Disclaimer: I don't own anything. No money is being made. Satisfied?

-Rubs hands together- well, folks. Here's a story. This is my first (have mercy) fanfiction, and I'm really nervous. I don't take insults well, so please don't flame me.

Btw- major thanks to my best friend- Priya, who is reading this. God bless her.

This story takes place in New Moon. Edward has left- rather spectacularly conveniently, for me sake- and Bella turned to drugs for a distraction, when nothing else worked. And the rest? Well... read on...

-Claps hands- Chapter commence...

I got my first bit of LSD from a druggie named Jess Rickets, who went to Forks High with me, in the woods behind the school. You couldn't do those sorts of things in the middle of the hallways, could you? I had asked- and told her that if she gave it to me, I wouldn't tell my dad (mentioning casually his name on duty, Police Chief Swan) if she gave it to me. Shockingly she had it on her person, as well.

I wouldn't have told Charlie though, even if she hadn't given it to me. The girl grinned at me, her teeth were yellow, and she smelled rank.

"Nice choice, Swan. First times free, I guess." As though being caught didn't frighten her.

I had waited to take it until I had gotten back home, and written Charlie a note downstairs, saying I didn't feel good, and was in bed sleeping off a migraine. Hopefully, he wouldn't check on me. He could order out pizza for tonight.

I swallowed the little pellets of powder, and ignored the bitter taste. I thought of Edward. He'd been gone for so long, it seemed. I missed him so much that it hurt me physically to think about it. My stomach clenched, and my heart skipped and sank. Tears filled my eyes- and before I could think of him any further, I took the drugs, and tossed myself back on the bed, to stare at the ceiling.

I cannot quite remember the moment where everything shifted into a dreamlike world that was full of understanding. I felt like I comprehended things that had been difficult before- that I understood secret meanings, even if they weren't there.

The cracks in the ceiling were shifting into odd scenes- full of color. A man winking at her. A horse running across her ceiling until it vanished into the wall. Flowers. I felt like I could smell the moldy wood from the floors, the paint on the walls, the dust on the drapes. I swore that I saw straight through the ceiling, into the sky, where birds were flying, and misty clouds swayed.

When I awoke covered in sweat, but feeling frozen. I was shivering, and felt an unfamiliar rolling in my stomach, like it's contents were going to make appearances.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was four in the morning. I had been on drugs for twelve hours straight...

Those were twelve hours I hadn't been thinking of Edward. Twelve hours of bliss, and color, senses, and lights...

I decided then, that maybe I should see that Jess Rickets more often. Next time, with a little cash, perhaps...

I did meet her again, and that day she was out of LSD, and gave me cocaine instead. I didn't like it as much- because of the crash.

The first time I crashed wasn't good, at all. I spent what seemed like hours shaking too badly for me to walk. I laid on my bed, and stared at the ceiling, with horrible thoughts in my head.

Thoughts of how worthless I was.

Thoughts of how Edward left, and he wasn't coming back- ever.

Thoughts of confusion- why was I still even living, anymore?

And do you want me to be honest?

The crashing never really got better.

And to be even more honest?

I knew some of those thoughts were true, and that hurt more than anything else.


"Bella? Don't be mad at me anymore. It's childish. This for your own good, and you know it."

I was unaware that Charlie had even been talking, and I guess that was a bad thing. But even if his talking had squirmed its way through my drug induced high, I would have ignored him. Perhaps it was childish, but it gave me great satisfaction.

Charlie was taking away my freedom. My privacy. My drugs. All of it- and if satisfaction was all I could get, I would do my best to get it.

He had submitted me to a show where teenage drug addicts were sent, when their families had no hope. A fucking reality television show. My thin little figure and dark circled eyes would be cast from Maine to Alaska- every week, Sunday nights, from six P.M. to eight. It was humiliating. Degrading. Was it even legal- to do something like this without my own consent?

Yet here we were, sitting outside this building (grudgingly I'll admit, the building was nice), waiting for my big debut. I would be interviewed on how I feel about coming to the show, and if I have any hopes on what to accomplish.

I would be spending my days with my own room- thankfully, but it would be under surveillance. Some of the videos would even be shown on television. The house was filled with nine other teens all with "unhealthy addictions". They would be my only companions, other than the doctors, for six weeks.

