.

ACT IV

INTERIOR - BOBBY'S PLACE - NIGHT

FRONT ROOM

People are scattered around in loose groups. Music has stopped. Front door slams. Everyone jumps and looks at archway.

Enter SAM. He is hurrying, carrying his duffle. Camera watches him approach DEAN and BOBBY. He stops as camera cuts to DEAN, perched on music system. BOBBY is handing him small white items.

SAM looks more closely. Camera closes on DEAN'S hands, holding up his t-shirt while other hand pushes large white patch over temporary sutures in the slice in his side.

SAM tuts and camera cuts to his face. He is annoyed, or angry.

DEAN [off-screen]

What are you so grumpy about? You didn't get stabbed.

SAM

This is not exactly how I wanted your birthday to go.

Camera on DEAN's face.

DEAN

Given the choice, I'd rather have the cake and stripper, too.

[Pause]

Or the stripper out of a cake. Or the cake on the stripper, or--

BOBBY [off-screen]

Plan?

Camera watches DEAN push himself off music system to stand up. Camera pans back to get DEAN, SAM and BOBBY in shot.

DEAN

Bobby, you herd this lot together and watch 'em. Me and Sam are gonna go kill the bitch.

BOBBY

What if she's already someone here?

DEAN

Then she changes faster than a Nielson's ratings index.

SAM

My guess is she'll be hiding somewhere in your huge house, waiting for us to split up and go find her.

BOBBY

Why would she do that?

SAM

Cos it makes for a more exciting last act to the episode. Imagine how boring it would be if we went looking in groups, found her, and there was no 'it is Sam/Dean or it is the 'shifter?' moment.

DEAN

[confused]

Wouldn't it make more sense if she leapt out a window and stole a car?

SAM

It might. But then, while we're not exactly struggling for ratings this season, we can't let the momentum go now - not if we want a season five. And a stealthy hunt through the house trumps a 'one that got away' episode every time.

DEAN and BOBBY shrug. Camera pans back to see BOBBY look around the room full of people.

BOBBY

Ok, everyone! We're all staying in this room, and no-one leaves for anything, you got that?

Chorus of pleas, protests and general chatter.

Camera pans to see THE TRICKSTER behind SAM, DEAN and BOBBY. He waves his hands for quiet. He is ignored. Camera watches him climb up onto chair by music system. He stands and looks at everyone.

TRICKSTER

Right people, listen up!

Wide angle on room. Everyone quietens slightly as people notice him there. Cut to TRICKSTER'S face. He is not happy.

TRICKSTER

Everyone here has been in at least one episode, so you know the drill, am I right?

Crowd murmurs.

TRICKSTER

So let's just do as we're told and stay put, alright? Let the boys here deal with it.

Crowd hang their heads and murmur agreement.

Camera on DEAN. He is surprised.

DEAN

Thanks, man.

Camera watches TRICKSTER turn to look at him, brings both he and DEAN into shot.

TRICKSTER

[shrugs]

Hey, no sweat, buddy. I ain't giving that shifter any reason to try and take my place.

DEAN

[sarcastic]

That's the spirit.

Camera cuts to SAM.

SAM

Alright! If anyone leaves this room they risk being killed and replaced by this 'shifter. So, seriously, nobody leave!

Camera on crowd; everyone nods vigourously. Cut to SAM.

SAM

[to DEAN, who is off camera]

Ok, we good?

Camera pans down to SAM'S duffle. Hands go in and weapons come out. Camera cuts to see DEAN checking silver rounds in his handgun, the Colt 1911.

DEAN nods to SAM.

END OF SCENE

MUSIC CHORD SLAMS TO BLACK SCREEN.

.


.

INTERIOR - BOBBY'S PLACE - NIGHT

Camera follows SAM and DEAN as they creep up dark stairs. No lights except for what is cast by downstairs.

Camera cuts to top step. SAM'S boot on carpet. Cuts up to SAM'S face. His handgun is up and ready, pointing at the dark corridor.

SAM

[whispers]

What now, Dean?

DEAN

I got it, I got it: this is the bit where we split up - even though we've just told everyone else that it would be a bad idea - and one of us is in mortal danger while the other is held up by a decoy, making the audience shift to the edges of their seats while they worry about how we'll get out of it this time.

SAM

[confused]

Meaning?

DEAN

[whispers]

Meaning you go that way and I'll go this way. Whoever finds her first shoots for first prize. Got it?

SAM

[nods]

Right. Be careful.

DEAN

[whispers]

Sam?

SAM

What?

DEAN

Can I get the decoy while you get the mortal danger bit?

SAM just looks at him.

DEAN

[innocent]

Whut? It is ma birthday.

Camera cuts to SAM. His eyes roll and he turns his back to the camera. Camera closes on DEAN. He shrugs and turns his back to the camera too.

