So.... The titled has been determined! (Drumroll please...............)
I Left My Heart With You
This won by a very very small margin but I think it suits the story very well! Thanks to all of you who voted!
If I Could
Sleep seemed to elude Edward as he tossed and turned in bed later that night. It had been so long since he had felt alive, so long since he had actually felt anything. The moment his parents had died, his whole life had been changed.
The numb feeling, he felt as a child, had slowly turned to pain. That pain had grown into a hole that he was just now realizing he had kept open. He thought back on his talk with Bella as they sat on the porch.
He wasn't lying when he told her that she had changed his views on the future, had made them seem more attainable. He hopped out of his bed and made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a late night snack before crawling into bed with the food.
Lying on his back he stared mindlessly up at the ceiling listening to the sounds of Beethoven coming from his stereo system. The song made him think of his mother and of Bella.
He closed his eyes letting the gentle sounds of the violins crash over him and soon he was dreaming.
He was a young boy again, and his mother sat holding him in a meadow full of flowers.
She held him softly in her arms. He looked up into her eyes and his heart broke at the expression on her face. She looked so vibrant and alive and he found himself smiling softly up at her. The tears began to slowly trickle down her face and he reached up and gently swiped each of them away.
"My precious baby." She whispered pushing his hair off of his forehead and leaning down placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Don't cry."
He realized then that matching tears will slowly falling off of his chin and onto his shirt.
"Why are you so sad?" she asked gently taking his hand in hers and squeezing it lightly.
"Because I miss you." He replied as if it was the simplest thing the world.
"I know," she replied smiling softly "but I'm really not that far away, now am I?"
He thought for a moment as he sniffled and gently wiped the tears from his face.
"I guess not." He murmured shrugging as the tears continued to fall.
Elizabeth picked a dandelion from the grass and twirled it in her fingers for a moment before placing it in her hair.
"Even the simplest things can have beauty."
He nodded softly, unsure of how to respond.
"Tell me what troubles you," she prodded gently.
"I'm worried." Edward replied his face scrunching in confusion.
"So young to have such big worries," his mother replied pulling him into her lap and slinging her arms around him, comforting him.
"I miss you."
"And that causes you to worry?" she asked smiling at him. "You forget I know you as I know the back of my hand. That is not what is troubling you."
"I'm worried I will forget you." Edward whispered "Afraid I will lose the few memories I have."
"Did your father and I love you?"
"Yes," he whispered.
"Did you love us?"
"Of course," he muttered.
"Then that is all that truly matters," she smiled softly "not my eye color, or the texture of my hair, or the way your father dressed. You know that we loved you with all our hearts, which my dear boy is what truly matters."
"It still seems unfair."
"It probably always will," she brushed her fingertips across his brow "until you can truly understand the love a parent has for their child. The love your father and I had for you. We aren't truly ever gone."
His mother smiled and giggled softly and for a moment he could picture her as a young girl.
"Speaking of love," she whispered as she looked past him at something in the distance smiling softly "she is very special, Edward."
He felt a blush flush his cheeks and she smiled down at him.
"No need to be embarrassed. Your father and I would be proud. She is a lovely girl, dear."
"She is very special." Edward replied smiling softly at his mother.
"Do you remember what your father once told you of love?"
"That to truly love someone you have to give them yourself and to trust that they will do the same."
"Trust her, Edward. Love her. Don't close yourself off from her, always be honest with yourself and her, and above all else be the gentleman we taught you to be. Don't let the fear of loss keep you from living your life."
"You'll do just fine." She stated placing a kiss on his forehead before pulling back and winking softly at him.
She began to hum softly in his ear as she rocked him back and forth before beginning to sing softly in his ear.
If I could I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
give you courage in a world of compromise, yes I would
If I could I would teach you all the things I never learned
and I'd help you cross the bridges that I burned, yes I would
If I could I would try to shield your innocence from time
but the part of life I gave you isn't mine, I'll watch you grow
so I can let you go
If I could I would help you make it through the hungry years
but I know that I can never cry your tears, but I would if I could
If I could in a time and place where you don't want to be
you don't have to walk along this road with me
My yesterdays don't have to be your way
And if I knew I'd have tried to change the world I brought you to
now there isn't much more that I can do. But I would if I could.
(Song by Regina Belle, titled If I Could)
She kissed him softly on the head once again before whispering in his ear "Trust her, it will be okay."
Edward woke with a start and stumbled out of bed. He looked around him, eyes squinting in the dark for a moment before sighing softly. Running his hands through his hair he sat on the side of his bed, his thoughts a jumble.
"I will," he whispered softly to himself.
A/N- Yes, this is a dream chapter… a "dream" chapter where the character realizes something significant that is happening in their life (through events or thoughts in their dream)… no I don't think this is bogus (I did get a psychology degree after all!)
I not only use this as a writing tool but also because frequently your subconscious is trying to make you aware of things that you may think or feel but not actually be aware of through dreams (kind of cool huh?)
If you have questions about it feel free to ask… I know quite a bit due to the classes I had to take (lol)
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