AN:I really don't know where this came from. I mean I wasn't even watching How I Met Your Mother. I was watching Sweeney Todd the concert version, and yeah, Neil Patrick Harris plays Toby but still… very different shows and I even thought of this during the song Nothing's Gonna Harm You, soooo not a Barney song let alone for this fic (though NPH sings it great doesn't he?). However I doubt many of you have seen it so you don't really care, do you?
Disclaimer:Don't own, never will. Seriously, I'm writing fanfiction here.
Warnings:Not the worst thing (in terms of angst) I've ever written but it's not nice either. It deserves a T rating for a reason. Someone gets whumped (guess who) so if you don't like that leave now. And probably OOC... First time writing for these guys and in an angsty situation like this… it's hard.
It Finally Happened
It was only Ted and Barney left in the bar, everyone else had gone home. It was a school day for Lily in the morning, Robin too had work and Marshal left when Lily did, against his will though. They were alone in the booth finishing up the rest of their drinks when Ted stood up abruptly chugging the rest of his beer.
"Oh come on, the nights still young." Barney said, watching his friend put the empty bottle back on the table.
"It's one thirty in the morning." Ted clarified. "Not only is it late, but the bar closes soon."
Barney stretched out his arm to move his suit jacket up his arm to he could see his watch and raised an eyebrow. "Well, how about that," He mumbled and got up as well. "I suppose I should be heading to the bar now." He said walking with Ted to the front.
"Honesty?" Ted asked, after all these years Barney still ceased to amaze him. "You're gonna try and get laid tonight?"
"The Barnacle never rests, Ted my friend." Barney said valiantly standing up tall.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He said clapping Barney on the back and leaving him at the bar as he headed to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, don't stay out too late." He warned like an over protective mother hen.
"Ah, you know me, I'll me out in minutes."
Ted smiled as he slipped out the door and Barney turned back to the bar ordering a final drink as his eyes scanned the area for some hot babes. Upon seeing a particularly busty blonde with a pretty red headed friend at her side, both looked like they had a bit too much to drink he straightened his tie and sashayed over to the pair.
About halfway over he was just about to lift his hand to signal to Taylor, the girl working the bar, to order the two ladies drinks. Carl wasn't working the bar tonight, but he still knew everyone who worked there and they all knew his hand signals by now. He barley managed to get his hand up past his chest before he was intercepted by two brutes.
Stopping himself before he could bounce off their chests he looked up to the two silent men. "Excuse me," he said and tried to move around them only to be stopped by a tree trunk of an arm blocking his way. "Oh, I'm sorry." He said professionally looking into the rage filled eyes of the men refusing to show any fear he may have been feeling. "Are they with you? My apologies, won't happen again, gentlemen." He said and turned on his heel to quickly leave the area.
"Not so fast, pretty boy." One of the gruff men said grabbing his shoulder and turning him around.
"Pretty boy?" Barney asked. "Now that's uncalled for."
"You slept with my girlfriend." He continued.
Oh no, he thought. "No," he quickly denied with a scoff. "That's impossible; it wasn't me." He voice wavered as the man stepped forward so he was only inches away from Barney.
"Barney Stinson?" He asked. "You told her you just got back from saving two dozen puppies and tomorrow you had to leave early so you could care for them and operate on their mother who had a brain tumor."
Barney was speechless, he had run into angry ex's before but he remembered the girl, Julie or something, she was totally into it, she didn't have a boyfriend he was sure of it. Sure she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, not that the rest of the girls he slept with were decedents of Einstein, but she wasn't such an airhead she'd forget she was dating someone, particularly someone so brawly.
"Well, is that you or not?"
"No." She scoffed waving it off with his hand. "I'm not Barney, I'm Ted Mosby. I don't save puppies, I don't even like puppies." He laughed obnoxiously and nervously. "I'm an architect. You have the wrong guy."
She man smiled eerily and glanced to his friend. "No, I'm sure we have the right man." He growled cracking the fingers on his hands.
Barney twitched before turning on his heel and bolting through the small crowd that was left in the bar, it was the endings of a bachelor party or something. He could hear people shouting and the heavy footsteps of his pursuers behind him as he ran for the back door that led to the alley. When he reached it, he threw open the door, shut it securely behind him and backed away whipping his phone out, it was a good thing he was considered a speed texter. The message was sent to Ted within seconds.