Camera pans back to watch them follow the hallway, walking away from each other slowly.

.

CUT TO SAM--

.

He is walking slowly down the hallway, his gun poised and aimed ahead of him, ready. We see him cautiously open one door and poke his head in. He withdraws and closes it again silently. He carries on down hallway.

He stops at next door. Camera on hand as he opens it slowly. He lets door swing open with a creak.

He looks inside and gasps.

.

CUT TO DEAN--

.

He stops outside a door. He opens it in exact replica of SAM. He looks inside, looks unimpressed, moves onto next door. Opens door and looks inside. He jolts with surprise and gasps.

.

CUT TO SAM--

.

SAM is surprised. He walks in room quickly, looking around at amazingly clean bedroom. Looks unused. Everything is perfect. He walks to middle of room, letting gun hand drop.

.

CUT TO DEAN--

.

He edges into room, gun up, arms straight, finger on trigger.

DEAN

[gruff; no patience]

Who are you people?

Camera pans to see five men in various black t-shirts and jeans, sitting on packing crates or office chairs. There is a silver equipment trunk in the middle of them all which appears to be being used as a table. They have headsets and baseball caps on, and everyone is holding playing cards.

They all turn to look at DEAN, surprised. One man clears his throat, his eyes on the gun.

MAN

[surprised; nervous]

We're the sound crew. We're on our break.

Camera on DEAN.

DEAN

[confused]

The sound crew?

Camera on MAN and co-worker next to him in shot.

MAN

Yeah, man, the… sound… crew.

Everyone looks uncomfortable.

MAN

Um… Are you supposed to be in here?

Everyone shifts feet, looks at DEAN (out of shot) with embarrassment.

Cut to DEAN. He is annoyed.

DEAN

I don't give a crap who you are - explain what you're doing here before I give you all a permanent reason to quit your day-jobs.

MAN

[clears throat, nervous]

We're the sound crew, man, we're just the sound crew! The camera crew are following you around, but we're not needed just yet. When they've checked the sound levels and someone needs to dub in some track lost in filming, then we'll get called back to work! Honest!

Camera on DEAN. He considers this. His gaze wanders round room carefully. He looks back at MAN. His gun hand drops.

DEAN

O…k. I think.

Five men look relieved and sag on the seats or packing crates. Cut to DEAN. He is pushing the safety on his Colt, sniffing and thinking.

MAN

[relieved]

So… ah… You enjoying the episode so far?

Camera on DEAN.

DEAN

[shrugs]

Pretty much. We finally got some Zeppelin in. Got stabbed though.

Wide shot to bring all sound crew and DEAN into shot.

MAN

Yeah, I read that bit of the script. And before you got any cake, too. Bummer.

DEAN

[smiling ruefully]

What can I say? Someone's always twisting my melon, man.

Camera on crew only. They laugh.

.

CUT TO SAM--

.

He turns to look round room. We hear tinkle of crystals. He freezes but then looks up.

A black shape drops from ceiling (chandelier). It lands on top of him. Camera pulls back to see SHIFTER (as PAMELA) and SAM struggle. She is on top, one hand gripping his throat.

Camera closes on SAM'S hand, reaching for gun on carpet. Grunting, struggling sounds from both.

.

CUT TO DEAN--

.

Sounds of sound crew laughing. DEAN is waving hands to stop them, grinning knowingly.

DEAN

And then get this - then she turns to me and says 'Oh, hang! I thought you said bang!'

Camera on crew, laughing. MAN lifts hand, waves it as he laughs.

MAN

You get all the luck, y'know.

Wide camera to bring sound crew and DEAN into shot.

DEAN

[shrugs]

Makes up for the days you just get beaten up and abused.

MAN

Absolutely.

[Pause]

So how's the car? I heard they were tuning it all day yesterday.

DEAN

Running like a dream, man, thanks.

Pause. Camera closes on DEAN'S face as he starts to look alarmed.

Camera cuts to MAN.

MAN

What?

Close-up of DEAN.

DEAN

You're the decoy!

DEAN turns and races out of door. Camera on MAN.

MAN

[smiling]

And people say he's the thick one.

.

CUT TO SAM--

.

Struggling and fighting. SAM pushes SHIFTER off him. SHIFTER lands on carpet. SAM flips over, reaches for gun. A shout of frustration and SHIFTER leaps at his back.

Pushes him to carpet on his front. Kneels on his back. Grabs head and starts to twist.

Door is booted wide open. Camera on DEAN as he enters. Raises gun.

SHIFTER gasps and turns.

SHIFTER

[desperate]

No!

Camera on poker-faced DEAN; he fires three times.

Camera on SHIFTER. She falls to carpet, rolls to her back, dead. Eyes are open, shocked.

SAM pushes up from carpet. Sits up. Close-up on his face, not impressed. Rubs throat.

