Just to clarify in case people over looked this in the description: this is the sequel to the one-shot I wrote called "My go to guy" If you haven't read it, I suggest you do so before reading this fic.
That aside….here's the sequel!!!!! Or rather, the beginning of it. I'm not exactly sure how many chapters the entire thing is going to be….I guess it all depends how long it takes me to tell this story :D
I 'warn' you, I feel like parts of it (especially this chapter) move kind of slowly, but I'll do my best to keep the past flowing steadily enough.
Oh yes, and this doesn't take place directly after "my go to guy" but some time after it.
I hope you all enjoy!!
I knew as soon as I woke up this morning that this was going to be a bad day. Maybe it was because of my unbelievably loud alarm clock that had so rudely roused me from my sleep about two hours and a half too early; maybe it was because of my temporary blindness at being greeted by a viscous ray of sunlight from the window I had so carelessly forgotten to close last night. Or maybe it's because I know I'm going to have my ass handed to me by Doctor Cox when he sees I didn't complete all the hospital papers I said I'd do. Whatever the reason, as soon as my eyes popped open—then instantly closed again due to the bright light burning my pupils—I've had this horrible feeling in my stomach that something was going to be different today. And I don't mean that in a good way.
After debating for a second or two what my next move should be, I decided to curl back up under the covers and see if I could catch just an once or two more of sleep. I really need it—I've been feeling unusually tired lately, which, if I don't monitor, could start affecting my performance at work. So far I've been okay; no one's coded on me yet or been submitted to the ICU. Which is pretty good, considering….
….well, a lot of things actually.
I rolled over onto my side, pulling my blanket closer to my body, a sudden chill coming over me, and I was once again reminded of my unfinished paperwork lying somewhere in the living room. I should probably get on that, since I'm technically awake. If I don't, who knows what Dr. Cox could do to me….
"Newbie," an older doctor with blond curly hair snarls, glaring at me. I wince.
"Yes, Dr. Cox?"
"Newbie," he continues, as if I've never interrupted, "I'm not happy with your performance today." He snaps, his eyes cold and menacing.
I take a step back, bowing frantically. "Sorry Dr. Cox, sir!" I blurt out, afraid of what he'll do next. His heartless eyes are still locked with mine, but now his teeth are clenching together.
"Sorry doesn't cut it, Patricia" he hisses, his voice growing more and more gravely. "In fact, it only makes me angry."
All of a sudden, he transforms into the Incredible Hulk, grabs me with both hands, and snaps me like a twig.
I shuttered, reeling out of my thoughts before anything gets more violent. My daydreams are getting progressively violent as time goes on, I thought, rubbing my head with an unnaturally pale hand. Ah well. At least I was daydreaming again. A good sign, seeing as to how I haven't felt as creative as I usually do….
"Argh! What is that noise?!" I turned back around sharply, only now painfully aware of the same, irritating ringing that went off earlier this morning.
Yep. It's my alarm clock. The damned thing's still on.
"I get it I get it! It's time to get up!!" I shriek at the clock, suddenly angry, and hurl it against the wall before I can even catch myself. As it breaks into like, fifty different pieces, I notice the lovely dent it's made in my bedroom wall. That's going to be so much fun trying to repair later.
Well, now that I've officially removed my head from my pillow and completely destroyed my alarm clock, I really can't go back to sleep now. Too bad—I was hoping for an excuse to stay in bed longer. It's warm under here.
Probably the only warmth I'm going to get all day.
I sigh, kicking back my covers but still sitting on the mattress—holy crap am I actually contemplating skipping out on work?—no….no….pull yourself together, JD….now is not the time for this.
With an unusual amount of effort, I actually manage to stand up, and drag my body over to the bathroom. Everything seems really heavy for some reason, not to mention my head is killing me. Maybe I'm dehydrated; I'll pick up a few water bottles on my way to the hospital.
Things go relatively smoothly from here. I undress, take a shower, hunt around for a towel before I realize it's on top of the toilet….nothing out of the ordinary. It isn't until I'm standing in front of the mirror, combing my hair, that I'm aware of it. My appearance. While my hair—as always—looks great, it isn't the first thing I notice this time.
Is that….really me? I ask myself, shocked and on the way to being horrified as I stare at my reflection. It can't be. The man staring back at me….there's no way we're the same person. He's so pale—there's hardly any color at all left in his face—and thin. Holy shi—is that my ribcage? No….no way….
There are heavy bags under each eye as well….and a glazed look in each pupil. I shake my head. That isn't me. It can't be me. I'm a doctor, right? I wouldn't have allowed this to happen. I wouldn't have let things to get so bad.
