Title:Tag Body Spray for Zoro
Warnings: Some sexual situations and some yaoi and bad words.
Pairings: ZoroXEVERYONE!!!! Or would it be EveryoneXZoro since he is kinda unwilling.
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Tag Body Spray. Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow.
Prompt for idea: Conversation with Icebender21 that had me laughing my ass off. (And I'm still giggling about it.)
Summery: Nami buys some body tag for Zoro, tired of him smelling like sweat, thus turning the world he knew into chaos.
Inumaru:…(Seriously doesn't know what to even say to this)
Body Tag Spray for Zoro
"Gosh Zoro, you reek!"
Zoro turned and glared at Nami and then resumed to working out.
"Can't you take a shower at least? With soap?!?" Nami questioned.
"I'll do it later." The Kenshin-wannabe said. "After I'm done training."
Nami growled. "But that will take hours and you stink now. I can smell you on the other side of the ship." She exaggerated only slightly. While yes, he did smell a bit ripe, she was really the only one it bothered. The other guys were used to it; Robin didn't seem to care so Nami had to do her part enough for everyone else.
"Then go away then, how about a better thought; how about you don't breath?" He snarled, not even caring enough to turn and look at her.
Nami gave a growling huff and stomped off in her designer heels. She would win this battle, she knew it.
The next day Zoro caught something that was flying at his head. He looked at it and then turned to look at Nami with a raised eyebrow. Said witch-er, woman glared at him with her hands on her hips.
"Well, I got it for you so you better try it on yourself right now."
Zoro sighed, knowing that the woman wouldn't stop bothering him until he finally tried it. He looked at the name, Tag Body Spray: For the beast in you! (1). Zoro snorted and then took the cap off and sprayed it on himself. He smelled it a bit and shrugged. It wasn't Old Spice but it was something. He turned around and looked at Nami to show that he used it and blinked. Nami was staring at him, her eyes wide and her cheeks red. Before Zoro could say anything Nami spoke, her voice a bit squeaky.
"O-oh well. I'm glad you're using it. I-I got to go." Nami then jerkily turned around and quickly walked off, looking over her shoulder a bit to see Zoro before turning her head back. When she was completely gone (he couldn't hear her shoes tapping anymore) Zoro blinked again but then just shrugged it off as Nami PMS-ing or something. He then got back into training.
Zoro was resting on the ground with his arms behind his head acting as a pillow. He had to admit (well, only in the safety of his mind he would) that the spray wasn't that bad. He had just put on another dose before he had laid down. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the breeze that came and blew in his face. Suddenly there was something warm on top of him. Fuzzy too. The bushido opened one eye and saw the doctor Chopper sitting on his chest, smiling down at him. Zoro liked the small reindeer, he was cute and he and the rest of the crew often saw him as a little brother.
"'Sup Chopper?" He asked. Chopper's grin grew a little bit and his cheeks grew pink. How Zoro could tell through his fur he wasn't sure. Maybe it was from spending so much time with the doctor.
"Z-Zoro-Onii-chan smells nice." Chopper stuttered, clearly embarrassed. (2) The reindeer lay down on his chest and nuzzled against Zoro's bare chest. Said man blinked and blushed lightly before pushing it down.
Chopper seemed to be making a purring like sound as he laid down on his chest. It was obvious he had no intention of getting up soon. Zoro, who happened to start to feel uncomfortable a little bit (or some reason he wasn't very sure of.) picked up the purring reindeer and put him lightly on the ground. Chopper made a whine of protest but Zoro got up and quickly left.
'Well, that was weird.' Thought Zoro as he walked by Nami who was sitting on her sun bathing chair. Nami's face went a cherry red before she pulled herself out of it.
The green haired swordsman stopped and turned to look at her younger girl.
"What?" he scowled.
"I just thought of a way for you to pay me back for the money you owe me." Her devilish grin looked even creepier today. Zoro's eyes widened and he turned around fully.
"NANI?!? I already paid you back for everything!" He yelled at her.
With a grin on her face, Nami shook her head. "You still owe me for the body tag I got you."
Zoro sneered. "I guess I can never expect you to do anything from the kindness of your heart can I you witch?" He asked, his tone harsh.
"Nope!" Nami said cheerfully as she got up and led Zoro down to the girl's room. After Zoro came in she closed and locked the door, making Zoro's eyebrow go up in question. Zoro started to feel uncomfortable…and the scheming grin on the navigator's face wasn't helping either. It was when she started to pull the strings on her shirt, making it get looser and looser, that Zoro could almost feel the light bulb above his head light up.
"W-Whoa! What are you doing?!?" Zoro asked, waving his hands wildly, his face turning red.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm taking payment of course." Nami purred, movie closer to the swordsman.
"N-No thanks!" Zoro jumped away in time from the pouncing Nami, who hit the bed instead. "I'll pay the usual way!" He then quickly undid the lock and ran out of the room. What the hell was up with that she-devil? He turned made it up stairs and then proceeded to trip over a book. (A conveniently placed one, I might add.)
The bushido braced himself to hit the ground but landed on something softer. He looked down and saw hands holding him up.
"Oh…Robin. Thanks." He said. He waited for her to set him down and when she didn't he started to stand up himself, only to be pulled down close to Robin again.
"Oi! What are you doing Robin?" Zoro asked, looking at her suspiciously. Just because he trusted her more now doesn't mean he trusted her fully.
