Author: WhiteFox
Title: Runaway Train (songfic)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Omi/Schuldich, Omi/?
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Just use 'em.
Teaser: You survive only to exist.



Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

Omi sitting alone in a dark and rundown apartment. He stares at the phone in bites his lip indecisively. Glancing out at the midnight sky, he saw the moon's glitter on the waves of the sea which his friends now lay beneath. Never to surface.

He felt so lost. What to do? Kritiker was gone. Weiss was no more. No family, no friends and worst of all, no purpose. Nothing to keep him going. Out of all, only three survived. He had been the only one of Weiss.

He picked up the phone and began to dial a number. It was late and the person would be horribly unwelcoming but it was something. Something to make him feel real. Human. /Alive/.

The only person who made the ember of life in his heart flare anymore.

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

He lay awake at night, afraid to sleep. Exhaustion lay over him like a shroud but it couldn't smother him. He didn't know if he would wake up and find the last of his makeshift family gone as well. So many things had happened. How had it all gone out-of-control? Where had it gone wrong?

So many places. He felt the tears he'd sworn to never shed slip down his cheeks. He had
known. He had tried to change it but in the end…

A bitter smile.

In the end it mattered nothing. Had changed nothing but the fact that instead of ending up just dead, he had ended up being dead alive. His only companion had retreated into his own mind, too many of life's harsh lessons breaking his already fragile mind.

No more secrets. He had told them all. Told them to a disbelieving world. And so now he cried. Nothing left.

It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep; there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

He opened the door to his apartment, glancing back to throw a small smile at the person behind him. The man smiled back and let the hand which rested on his shoulder trail down slowly to his buttocks.

He hadn't meant it to come to this. Had tried his best but in the end he had had no money and no job. No help from anyone, he relied on the one thing he had left. Himself.

He knew just what to do to attract the clientele he needed. The wealthy discreet men who married for name and children but whose actual tastes ran elsewhere.

As he let himself be pushed onto the mattress, he felt another little bit of him slip away. He was falling… falling and he didn't know how to stop.


Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Scenes of yesteryear flash through his mind. Past and present had no meaning.

Weren't you suppose to move on, go forward in your life? The why did he feel as if he were going the wrong way.

He fought against the tide, pushing to return to when his life had been partially whole at least and not the shattered shards they were now.

Stuck in limbo. Unable to go on. Unable to go back.

And then he saw /him/. The man who had been his beacon in the lonely nights. Who helped him keep his tenuous grip on sanity.

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

They sat together talking quietly. They would meet every evening, letting their third companion sit in the shade of a tree in his quiet world, and talk of anything which came to mind.

"You do not smile anymore."

"I can't remember how. It seems so long ago." Jaded blue eyes met tired emerald.

"Smile for me." A raised eyebrow.

"Why?" A need to know. To desperately believe that something nobody actually seemed to have cared about would matter to /someone/.

"Because… because you're beautiful when you smile." A faint tinge of pink, hidden by orange locks of hair.

And he did.

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

He was thinking about his past again. He used to delve into thoughts like a fish in water. It was second-nature. He dug out secrets which had been buried by the person and kept them close to him, a trophy at being able to do what he did.

It seemed so pointless now. There had been nothing to benefit from such action. It had been nothing but a child's joy in playing with a favourite toy.

He had secrets which could bring the nation to its knees but he wouldn't divulge them. They were for him and him only. But still, secrets were well and good but did not substitute companionship well.

As the rain began to fall, he tipped his head back letting the drops hit his face as he sat there lost in the torrent of emotions in the middle of the park.

And everything seems cut and dried,
Day and night, earth and sky,
Somehow I just don't believe it

They had established their roles. Friends and confidantes. Moral support and surrogate family.

But that wasn't all. He wouldn't believe it. As he sat next to his dreaming friend, he whispered his thoughts and asked his questions. Surely this was not all there was for them? Following routine over and over.

And his friend replied. After a year, the frail boy had finally returned to reality.

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

He had dreamed. Dreamed of time, of a world so peaceful and so serene he had not wanted to leave. So he stayed.

He stayed and watched the endless white fade to endless black before returning to white again. Time had no meaning. He was just…there.

He neither came nor went. Reality didn't come here. And then he heard it. And echo in his perfect shell. Voices. And as he strained to listen, he was unaware of the perfect world slowly fading away.

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

And here he stayed. In his self-imposed exile. Until the constant hum of voices had drawn him out.

He opened his eyes to see faded blue. Wide eyes once filled with life were now filled with… nothing. Life had left and all that remained was the smiling shell.

He knew that look. Had seen it before. When the mind retreated from pain. Retreated so far away that it warped and twisted the person as well. He saw the scars and bruises.

When Schuldich returned, he told Nagi about Omi's 'job'.

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Nagi asks Schuldich to try and help Omi. Help him escape his nightmare.

"I can't." Frustration was evident. "I tried."

"Why?"

"He's so far gone he's come to believe he /likes/ it."

And Nagi saw the pain in those green eyes. The pain of seeing someone you loved slowly self-destruct and there wasn't a f***ing thing you can do about it.

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same

And he was here at the corner again. Waiting for a rich man to find him. He had tried to stop. For the sake of his lover and best friend. They had pleaded and cajoled saying that if it was money he needed they had plenty.

And so he had stopped. Being 'dead' for over 8 years made it hard to get a job so he tried to be useful at home while Nagi was at college and his German lover at work.

But it wasn't to be. They remained friends and lover's, but the madness was too firmly ingrained. His body attuned to it.

And he was at the corner again the next night.