I hate waking up in the morning. It's too damn cold, and too damn early to go to work. Especially today. Since Harrison's borrowed my car to once again travel who knows where, I'm stuck using Enid's old minivan. Talk about humiliating: chief of medicine, Doctor Bob Kelso, arriving at Sacred Heart in a rusted, pale blue minivan. I don't have kids anymore, dammit—I want some style in my old age.
Oh well, at least it's not a total loss. I managed to pick up some muffins—right out of the oven—on the way to work. Don't get me wrong, I love getting free muffins for life at the hospital….but even I need some variation occasionally. Plus, if I hover around there less often, Perry will be forced to stop making comments about my weight. At least once in awhile, anyway. Yes, I know I've put on a few pounds—what does he expect me to do? I'm tied up at work all day long and when I get home there's really nothing I can do for exercise. My dog Baxter's been dead for a good number of years, and Enid's confined to a wheelchair. No company means no fun, and no fun means no exercise. I'm not like him—that man seems to put more work in his personal fitness than in anything else he does. Even more than being a doctor, and sometimes….more than time he could be spending with his family.
At least, that's what I think. But of course, he's made it perfectly clear a long time ago that Doctor Perry Cox doesn't care about anyone's opinion but his own.
The bastard. Who does he think he is? Great doctor or not, he's not the best—he still has areas where he could improve. Like acting like a decent human being for once. No matter how big in his britches he gets, Perry's downfall has always been his callousness towards his patients. Now, maybe he has softened over the years—it still drives him crazy when one of them asks to be treated by Dr. Dorian even after only meeting him once.
Ah, Dr. Dorian. Now there's someone I'd like to see more of at Sacred Heart. By someone, of course, I mean something—whatever it is that man's got. In all my years of practice, I've never seen a doctor act quite the way he does. He's so….kind and caring….I swear he could have sugar pouring out of his ears….
I look up from my office at the sound of footsteps, not at all surprised to see Dr. Dorian walking through the door.
"Here ya go, Dr. Kelso," he chirps, that same, ridiculous smile on his face "Mr. Angello's test results." He throws the clipboard on my desk before adding "you'll be happy to know they came back negative."
I raise an eyebrow—not from hearing the information but at the large wave of pure, crystalline sugar pouring from his ears. He looks at me, completely oblivious, but obviously expecting a response.
"Uh….thank you, Dr. Dorian," I manage after a minute or two "dismissed."
Still smiling, he turns to leave. However, before he does, he turns back around, noticing the immense trail of white powder on the floor. "You might want to get someone to clean that up." He speculates.
What the--?! I snap back into focus, startled by the loud and abruptness of the numerous car horns sounding behind me. I turn around to face the drivers, now slightly annoyed. One of them mutters something about "wanting to go, "and "not having all day" all the while gesturing to the sky.
I look up. Whoa! Green light! Slamming my foot on the gas pedal, I speed ahead, away from the cars and the angry horns honking at me. Damn drivers, I think bitterly, clutching my steering wheel a bit tighter than before, and right in the middle of a daydream.
A frown crosses my face then, and I reach over to the muffin bag in the seat beside me, feeling around for one filled with lots of chocolate. Chocolate always calms me down.
Finding my target, I pull the muffin out and shove it into my mouth, yet as I begin to chew the thing, my thoughts drift back to Dr. Dorian—and a twinge of shame strikes me. He probably wouldn't need an "artificial pick me up" like I do….
….what the hell are you thinking, Bob? You are not Dorian, and he's not you. You're Dr. Kelso, the chief of medicine. You have much more to deal with than he does. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy your muffin.
One way or another, I somehow made it to Sacred Heart. By now my head ache has escalated the pain level to about a five—I never did get to pick up any water—and there's an uncomfortable knot in the center of my chest. My reflection….I haven't been able to stop thinking about it—to get that image out of my head. My image. I still can't—nor do I want to—believe that was me in the mirror. It just….it just isn't possible….
….and even if it were, why did I never notice until now?
My head throbs again as I head towards the hospital's entrance, and the same heavy feeling returns to my limbs. Perfect. I think dryly, ignoring the sudden fear clutching at my heart. This is the third time it's happened today. First I almost kill myself in the shower while trying to dodge a bar of soap that slipped out of my hand, then I have to take the bus because I can't maintain proper control of Sasha, and now this. It's so humiliating. At least, it would be, if not for the alarm growing in the back of my head.
Three times today my body's felt like lead. Three times. Shit.
Slightly worried now, I approached the doors to Sacred Heart, and suddenly realized how nauseous I feel. My tummy is queasy and continuously makes gurgling noises, but I'm not all that concerned, despite feeling crappy. Just my stomach protesting about being empty. Again. I grimace, holding a hand against my unsettled abdomen. I know you're hungry, I moan mentally, my teeth clenching as I'm hit with a stronger way of nausea.
I just can't bring myself to eat.
