Disclaimer: I don't own Fafner? I'm amazed... anyway, Xebec are the ones who do own it.
Author's note: Look; I made another part. Aren't you all thrilled? I found this episode really boring, so I tried my best to make it funny. I hope you enjoy it. Incidentally, you'll be pleased to know that I'm currently writing the next chapter of Days of Blue (and I have other story ideas in my head, too. Not sure when/if they'll get written...)
Thanks for reading.
INSANITY IN THE AZURE
EPISODE THREE: TRUTH – LABYRINTH
It's time for another exciting, angst-filled episode of Fafner! And today we start off with the Neo UN, who are flying around in a plane over the ocean in a fruitless search for Tatsumiya Island (they can't find a fruit in Fafner? How ironic.)
"There's no visible object in the water," said the random UN pilot. "… Oh well, this was a boring scene. I'm gonna go get drunk."
Back in Alvis, Fumihiko and the gang are spying on that Neo UN plane; spying on them like… spies. How very naughty.
"As always, I'm on pins and needles, for fear they might find us," Yumiko said. "Incidentally: how come there's only the two of us in this massive control room? Are the others all on their tea break? I want some tea, too!"
Meanwhile over at the school…
Kenji threw an arm around Mamoru's neck and leered at him suggestively. "Mamoru, come with me!"
"ZOMG! Are you hitting on me?! I thought we were meant to be the straight ones?"
"Come and hit on some girls with me."
"Oh, alright; that'll make us look straight again," agreed Mamoru.
Sakura suddenly crept up on the pair of them. "You two… you know what we're doing after school, right?"
Kenji and Mamoru's eyes lit up. "Threesome?" they inquired eagerly.
Because honestly; who hasn't thought about that idea with these three? They just scream 'threesome' material.
But now it's time for a staff meeting.
"I apologise for asking to gather so suddenly." Fumihiko paused. "… I worded that sentence oddly. Anyway; I'm sure you've all heard about the Neo UN search planes often flying over the island. I'm thinking of temporarily moving the island."
"Why do we need to bother doing that if our mirror camouflage shield, er, thing, makes the island invisible?" asked mummy Hazama.
"Be quiet!" snapped Fumihiko. "And do what I say, fools!"
… Fumihiko is acting odd again today.
And now it's time to end this scene with a shot of that evil pedo lady looking evil. Look how evil she looks!
"Man, this episode is so boring," Fumihiko complained as he and Chizuru got in the lift.
… Love in an elevator! Living it up while you're going down!
That was a brief look into Chizuru's mind during this scene.
"… I'm scared now," Fumihiko whimpered. "Just find me some more pilots."
"But what about the song? The song!" demanded Chizuru.
"Oh, alright, I will. But first let's have a scene showing all the children enjoying themselves, while we go into emo mode as we contemplate the fact that most of them are probably going to be killed by aliens."
Kouyou is sitting on the peer, doing a spot of fishing, while his dog, Chocolate barks in an oddly human way. Sakura, Mamoru and Kenji are having a threesome – or at least, a fight. And Maya is showing Shouko more school pictures, thus making her feel even more depressed about the fact that she's practically bed-ridden. Good going, Maya…
Notice that Kazuki and Soushi aren't in that scene. Where are they? I bet their off doing naughty things to each other with chocolate sauce… well, they are in my mind, at least.
"Right, that's enough of that," Chizuru interrupted. "I've made a list of the new pilots; let's go and tell their parents."
Mummy Kaname gasped in horror when she found out that Sakura was to be a pilot. "Gasp! I'm so shocked! Despite the fact that I knew these kids had been bred to become pilots, I'm still surprised when my kid is chosen to be a pilot."
… That makes no sense. And where are Kazuki and Soushi? Come on, let's liven this episode up a bit!
"Shut up and let us get on with the angst, fool!" snarled Chizuru.
Yikes! Ok, er, on to the next family…
"Why? Why my Kenji? I mean… he's so stupid," said mummy Kondo.
Fumihiko shrugged. "Yeah, well… canon fodder?"
Off to mummy Hazama…
"Hi! We're going to make your daughter a pilot, despite being a cripple. And she's going to get killed in three episodes time. Bye!" Chizuru announced, before running off back down the garden path.
Well… that was odd. Meanwhile at Kouyou's house, his parents have to restrain themselves from jumping up and down in delight when they find out their son is going to pilot a Fafner.
"Wow, what a pair of arseheads," Fumihiko commented.
And then Mamoru's dad doesn't even bother telling him that he's going to be a pilot – they just talk about manga instead. … Hey, there was a picture of Angela on the back of that manga. Lol, subliminal advertising.
Scene change! Gasp, is that Soushi getting drunk?! Oh no, wait, that's just Chizuru. You have to admit, she does look kind of Soushi-ish from that zoomed in side view. I bet Soushi's mummy looked a bit like her… except prettier.
"I didn't know Maya had a physical handicap," said drunken Chizuru.
"She doesn't – I just altered her records," said Yumiko.
"Er, whoops. Just ignore that, OK?"