Barney turned to leave the alley way with all intent of running to the building entrance before the large angry men caught up with him, they were very large and making it through the crowd would be hard for them. Barney was thin and agile; it wasn't much of a challenge for him. However the second he left the alley and made his way to the front of the building he ran into a fist roughly the size of his head.
The blow knocked him back and he stumbled almost falling to the ground. Looking up he saw the two men standing over him and he softy cursed. Before he could stand up the two men grabbed his arms and drug him away into the nearby alley, him shouting all the way, but it was late and there weren't too many people on the street. The only people around was the group of men, probably a bachelor party or something in the bar and they couldn't hear him.
When they threw him against the back wall of the alley his smacked his head on the bricks causing a white flash to cross his vision. Before he could recover from the blow he felt another fist hit his temple and he fell to the ground. Still partially blinded he kicked out with his foot in the direction of two blurry figures, he couldn't tell them apart.
When he heard a grunt of pain as his foot connected with… something he felt a certain level of satisfaction, however it was short lived when the other came and gave him a kick to the side as he was still on the grimy ground. A couple more blows came his way and then stopped briefly when he began coughing and a metallic taste flooded his mouth. He spit a mouthful of blood out on the floor.
Laughing. They were laughing at him, and again he tried to stand and fight back, the men allowed him to stand surprisingly, they were toying with him, he wasn't stupid he figured that out sure enough. But that didn't stop him from throwing a punch in the man's face, which he easily dodged; Barney wasn't exactly in his prime at the moment. When he tried again he felt a hand smack him and he fell down again, this time unable to get up, that didn't mean he didn't try though.
The men chuckled again. Now Barney knew he was really screwed when he saw the large shoe coming at him in seemingly slow motion.
Ted was upstairs in his pajama's, he had just come back into the living room from lying in bed after brushing his teeth. He noticed from his room the kitchen light was left on and he went to turn it off when he noticed his cell phone was lit up. Groaning he walked back in his bedroom and collapsed on the bed, since he had gotten in his pj's he found he was hit with a wave of exhaustion.
In his half asleep state he flipped open the phone and winced at the bright light illuminating from the tiny screen. One new message. He grunted and opened the new message knowing it could only be from one person. "Bar help." He read out loud, half mumbling in his pillow.
"No." He said, automatically assuming that Barney wanted help picking up a couple girls, as his thumb sped over the small keypad. "I'm sleeping."
After pressing the send button he kept the phone in his hand, awaiting the vibration that was sure to come. However he didn't get the chance the receive the text message, moments later he dozed off into a peaceful sleep, phone still in his hand.
When Ted woke up he knew right away it wasn't morning, he fumbled around in the bed turning to see the clock, it was 2:47 in the morning. He hadn't even been asleep forty five minutes, sighing he turned over laying on something hard he moved his hand behind his back and pulled out his phone, sloppily putting it back on the nightstand.
But before he could fall back asleep he was jerked awake again. This time rubbing his eyes and sitting up in bed he waited and only a couple seconds later there it was again. Someone was knocking at his door, he practically shrieked as he threw the covers off himself and stalked out of the bedroom.
He flicked on the living room light and nearly tripped over his own tired feet as he walked to the door. "I swear to God, Barney, if that's you with a couple girls I will kill…" He trailed off when he finally got the door unlocked and yanked it open. "… you…"
On the other side of the threshold was Barney, leaning heavily against the doorframe looking like he would collapse. It took Ted a moment to register what was happening and he wasn't sure he ever would have snapped out of it on his own if it weren't for Barney losing his strength and falling forward, Ted managed to catch him and drag him inside the apartment shutting the door with his foot.
"Ohmigod, Barney?" He asked laying him down on the couch and kneeling down next to him. His face was red and bloodied, Ted could tell, the redness would turn into ugly bruises, he had a split lip and blood was dripping from his nose and the corner of his mouth. He had his left arm pinned tight against his stomach, he wasn't sure if it was because of some internal injury or if his arm was hurt. "Barney?" He asked again.
"Ted." He coughed. "What up?"
"Barney what the hell happened?" He asked hysterically.
"Nothing to freak out about, Ted." He croaked.
Ted felt like he was hit with a ton of bricks. "What? Are you crazy? You show up at my door at nearly three in the morning looking like you were hit by a car and you say it's nothing to freak out about? I'm calling an ambulance." He said getting up to get his phone from the bedroom.
