A/N: Ok this is DeathGod666 filling in for Whitewolf as she is not able to post anything since her hard drive on her laptop crashed and burned. Thankfully I still had this on my comp. Was just letting you all know why this chapter is late and why you shouldn't quite awhile. Though do not fear this story is being worked and once she has access to a comp, most likely mine, you will have .
I opened my eyes slowly hoping that the room would not be too bright. I had a pounding headache and I was absolutely sure that the light would make it worse. Now if only I could remember why I had a headache in the first place. You were drinking last night, remember? Oh yeah. Baralai was here. He was drinking with me. I sat up suddenly on my bed when I remembered exactly what happened last night. Please tell me that didn't happen. Oh I'm such an idiot.
"Finally awake?" Baralai's voice said from my right. I'm such an idiot. I groaned outwardly even though I didn't mean to.
"Are you alright?" He asked. I nodded not even wanting to look in his direction. What have I done? You should have stopped yourself. I do not need grief from you right now.
"Yeah. I just have a headache." I said putting my face in my hands.
"I see." He said. His tone of voice made me look over to him. He sat in the chair that was besides my bed in his jeans. His face looked grim and I was just about to ask him where was his shirt when I realized that I was wearing it.
He's regretting it. No he's not. Yes he is look at his face. Maybe he doesn't feel good. Stop lying to yourself. You know he regrets it and so do you. That's not true! Admit it, it was a mistake. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice that Baralai was talking to me.
"I'm sorry, what?" I said. He made a face when he realized that I had not heard a word of what he said.
"Never mind." He said as he sighed and leaned back on the chair.
"Don't apologize. It wasn't important." He said. He was obviously lying. He can't even talk to you now. You've messed up your friendship because you were drunk. Didn't I tell you to shut up?
"Talk to me Baralai." I said. He gave a wry smile but didn't say anything. "Fine. Don't say anything then."
"Like I said, it wasn't important."
"I know you're lying."
"You know I'm lying? You weren't even paying attention."
"So I lost my focus for a minute, doesn't mean I wasn't paying attention."
He looked like if he was about to say something but thought better of it and stayed quiet. So this is what it comes down to? Seriously, shut up. I warned you not to do it. I don't want to hear it! You didn't listen to me last night and look where that got you.
"There you go again." Baralai said suddenly.
"Off into your own little world."
"I'm not in my own little world, I just…you know what forget it."
"You want me to forget it? You're the one who wanted me to say what I had on my mind and then you ignore me when I do."
"I'm not ignoring you. You went silent!"
He shook his head and got up from the chair walking straight towards the door. This made me jump out of the bed pounding headache and all to try to stop him.
"Baralai wait!" I said grabbing his arm. "I'm sorry."
"No." He said as he pulled his arm away. "I should be the one apologizing."
"What? Why?" I asked confused. He hadn't done anything.
"We'll talk about it later." And with that he left me standing there with a whole bunch of questions in my head. I stood there for a few minutes until my brain fully processed the fact that Baralai had actually left.
You brought this upon yourself. You should have listened when we tried to warn you. If you had you would be like this now. I almost let out a small sob. I don't want to hear it! I know it was my fault! I looked out the window and saw that it was raining again. Why didn't I stop when I had the chance? Because you weren't thinking straight.
I pulled myself from the window and headed straight to the bathroom to take a shower. I tore off Baralai's shirt and threw it in a corner before getting in and turning on the cold water. I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot. I should have never let it get that far. You're right you shouldn't have. Now Baralai is mad at me. As he should be.
I felt warm tears trickle down and mix with the cold water of the shower. You shouldn't be crying, it was your fault after all. This made me cry harder. Stop it now. But I didn't stop. I just cried for a while until I was able to regain my composure and think straight again. I stepped out of the shower and put on some clean clothes.
Now what was the purpose of all that if you are just going to go out and get wet in the rain. I needed it. And with that I walked out my down and into the cold rain outside.
I headed to my usual thinking spot in an effort to clear my head. No sooner I had gotten there than the stalker had appeared. I need a new place to go and think.
"What do you want?" I asked roughly not giving him a chance to say anything first.
"Well you seem to be having a bad morning." He said taking his usual position next to me.
"You could say that." Bad day does not even begin to cover it.
"Care to talk about it?"
"No. Are you ever going to get the hint that I do not want to talk to you? Ever."
"Oh I get the hint, doesn't mean that I am not going to try to get through to you. You can say that I'm much like Baralai in that sense." My chest tightened at the sound of his name and he noticed the quick flash of pain on my face.
"So he's the reason why you are here?"
"It's not his fault, it's mine." His brow furrowed in confusion.
"I take that as a yes then."
"Take it however you want, I'm not talking about my problems with you."
"Nor anyone else for that matter."
"I didn't ask for your opinion."
"But I gave it anyway. Even if what happened was a product of your own stupidity you still need to let it out. Particularly later on."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Nothing really. Just bare in mind that every action has its consequence." He said before he turned around and left.
What did he mean by consequence? He couldn't possibly know, could he? No he couldn't. He's just fucking with my mind again. Yeah he's just fucking with you. But what if he isn't? What is going to happen to you then? You know you wouldn't be able to handle it. Maybe you're wrong. You know I'm right.