Meanwhile Maya is climbing into the closet. Must resist making gay joke…
"What the frick are you doing in that closet?" asked Yumiko. "I thought that was Kazuki and Soushi's job?"
Oh look; she made the joke for me.
"I'm looking for dad's camera," Maya explained. "Mine has run out of film, and I need to take more hot naked pictures of Kazuki-kun!"
I like the way her mind works!
The next day at Alvis…
"I can't believe this episode is almost at the half-way point, and we haven't even seen Kazuki and Soushi yet. Honestly, they must have been at it for so long now that poor Soushi won't be able to sit down properly for weeks," commented Mamoru.
Hmm… yaoi butt-sex… Plus I like the fact that if I close my eyes and just listen to Mamoru's voice, I can pretend that I'm watching Kyou Kara Maou – which is far more interesting than this boring episode.
"Hey, stop pretending I'm someone else, you wimp!"
Oh, shut up Wolfram—er, Mamoru, and just go into fanboy mode at the thought of piloting a mecha.
"OK… ZOMG! ROBOTS! ZOMG! A SECRET MILITARY BASE!"
Right. And then everybody goes into the elevator. … Love in an elevator! Living it up while--- OK, I'll stop that now.
"Why did they hide something so awesome from us?" asked Shouko.
"Because you can't handle the truth, that's why!" answered evil teacher lady Kariya.
"She seems different to usual, doesn't she?" Kenji whispered to Mamoru. "I mean, she hasn't asked us to strip off yet or anything."
He's probably disappointed about that…
"Oh well, I'd better feel up the wall now," announced Sakura, running her fingers along the cool metal surface. "Oooh, I love walls. I want to lick them…"
Right… moving along. On the moving stairs the group notices Kenji's mother going past them.
"Mother!" Kenji called out in greeting.
Mummy Kondo ignored him.
"ZOMG! She ignored me! I feel sad now…"
And then they arrived in CDC… ZOMG! Kazuki and Soushi, at last!
"Kazuki-kun!" Shouko squealed, instantly going into fangirl mode; much to Kouyou's obvious disappointment.
"Soushi's here, too," Kouyou pointed out for no reason. "You know, he's here, with Kazuki, gaying up the joint… am I still being too subtle for you, Shouko?"
"Duh… Kazuki-kun," Shouko drooled. "I wanna ride his Fafner."
"Hey, everybody, it's picture time!" Maya shouted suddenly.
And so everyone gathered around for the group photo that's going to reappear again and again. This scene reminds of when Miaka took a group photo in Fushigi Yuugi.
Advert break! The new pilots are getting ready to do some Fafner training in their kinky flight-suits.
"Hey, how come I'm the only one of us in a pink flight-suit?!" Sakura demanded. "Just because I'm a girl, I have to wear a crappy pink one? Roar of anger!"
Oooh, pretty boys in flight-suits. Well, one pretty boy at least.
"Hey!" Mamoru and Kenji snapped angrily while Kouyou smirked triumphantly.
Meanwhile in CDC…
"Look over this battle monitor and give instructions to each section," Yumiko was saying to Shouko. "Understand?"
Oh, well, can't be helped. Back with Chizuru and Kariya…
"How are the pilots doing?" Kariya asked evilly.
"Pretty well for first-timers."
Cue a scene of the four of them screaming like idiots as they endure the simulation. Yeah, they're doing really well…
"The new pilots are bloody useless," said Kariya.
"It is unreasonable to ask them to be like Kazuki," Soushi said.
"… Um, because he's much better looking."
Good answer, Soushi.
Speaking of Kazuki, he's over with mummy Hazama, helping her do some repair work on his Fafner. Because, as we all know, Kazuki is a mechanical genius, and knows exactly how these robots work, and how to fix them…
… wait. What?
And then Kazuki looks up and sees a naked, glowing red person hovering above him.
Kazuki gawped in shock. "Wha?! Wait… long hair, glowing pink, er, red, like the Siegfried system… is that naked Soushi?! That's hot!"
I can't help but wonder if he thought that for just a second; especially since you can't tell instantly if the glowing person is male or female.
"What's wrong?" mummy Hazama asked, not bothering to look up.
"I thought I saw a naked Siegfried system Soushi floating above me."
"… Look, can we leave the weird yaoi fantasies till you're alone in your bedroom at night?"
No, you old fool! I want to hear about his yaoi fantasies, too!
Meanwhile with daddy Mamoru and his mechanic friends…
"Our freaking plane won't work," daddy Mamoru announced. "This makes daddy Mamoru angry. And when daddy Mamoru gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset…"
"—And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset… people die!"
Right… just hurry up and fix the damn plane. We need it to be ready in time for the yaoi-est moment of the episode.
Back with mummy Hazama and Kazuki…
Mummy Hazama looked around in confusion. "Oh great, Kazuki-kun's buggered off somewhere. Maybe he's gone to take care of his 'problem' … I wanted to watch!"
Actually it turns out that Kazuki is chasing the naked red glowing person down the hallway – he's desperate for that naked Soushi, isn't he?
