find my way home,
But it's through you and I know,
What I'd do just to get back in her arms
"If you promise not to scream," he said slowly, "Then I'll take away my hand. Alright?"
Vanya nodded, knowing that she didn't have any other choice. She had seen Kraken punch through a man's rib cage once. And right now he had the look of someone who was ready for a fight, for a struggle. She knew that she couldn't get away. Kraken had always been a lot stronger then her. As if testing her he started to slowly remove his hand. But he held firmly onto her wrists and kept her pinned to the wall.
"I shouldn't have trusted Lupo," she muttered. Why couldn't she stop shaking?
"It was under protest that he told me," Kraken said, "But you'll have to thank Séance and Pogo for me going to him in the first place."
Her tremors increased. Dammnit!
"You don't need to be scared," he said almost softly, the look in his eye all but gone. "But why?"
"What?" she stuttered.
"Why did you leave?!" he said, raising his voice a little.
The question surprised Vanya. That was one of the last things she'd expected to hear. Her surprise must've shown on her face because his furious look returned and Kraken hissed;
"While you were playing house," he looked disdainfully around her apartment, "We thought that you were dead! We wouldn't have stopped you leaving if that was what you wanted. Why couldn't you have at least told me? Why Vanya, WHY?!"
"I…I…you…you shouldn't," stammered Vanya, "Just…I can't take this…please just leave-"
"DON'T YOU PULL THAT SHIT ON ME!" Kraken shouted.
Vanya flinched away from Kraken's yell. She closed her eyes tightly from his angry onslaught.
"Now tell me right now why you did it," he growled.
As much as she wanted to defend herself Vanya couldn't manage to force a reply from her trembling lips. Why was she crying?
"Do you know what they said when I told them?!" continued Kraken furiously, "They were surprised. You went through all that trouble so that no one would come after you. All that trouble just so that we would never have to see you again. Do you know what that feels like, to know that someone hates you so much that they don't want to see your face anymore?!"
"Yes!" she cried out, finally managing to say something. She turned her head back and opened her eyes, finding courage to speak. "And you should know. You were the one who made me feel like that!"
Kraken looked away.
"You said that the only thing I could help you with was getting you killed," she said, "After everything…that was all you had to say to me."
Neither of them said anything. Finally Kraken whispered;
"I still thought you hated me. But I never really wanted you to leave. I was angry, but I didn't mean what I said. I never wanted you dead."
"I…I…I…" she stammered, "I thought that…nobody wanted me alive…it was better this way. It wasn't because I hated you or any of my siblings. Even with my memories back I don't really hate them. How could I after everything I'd done to them? It's better that way. While I was just Vanya all I ever did was hurt people. Viola can be something different. Maybe she can be something worthwhile. This way, no one dies but I'm gone. Just forget that you saw me."
"How come you keep acting like I mean something?" she said, tears still flowing freely, "After everything that I've done to all of you, my own family!"
"We all know that they'd done something to you, changed you somehow. It wasn't your fault," Kraken said.
"Allison doesn't think so."
"Allison? You're worried about Allison's opinion?" Kraken said in disbelief, "Christ. You really must've lost your memories. But even she'll come 'round eventually. As for everyone else, why do you think that Monkey-man and the rest let you live, let you back into the house? Because they knew it wasn't your fault!"
"I still did all of it!" Vanya said desperately, "No matter what I feel now I still did it all. How can you just act as though nothing happened? I threw you through a wall for God's sake! You'll realize that it's better like this when you really think about it."
"Don't start this again," he said, his voice dangerous.
"What about what I said to you eight years ago?"
"Pogo told me the truth."
"But I still did it!"
"No one can blame you for that!" he said through gritted teeth, "Hargreeves was a bastard. None of these things are your fault!"
"That's not true!" Vanya said, "I still did them. There was a death toll of over 72,000 people!"
"You were fucking brainwashed!"