The more time I spent thinking about what happened the angrier I became. You should have stopped yourself. I know that! Then why didn't you listen. I don't know. I let out a frustrated sigh and threw the rock that I was playing with out into the sea.
I headed back to my apartment as slowly as I could. The only reason why I was going back was because I was starting to get really cold outside. Once at my apartment I showered and put on some dry clothes. Then I headed straight for the kitchen to grab the other bottle of whiskey that I had lying around.
Again? Wasn't that what got you into this mess? Whatever, he isn't talking to me right now. And whose fault is that? Shut up. I know it's my fault. I went into my room and sat down on the floor leaning against my bed before opening the bottle. I took a mouthful and swallowed slowly feeling the burn on the back of my throat.
Is this what you've been reduced to? Twenty-four years old and going nowhere in life. You have a job you hate, you're a budding alcoholic, and you fucked up the best thing you had going. Do you feel proud? No. Then do something about it. I can't. Yes you can. No I can't. I don't know how. Figure it out. I'm trying. Try harder.
I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to will the voices away. When that didn't work I put the bottle to my lips again and downed almost half of the contents in a gulp. The burning in my throat was worth the momentary silence that I got.
The voices came back. I could hear them murmuring far away, their words unintelligible. I could deal with that. Another swing from the bottle and they were silent again.
The bottle was empty, but I kept it in my hand. I lay out stretched on the floor, my eyes looking aimlessly at the ceiling.
I heard knocking somewhere in the distance. At first I thought I was going crazier than I already was but then I realized that it was somebody at my door. I tried to get up but my head was spinning so much that I had to lie back down. That's what you get for drinking all of that so fast. Go back where you were.
"Paine?" Baralai's voice said from above me.
Baralai! My eyes flung open, the light that entered the room blinded me with the sudden brightness. I said nothing, and squinting my eyes I turned away.
"Paine," he said softly, "we need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about." I told him.
"Please." he insisted.
I looked at him but didn't know what to say to him exactly. You have to say something. You again? He's waiting. Say something! What? I don't know what to say!
"So this is how it's going to be?" He said after a while of me not talking.
"Then?" asked Baralai.
"I don't know." He'll leave again. No, I -- You know he will. All you do is hurt him.
He'll leave, just like you should. No... "Shut up!"
"I didn't mean to say that." I said quickly when I realized that I had said that out loud. He looked so hurt it made me feel tiny.
"If that's what you want." He said as he turned to leave.
"No wait." I said getting up quickly to grab him. I ending up using for support as the dizziness struck me again.
"I'm sorry Paine but you are making it really hard to talk to you."
"I know. I'm sorry. Just stay. Please."
"What's going on? You haven't been yourself lately?" He asked.
Tell him. No... Tell him. I can't.... Tell him. Tell him what? Everything. He... no, I can't. He'll think you're just crazy then. Aren't I? Are you? I hear voices, and they tell me what to do. I'm pretty sure I qualify.
"There's... nothing really. I'm just troubled."
"I don't know."
"Why do you want me to stay? You aren't talking to me. You aren't listening. So why?"
"Because," I said without thinking, "...because I just want you to."
He looked at me with a troubled look, as if he was fighting voices of his own. If you can't talk to him how do expect this to work. Expect what to work?! We aren't anything right now. He let me go and I managed to stay standing. I had expected him to leave but he didn't.
"Why have you been acting like if nothing matters to you anymore?"
"Maybe nothing does." I told him. Liar. No, I... He matters to you. A lot. I know, but... See the pain in his eyes? You can only hurt him. I don't... I can't help it! I know that it's all my fault.
"What about me? Don't I matter?" He asked.
If he mattered you wouldn't hurt him. He does matter. And you hurt him so much. No... no!
"Leave me alone!" I yelled out throwing the empty bottle hitting the wall, shattering much too close to Baralai's head. The throw knock me off balance and Baralai had to catch me.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked hurt.
"Because I'm afraid." I said truthfully.
"Of losing you."
"You're not going to lose me." He said caressing my cheek with his hand.
"How do you know? What if you just decide to leave?"
"I won't leave."
"But you did! ...you left me, what's stopping you from leaving again!?" That had been like a blow to the face and I saw that clearly on his features.
"I'm sorry for what I did but I want to do this right." He said looking down.
"What do you mean?"
"I took advantage of you last night.
"What? I'm the one who went too far."
"And I should have stopped you but I didn't."
"I didn't want you to."
"Would you have done the same thing sober?"
"Yes." I said quickly. "...maybe. I don't know."
"You were drunk, I shouldn't have --"
"Stop. I don't want to hear it. It was my fault, stop blaming yourself." Baralai kept quiet and helped me sit back down on the floor. Neither of us said anything and after a while I started to doze off on his shoulder.
"You should go to sleep."
"You'll leave if I do."
"I'm coming back."
"I don't believe you."
"I will come back. I promise." I lifted my head up to look at his face. He gave me a small smile as if to comfort me.
"You better keep that promise."