A/N: So this is my attempt to get the creative juices flowing and to get my writing mojo back. I've been apathetic about everything lately. I don't know. I guess too much is going on at once. Anyways! This story has actually been on my mind for awhile and after watching an old Sundance movie, I was like "I need to write this story." So here's to hoping that my writing isn't as bad as I think it's going to be.
Summary: Bella did jump off the cliff to commit suicide and she succeeded, which made Edward go to the Italy to commit a vampire suicide. A different take on the afterlife. Edward and Bella fluff. Corny summary, I know.
Disclaimer: I don't own New Moon.
Inspiration for this story: I have many inspirations for this story. Dante's Inferno, Wristcutters: A Love Story, over thinking what it would be like after we die, and New Moon, of course. But the main one I want to talk about is this song called "Gloomy Sunday" which has been nicknamed "The Hungarian Suicide Song" because it is rumored (no confirmed evidence) to cause a lot of suicides in the Great Depression (go figure). The original composer even committed suicide. It's a very beautiful song that has been covered by tons of artists. My personal favorite is Bjork's but that's because I'm a huge fan of her. Listen to it if you have a chance, it's all over YouTube; it's not hard to find. It's a very sad song.
"I couldn't live with myself
knowing that I had killed myself."
Suicide Lane Café
Everything is the same here, only a little worse. I managed to find a job at a local café. I serve coffee to people that drown it in whiskey or vodka while regulars read poems about suicide. As if actually accomplishing it wasn't enough for them. I tried to brighten up the place with flowers and florescent lights, but there was this unspoken law that as long as you're miserable, everything around you has to be miserable too. The flowers died within a few hours and the lights usually burned out within a few minutes. So, we were stuck with dead flowers and lights that never got brighter than a black light.
A few people, very few, have managed to find a way to find some sort of happiness while they were here. They reunited with lost loves, or friends that they had committed suicide after them. There was a mass suicide group at the café a few days ago. The leader ordered a cappuccino so suddenly everyone else wanted one. I thought about serving them all lattés instead, just to shake things up, but I didn't want a bunch of angry cult members chasing after me. Besides, with my luck the lattés might all turn into cappuccinos. Weirder things have happened.
I've thought about Edward. Part of me kind of hoped that I would see him here one day, but then I always shook that thought away. I didn't want to see Edward here, no matter how much I missed him. It was better for him to be at home, with his family. I don't know what Esme would do if she found out that Edward had killed himself. I would never wish that kind of pain on her.
"Ma'am." Someone called out to me.
My head lifted away from the table that I was cleaning. A very tall and thin guy was sitting next to his girlfriend, at least I assumed it was his girlfriend considering he had his arm around her and he was smiling- a rare treat that very few people are able to accomplish while they're here. I dropped the towel onto the table and grabbed the notepad in my apron.
"How may I help you?" I tried to smile, really, I did, but I just couldn't do it. It was like trying to force myself to sneeze. No matter how much I wished for it, it just wouldn't happen.
"I heard that Kurt Cobain sometimes comes in here…" He whispered.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I couldn't blame him. I was shock when I saw my first celebrity walk through the front doors. It was something that you got used to though. I've actually managed to form some type of a friendship with some of them. They were just like everyone else here. Lonely and depressing.
I nodded. "He comes in here occasionally." I answered his question.
"So that means that he really did commit suicide?" The girl asked. Her voice was just as low as her boyfriend's only a little more anxious.
I hesitated. "It's complicated." I didn't understand all of it myself. I just knew that it had something to do with a heroin overdose, a mistaken identity, and a lot of money. "Do you want anything to drink?" I asked, deciding to see if I could make a sale.
"No." The girl shook her head. "I don't drink coffee." She pulled down the collar to her turtle neck. There was a long gash across her throat. I flinched away and swallowed back my early dinner. I didn't want to imagine what it was like when she first got here.
