyes, I'd probably dumped Jacob because I couldn't get up the courage to ask HIM out.

Maybe that was why I didn't feel so bad when I kicked him to the curb two weeks later.

-

It was a ruthless, massacre of a cycle. Seems Edward (During these times in-between boytoys, it was easier to think his name. But I never try to actually say it.) was right, the boys of Forks High School pined after me for some strange reason. But it didn't bother me anymore; it just made my new life easier.

After Mike, I moved on to Eric, then Andrew, my new lab partner in Physics. Once I ran out of boys I knew, I systematically used and abused the rest of the guys in the senior class. Most didn't last a week, none of them made it to a month. One boy, whats-his-name, was officially dumped before the end of the school day. When that source ran out, I had to start dipping into the underclassmen. But those kids never lasted more than a few class periods; I had decided to abstain from any relationships with those kids after four days. So, I'd resulted to taking away the boyfriend of the one girl who didn't hate me: Angela.

Naturally, it didn't take long for me to develop a reputation as a man-stealer and a whore. Strangely though, it didn't make getting guys any harder, but now all I got were dirty looks from the other girls. Stupid bitches, like it was my fault they couldn't hang onto their men.

I slowed down at a stoplight, halfway home from dumping Ben when the nausea hit me. I've become to bitter lately, so cynical. And now I'm getting depressed, just like always. God, what am I doing…? No wonder Edward left me. Look at this ugly thing I've become.

I jammed my foot on the gas half a second before the light turned and raced home, daring any small town cop to pull me over for breaking the damn speed limit by 6 miles per hour. Like always, I made it home without incident and ran upstairs, straight to the bathroom.

I fell to my knees, flung my upper body over the toilet and began to empty the contents of my stomach. Twenty minutes later, I was laying face-down on the cold tile floor, breathing heavily. My guilt was almost doubled when I thought of poor Angela, how terrible she looked the first day after Ben and I started dating. I could practically hear my organs sloshing around as I stood up and stumbled over to the bathtub, turning on the shower. I just managed to shrug out of my jacket, shoes and socks before I climbed in, letting the freezing cold water wash over me.

I laid down in the bottom of the tub for a while, my eyes closed as I cried. My body shivered, but I was used to the cold. Cold… Cold like Edward's body, his breath. I felt the bile rise in my throat once again as I struggled to the temperature control for the water. By the time I reclined back, the showerhead was spilling out scalding hot swells down on me. I let the sensation burn away all thought, and my eyes drifted shut once again.

-

I woke up to Charlie's voice, followed by an annoying banging on the bathroom door. "Bella!? Bella, are you okay!?"

My eyes worked themselves open, each lid weighed down with drowsiness. "I'm fine, Dad! Just taking my shower a little early tonight!" He didn't answer; my response seemed to have placated him. The water was ice cold; I must have been asleep for hours. I slowly stood up and stepped out of the tub, shedding my waterlogged clothing and wrapping a towel around my naked body. I shut the water off and easily snuck back to my room.

After taking a moment to dry off, the discarded towel hit the wall as it slid into my empty laundry hamper. I'd left the rest of my clothes hanging out to dry. Renee had sent me a message, but it was only a few minutes old, she could wait for my response just a little longer.

I lifted up my mattress and found it. The scrapbook Renee had sent me, the one Edward had stolen all my memories from. Only now it was no longer empty. Before I'd started my bloody crusade, going through guys like a pothead through joints, I'd begged Angela to let me destroy all of her old yearbooks. In them, I'd rediscovered my love. Three identical pictures of the same boy. Same hair, same eyes, same small smile, it was my Edward, preserved unknowingly in these pages.

In addition to the three by-class pictures, I'd found two of him in the 'cafeteria' section, one in the 'between classes' section, and one side glimpse of his face along with the rest of the Cullen kids winning the 'sweetest car' award for Rosalie's red convertible.

I hugged the book to my chest, its cool binding giving my bare skin goosebumps. My most prized possession, more valuable to me than any piece of jewelry, was this tiny collection of yearbook pictures I'd had blown up. Just being near it made my heart pound.

"Edward… Edward…" I mumbled as I laid down sideways on my bed, squeezing the book tighter. More tears stung my eyes, and I let them fall. "Edward…" Please don't hate me.

Another night of skipped homework I didn't care about, Charlie won't check on me, he's stopped doing that lately. Some random bit of logic warned me that falling asleep damp and naked in Forks, Washington was just asking for a cold, but, God, I don't care! Edward is here with me, nothing else matters.

Well, tada! I really hope you guys like it, I do. This first chapter seems really introverted and there are, what, like 5 sentences of dialogue? Well, don't worry. This chapter was just explaining things up until this point, I predict a lot more action, and probably drama in the future, and I should know! Once again, read and review. It'll make me smile. :) Oh, but no flames, okay? It might be a day or two before the next update, but reviews make me work faster!

Here you go:

Next Chapter: Practical Approach- Dying, followed by a tantrum, apparent statutory, being cruel and then haughty, a radical idea.