A/N: I never have and never will own The Umbrella Academy. Shame really.
And bury me in all my favorite colors
My sisters and my brothers, still
I will not kiss you,
Because the hardest part of this
Is leaving you
Vanya took a deep breath. Now or never, do or die. Well, in this case it was do and die. She looked sadly at the bottle of pills in her left hand. It was odd to think that human life was so delicate that it could be extinguished by such small tablets. Taking another deep breath she mentally prepared herself.
Ever since her family had saved the world from Hazel and Cha-Cha she had been able to move a little more each day. At first she'd contemplated telling someone and maybe getting some physical therapy. She'd actually looked forward to walking, perhaps even going outside and seeing the sunlight. Everything around her seemed dark or artificial.
But time went by and she decided against it. There was something else that she needed to do. Vanya had thought about it for a very long time and had come up with a plan. During the long lonely hours she had tried to move more and more until she had almost complete control of her body. So here she was, capable of getting out of bed, of walking across the house silently, and perfectly capable of getting medication.
Using her right hand she smoothed out the dress she had picked out. Perhaps she was being overdramatic, picking her clothes before her time. But it had seemed only right in a way. Leave as little trouble behind her as possible. That was how she planned to do it. In that at least her death would be the complete opposite of her life.
There would be no mess. Many long nights had been spent contemplating on how to do it best. She'd contemplated wrist slitting and hanging herself. Once, when she thought she'd never be able to move fast enough, she'd considered biting her tongue and drowning in her own blood.
In the end she was too scared of the pain. She wasn't a sadist, or at least she thought she wasn't. It was difficult to tell when you remembered so little of your past. Finally she had decided on the medication. Vanya would simply go to sleep and never wake up.
It wasn't as though she'd be missed. They could use her room for something else, something useful. Tears pricked her eyes slightly. Her free hand moved behind her head and felt the still-healing scar. What kind of person had she been before the bullet to destroy so much and make her siblings hate her? All that she had were shadowy memories of being a lonely child. That wasn't enough to make her do what she had done though. Or perhaps it was.
Her eyes slid over to the note on the table. That had been another thing she had taken care of. There would be a note, so they wouldn't need to bother themselves with an investigation. Vanya had thought about the matter with a lot of thought and planned it out in vivid detail. The letter had been the hardest thing though. How do you apologize for something you don't even remember?
She had kept it short. Just a few lines had been scrawled with a blunt pencil on an old sheet of notebook paper and folded once. Part of her was guilty about not making the note longer. But then she had simply shrugged it off. There wasn't really anything for her to say to them.
After awhile she had written another one. This one she doubted anyone but he would find. It was meant for him after all. If she'd made a mistake then there wasn't any real reason to be afraid of causing offence. A sigh escaped her lips. Everything was in place and it was all decided. All she had to do now was use the pills. But still she lingered.
There was no doubt in her mind that she was doing the right thing. It would be better for everyone if she did this. She would be free from the raised voices, the dirty looks, and the cold shoulders. But most of all she would be free from the guilt that stabbed her mind every waking moment. It would've been better if she knew exactly what she had done. But she didn't. Vanya wasn't sure that she even really wanted to know anymore. Peace was all she wanted, and the pills would give her that.
Gripping the bottle tightly she got up from her chair. She planned on using the entire bottle, just to be safe. Flipping open the lid she spilled the pills into her waiting hand. Their whiteness made them barely visible against the skin of her hand. Had she always been this pale? No, it was time to concentrate. She just had to get it over with. For the last time Vanya looked around what was basically her whole world in that room. One more tear rolled down her eye before she gulped. In the silence of her room Vanya took the last step towards peace.