Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Characters. All are Stephanie Meyer's.
Note: Been awhile hasn't it? Sorry! As always, I hope you enjoy it! Took me a looonngg time to finish this one! Don't know why. I think it's pretty good. I'm going to start off with a song again - just felt right. I won't keep you any longer! Read and Review :)
I wanna watch you sleeping peaceful
Resting your heart and your soul
We should never awake without the other
Lying by our side
I wanna learn from the calm with which you
Aim at your dreams and your goals
And I'm sure your stories always will unfold
I try to get you up
But you go down
And you are not okay
You are not okay
I wanna carry you
But you won't get up
It's really killing me
You know it's killing me
I wanna join you sleeping peaceful
Feeling the sun in our room
What a plenty of rays and beaming light
Surely, it does me good
I wanna trust the pulse
In which decay is followed by bloom
And I'm sure any flaw will turn out beautiful
I try to get you up
But you go down
And you are not okay
You re not okay
I wanna carry you
But you won't get up
It's really killing me
You know it's killing me
Watch You Sleep - Blue Foundation
I had Bella in my arms before my brain could register what I had absolutely decided. Her delicate arms hung loosely around my neck as we flitted quickly to the bedroom. I weaved in-between the awkwardly placed furniture as fast as my legs would take me. Reaching the doorway at breakneck speed, I tossed Bella onto the bed as the sound of our lips breaking apart made my breath hitch.
Sitting upright and looking completely maddening, she stared at me in a way that demanded less clothing. A second of thought allowed me to make the sound judgment of not shredding my t-shirt in half to save time. I was running out of presentable clothing because of those decisions – Bella was too. Ripping my arms from the sleeves of my shirt, it was off and on the floor before she had finished blinking. Gravity took its course as I permitted my body to fall forward and force us onto the mattress. It shook somewhat with our impact, and I didn't wait to plunge my mouth to her soft, beating skin. My lips traced over the lovely throb that was living beneath the white membrane, and the fragrance that her hair had left there was unspeakable. I pressed my nose closer to the scent, the lush metallic perfume her blood radiated – so sweet and strong. She craned her neck, and the soft vibrations in her throat sounded like laugher.
"What's gotten into you?" The ring of her voice in my ear made my spine tingle. My eager tongue was searching for the tender spot. The area that when provoked caused her to make an appealing sound.
"You don't like it?" I wondered aloud, and she stirred ever so slightly as my lips wandered further, "Are you complaining?"
Then I found it. Her lungs halted, and the supple rhythm of her heart became still for one moment. A hum in her throat was silenced as the air rushed from her mouth. Tightening like the cold, inanimate claws of a wrench, my hands grasped her shoulders in sudden concern. The noise I had wanted to hear wasn't coming. Then very suddenly, she flew upright and conquered my lips with delicious enthusiasm. Her soft mouth became hard as she pressed roughly to mine, her teeth grazed multiple times over my bottom lip evoking many potent, arousing feelings from the pit of my stomach.
"If you stop," She mumbled against my lips, her hot breath filling my throat, "I'll kill you."
The thump-thump of her beating chest filled my head and caused my spontaneous smile.
"It would be fun to see you try," I thought to myself. Bella's rose-pedal skin drifted across my lips as her hair brushed against my face. The precious skirr of her heart kept the pace. Reaching, I found the collar of her shirt and gave a gentle tug. Her arms rose, and the near silent hush of fabric rolling off of her was muffled by the immediate thud of it landing somewhere on the floor. An endless, white silken road from top to bottom was staring me readily in the eyes. The abdominal muscles beneath her skin shuddered, piquing my gaze.
Slowly my eyes roved lower and lower, meeting her hips. My hands reached forward and made contact; I studied the effect my touch had. At first she flinched, and I felt the taut movement of the tissues and muscles under her skin. As my fingers pressed firmly, and then my palm, I slid my thumb up an inch and ran it delicately over her navel. She didn't seem to notice how much time I was taking by doing this, but she leaned against my hand in approval. Then my opposite hand joined the other, and I pushed them upward, reveling in the sensation of her tense stomach. The grooves her ribs left in her skin made my fingers dip and rise as they skimmed across. I met the cloth of her bra, and hooked one finger onto it. Not so securely as to tear it from her, but fastened so I could slip it off swiftly. In one prompt movement, I flicked my wrist. Not one gram of resistance prohibited the maneuver, and the bra came over her head where I let it fly off my finger and into the dark corner of the bedroom. Blinking a few times, Bella seemed surprised that I had just pulled off her clothing so quickly, but gathered herself.
