A Little Baker

Mrs. Lovett stared down at the crazy man in front of her, on his knees with his arms spread out wide.

"That's all very well but what are we going to do about the dearly departed?" She kicked the chest beside her which currently contained an extremely dead man.

The man on the ground looked at Mrs. Lovett blankly. She sighed heavily and grabbed his arm. "Oh you useless thing. Come. Come with me!" She pulled him out of the room and walked down the steps to her bakery.

After pushing him into a chair at a table, she walked over to a sleeping boy on her couch and grabbed his half empty bottle of gin and slammed it on the table.

"Now drink that up, Mr. Todd. There you go. All the way." She watched him drink the gin for a moment before continuing. "Now what are we going to do about the Italian up there in the chest?"

He put the bottle down and looked at her. "Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place and bury him."

"Well…" she paused, "yes… I suppose we could do that. I don't suppose he's got any relatives who are going to go poking around looking for him." She suddenly stood up and looked at him with a sly grin on her face. "Well you know me. Bright ideas just pop into my head… and I've been thinking…" She moved closer to him at this point. "Seems a downright shame…"

"Shame", he questioned, wondering what she was getting at.

"Seems an awful waste. Such a nice plump frame what's his name has… had?" She looked down, thinking the grammar over. "has", she decided. "Nor it can't be traced. Business needs a lift, debts to be erased… think of it as thrift, as a gift… If you get my drift?"

She looked to Mr. Todd for understanding, but all he did was take a sip of gin with a blank look on his face.

"No? Ugh, seems an awful waste… I mean, with the price of meat what it is when you get it… If you get it…?" She looked back to him, hopeful.

"Nope, sorry Mrs. Lovett, you're being too cryptic. I'd rather be planning ways to kill the judge."

"Oh Mr. Todd, it's simple really. I'm trying to say that we shouldn't waste meat when we've got it. Get it?"

"No. I do not. I'm sorry, but I must leave, I have revenge to plot." He stood and opened the door slightly. Mrs. Lovett yelled without thinking.

"I'm saying we should cut him into pieces and bake him into a pie!" She turned to look at him and saw the open door…

And the entire street staring in terror.

"I-I mean… erm…" She watched as several men ran to find a police officer and women dragged their children away.

Mr. Todd chuckled deeply. "Looks like the whole town will be having Baker Pie tonight."

The End