A/n: remember me? Well, I'm back, with what I hope is a rather amusing Lucy survey. So here goes nothing!
To prepare for this chapter, I listened to the Hamster Dance on repeat to get my thoughts in a psychotic state. I think it worked.
Chapter Five: The Witch Formerly Known As Lucy
1. What is Number 1's name?: DEVIL WOMAN
2. Have you kissed 1?: SHE'S THE DEVIL SHE IS!
3. Is number 1 cute?: …SQUAWK
4. Use 3 words to describe 1: devil witch woman!
5. Has number 1 ever given you a nickname?: she calls me a witch!
6. Ever stayed the night with number 1?: I snuck into her room and slept on the floor, but only because I couldn't find any rats to share a newspaper with!
7. Who is number 2 (name)?: the barber I recognize for no reason whatsoever
8. How long have you know 2?: I don't remember this morning!
9. Number 2 eye color?: Who are you?
10. Is 2 a cool person?: I prefer my cockroach friends
11. Does number 2 have a boyfriend?: HE WOULD GET ALONG WELL WITH MY INVISIBLE PET CHIMPANZEE. THEY WOULD HAVE BEAUTIFUL INVISIBLE CHIMP BABIES.
12. What if number 2 was famous?: He's famous in my dreams! It's as if I knew him…but that's crazy talk.
13. Does 2 smoke?: SMOKE! SIGN OF THE DEVIL! CITY ON FIRE!
14. Does 2 like Spongebob Squarepants?: He doesn't have square pants! He has tight pants!
15. Have you ever hugged number 2?: I could go for some fried chicken
16. Have you ever traveled anywhere with 2?: I travel everywhere! To the moon and to the stars and to the ocean and to the forest and to the castles…wait, what was the question?
17. Do you have a crush on number 2?: I crushed a cockroach friend last night! And then I cried. Then laughed. Then cried some more.
18. What is Number 3's name?: PRETTY SAILOR MANCHILD
19. Why are you friends with 3?: AAAAAAALMS, AAAAAAALMS, FOR A MISERABLE CHIMPANZEE!
20. How did you meet 3?: He was walking outside that judge's house then I asked him for alms and he started asking me about the blonde girl in the window and I said "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER, WHAT AM I, HER MOTHER?" then he got called inside by the judge and the judge offered him candy and…where am I?
21. Would you date 3?: I'll "date" anyone once. Don't judge me.
22. What color is 3's hair?: a girly shade of blond-ish brown…I wonder who does it for him?
23. Have you ever kissed 3?: I threw myself at him once. He refused me. I can't imagine why.
24. Have you ever gotten drunk/high with 3?: I watched him from a roof once. That was pretty high up.
25. Have you ever dated number 3?: mischief!
26. What is number 4's name?: Roachy
27. Have you hugged 4?: I tried. That was how I crushed him.
28. When was the last time you saw 4?: a few minutes ago before I killed him
29. What if number 4 was a guy?: I can't distinguish cockroach genitalia!
30. What if number 4 was a girl?: Come on everybody, it's the hamster dance!
31. Do you own anything signed by 4?: Maybe. I can't read.
32. Has 4 ever seen you naked?: Many people see me naked. I can't keep them all straight!
33. Have you met 4's family?: Oh yes! All cockroaches are family!
34. Have you ever heard number 4 sing?: He used to sing me Madonna songs when I couldn't sleep. *sobs* Go away! I don't want to talk to you anymore!
35. What is number 5's name?: Judge. No first name. No last name. Everyone calls him Judge. Wheeeeee!
36. Number 5's middle name?: Judge. His name is Judge Judge. But everyone calls him Judge.
37. Have you ever hung out with 5?: Sometimes I hang upside down from trees!
38. Have you ever seen 5 in a swimsuit: He skinny dips.
39. Has 5 ever seen you do something embarrassing?: I don't think so. It's not like I got drunk at a party and let him do horrible things to me!
