I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.

It had been a long year. A terrible year. I haden't seen her in so long. And everyday I didn't see her I felt my dead heart splinter a little more. Me and Alice were already at a crumbling point before she had a vision of me and Bella. And when it didn't happen we thought that maybe things were going to change for the better.

Then it happened.

Bella's birthday.

I was a monster. A vile creature that deserved so much worse than death. I had hurt her. I had hurt Bella. She was the only reason my sad worthless life had continued. Edward knew this. Alice had seen her coming long before she got here. She wasnt meant to be with Edward. She was meant for me. But the jealously in him was too great. I played it off like it didn't bother me. Tried to keep my feelings for her at a minumum. I didn't want to hurt Alice. But the moment she walked into this miserable town my whole world was anew. I saw everything in a blinding light. And she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

Edward had kept her from me. Wanting her. Claiming "love". Edward knew nothing of love. Not one thing. And it killed me to know I would never be with her. He told her it was because I was new. That I wasn't safe to be around. It's true in part. Yet I knew that I would never intentionaly hurt her. Not in a million years. But everyone always doubted me. Even when there was no reason to. They always did. I watched her everyday. And everyday my love for her grew and became more and more painful. Alice had visions. Many. And I could do nothing to block Bella from my mind.

That dreadful day in September was the worst day of my life. I had almost killed the person that I was madly and fully in love with. A paper cut. A damn paper cut started the whole circle of pain. Pain and the wanting of death. Bella was what we call Edwards La Tua Cantante. His singer. Her blood sang to him. But not only to him. I had never met a human that's blood sang to everyone in the room. Maybe not as strong as us to Edward...but it was staggering.

I believe Edward kept Bella around to prove to Carlisle that he was worthy. That he was a good man. Not because he loved her. Not because he wanted to keep her. He wouldn't even change her for God sake. And deep down she knew this. And the hurt that would crash down on her when he would tell her no was something that was even hard for I to handle.

I would have given her anything. Everything. Just to see her happy and to keep her happy. To let her shine like the beautiful strong woman that she is. And yet I had to live with knowing I would never get that chance. Never be able to hold her in my strong cold arms and love her the way she should be loved. To treat her the way that she deserved.

When Bella arrived at the house she was very frustrated. She didn't want to be here. I can understant that. Alice is crazy when it comes to parties. She was even going to make us all eat birthday cake. It was humors how Bella would follow along with whatever Alice wanted. Just to keep her happy. To keep our family happy. She truley was perfect.

She walked throught he door and greated everyone with a fake smile. When she looked to me she turned the most delicate hint of pink. Gorgeous. But why? Why did I feel the wave of embarresment and guilt? Before I could think too hard Bella was being seated to open her presents. She opened the stereo box and of course had no idea what it was. We told her and again the beautiful blush came to her face. It was my idea. And I loved the fact that she was going to enjoy it.

And just as the feeling of joy washed through me, my life as I knew it ended. Bella ran her delicate finger under the silver paper and gave herself a paper cut. Too fast for human eyes to see everyone stopped breathing. Everyone but me. I don't know why or what came over me. I lunged at her. Knocked her down into the crystal. Her blood was flowing freely now. And there was nothing I could do to control myself. The real me was present in my mind. Fighting, trying to do anything to get me to snap out of it. I was staring into the woman of my dreams eyes. About to kill her.

And her being the strong person she is never once showed a trace of fear. How? Why? All I felt from her was determination. Determination? Of what? For what? And in a blink of an eye I was being pulled from the house. Out into the open. The moment the cold wind hit me, I sank to the ground and sobbed. How could I be such a monster? I was lower than filth. I ran. And no one followed. Not even Alice. I knew why. I understood why. I didn't deserve the love and generosity that the family had given me. I was nothing.