She brought the fasten of my jeans between her hands and freed the button, sliding the zipper down with what I would describe as zeal. Her warm fingers shimmied in-between the jeans and my hips and heaved them halfway down until I leaned on my side to shake them from my legs. Returning to my knees, Bella raked over my body with her milky eyes, and I examined her expressions.
A strand of hair slithered from her shoulder to rest gracefully on her collarbone. My eyes automatically darted to the movement. I traced the curl as it flowed down and lay with care on her chest, where her skin was especially porcelain and ethereal. Eyes slit into thin openings, I tried to focus my gaze on her beautiful body. My vision dared to viciously stray and absorb every pore I could place my stare upon. The lone lock of her hair fluttered imperceptibly in the unseen breeze. It carried the inconceivable essence of her to me, and seared my lungs. The full force and aroma of her bare skin abolished all reasoned thought.
Blacker than pure coal, my irises grew and engulfed all common vision. I could see every line, every curve in lucid images much too acute for any human eye to even comprehend. Cringing in disapproval, I attempted to see what Bella's facial expression looked like. What would she think of my uncontrollable thirst? It was embarrassing to be seen shifting moods like this. I peeked through my eyelashes to see a red and surprised Bella, recoiling from me. For a split second, I felt a thrash of pain rip through me. She was horrified.
Until her arms covered her chest instinctively. I tilted my head slightly, working the picture through my mind…
"Oh, no." With knowledge, I placed one hand on her quivering arms and motioned for her to relax. She succumbed to my direction, and I shook my head trying to lightly scold her for her silly action. Bella.
"You are beautiful." I stated, so naturally there was no space for doubt. How could she be self-conscious of that body? Completely unacceptable. Illogical. She was the most perfect human being I had ever met.
She was not gorgeous, not flawless. She was extraordinary.
The full, organic lips, long untouched lashes, random freckles on her nose. The tight skin over her collarbone, the flat plane of her stomach that lead to her wide hips. The two dimples in the small of her back and her smooth, but colored kneecaps, which had been scraped and scarred from years of being uncoordinated. Her face, that twitched and squinted in mysterious ways that I could not often understand. Her every idiosyncrasy – altogether unequaled.
She was the closest to perfect anyone could ever be, and she was just herself. Just human. In any physical or emotional way, she was the most interesting and appealing woman this world could have to offer any man.
Gathering her into my willing arms, I cradled her against my chest. She allowed a calm breath out, and opened her eyes to meet mine. I flashed a sincere smile, showing my top row of teeth slightly as I found this to be comforting when she smiled this way to me. Leaning in, I sited my lips to hers. Slowly, I lowered our bodies into a horizontal position on the bed.
Bella trembled, and I wondered if I was making her nervous. Her Adam's apple hitched in her throat, and then fell down with an audible sound. I smirked in spite of myself.
Placing tender kisses to her open lips, I brought my hands around to her back and slithered to the waistband of her pants. Easily, they were off before she'd had time to shift her weight. They were tossed to another corner of the room where they hit the wall a little harder than I had intended. My greedy hands sketched patterns across her rigid spine while my mouth occupied her stomach. Expanding with every kiss, her lungs sucked in air and caused her ribs to rise and meet my mouth while I moved lower to find her protruding hip bones. Left and right, they peaked like mountains and made the skin pull straight and tight over the bone. I watched with fascination as the skin slid effortlessly over the hill of her hips, and I touched them lightly.
Bella vacuumed in another breath at the sensation my fingers had on her hypersensitive areas. Near the navel, the ribs, the hips, just above her pelvic bone.
