Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or any other real life thing that was mentioned in here.
A/N: So I can't take credit for this idea just all the deaths that take place in it. I read an incredibly funny CSI story written by Thena and Blue like this and it inspired me to write one about Peyton. I don't mean any offense by this story. In fact, when I used to watch OTH, Peyton was second next to Brooke. That being said, like the warning in the summary, unless you have a sense of humor this isn't for Peyton fans or Leyton fans. Try and enjoy.
The 50 Deaths of Peyton Sawyer
1.) She realizes the writers made a mistake in making her a cheerleader. Everyone agrees. She gets angry and tries to prove them wrong by actually cheering. At the next game, Peyton Sawyer was bludgeoned to death by Whitey's clipboard.
2.) Sick of all her whining, her friends give her a map to Lucas's heart. Apparently Lucas's heart is the middle of a high way.
3.) At work, Peyton waters the plant Lindsey gave her. The dirt was mixed with the alkali metal Cesium. She went Boom!
4.) Her life was going nicely. She found this unusual. At an attempt to add drama to her life, she instigated a fight with Brooke. Brooke swears she just "fell" down the stairs.
5.) She went over to Lucas's house to try a win him back. Knowing that she wouldn't just wait around and eventually she'd open the door herself, Lucas booby-trapped it with an anvil. She opened the door.
6.) She tried to take her car apart so she could seduce Lucas. The car was still running.
7.) Peyton, Brooke, and Haley went out for breakfast. She began to choke on her bacon strip. Brooke and Haley picked this exact moment to forget the Heimlich Remover.
8.) She challenges Brooke to a fight for favorite character. She loses.
9.) While stalking Lucas on his morning jog, she tries to keep up with him but falls and impales herself on a tree branch.
10.) While having another tantrum, she goes back to throwing water balloons off the roof. She hits the wrong person. Their water balloons seem to be made of bullets.
11.) After inviting her out to dance, Mouth tells her to take the fire escape up to his apartment because the hallways are being fumigated. On her way up the stairs fall out from beneath her. It's almost like someone loosened them. Hmm.
12.) Lucas tells a book salesman "If Peyton Sawyer comes in to buy his book, give her this one." She buys her 56th copy of Lucas's book. Her last though was: Why was the book ticking?
13.) Lucas picks Brooke. Peyton tries to steal him away. They expected this. She was mauled by their new dog.
14.) Brooke told her a joke and she has no sense of humor. Her brain shut down.
15.) She professes her undying love for Lucas Scott again. He throws a basketball at her head.
16.) Sick of watching her try and destroy her best friend's life, Haley challenges her to a pillow fight. Haley's pillow is made of bricks.
17.) Fall Out Boy returns to TRIC. She kisses Pete Wentz. The next morning Ashlee Simpson was arrested for the murder of Peyton Sawyer.
18.) Someone tells her the world doesn't revolve around her. She choked to death from shock.
19.) Brooke convinces her that sitting around and moping over Lucas Scott never did any good. She tells Peyton to go sky diving. Half way after jumping out of the plane, Peyton realizes her parachute was replaced with a table clothe. The two are not the same.
20.) After sleeping with all the other basketball players who were main characters, she goes after Skills. He shoots her down. Literally.
21.) When Lucas's wedding ends badly, she assumes Lucas still loves her. She goes and dances in the middle of the street. Lindsay runs her over with his "comet".
22.) Back when she was still tricking everyone into liking her, Rachel saw through it. Rachel then strangled her with a bra that Peyton stuffed with to put them out of future misery.
23.) While speeding through red lights (no I did not make this up, she is that stupid), she swerves out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel. She gets dirt on Deb's new skirt. Deb owns a gun.
24.) After eating a dozen packs of Pop Rocks, Peyton's thirsty. Brooke offers to get her water. She gave her a Diet Coke.
25.) Realizing she has no good story lines, she complains to The Powers That Be. A few months later, she made TV Guide's list of "Top Character Deaths in 2009".
26.) While hanging out at Haley's, Peyton snoops around and goes to play with Chester. It turns out she's allergic to rabbits. Her friends called it a pleasant surprise and continued their dinner.
27.) At a town funeral she and all her friends were leaving. She fell into an open grave, knocking herself unconscious. It was like the pile of dirt and shovels were just calling to them.
28.) Trying to find a new way to tell Lucas she loves him, she begins screaming it from the highest building in Tree Hill. An Army Jet pilot thought she was target practice.
29.) Ian even comes to his senses and realizes she isn't worth the effort. She attacks him. The police mistake her for the suspect. "Open Fire" was shouted.
30.) After realizing her character is the worst thing since "Joey" on Dawson's Creek, she decides to end her characters run. She's put on suicide watch. After she acts like her usual, annoying self, she ticks off the nurses. They forget to watch her.
31.) While, watching her from hell (nothing else was on) she complains once again that "people always leave" and that they never come back. Out of anger, Ted Bundy disproves her point.
32.) After getting to know her daughter and dying, Ellie leaves all her belongings to Peyton. When Peyton goes to pick them up, a lone box in the garage was ticking.
33.) After subtly reminding him that they once had a relationship, the nightmares Nathan thought he buried return. This time he decided to just bury her.
34.) She changes her hair yet again. Her brain didn't survive.
35.) While walking around lost, because Lucas didn't return one of her phone calls, she fell into an open sewer grate.
36.) After the annual season car crash of a character, she was waiting around the hospital and got bored. She saw a note with her name on it. It was from Lucas and a trail of notes followed it. She got to the last note which was in a biohazard waste bag.
37.) Once again she made everything about her. The other characters got mad. They tortured her by forcing her to watch all of her previous screen time. Her brain turned to mush from boredom.
38.) Haley, Brooke, and Peyton played eni meani mini mo to see who would have to eat week old tuna fish to test if it was still good. Peyton was mo.
39.) She stops crying. Her eyes feel so weird they explode, causing her brain to do the same.
40.) While fixing her car, Lucas "accidentally" cuts the brake cable. Like the energizer bunny, she just kept going and going until she reached the end of that cliff.
41.) She realizes she could've had Jake Jagielski. She just stops living.
42.) While writing her love for Lucas Scott on the River Court, she is arrested for vandalism. The police officers find her so annoying they "forget" to feed her while she's there.
43.) When listening to music and drawing, she realizes her character never changes. She decides to do something about this. Apparently, she can't do anything else. Her body malfunctions.
44.) When she begins to throw books at him, Lucas gets angry and figures an eye for an eye. He may have thrown his a little too hard.
45.) When Jamie asks "Why is Aunt Peyton in locked in the basement freezer?", his parents respond by telling him "She didn't fit in the one up here".
46.) For a second she stopped thinking about herself and began to think about her friends. She tried to help them but they found it patronizing. They stabbed her.
47.) Haley invited the group over for Peyton's birthday. Haley had a plate especially made up for her. It was her last meal.
48.) She finally took the time out to actually listen to herself. She beat herself to death.
49.) She drew a gigantic picture to prove to all of her friends she's worthy of existence. The picture was of Nathan as a NBA star. The next day Nathan was drafted and Peyton's friends drew her dead.
50.) Sick and tired of their show becoming a Peyton/Leyton saga, the cast tells her to meet them at the school library to reminisce. She decides to meet them. When she enters the library all the doors shut and the lights go out. The last thing she heard before she passed out and died was a hissing gas sound coming from the vents.
51.) She found a list her friends made, titled "50 Ways to kill Peyton Sawyer". She drowned to death from her never ending tears. The next day the list was changed to "51 Ways to Kill Peyton Sawyer".
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