"Come back, you tease!" Kazuki yelled after the glowing person. "I'm going to give you a damn good whipping for this, Soushi!"
The glowing person eventually led Kazuki to yet another giant flight of stairs (the giant flight of stairs total is now at three…), and to an equally giant looking door; which opened to reveal a giant looking room with a giant looking walkway, leading to a giant—er, am I the only one sensing a theme here?
At long last Kazuki reached the (giant) core tube. "Naked glowing Soushi, here I co—hey, wait; that isn't Soushi after all! It's just some naked girl with no breasts that looks a bit like Soushi."
The girl, aka Tsubaki Minashiro, opened her eyes and peered down at Kazuki. 'Oh, this must be the guy my brother is always talking about. He's cute – my brother has great taste.'
And thus Tsubaki became a Kazusou fangirl, too.
'I'm so impressed by Soushi's love interest that I'm going to power up the island!'
With that the island's reactor was powered up (by the power of Yaoi!), so they could move the island. Hurrah!
At the Rakuen café… The TV suddenly came on by itself. "Attention Tatsumiya citizens; as of 10am tomorrow, the island will start moving."
Daddy and mummy Kouyou growled in anger. "They're moving the island? N-one told us!"
"… we just did tell you, you freaking evil idiots!"
Daddy Kouyou blinked. "How did that TV hear what we were saying?"
Off we go to CDC again…
"… WARNING! WARNING! Festum approaching!" warned the early-warning system.
"Oh, crap!" Yumiko groaned. "That's just what we need."
"… WARNING! WARNING! Neo UN plane approaching, too!"
"Oh, crap!" Yumiko groaned again.
"… WARNING! WARNING! Kazuki is also missing!"
"Oh, freaking crap! This just isn't our day!"
"… WARNING! WARNING! … You're ugly!"
And thus Yumiko gave the early-warning system a damn good thrashing.
Down in the depths of hell—er, I mean in the core room….
"What am I doing in here again?" asked Kazuki.
You thought naked Soushi was here.
"Oh, right. Hey, wait a minute—my Festum-sense is tingling! And my Yaoi-sense… and my Soushi-sense!"
Jeez, you're nothing but senses…
In CDC, Fumihiko is having a nervous breakdown – but he's hiding it really carefully.
"Gah! Festum to the left of me, Neo UN planes to the right! I don't know what to do," Fumihiko moaned. "Maybe if I just glare at them hard enough they'll all get scared and run away?"
"Commander, I don't think that'll work," said Soushi. "But don't worry; I've got a plan, and it's as hot as my pants!"
"Alright, I think your plan might work, Soushi-kun," Fumihiko said. "Prepare Mark Elf for takeoff."
Huh? Did I miss something? They didn't tell us what Soushi's plan is…
"Where in the world is Kazuki Makabe?" asked Fumihiko.
They're ignoring me!
"He's coming up in the lift from the super secret core room," answered mummy Sakura.
In the lift with Kazuki… love in an elevator! Living it up while—
"Shut up!" Kazuki snarled.
"Wha! It's the disembodied voice of Soushi!"
"No, Kazuki, I'm just talking to you over the monitor."
Kazuki glanced up at the monitor that I don' recall seeing the last time they were in the lift… "You're looking very pretty today, dear."
"Thank you. Where were you just now?"
"Well, I thought I saw your naked red, holographic Siegfried system form beckoning me, so I chased it around for a bit – but the it turned out to just be some weird little girl in a giant red tube that's hidden in a secret underground room."
"… Kazuki have you been taking my pills?"
"Oh, er, never mind! Just hurry up and get to the docking bay."
"This makes me glare for no reason," glared Kazuki.
"Yumiko, send that Neo UN plane a message saying Tatsumiya's location is at point N-O-2," said Fumihiko.
"But that means it'll come into contact with that Festum… gasp! Soushi's plan involves murder? How naughty of him."
"That's right – the Neo UN plane is going to be a decoy for us. Tee-hee!" Fumhiko said, giggling girlishly into his hands.
… I think he's the one that's been snacking on Soushi's pills.
And now, what we've all been waiting for throughout this whole bore-fest of an episode… the homoerotic moment.
"I'm telling you first, I've never flown before," Kazuki said, looking ahead determinedly.
Soushi's pretty red hologram appeared alongside him. "Don't worry… the two of us together can fly. Don't you agree?"
Oooh, yeah. It was worth the wait. I love that moment.
"Hey, I haven't done my end of the episode speech yet," Soushi interrupted.
Sigh. Alright, get on with it, dear.
"Right. Ah-hem… I wonder when people forgot how to fly the sky."
No, no, Soushi-cutie, people can't fly. You're thinking of birds.
"… No. We didn't forget. We became scared. Because the sky of this planet doesn't belong to people anymore."
It never did! I told you just now; you're thinking of birds.
"We spread our wings in such sky."
… Are you done? Geez, Soushi's speeches are getting stupider by the episode. No wonder they stopped them. Until next time, on the next exciting episode of Fafner.