Her fingers tousled my hair and caused a prickling feeling to run through my scalp and down my neck. I bit my lip as it traveled through my legs and made my toes curl. She was tugging on it now, and I took the hint to bring myself to eye-level. Once there, she placed her hands on my cheeks and pulled my lips to hers. The velvety sweep of her tongue across mine nearly forced me to bite down in unrest; its caress enlivened my body. Bella's damp palms were laid on my stomach, and the pressure of her fingernails was unnerving. The sensation forced my back to arch and my eyebrows to connect. Running downward, they eventually attained the waistband of my underwear, and danced around the edge teasingly.
They were off so quickly I wasn't sure if I had left them in tact or not. Both of us were now totally bare, and Bella scrutinized my unclothed body with an incomprehensible look. I practically snarled at the utter frustration of not knowing what she was thinking at that moment. Being a physically conceited creature left me rather unshielded right now. What did she think of me? What did I look like to her? One brow raised in awkward anticipation as she looked intently over my still pose. She had never examined me this closely before, had she even really seen me fully naked? My mind whirred with unease.
My back felt oddly warm all of the sudden, and I realized that the window behind me was letting the sun into the room. At first, I didn't think anything of it. As I watched the silhouette of cloud on the wall behind Bella, it swung to the outer reaches and disappeared. The light was free to flood in, and when my gaze made the journey back to Bella's, the expression on her face was… strange.
Her jaw was lax, I could tell because her lips were gradually falling open. On her forehead were deep creases from concentration, though her eyebrows were raised so high I thought they might touch her hairline. I locked my teeth together in uncertainty. Why did she seem so surprised? Then, unexpectedly, I witnessed a few stray specs of light dance across her face, and then her stomach. The dots flashed like strobes, and I wondered where they were coming from. My eyes shifted in all directions, inconspicuously searching. When I looked down at myself, I knew.
The sun was reflecting off of my skin in kaleidoscope patters. Half my body was facing toward the window, and the angle made the beams of daylight redirect onto Bella's skin. I observed as I wiggled my torso and the light melted and reappeared in different spots. My mind rushed back to Bella. What was she thinking? What did she make of this? Was it disgusting to her?
It was angering me. Why was I so different? I wanted so much to be normal for her. Scenes like this were heartbreaking, frustrating. Humans do not sparkle. Humans live, and pulse. Bleed, beat, cry, sleep, and eat. Hurt and die. I wished I could do all of those, because I knew she could. Like nails on a chalkboard, the sound of my teeth grating together echoed in my skull. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Calm down Edward, let it go.
When my eyelids opened, I noticed Bella's crimson stare. Tears pooled on the edges of her eyes where her eyelashes batted them away. The tears dropped onto her lap. I pitched forward unthinkingly, as her gaping mouth struggled for words.
"Why are you crying? Please don't cry. I can't stand to see it." My conscience spoke as I watched her odd expressions.
I pressed my lips to her tears and tasted the salty sting on my tongue. She embraced me, and I brought her closer as she lolled her head on my shoulder.
I felt her dry lips on my skin, and it instantly triggered a very vivid memory. It flashed in front of my face exceedingly quick, but it wasn't fast enough.
Her solid, compressing jaw pumping like a piston, closed on my skin and ruptured every nerve ending in my body.
Immediately I tensed as her supple lips enclosed the maddening bite she was inflicting on my shoulder. The feeling was severe in many ways, and everything inside of me was flattened by the constriction of muscle. Deep in my esophagus a growl began, and vibrated my whole throat on its way out of my mouth. It was almost embarrassing that she could do this to me. Using some of the strength that was being consumed attempting to restrain myself from killing Bella in a crunching grip, I wrapped my arms around her loosely. It was too close for comfort how near I was at that moment to pulverizing her fragile body.
My hold on her allowed me to pull her away, and her mouth was wrenched from my skin. I let out a powerful gust of breath, then focused my attention on her plump, red lips that had been suctioned to my shoulder. I kissed her roughly, maybe a little too excited. Her neck bent backward with the might of my attack. I considered it cruel what I was doing to her, my mouth smothering hers and only releasing for small gasps of air.