"You look so tense swordsman-san, let me help you relax!" With a simple wave of her hands, Robin mad hands appear of Zoro making him look like he had sprouted wings. Those 'wings' then began to massage his back…and went lower…and lower…and lower…until…
"OI! What the hell are you trying to do?!?" Zoro growled, smacking the arms after snapping out of his happy place mode. (3)
"You just looked so tense Swordsman-kun," Robin stressed the word, eyeing Zoro like a piece of candy. "I just wanted to help you…release those tensions." The suggestiveness of that sentence made Zoro openly gape at the historian. Just when the green haired man was about to say something, Franky came over, looking pretty ticked.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?!?" The blue haired cyborg lowered his shades and looked at them. Zoro was about to play the blame game and pin it all on Robin when Frankie turned his head sharply and looked at the dark haired woman.
"What are you doing with my man?!?" Franky asked, more like demanded.
"Your man?!?" The first mate squawked which was ignored by the two.
Robin's eyes narrowed and her smile became thin lipped. Franky growled.
"I see. So it's like that is it? Well then…THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!" He screamed as he transformed to minotaur Franky and the epic battle began between the two. It was filled with so much epic win that I can only tell you that it involved the groping of hands, the using of copyrighted quotes, and a pickle. If I told you more you're head would explode from the pure epic-ness.
So anyway, when Zoro managed to skillfully disappear from the scene, (A.K.A running away quickly.) he creped around until he turned a corner and rammed into someone again.
"S-Sorry…Ah! Zoro! Just who I wanted to see!" Zoro looked at Usopp with slight unease as he saw the grin on his face. The tanned skinned male grabbed the older male's hand and began to drag him off talking about some new invention he had made when the kitchen door swung open.
"Zoro-Kwuuun! I made you some teriyaki!" Sanji sang and danced around with the dish in his hand. (4) The blond haired chef then gasped as he saw Usopp holding Zoro's hand. Sanji's eyes watered.
"Zoro-kun…how could you do this to me?!?" Sanji slapped the bewildered Zoro and ran away to his kitchen crying. Zoro blinked and wonder what the hell had just happened.
"Zoro, you're cheating on me?" Zoro was slapped again but this time on the other cheek. Usopp stormed off and the bushido blinked again. He started to walk away when he heard…it.
"Yohohohohohohoho! Hello Zoro-" Before the skeleton musician could say more, Zoro broke into a run and the hell up out of there. (5)
"Zoro! In here!"
The first mate looked and saw his Captain waving from the safety of the storage room. He put a little more speed into his step and was soon in the room with Luffy shutting the door behind him. Zoro leaned against the wall and slid down so he was sitting on the ground, panting.
"What is with everyone today? They are all hyped up on teenager hormones or something." Zoro grumbled.
"Everyone really likes Zoro today." Luffy grinned, moving a little bit closer to him.
Zoro snorted. "I guess that's one way of putting it." The green haired man then rubbed his cheeks with a small wince. Luffy, the ever observant one, noticed and bent down to his eye level and touched his cheeks lightly.
"What happened Zoro?" Luffy's dark eyes wide with concern as he looked at the red hand prints on his cheeks.
"Uh…well, Sanji and Usopp both slapped me." He explained.
"Why?" Luffy asked, bewildered.
"Who knows?!?" Zoro exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air in an 'I give' gesture.
"Hmm…Do your cheeks hurt?" The straw hat wearing boy asked.
"Just a little. Don't worry about it." The bushido waved it off.
Luffy was silent for a moment before a big grin came on his face.
"Maybe I can kiss it and make it better."
Zoro, who had closed his eyes briefly, had bulged open.
"W-Wha-" Zoro was cut off as Luffy leaned over and with a small 'chu!' kissed his cheek. Zoro's damaged cheeks started to heat up and jump upward, making Luffy fall on his behind in surprise.
"Not you too!!" Zoro screamed before opening the storage room door and running away again. He happened to end up where he had been training when Nami had given him the spray…
Somewhere a microwave dinged and Zoro finally realized what was happening.
"You!" He hissed at the can of spray. The spray can just smirked at him, knowing his work was done.
"You're the cause of this! Damn you. Damn you straight to Hell!!" Zoro screamed as he threw the can into the ocean. The man laughed hysterically and quickly ran down to the showers and rubbed himself raw. After that he hid in the training room behind the some weights for the rest of the day.
When he had next seen his Nakama they had no recollection of the past events, or if they did they weren't confessing any time soon.
"Oi, Captain! We caught this weird bottle!" Said one of Shanks' nameless cohorts-er, minions, no wait…ah forget it.
"Hmm?" The legendary pirate came over and took it from them. "Some kind of spray?" Shanks then sprayed it a little bit, taking in the smell.
"Hey, it's not that bad. What do you guys think? Uh…Guys? W-Why are you staring at me like that? Guys?"
Inu: Just had to do that as the ending. Hope you liked it Ice-Onii-Chan! Please review and tell me what you thought!
1)- Sounds like something Zoro would wear. XD
2)- I just can't see Chopper coming onto Zoro sexually. XDD Chopper and sexually usually do not go together in the same sentence. XDD
3)-Yeah…well Happy place mode is where I go when ever someone rubs or scratches my bad. I turn into a defenseless pile of goo.
4)- I REALLY do not like ZoSan/SanZo so I made that part small. But anyway, I can see Sanji calling any guy –Kwuun and it makes me laugh.
5)- Brooke…yeah….Zoro just runs. I don't think you wanna imagine that either. (Shutter)
Aw well, thanks for reading and please review!