Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't WANT to own Twilight. I know, shocker. But I wouldn't mind owning Jasper. Do my bidding!
A/N: Okay I don't really have an authors note. Sue me. Well you can't! I disclaimed.
Actually I do have something to say: this has a couple mild sexual references. No bad language surprisingly. Just thought I'd let ya'll know. Also, this was actually something I've been desperate to write for a while now, but had no incentive to do so. It got to be where I just couldn't STAND to see all those excellent Jasper/Bella stories out there without having my own version, if you will.
Read on my most excellent friends:
"You came." I stated simply, trying to keep any emotion out of my voice.
"Don't I always?" She smirked lightly, the innuendo not lost on me.
I sighed, half in amusement, half in exasperation. Leave it to Bella to make a sarcastic remark at a time like this. But that was Bella. I knew what she was doing. She was using sarcasm as a poor disguise for how nervous she really was. But I knew, better than anyone, even him, how she was really feeling.
"You know why I asked you to come here." I couldn't look in her eyes, those deep, knowing brown eyes. So kind and understanding and wise. Just like her soul. I couldn't look into those eyes so I looked around the spot we were in. Our spot. The first time we ever--
Bella's eyes were amused but tired, "The same reason as last time I'm guessing. And the time before that. And the time before that."
I winced at the bitterness in her voice. I could almost taste it on my own tongue. I wonder how it tasted on hers... Those eyes. I remember when they sparkled. It was such a short time ago that Bella's eyes held the mirth that I could feel coming from her. Now, they weren't as full of life. Because of me.
"It has to be different this time. You know this can't continue. It never could go anywhere. We keep putting it off, but your wedding is the day after tomorrow and we have to stop." My voice cracked and I was almost pleading. Pleading to Bella. But what for? To stop torturing me the way she did? She would never know how being with her killed me but at the same time made me feel so alive, so whole. Like nothing else could. Not even blood... Pleading with her to make everything go away? To erase all the suffering we both endured every time after. But that pain wasn't enough to make us stop... Maybe Bella did know she affected me. With those too-perceptive eyes. Of course she knew. She knew me. Better than anyone ever could. Just as I knew her.
"He'll find out." Bella didn't say his name. Edward. It was almost like an unspoken agreement when... everything started. Never say his name. I wonder if he knew how beautiful his Bella was when she had her head thrown back in the throes of passion. Her long, silky hair cascading down her back. Some of it fisted into my hand as she rode me with abandon. Not his Bella. My Bella. She was mine from the moment we first touched. I had to suppress a groan at that thought.
"No. He won't." I said bitterly. "Even if he even gets a feeling that something is wrong, you know he'll disregard it." Denial. It was something he was always good at. Realization dawned on Bella. She realized that this time was different.
"So this is it then?" She tried so hard to keep her face blank and her voice monotone, but her emotions betrayed her just like always. So sad. Because of me. Hurt. Because of me. Scared. Me. Me me me. All me. If only Bella knew how I felt. The crippling despair threatening to take over me. Or was that her despair I was feeling? It had gotten to the point where it was hard to separate her emotions from my own. Like we were one.
I didn't respond.
"Let's dance then." My head snapped at her request. Her voice, like her emotions, were desperate now. Bella continued, "Let's dance, just how you taught me."
For the first time during that evening I truly looked at her. Her eyes held that same vibrance they used to. There was life in those eyes again. I wouldn't refuse. Couldn't. I let my eyes wander down to her tiny frame. Her plain red shirt. I don't care what he said about the color blue. Red was the color for Bella. The blood-red color contrasted with her pale skin and dark hair so well. Ironic.
"Ma'am." I said simply with a small smile, holding my hand out for Bella to take. She took it and I pulled her swiftly and gently to me. Closely. Intimate. So warm and soft. I bent down and skimmed my nose across the top of her head, inhaling the scent that was Bella. It was floral, like everyone said. But there was something else as well... Almost like... orange blossoms? How had I not noticed that before? All those times... So delicate and sweet. I inhaled again and she sighed. So... content in my arms. I swelled with emotion for her.
We danced to some nameless song we both synchronized ourselves to. I held her to me like she was the last thing on this Earth. And she was. For me.
"You know..." she started shyly. With that keen realization dawning on her again.
"Hmm?" I was so deep in thought. It took a moment before it registered that she had spoken.
"We've never said 'I love you' to each other." This time Bella looked up at me when she spoke. Her eyes held no accusations. Just a simple fact. And it was true. We never did.
"Well..." I started. I was unsure how to proceed. But I didn't need to.
She continued as if sensing my uncertainty, "And I don't think we ever will. Or ever will have to. I think we just know. We know each other. Like no one else ever will. Ever could. I knew you loved me. Even before you did I think." Perfect. Even if I was a vampire, with unlimited time and possibly an unlimited capacity for knowledge, it was this beautiful, perceptive human girl that said it the way creature ever could. Bella knew I loved her before I even knew how I felt. Ironic that the empath didn't know his own feelings before she did. But she always knew how I felt, what I was going to say or do before I did.
I didn't speak. I didn't need to. There were no more words to say.
"I'll never be as happy as I am now." Bella mused out loud after a while, shattering the tangible silence. It was almost as if those words weren't meant to be said. Like she was thinking them. Maybe she was... But she continued, "Even though I have to let you go, even though I will never be with you again, I'm happy. Because it'll never change. My feelings for you will never change. Even though I'll see you everyday for the rest of my life, I can live with that. It'll be enough. It has to be enough."
That was all I needed to hear. I could feel the truth and certainty in her. I knew what I had to do. It was enough for her to just love me. She would give up her happiness for Edward's. She would never be selfish and leave him. And I wouldn't have asked her to. It was enough for her to just see me everyday, knowing how painfully I loved her. How brutally. But it wasn't enough for me. It would tear me up to see her with another. With my brother for all intents and purposes. I knew then that I couldn't bear to have him touch her the way I had. I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of another, any other, taking her the way only I knew how.
So I did the most selfish thing in that moment. The only thing I could think to do. While we were still dancing, swaying to our own internal music, while she was still happy and had the ghost of a smile on her face, I bent my head down and kissed her neck so gently. I looked up into her eyes, those eyes, and saw understanding. Felt it. Without another word, I bit into the delicate flesh of her neck and drained the once vibrant life of the only one who ever truly stole my soul.
Just as her pulse started slowing down I heard her whisper, "It's okay."
She understood why. Because she knew before. Just like always.
Thanks for reading. I really hope you enjoyed it. I'm not a dude, so writing in a guy's point of view was a little different. But this story couldn't have been written in any other P.O.V.
I don't think there's a way to continue this, so I probably won't. I like it too much as a one-shot. But I keep thinking that it could be BETTER. Gah! I would like to hear what you think of it in the form of a review. It doesn't even cost money! The best things in life are free you know. Except for hookers. They cost money... Not bagging on you if you happen to be involved in prostitution or anything. I'm sure you make more money than I do. So... hooker or not, please review!