My body was not objecting to this, instead it weighted her down onto the mattress. Momentum was propelling me further as I used my thighs to separate her legs. Breathing was more and more difficult as I prepped myself for the coming wave. Concentrating firmly on her face, I sucked in a steadying lungful of air. Bella opened her mouth to say something; protest or reject my actions, but it was too late.
My hips plunged to hers, and I was engulfed in the warmest, most inexpressible ecstasy I had since known. Every sense in my body seemed muted as I bathed in the silent bubble of the experience. It was so incredibly difficult to keep from moving harder and rougher than I should. I compromised with myself, and pushed the boundaries of my control. Which was too dangerous for me to have decided. It wasn't my well being I was jeopardizing – it was Bella's. That shouldn't be sacrificed for my pleasure. Though it felt so, so good. I moved faster than usual, unable to rule over what used to be simpler to direct. Cringe, grimace, wince – I tried to. It wasn't working. I didn't feel bad for doing this, it didn't feel wrong this time.
My body flowed of it's own accord as Bella pressed her chest to mine, and arched. Her skin was slippery already, the moist sweat giving her sheen in the weak sunlight. Feeling blindly for any part of her to touch, my hands slid off of her wet stomach and back. I resorted to clenching onto whatever bed sheets I could find. The cracking noises my knuckles made resonated as I grasped them murderously between my fingers.
Flashes of Bella's face burned in my mind as I tried to wrench my eyes open to see her. Between blinking I glued pictures together of her gnawing on her lip, the furrowed brow. My own lips were being used as a gag so my burning insides wouldn't make me scream out loud. The pressure was mounting and it was thick between us. My lips sought hers, and at the contact a lungful of her breath was forced down my throat, leaving a trail of blistering heat behind it. I broke away to bite my tongue as she shifted from one side to the other, creating alluring angles. I could only seize the bedclothes tensely and hope I didn't have any part of her between my fingers.
Bella craned up to my face, and I took this as a sign to pull her closer. I snaked my arm around her waist and pulled her up to kiss her raw lips. Once I had her cradled above the bed, my mouth froze and I released a guttural hiss that would have frightened anyone else in any other circumstance. This new position was somehow more intense, which I didn't think was possible. Like a vice I had her against me, and I still pushed our hips roughly together. Aching from head to toe, every part of me was clenched and overworked. Bella's rolling eyes were dilated and her face looked – more or less – dead. Her head slumped backwards and her mouth hung open as I held her with one arm. I would have thought her to be dead had her arms not flung themselves around my neck and claw into my back. I winced as the hot, scorching fluid began to fill my stomach. It felt unbelievable.
Moving to lean so I could switch arms, I was pushed onto my back by our driving motions. The back of my head struck the headboard with a thud, it surprisingly didn't crack or break. Bella wavered on my hips as the swap in roles startled her. She placed her hands on my stomach to stabilize, and when she did this she leaned forward a bit – which made my spine shiver. My hands reached for her, but I knew better, and instead dug them into the sheets again. Bella had obviously felt what her movements did, because she continued with them. Somehow, she found an enormously amazing pattern and swayed above me in that insane circuit. My lungs wanted to burst, I had the powerful urge to open my mouth and just listen to what wanted to come out. Everything she was doing was faultless. The more she persisted, the more it became absolutely incredible. In my mind everything was flying by, my thoughts were scrambled and I wasn't sure what I was even trying to think about. All I wanted to see was her, and my eyes wouldn't stay ajar long enough to let me get a good look at what she was doing. Whatever it was, it was maddening. Her hips forced mine down as she moved, and I knew I couldn't keep it together much longer.
Sweat beaded off of her, and I felt it drip onto my stomach as she threw her head back and forth. Some hair was matted to her cheeks, something I found to be extremely attractive. Her shoulders tensed and I watched her muscles bunch with effort. The mattress creaked as I buried my hands deeper into it and clawed for anything of substance to latch onto. She leaned forward again, and some strands of her hair hung down, close…
They touched, and brushed, and pricked my hypersensitive skin. The lightest of these made my head whip around as I tried to hold myself together. All over, my whole body was extra responsive. I could feel anything that came in contact, and the unthinking things Bella did were driving me crazy. Each time she inclined forward, it sent shocks through my legs to my lungs, which pumped harder trying to keep up with my erratic breathing. When she squeezed her thighs closer to my sides, my ribs fought against their strength. When her fingernails clawed at my heaving chest, I hissed and bunched my fingers into a tight fist. Even when I noticed her eyelids flicker and her bottom lip disappear as she sucked it in. It was all so insufferably endearing.