Depending how you die is how you wake up. If you drown yourself like I did, you woke up coughing up the water that had gathered in your lungs. It took me thirty minutes to get all the water out of my body. I even managed to swallow a couple of strands of seaweed. That was painful to cough out. Now imagine what it was like if you slit your throat. Not only would you not be able to breathe, but you have to deal with all the blood that is coming out of your throat. Even though we were dead, we could still feel pain.
"How do you-" I started to move my hand in front of my throat. I didn't want to finish my question. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I was honestly curious.
"I eat very slowly." She smiled at me as she put her turtle neck back into place. I grimaced. I did not want to imagine what that was like.
"How did you off yourself?" The boy asked. I looked back at him. I should've been more offended by his question, but it's a common question around here. It's like asking what time is it?
"I jumped off a cliff into freezing water. That's why skin is blue." I held out my arm for him to see. "I developed hypothermia before I drowned."
He nodded, clearly not impressed with my answer. "I stuck my head in the oven." He boasted, leaning back in his chair. His smile got bigger. I hated him. I've been here for months and never once could I smile. He probably been here only for a couple of days and already he was grinning.
The girl grabbed his hand and smiled proudly at him. "We did a Romeo and Juliet." She started to rub her thumb on his hand. "Our parents wouldn't let us get married, so we killed ourselves."
I nodded. I didn't have a place to judge them. I was here because I got dumped. They were here because they were in love. As far as I knew, they had a better reason to be here than I did.
"Alright," I attempted another smile, "call me if you need anything." I stuffed my notepad in my apron and went back to cleaning the tables.
I expected another boring night, filled with gothic poetry, whiney songs, and drunk people. I thought about checking out early and just going home, but it wouldn't be any different from here. My roommate is a washed up actress that decided to freeze herself so she could be unfrozen in the future. Turns out that freezing yourself, even if it's for science, is suicide. So she spends all her free time snorting cocaine and shooting heroin.
The bell that hanged above the door to the café rang. I didn't look away from the table. "Welcome to Suicide Lane Café." I said in a monotone voice. "If you need anything just ask."
I moved away from the table and headed over to the counter. I ended up tripping over my shoe and running into it. I was still unbalanced, even though I was dead.
"Are you okay?" A smooth voice asked.
I nodded as I tried to get myself to stand up straight. "Yeah, I fall down all the time." I rubbed my hands on my pants to smooth it out. "Thanks for asking. Do you want anything to drink?" I grabbed the note pad out of my apron and looked at him. "Oh my God."
It was Edward, but then it wasn't. He looked like Edward. He was still ghostly pale, his hair was still bronze, but his eyes weren't topaz, they were green. He smiled at me; a small laugh actually escaped his lips. I never heard someone laugh here before. My vision started blur. I wiped away the tears that had gathered. I didn't want anything clouding my vision of him. Edward was here. My Edward was here.
"How can this be possible?" My voice broke at the end. "How can you be-" He didn't let me finish my sentence, which I was okay with. His hands wrapped around me and he pushed me into his chest. It wasn't stone hard like I was used to. It was soft and inviting. His fingers wrapped in my hair and his lips pressed tightly to the side of my cheek. They were soft. He was soft. I wrapped my arms around his back and inhaled deeply. He smelled just like I had remembered, only better.
"I've waited so long for this moment." Edward whispered to me. His grip tightened. I let out a sharp sob and pulled him closer to me. I didn't want him to let me go, because if he lets me go, he might disappear, and I'll be stuck, for the rest of eternity, knowing that it was just a hallucination.
"Don't let me go." I begged when his grip loosened. "Please." I didn't care how desperate I sounded, or who was watching us. None of that mattered as long as Edward didn't leave me.
"I'm not going anywhere, Bella." Edward promised. His voice was like a lullaby. He pressed his lips onto the top of my head. "I promise." He wrapped his fingers around my arms and pulled them away from him. Before I could protest he entwined his fingers with mine and led me to the closes round table.