I assumed that perhaps six weeks was the legal limits to how long they could do this, without consent.

"Get out of the car Bella."

"No Charlie." I clenched my hands around the seat belt. My knuckles shined white. My pupils were probably huge- and the dashboard in front of me seemed to move, and sway. Breathe.

"Bella if you don't get out, they will find people to drag you out." His voice was tired. Or maybe it was just a hallucination.

"Bella- now," he hissed, and his hands were on mine, trying to unclench my fingers. I was too mesmerized by the organic dashboard.

The door to the right of me opened, and I felt strong, warm hands on my arms, and I was being drug from the car. There were people taking my picture towards the right, screaming questions at me. I could hardly make out a word, but I think I was smiling.

The inside of the building was nice, decorated just the way a house would be. On the walls though- there were inspirational messages.

Give hugs not drugs. I felt sick.

There was a girl sitting at a bar-like counter, slumped over, resting her face on the counters top. I tried to stumble my way towards her, and finally took a seat on the chair next to her, and dropped my head in the same fashion. Her face was turned towards me, and we locked eyes. Her's were a deep green, and bloodshot. Her fingernails which were clenching into her arms were sharp, and dirty. Jagged.

"Hi," She said, her voice sounding gravely.

"Hi," I replied to be polite.

Her little nose was upturned, and she had freckles on her nose and cheeks. Too much time in the sun.

"Emily," she rasped out, and her eyes fell closed- but she wasn't sleeping, just resting them I knew by her unsteady breathing pattern.

"My name isn't Emily."

"I know. Mine is."

"Oh, mines Bella."

"That's a nice name."


We were quiet, and I could hear more talking, people entering the room, and someone plopped down on the bar stool next to me. An arm wrapped around my waste.

"Darling," a voice said in a phony French accent. "Did it hurt?"

"Yeah, really badly," I answered, figuring he was using that cheesy pick-up line on me. The one where a man asks if it hurt when you fell from Heaven. By the frown on his face, I had guess correctly.

"Oh. Hm. Well, I'm Robert. Don't worry, I know your name, it's sarcastic bitch, isn't it? SB for short, huh?" Robert said, leaning forward to put his elbows on the bar. He had blond hair, cut short, and electric blue eyes. Perfect teeth, and dimples. He was much taller than me- past six feet tall, I could tell, even though we were sitting.

"Yeah, you must be physic," I mumbled, and looked back towards Emily. Her eyes were still closed. I think this time she was really asleep.

Suddenly, a female voice rang out loud through the room, catching our attention. I saw with a glance around that it was filled, with what looked like the other teenagers here. I didn't bother to wake Emily- poor thing looked half dead. I wondered if I looked that way. Dark circles under my eyes, dangerously thin, and cracked, chapped lips.

Roberts arm was still around me, and he smiled at me gently, making up for his odd greeting.

"Alright, everybody- we'll be taking you one at a time into this room-" A red, frizzy haired woman put her palm on an oak door, behind her. "-and ask you all a few questions, so our viewers can get to know you better. Kelsi Winters, why don't you start?"

A brunette with brown eyes, who looked healthier than the rest of us left the room, and the instant the door closed, we all began talking again, the murmur of voices growing.

I turned to Emily, and woke her up. She jumped, startled, her eyes wide, and pupils huge. High like a fucking kite.

"Hey- they're interviewing us. I don't know when you'll be called, just thought you might like a little preparation."

"Thanks," Emily tried to clear the rasp from her throat. "Gosh- do I always sound this manly? I never sound like this with some vodka in my blood- honest."

"I wouldn't know how you usually sound," I said, grinning. She grinned back- she was missing a tooth, but the rest were white, startlingly so. She must brush constantly.

"Yeah, I guess not. I'm not a transvestite though, honest."

I laughed, and looked around. There was a dark skinned girl leaning casually against the wall, talking to a tall lanky boy, with skin as pale as his white blond hair. Two boys, one tanned, and the other with curly brown hair were engaged in deep conversation on the sofa, leaning towards each other and casting everyone else distrustful glances.

The last group of girls were both blond- with different shades, but they were talking animatedly in a corner. Delightful.