In an instant, she moved in a way that sent my hips smashing into her as they resisted her weight. She made a small sound and I opened my eyes, surprised myself at what I had done. Did I hurt her? Bella stopped for a second, and then did the exact same movement as before, causing the same reaction. No, not injured. My hips crushed with hers as she shifted again and again. Oh, god it was too much. My teeth pierced my bottom lip as they bit down with animalistic force. I knew what she was doing. I wanted to say her name, say something – say "STOP or it's going to be over!" but it already was.
Tightening and clenching, everything about Bella was hard, firm. Her hands gripped my arms so tightly, I almost felt pain. Her knuckles were white as she rocked above me, and I was shaking beneath. Boiling inside of me, my throat ignited with the sweet smell of her. Bella's blood was pumping, flowing quickly. I could hear it – loud and palpitating in her heart as her body adjusted to the sudden rush of adrenaline. The venom flooded my mouth, and I forced it back down the raw, seething canal that was my esophagus. The temperature inside my body shot up, blistering and cooking my cold interior. Vision blurry, tense, hot, everything was rushing into place. My heart sped and pounded against my chest as it became sweltering and wet. Involuntarily, my mouth opened to cool the fire in my lungs. The crackling sound of my spine carried to my ears as my back muscles contracted under the pressure. The tips of my fingers felt like they were being held over a flame, this feeling raced up my arms and ended in my head where it became softer and more pleasant. Heat engulfed my senses and caused me to sigh in agreement with its travels. Bella's hands relaxed their grip on my arms, and the passionate warmth filled me to the top of my head. Muscle by muscle, I began to unwind. Somehow, the calming temperature seemed to linger in my head as it caused a unreal sensation throughout my body. It pulsed in my skull and made my eyes roll back in their sockets, as if to get a glimpse of what my brain looked like. I felt light and airy. As my toes curled with the final pulses, the hot bliss started to escape from inside. It left my body slowly, delaying a little once all that remained was burrowed in the sweet part of my brain. Of course, it found its way out and left me breathing thickly the humid oxygen floating in the room. With the release of my last searing lungful of air, it disappeared. My eyes opened. First thing I noticed – both my hands clenched around the bed sheets, the shapes of my bones clearly visible through my skin. They snapped open with a light clicking sound, and I flexed them knowing they would not be sore.
Startling me, Bella's body slumped onto my chest, slipping clumsily to one side as I caught her. I nearly laughed at how fatigued she seemed. She remained unmoving, resting peacefully on top of me. I glanced to either side of us, the blankets were disheveled where our movements and my grip on them had thrown them out of place. Should I try to cover her up? Was she cold? I reached and placed my hand on the small of her back, noticing her above average body temperature and the beads of sweat coating her entire body. She was too hot for covers right now. Her heart was steady and rhythmic, her eyes closed. Her head rest near my collarbone, and I knew that couldn't have been very comfortable. I risked it and rolled her on her side gently, receiving only a soft grunt of disapproval. A pillow rested nearby, I grabbed it and put it under her head. Bella sighed and reached her hand towards me, and I took it between mine setting it against my chest where her head had been moments before. The light from the window bounced off of her cream skin and I admired its beauty. The orange sunset hit her chestnut hair and caused it to have a stunning red tint. I watched the sunlight dance over her shoulders and the curve of her legs. She twitched tersely, trying to wiggle our bodies closer, to which I shuffled against her, our bodies nearly touching. I was afraid I would make her too cold if we were skin to skin, so I kept some distance. Her brow furrowed slightly, and I kissed the indentation it made in her forehead.