Camera on DEAN. Lets gun drop and crosses to SAM. Looks down at him.

Camera pulls back to keep both in shot.

DEAN

You ok?

SAM

[rubbing throat, looking daggers at dead SHIFTER]

Yeah, I guess.

Camera follows SAM as he stands. Camera on DEAN. He is looking down at SHIFTER.

DEAN

Well that's that. Now we gotta find the real Pamela. Man, is she gonna be pissed.

SAM

Why do you always get to shoot them? It's not fair, dude. I was the one in mortal combat, I shoulda been allowed to kill her.

DEAN looks at SAM, close-up on both faces in shot.

DEAN

[smiling]

Blame the writers. I guess they figure you're the pitiful-looking one.

SAM

[scowls]

Yeah, right. Who slapped that demon wench around in episode one this season?

DEAN

[grinning]

Hey, I know you kick ass, dude. It's just the writers holding onto season two mentality.

SAM

[more charitable]

Thanks.

DEAN

Of course, it was a chick you were going two rounds with, and even then she already had her eyes burnt out--

Camera pulls back to watch SAM lift his hand. He claps DEAN heavily on shoulder as camera dollies back to watch them leave room.

SAM

Stop before you dig yourself a hole.

DEAN

So we going back to the party after we get Pamela?

SAM

[pleased]

Absolutely. Now you're a year older--

DEAN

And a year colder--

SAM

What have you learnt?

DEAN is thoughtful as the camera watches them walk down the hallway toward the stairs.

DEAN

Well… I've learnt not to mess with small kids with superhuman strength. I've learnt the word 'long-pig'. I've learnt lederhosen itch. I've learnt not all angels are dicks. I've learnt… I've learnt people remember us after we save their lives and disappear into the sunset.

SAM

[grinning]

And that surprise birthday parties are not the chore you thought they were?

DEAN

Jury's still out on that one, Sammy.

SAM

[still amused]

Right.

Boys reach top of stairs. Camera fixed at top, watching them walk down slowly.

DEAN

Hey, I don't see your demon girl-fiend at this party.

SAM

[annoyed]

She's not my--.

[Huffs]

She's not here.

DEAN

Did you notice there's no Castiel, either?

SAM

[snorts with amusement]

Well of course not.

DEAN

Why not?

SAM

They're not in this episode.

DEAN

Why's that? Clashing work availability?

SAM

[patient]

Dude, this is one of those comedy pieces between story arc episodes. Y'know, the ones they're not in? They'll be back next week and it'll be an Angst-Fest.

DEAN

[with heavy, gruff conviction]

God I hate those.

SAM

What? Why?

DEAN

[grumpy]

Cos I always end up crying and looking pitiful.

SAM

[malicious grin]

But you do it so well.

DEAN

You'd know, Kleenex king.

SAM

Bite me.

DEAN

Dude, I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole after what you and Ruby admitted to a few episodes ago.

SAM

[grinning]

Right.

Cut to bottom of stairs, boys looking out at the room of guests. Wide shot shows both boys.

BOBBY pushes through crowd, stands centre-shot.

BOBBY

D'you get her?

Camera on SAM and DEAN, side by side. DEAN lifts gun hand, Colt 1911 pointed lazily at floor.

DEAN

I got her.

Crowd cheers and claps. DEAN looks immensely pleased, as if he's won a medal.

SAM

We need to find the real Pamela.

Camera on BOBBY.

BOBBY

Done!

BOBBY guides PAMELA to stand in front of him slightly. PAMELA waves cheerily in SAM and DEAN'S direction.

BOBBY

We might not have been killin' 'shifters, but we did spend our time down here wisely. Went through three closets 'fore we found the poor girl.

PAMELA

[grinning]

Like I'm scared of the dark. Seriously.

Cut to SAM and DEAN; they exchange an amused glance.

DEAN

So we finally gonna get to eat the cake now? And somebody turn that music back on! Where's ma drink?

END OF SCENE.

MUSIC CHORD SLAMS TO BLACK SCREEN.

.


.

INTERIOR - BOBBY'S PLACE - EARLY HOURS OF MORNING

Still a lot of people in front room, but numbers are thinning out. BOBBY is talking with JO and ELLEN in background, TRICKSTER can be seen leaning on wall, talking with CASSIE and PAMELA.

Camera pans around to take in happy atmosphere. Song playing in background is 'CARRY ON WAYWARD SON' by KANSAS.

Camera halts on SAM, drinking and talking with MISSOURI MOSELY. Hand lands on his left arm. He and camera turn to find DEAN smiling at MISSOURI.

SAM

Dude, where did you get to? A coupla people left, they wanted to say goodbye but couldn't find you.

DEAN

[innocent]

Just calmin' Stacey down 'fore she left.

SAM

Stacey?

DEAN

The stripper. She was a little upset, you know. I was just giving her some emotional supportin'.