"Hey? SB? You in there?" Robert was nearly screaming in my ear, knocking his knuckles against my forehead, until I was sure I would bruise- I had always been an easy bruiser.

Bruising led to thoughts of my clumsiness- a quality which- Edward had always found amusing. I winced at the turn my thoughts were heading for, and nodded to Robert, who's pale eyebrow was raised up high.

"Good- because that fire-crotch over there is calling your name like she's orgasming. Go to her." Robert laughed hysterically, slapping his knee, and I laughed too, but only because he was. Sure, it had been a little funny, but I had the feeling Robert had a screw loose, perhaps.

Kelsi Winters was returning to the dark skinned girls group, and the red headed woman was shouting my name. I walked towards her, not stumbling once, in my drug induced haze, and followed her into the room.

The room was small, with dark walls, and blue carpeted floor, a single table sat- two chairs, across from each other- and I couldn't stand to look at the camera crew that were crammed opposite the chair I was suppose to sit.

I took a seat, and looked at the wood grains in the table. The table that was startlingly like the ones in Forks cafeteria High School.

No- think happy, colorful thoughts, Bella. I turned my eyes to the wall, and started seeing things that weren't really there- my favorite part of drugs. Hallucinating.

Edward Cullen

Alice was flicking through the channels like a maniac, and her thoughts were a chaotic mess. Swirling about airplanes, songs, and drugs. Normally, I didn't try to listen to my family's thoughts, but as of late, I had become obsessed with it. Listening to their nagging, little random thoughts of everything insignificant- anything not to think of Bella.

Bella, who was probably filling out college applications, now. Who was probably laughing, in some restaurant with a normal, human boyfriend. Bella who was-

-sitting on the television, in front of me. I hit the remote out of Alice's hand before she could turn it, but she was obviously not making any protests, to watch. In fact, this was the channel she had searching for, this whole time.

Bella's eyes were down, and she was drawing on the table with her finger. Her long brown hair was knotted, and falling across her shoulders in odd jerks.

"Do you want to tell the camera your name?" A soft voice asked. Bella glanced up, her eyes looking vacant, but still the same mahogany that I had loved.

"No, I don't."

"You've signed a contract-"

"My father signed the contract. Bring him in here, let him say his own name."

There was quiet whispering, in the background, and Bella was glaring at the table now.

"This is live. Name?" the woman asked, a second time, and her voice was laced with impatience.

"Bella Swan." Her voice was listless, so unlike the Bella I remembered.

"Why are you here Bella?"

"I have a problem, apparently."

"And what is your problem?"

"You're questions?"

"Your problem, Bella."


My eyebrows furrowed, and my fists clenched on the remote that I had snatched from Alice. It crunched into a million little useless pieces, unto the floor, they dropped, like water drops.

"Drugs- what does she mean, drugs?" I hissed, turning my head to Alice, but keeping my eyes on the screen, firmly on Bella's angry face. Her face suddenly smiled, and her eyes were filled with an amusement that made them dance in the dim lighting. That looked for like Bella.

"What drugs do you take."


"Is that all the drugs you take, Bella?"

"And cocaine. It's all the ones I'm taking, currently."

"Currently? Are you on drugs now?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't walk into this room..." suddenly, Bella dissolved into giggles. "Butterflies!"

Bella pointed to the wall behind the woman and laughed, hysterically.

"Bella? Bella? Can someone get her out of here? I can't talk while she's high."

Bella was drug from the room by one man who looked like he could crush her into a million little pieces.

"Alice," I breathed, confused and horrified. "What is this?"

"Bella," Alice said sadly. "I didn't see anything but this show- honest. I wasn't looking, but.. it just came! She's been doing drugs Edward."

I mouthed the word, but no sound came out.

"Is it...?"

"Your fault? No. It's all of ours. We all left, Edward. This is..." Alice broke out into little sobs, and I put a hand on her shoulder, hoping to be comforting. Jasper would be better for that. The instant him and the family got back form hunting, me and Alice would tell them. And hopefully, go save Bella, from herself.

I am not on any drugs, so forgive my information if it is incorrect. I don't know how doctors would treat patients who are addicted to drugs, but I know that the doctors in this are real bitches- so they don't really treat anybody, much. Review, please. I don't write well without a few. :]