"Either way what does it matter?" she asked, "It's better if I stay away. Nobody wants me there, nobody cares about what happens to me! And why should they? It's-"
Vanya's words were cut off as Kraken pressed his lips to hers. It was gentle but firm. Her eyes widened in surprise and she froze. After a moment he pulled away. All of the fight was gone from his eyes and his grip around her wrists loosened. He bowed his head for a moment, as though he couldn't look her in the eye.
"Listen to me," he whispered, "I care what happens to you. I care very much. I love you. Not like a friend, and definitely not like a sister."
She took a sharp intake of breath. Her limbs wouldn't move. It was like they weren't under her control any more.
"I love you," he repeated, his voice growing strong and courage infusing into it. Kraken looked up and into her eyes, "No matter how angry I was at you I never stopped loving you. I know you don't feel the same way. But it doesn't matter. If you ever want to come home, I'll be waiting."
Releasing her hands he started to walk towards the door. Vanya couldn't move when she said slowly, desperately seeking the right words;
"The two of us grew up wanting the love of a father who would never even like us. As you said he never cared if we lived or died as long as it fit in with his plans."
She paused for a minute, once again trying to find the right words.
"While I was paralyzed I had a lot of time to think. Not all of my memories were there but the ones that were there made me wonder about what we went through. When we were kids we never really considered running away. I mean, not even you made it further then the city limits. Perhaps I'm the only one who ever ran away from home, coming out here like this and…and writing that book.
But nobody really ran away. And do you know why? It's because deep down we all know that whether we like it or not, the Umbrella academy is our home. Not the building, but everyone in it. Even when we wanted to kill them all we were still closer to them than any other person.
Thing is we didn't really understand that when we were children. The two of us always wanted to be loved by someone. Oddly enough you found me."
Kraken stopped when she started speaking but didn't turn around.
"Vanya," Kraken said, "You're not some sort of substitute for the fact that Hargreeves never cared. You never were."
"I never said I was. Just please let me finish," she begged, "At first when we started out that was the sort of thing that I wanted, I just wanted a brother who would care."
Biting her lip Vanya waited tensely for Kraken to say something.
"I understand," he said curtly, starting to move again, "Goodbye Vanya."
Suddenly her limbs unfroze and she hurried up to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. Surprised, he turned around.
"No. You don't understand," she said, moving her hand from his shoulder to his face, "That's how it started. But soon, I realized that I didn't mind if the others hated me as long as you cared. When I first figured that out I was seventeen. Soon I realized that I didn't want you to be a friend or brother. I wanted you to be something different.
You don't understand how much it hurt that day not to tell you what I felt. I wanted to tell you everything. You were saying what I wanted you to say right there in front of me. But I couldn't. So here it is. I love you, more than anyone else. That's the only true thing I said while I was the White Violin."
Even though her tremors hadn't stopped she felt oddly at peace. Slowly, like a man trying to perform a dance he'd only ever heard of before, he looped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. His other hand cradled her head and he leaned down, brushing her lips slowly. Once more it seemed like he was more uncertain then anything else.
His five o'clock shadow scratched her face and she could still feel her uncomfortable contacts. Kraken was at least a half foot taller then her and she had to stand on her tip-toes to reach his lips. The event she'd hoped for for a long time was happening and it wasn't like she'd imagined it. Surprisingly she found that she didn't care.
Quickly Vanya threw both of her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Vanya could hear his slight exclamation of astonishment and his grip loosened slightly. Part of her felt like she was moving too fast. But she had already waited over a decade for this. She wasn't willing to drag her feet anymore.
After his initial shock she felt him respond and hold her tighter. She could feel his warmth she was that close. Even if she doubted that she could get out from his grasp. It wasn't like she wanted to anyway. Not ever. Unsurprisingly the light kiss turned passionate quickly.
Several minutes passed. Eventually she felt a burning sensation in her throat. Sighing she started to move away. Kraken released her almost immediately and pulled away, looking at her.
"Some of us do need to breath," she half gasped.
A dry chuckle escaped Kraken's throat. He placed both of his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace, much gentler then the first one.
"I've got the televator ready," he whispered into her ear, "Let's go home Vanya."