"How are you- your eyes- how?" I couldn't find a good enough question to ask him, there were so many. "What are you doing here?" I finally asked.
Edward took a deep breath. "I never expected hell to be like this." He avoided my question. "Dante said that when a person kills himself he turns into a tree where Harpies rip off his leaves for the rest of eternity. I never imagined that it would be anything like this." His grip tightened on my hand. "When Rosalie told me that you had," he stopped himself. His face twisted as he thought of what to call my suicide.
"Rosalie told you?" I asked. I couldn't imagine Rosalie being kind enough to tell Edward that I was dead. I could see Alice, maybe Carslisle, telling him, but not Rosalie.
He nodded. "When she told me…what happened. I couldn't live with myself." He hesitated. "I wanted to come back, Bella. I was a wreck without you. I made everyone around me miserable. I thought about suicide, several times, but I would have rather gone back to you."
The pain was so clear in his voice. This really had to be hell. I couldn't imagine a more gruesome punishment than to hear Edward tell me that he had thought about suicide while being away from me. I didn't want him to be in that kind of pain because of me.
"I never imagined a place like this after I," his lip twitched, "followed you into the dark."
My eyes rolled. "You heard that song to?" I asked. It was a popular song on the radio. They played it non-stop, that song and "Gloomy Sunday". And people wonder why there's so many suicide attempts here…
Edward smiled. "It has a nice beat to it."
I shook my head. I wish I could smile at him to show that I was playing around, but I couldn't do it. "How did you, how could you, it's almost impossible to kill a vampire."
He nodded. "It is. That's why I went to the volturi, an elite group of vampires that govern the vampire community. I asked Aro, the leader, but he refused. So, I did the one thing that they will not tolerate. I showed a large group of humans what I look like in the sun."
I didn't say anything. The images of Edward stepping into the sun flashed through my mind. I refused to think of it anymore. It took a lot to kill a vampire and I didn't want to imagine Edward going through that kind of death.
"Can you still read minds?" I asked.
He shook his head. "It's kind of aggravating. I don't know how people can live, well exist, without that power." He smiled at me.
"You get used to it." I tried to smile back, but it didn't work. I was never going to smile.
"I've missed you, Bella." He brought my hand to his lips. "I know that I hurt you and you have every right to hate me, but do you think that you could find a place in your after life for me?" Even though he lost his vampire qualities, Edward was still very charming.
"Of course." I nodded. "I can't imagine- why would you think that I wouldn't say yes?" I asked. I thought it was obvious how much I wanted to be with him. I would rather die than to be without him.
Edward shook his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but then thought twice about it. He pulled on my arm. I got out of my seat and walked to him. He wrapped the hand that wasn't holding mine around my waist. "I love you." He said. "And I'm never going to leave you. Never again."
I leaned down so my face was leveled with his. He smiled at me. His green eyes shining. I closed the distance between us. His lips pressed against mine. My heart swelled and my grip tightened around his hand. I had forgotten how beautiful and amazing his lips felt against mine. I had dreamt about, it for months, and none of my fantasies even came close to this.
He pulled away. His breath ragged. "I love you, Bella." He smiled at me.
"I love you too, Edward."
The lights in the cafe got brighter and a vase that used to be filled with dead flowers suddenly filled with a bouquet of red roses. My jaw dropped. The flowers were alive and not only were they alive but they turned into roses. The lights were bright and made everything a little less depressing. I looked at Edward who was still smiling at me. And for the first time since he left, I actually smiled.
A/N: So, if you like it, leave a review. If you don't, I'm sorry, maybe next time. I'm hoping that this will give me some type of a muse to write Till Death Do Us Part, because so far I'm just like this big ball of uselessness. I don't know. I'm just like, bleh. Anyways, thanks for reading and I really, really hope that you like it.
Daddy's Little Cannibal