MISSOURI looks amused, shaking her head as she is approached by BOBBY. She turns to him and they walk off-screen, talking.

SAM

[to DEAN]

Is that all you were giving her?

DEAN

[innocent]

Absolutely.

SAM looks out over crowd of guests. DEAN puts hand to chest, smoothes it down t-shirt between edges of his checked shirt, and then up with a satisfied smile. Smile falters as fingers encounter the collar - it's inside out. DEAN clears his throat and closes shirt edges slowly to conceal this fact.

SAM

[oblivious]

You know, just for once, I'm going to believe you. I still don't know who booked her.

DEAN slaps back of hand to SAM'S arm, very amused, using Patented I Know Something You Don't Know Smirk Number One.

DEAN

I do.

SAM

Who?

DEAN

You're not going to believe this - Wesley.

SAM

Wesley? Wesley Mondale? The same Wesley Mondale with the coin and the wishes and the lightning?

DEAN

[laughing]

Yeah. Wonders never cease, huh? Told you he'd be alright.

SAM

Alright enough to order strippers instead of get you something useful.

DEAN opens mouth but then pauses. He closes mouth quickly. Clears throat.

DEAN

Let's go celebrate finally, huh?

.

CUT TO--

.

BOBBY'S PLACE -- VERY NEARLY DAWN -- UPSTAIRS SPARE BEDROOM.

Camera on inside of door. Knob rattles and then door bursts open. We see BOBBY'S back as he shuffles backwards into room. We see one of DEAN'S feet, still in its boot, in each of BOBBY'S hands.

BOBBY shuffles in. We see SAM. He has one hand under each of DEAN'S shoulders. They carry DEAN in. Close-up of DEAN'S face shows him apparently asleep or similarly unconscious.

Faint music can be heard from downstairs. Track is 'WASTED JAMIE' by THE STEVE CARLSON BAND.

Wide shot of three of them. SAM and BOBBY carry DEAN to the bed. They swing him once, twice, then onto the bed. DEAN bounces on his back. Close-up on his face as his eyes open. He puts a hand up blearily.

DEAN

[slurred, grumpy]

Who's that singing? Their backing dude sucks.

New camera from behind bedside table; DEAN is right of frame, BOBBY and SAM standing in doorway, left of frame. DEAN starts to try to sit up.

SAM

[firmly]

Stay!

DEAN

[bleary]

We there already? Salt's in the trunk.

BOBBY smiles, patting SAM'S shoulder to indicate that they leave.

BOBBY

Come on, son. He needs to sleep that off.

DEAN

Naw, I'm good.

BOBBY

Shut up. Sleep. It's nearly six a.m.

DEAN

[sighs]

Ok.

[Eyes close slowly]

Bobby?

BOBBY

Yup?

DEAN

[very sleepy]

Find Sam. Tell him… I had a… [YAWN]… an awesome birthday.

BOBBY smiles, looks at SAM, puts finger to his lips. SAM smiles. Camera on DEAN'S face.

BOBBY [off-screen]

Ok.

DEAN

[mumbles]

Got stabbed. Got laid. Got hammered.

[Pause]

Bobby?

BOBBY [off-screen]

[amused]

What is it, son?

DEAN

[faint mutter, half asleep, half drunk]

Don't tell Sammy… I banged that stripper tonight. He'd just… roll his eyes an' huff.

Camera on BOBBY and SAM. They exchange a smile. BOBBY looks back over at DEAN.

BOBBY

[amused]

Right you are.

Camera on DEAN.

DEAN

[mumbles]

Hmm. Good times. Hmm. Gotta think of summin for Sammy's b'thday… He loves bir'days… When he wus like six, he wan'ed this… [YAWN]… huge teddy bear--

Wide angle of room, DEAN on right side, SAM and BOBBY in doorway on left. SAM and BOBBY begin to retreat slowly as DEAN continues to mumble away to himself.

DEAN

--an' he wus frettin' an' wailin' cos Dad said no… But I got it fr' 'im. Dad knocked my ass… into a… into a… sling for… for that one…

BOBBY pushes SAM back to get outside door. BOBBY reaches across him to grasp doorknob. SAM is still watching DEAN, amused.

Camera closes on DEAN, squirming on back to get comfortable.

DEAN

… and then… and then the year he wanted… wan'ed that… damn calculator…

Camera on door. It closes firmly.

END OF ACT IV

SILENT CUT TO BLACK SCREEN.

END

CREDITS.

.


.

And that's it! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I'm really sad now, cos I really had fun with this one. Ok, so it's not topping 'The Key' or 'Intervention Pending' for me, but it will forever be in my top three. I'm just sad it's over - but hey, all good things and all that, right?

Thanks for reading everyone - and, as always, thanks especially for your reviews. Each and every one means a lot to me.

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