40. How did you meet number 5?: I hang around outside his house and harass girly sailor boys
41. Can number 5 play an instrument?: He plays the mouth organ!
42. Would you go on a road trip with number 5?: Is that like an acid trip? WOOOO! I'm in!
43. What is number 6's name?: Skippy. He's a rat.
44. Have you done anything sexual with 6?: DON'T JUDGE ME!
45. Do you know when 6's birthday is?: We are the piraaaaaates who don't do anything!
46. Does number 6 have a younger sibling?: *nods head affirmatively* those rats sure can breed
47. What if number 6 lived with you?: I don't live anywhere!
48. Has 6 ever heard you sing?: I sing to everyone. Mostly about mischief. And smoke. And cities on fire. DEVIL WOMAN! *twitches*
49. Has number 6 ever agreed with you about something when no one else did?: He understood my bond with Roachy. Even came to the funeral.
50. What is number 7's name?: Beadle! Beadle! No good hiding, I saw you!
51. Would you ever kiss 7?: I wouldn't have if I'd known he was such a lousy tipper!
52. Does 7 live close?: close to what? Where am I? Is that a balloon? OMG! BRB!
53. Does number 7 wear makeup?: I live my life, I let him live his
54. Is number 7 gay?: I don't judge anyone
55. What is 7's favorite color?: NOODLES.
56. Does 7 have an Aunt Flo?: Maybe! He might have an Aunt Mabel! Or an Aunt Rita! Or an Aunt Gigi! Who are you again?
57. Have you ever done anything illegal with 7?: Nahhh. Wait, prostitution is totally legal right?
58. Have you ever had a crush on 7?: DON'T SAY THAT WORD! Poor Roachy!
59. Have you ever dated 7?: Like I said, I'll "date" anyone once
60. How long have you known number 7?: How do you expect me to know this when sometimes I forget my middle name?
61. Have you ever kissed number 7?: spare change?
62. Have you danced with number 7?: I dance wherever anyone will see me!
63. What is number 8's name?: Piss with ink! At least, that's what the barber calls him!
64. Are you and 8 close?: I can see him across the plaza right now! Does that count?
65. What is number 8's favorite color?: His suit is blue! I like blue! It looks like the sky! Not really, smog ruins everything!
66. Does 8 have a crush on you?: NOOO! ROACHY!
67. Have you seen a movie with number 8?: CITY ON FIRE!
68. Would you ever kiss number 8?: He's a lousy tipper too
69. Has 8 been in your house?: I have no house! I live free! But it does suck that I no longer have the use of a straightener or concealer
70. Out of the top 8 Who makes you laugh?: *bursts out laughing for no reason*
71. Out of the top 8 Who makes you smile?: I try to avoid smiling. My pimp doesn't supply dental insurance.
72. Out of the top 8 Who is the loudest?: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
73. Out of the top 8 funniest?: *starts sobbing*
74. Out of the top 8 who would you die for?: Die for? Why would I ever die for anyone? That'd be silly!
75. Out of the top 8 smartest?: DUCK TALES! WOOO-OOO-OOO!
76. Out of the top 8 most sensitive?: My skin must be sensitive. I keep getting these rashes.
77. Out of the top 8 nicest?: I love you Roachy. I'll never forget you.
78. Out of the top 8 who can you tell all your problems too?: I tell my problems to the world
79. Out of the top 8 who do you wish you could see more?: …who sent you?
80. Out of the top 8 who lives closest?: closest to what? I don't have a house!
81. Out of the top 8 Who's unique?: I don't know what that word means.
82. Have you ever kissed anyone in your top 8?: yes, and none of them tip well
83. Have you ever dated anyone in your top 8?: haven't we been through this?
84. Have you ever seen anyone in your top 8 cry?: CITY ON FIRE.
85. Has anyone in your top 8 seen you cry?: I don't cry. I ripped my tear ducts out one night when I'd finished all my ironing had nothing better to do
86. Out of the top 8 who have you known the longest? Who are you? Who am I?
87. Which person in your top 8 do you know the best?: Beast? BEAST? WHERE?
88. Anyone on your top eight a musician?: Roachy had such a lovely soprano
89. Who on your top eight is the coolest?: WHICHEVER ONE WILL GIVE ME THE REST OF MY TIP!
90. Who's the closest to you in your top eight?: I can see the eye-talian right now!
91. Would you ever go on a road trip with all 8 of them?: COURT DISMISSED! BRING IN THE DANCIN' LOBSTERS!