"Shh," I cooed, to which she mumbled something incoherent. I smiled at her exhausted face, her lips hanging open and her cheek pressed against the pillow softly. "Sleep Bella." She nodded once, and then ceased to move at all. Her chest rose and fell methodically, and her arms hung limply at her sides. I couldn't help but stare at her eyes, they shifted slowly from side to side under her eyelids. Interesting. I wondered what she was dreaming about – if she was dreaming at all. She was asleep so quickly, there was no way she could be dreaming already. It had been more than a hundred years since I had last experienced sleep, but from what I observed of Bella it wasn't hard to understand. I do not remember any of my dreams, but I wish I could have just one last one. I know what it would be...
To study her face would take a lifetime, and it would not be a wasted life. Her sweat soaked forehead was perfectly creaseless and calm. A strand of hair traced her cheek, and I lifted it lightly and tucked it behind her ear. She didn't move. Finally feeling blankets were necessary, I glanced around the room hoping there would be some extra set lying on the ground somewhere, I didn't want to have to wake her trying to pry them from underneath. I spied a closet in the corner of the room, and shimmied deftly out of the bed to reach the door. Opening it, three thin spare sheets were piled one on top of the other in the back on the floor. I picked up a large blue cotton one and carried it back to bed with me. I let the corners unfold and fall to my feet, and then laid the blanket very smoothly over Bella's sleeping form.
Climbing into bed beside her, I moved as close as I could and planted my focus on her serene face. I was going to watch every expression she made – pondering what floated through her mind, what her thoughts were about. It was the closest thing I had to reading her mind. Her face was my open door. Propping my head up with one arm, careful not to create too much movement, I scrutinized. Her eyelashes fluttered as my breathing rustled them, my lips inches from her forehead. My weak breathing against her skin made her hair glide through the hair with the silent breeze my lungs were making. Her fingers reaching, they found the edge of the blanket and pulled it over her shoulders to cover more of her torso. I followed her hand with my eyes until it landed on the pillow beside her head. Desperately I wanted to squeeze it, to feel her squeeze me back. No, she needed to sleep.
The most frustrating thing about our relationship was how I always have to watch her sleep. When she seems so peaceful and normal. Like everything outside of her mind is paused while she regenerates. Sees and hears things she wants in her mind, plays movies and scenes in her dreams. How I wish I could watch one, only one. Would I see me there? Would we be together? Who else does she think about? Charlie, Renee? Alice?
An image of Jacob, angry and furious at our wedding popped into my view. I winced. That was the last thing I wanted to see right now, when Bella was sleeping and I had no way of keeping her attention focused, away from the dog. Constantly I thought about if he was there, while we were talking or anything - was he in the back of her mind? Waiting to be unearthed? What triggered the memory of him? My jaw locked at the thought. Enough of the jealousy, I knew she didn't appreciate it. Stomach churning, I knew I would never stop being protective, jealous. He was my only competition, and he was good at it. Just because Bella and I were now married didn't make me feel any more secure. I had given her the option of leaving, no matter what bonds kept us, legal or otherwise, together. She loved him, a part of her wasn't mine, and it did hurt. It stung, like an open wound that hasn't been sewn up, and never will be. Forever it will be open to the air. One day it could perhaps scab over, but the pinch of remorse always echoes through my bones. I had a lot to make up for, and this was only the beginning.
Still staring at her quiet face, the muscles in her jaw clenched, and released. Then her nostrils flared and she sighed.
"Edward," It flowed from her mouth so smoothly, my eyebrows creased together with awe. She could speak my name that way a thousand times and I would still love every letter she rolled from her tongue. At first I thought I may have woken her, but she lied as still as before, her heart slow and constant. Unconsciously she always called my name, and I could never figure out why. It made me feel better, knowing I was the one in her dreams tonight. We were there in her head, doing whatever she wished. I was here on the outside, watching over her, keeping her safe.
"I love you," I mouthed, not a sound escaping my lips. My fingers traced the contours of her hand, palm up lying dead on the pillow beside her head. I moved down her arm, barely touching enough to let the receptors in her skin feel anything. Her body heat radiated as my finger absorbed it. So close to her skin, I just wanted to touch...
Then cautiously, I drew my finger through the air above the curve of her lips, mimicking their shape. Pink and smooth, they were curved into a small smirk at the edges. I couldn't hide my own smile.
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