"Whoa, whoa, no need to do that, c'mon man." Barney complained grabbing Ted's wrist with his free hand before he could get too far away. "No need for a hospital, I'm fine."
"You're clearly not. What happened to your side? You've been holding it like that the entire time you've been here, you could have a broken bone."
"I made it up here by myself I don't."
"Or is it your wrist?"
"I'm fine, Ted," he pulled him back over with what little strength he could muster which was a shock to Ted because it wasn't much. "Can you just…" He began letting go of his wrist. "Get me an icepack or something... or some scotch."
"Head hurt?" Ted mocked sympathetically.
"Shut up," Barney moaned rolling over and shutting his eyes, His left hand still holding his side.
Ted returned within a minute with an icepack in one hand and a washcloth in the other, he had also taken a quick stop to the bathroom to grab a few things. With one leg he gently pushed against the coffee table, moving it across the carpet so he could sit down in front of him. He set the icepack on the large bruise forming on his temple, making the blond involuntarily wince before opening his eyes.
"Ted, what are you doing?" He asked when he reached with the washcloth and began to dab at the blood to see what damage was done underneath.
"Cleaning you up." He said trying to laugh at the absurdity of the question. "What happened anyway?"
The charade Barney was holding up slipped as he winced again when Ted touched the large cut under his eye. "I don't know, these two guys came… said I slept with his girlfriend."
"No!" Although he wasn't exactly sure, at the time she was single.
"Sorry, just the kinda thing I have to ask." He said soaking the edge of the cloth in peroxide and dabbing it on.
"Ow, dude!" He flinched back.
Ted looked at him like he were a child. "Don't be a baby. But tell me," he began again trying to get his mind off the pain he was most certain he was in, Barney had a way of hiding such things. "What happened after he accused you of such a horrid act?" He emphasized.
"I went out the back the bachelor party was back there I got through easy but the guys, they were big, thought I could get out before them then run up here." He laughed humorlessly. "Obviously it didn't work… they caught me about halfway to the door. Took me back to the alley, knocked me out, then I woke up."
"And yet you still had the strength to come up here and bug me at three in the morning." He placed a butterfly bandage under his eye. "I still think you should go to the hospital."
"Just a bruise."
"It's more then a bruise! You look like death!" He shifted away from his face. "What hurts. Your wrist or your stomach."
"What Barney." Ted stressed.
"Both." He said clearer.
"Alright, take your jacket and open your shirt."
Barney looked at him funny then waggled his eyebrows as he took his jacket off with some difficulty and undid his tie before moving to the shirt. "Oh, Ted, didn't know you moved this fast."
"Shut up." He groaned and once his shirt was open he began to examine the deep bruises on his ribs.
"When did you become Dr. Ted?"
Ted shrugged as he gently pushed on the bruised areas making Barney wince. "I worked at a summer camp for a couple summers in high school and one in college. Every year even though I already did it I had to go through a week of medical training."
"Oh well now I feel much safer – ow! Ted!" He complained.
"That hurt?" Barney glared at him. "Okay, so it hurt. I don't think anything's broken and from what i can see your wrist is fine too."
"Now I feel so much better." He said sarcastically.
"You would if you went to the hospital, what I say and do can hardly be considered satisfactory, I don't know what the hell I'm doing."
"I'm not going."
When Ted finished wrapping the ace bandage around his arm to hold it somewhat steady he sat back against the coffee table behind him and thought for a few seconds as Barney held the icepack on his head taking slow concentrated breaths.
"Dude…" Ted said after a minute, Barney opened his one eye a crack to see him. "You texted me."
He gave a faint nod.
"Oh no, man, you were asking for help."
"Bros don't ask for help."
"But you did," Ted said getting up and rubbing his face with his hands. "And I ignored you, I didn't get it I thought you meant 'bar help' not 'bar comma help', Oh God, Barney, it's my fault – "
"No!" Barney said sitting up, jostling his injuries making him gasp and making Ted go into mother hen mode for the second time that day. "Ted don't be stupid." He said in a rare moment of seriousness for him. "I mean it."
They stared at each other in silence for a few minutes until Ted looked away and walked form the room. "You'll stay here tonight, I'll give you some of my clothes to wear."
"Thanks, Bro." He heard from the living room as he dug around in his drawer pulling something for him to sleep in out.
"Anytime." He said heading back into the living room.
AN: Chapter two is an alternate ending, far more angsty/hurt/comfort then this one was.