I stop in my tracks, feeling my eyes widen. Did I just—
"….Jordan, remind me again why you decided to bring our kids to this hell hole of a place?" I hear male voice—older than mine—complain, though it was etched in sarcasm. "Are you trying to sell their souls for some extra cash you and I both know you don't need? Or have you already done that?"
I raise my head, following the voice until my eyes rest on four figures, standing right in front of the hospital doors. Two adults—male and female—and two children, one not even a year old. Getting closer to the entrance myself, I recognize them immediately. It's Dr. Cox and his family.
"Ha ha." Jordan replied, laughing sarcastically and hoisting her baby—Jennifer—higher up in her arms, "I told you Per; there was a last minute board meeting and I couldn't get a hold of the nanny." She narrowed her eyes, flashing Dr. Cox a look that would have made any other man turn to stone. "So stop complaining, or I'll have you suspended for a month so you can stay home with the kids. How 'bout that?"
His face morphed into an aggravated expression, and he exhaled sharply. "Listen sweet cheeks" he snapped, not necessarily in a cruel tone, but definitely an irritated one, "I know ya just love thinking you're all high and mighty just cuz you're on the hospital board, but the fact is, you don't actually have the kind of power you think you do in fact, you could say you have less power, and by less I don't mean you're cut one extra nickel on your paycheck—I mean less like the amount of times you were actually nice to someone during the past few years." He paused then, wearing a smug expression, and rocking back and forth as he waited for Jordan's response. I rolled my eyes.
"He's so full of it."
Instantly, both Jordan and Dr. Cox turned in my direction. Crap, did I say that out loud?! Dammit!
"Well, look who it is." Dr. Cox said, in that way he does when about to make some crack at me, "Tell me, Priscilla, is there a particular reason you were watching us? Or were you hoping to catch a glimpse of that love-hate relationship you just adore oh so very much because you happened to miss the nightly soap opera you watch last night?"
I continue to stare at him, and even though I knew I was still wearing a shocked expression, I almost flinched at how incredibly crushed I felt at that moment. Each word, each fake-laugh of his hit me like a bullet. But I said nothing, deciding instead to ignore his comment and walk past him.
But, as usual, things never go the way I want them too. Not that I'm surprised.
"Oh, Charlotte." I hear him say, cringing as I notice his footsteps increasing behind me. I do not want to be dealing with this right now.
From somewhere in the background I hear Jordan shout some crude remark, but the sliding doors close behind us before I have the chance to hear.
"Charlotte, are you actually doing what I think you're doing?" Dr. Cox continues. I scowl. Well that depends on what you mean by 'doing.' Am I trying to make it down this hallway without losing anymore self-esteem? Am I trying to keep it together long enough to make it through rounds and tend to my patients? Then yes, Perry, that is what I'm doing.
"Are you actually attempting to brush me off? Is that it?"
I decide not to respond, but keep walking forward, my eyes set straight ahead of me.
Of course, it wouldn't be Dr. Cox if he gave up that easily, and before I can turn the corner, he steps ahead of me, blocking my way. "I don't like being ignored, newbie." He starts, glaring at me. "You know that, don'tcha?" He looks at me, clearly not seeing anything more than an object of entertainment.
I feel like crap, I look like crap, and he doesn't even notice. "You know what Perry?!" I scream, exploding in anger actually surprised by how loud I actually sound, "I'm not in the mood for this right now, okay?! So just….just leave me the hell a-alone!" I stutter on the last word, so mad at him and myself that I've started shaking.
Oh shit….oh shit.
I guess things really are bad.
I can see Dr. Cox opening his mouth, but I'm not sure I want to hear what he has to say. Instead, I flash him another furious look, before forcing my way past him, on the verge of vomiting and feeling more terrified than I've been in a long time.
Well, that's it for chapter one. I hope everyone liked it. I tried to make it longer than most of my 'chapter ones' of fanfics are. I just hope it didn't drag.
I think that, unlike a lot of JD angst fics, this time, JD actually knows something's wrong with him, and he's quite freaked out by just how much he's let himself sink into this 'depression.' Hence all the language and "un-JD-ish" tone of this chapter. I tried to make it sound like him, but as the chapter came to an end, that became a bit harder to do. Well, in my defense, he's an emotional mess, on the verge of completely losing it….
….ooh, but I DID like how Kelso's POV turned out XD I had a lot of fun with that one. Not sure why I threw Kelso in there—I guess I just wanted to break from JD's POV long enough for some time to pass. It proved easier than I thought, but I wonder how I'll do writing as Turk, Carla, and Dr. Cox….well, we'll see in the next chapter!!
one last thing: about Kelso and the minivan....it's kinda based on a joke at my church (youth group) No harm meant by it!
Review, people!! It really helps my creative muse, and keeps my inspiration/motivation up when writing multi-chapter fics like this!!