Tony's List of 30 Things to Remember about a Pregnant Ziva
1) It is not a good idea to laugh when she shows you the pregnancy test.
2) It is a good idea to run very fast if you forget not to laugh.
3) Morning sickness is a very serious business, and must not be joked about. Ever.
4) Mood swings are scary, and must be avoided if at all possible.
5) If it is impossible to avoid the mood swings, vaguely listen to the ranting, and make appropriate comments* at one minute intervals.
6) When she starts crying, always, always, ALWAYS apologize.
7) Even if it isn't your fault.
8) Especially if it is your fault.
9) Any meal must be a "grand occasion", and involve grapefruit, marmalade and pickles.
10) Do not question the pickles.
11) Don't question pecans and sauerkraut, either.
12) Ziva can kill you in many different ways, and her slowly growing midriff will not hinder her.
13) When Ziva thinks that crib over there is absolutely adorable, agree.
14) The same goes for bonnets, booties, and bottles of baby powder.
15) Putting together the crib is a tasking thing. It isn't actually all that shaming to ask for help.
16) Name-choosing is actually really fun.
17) Never say that you can't feel the baby kicking.
18) Do not deny Ziva a girl's night out, no matter what you had planned.
19) While it may be difficult to hug her, random acts of kindness tend to be appreciated.
20) Don't laugh when Ziva gets stuck in the shower. Go and help her get out instead.
21) "I'm going into labour!" is an important sentence, and mustn't be ignored.
22) Taxis are way too slow.
23) All the nurses are bimbos, and cannot recognise a former Mossad officer when they see one.
24) During labour, when Ziva screams that she hates you and this is all your fault, don't take her too seriously.
25) And don't say anything along the lines of "Hey, you wanted a kid, didn't you?", "Look, a flying distraction!", "Yes, of course dear."
26) When Ziva squeezes your hand, some fingers may be broken. While it may hurt, both the breaking of fingers and the pain of broken fingers are unavoidable.
27) Be glad you're in a hospital already.
28) Encouragement is a good idea.
29) Ziva is still beautiful, no matter how tired she is.
30) Even though he's a loud little thing, your son is beautiful, too.
* Appropriate comments include: "Mmhmm", "Of course you aren't fat!" "Well, that's stupid."