Title: Five times Jack wished Daniel was a girl

Author: Rebecca Johnson [.com]

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Rating: G

Spoilers: None really

Summary: title tells it all

Author's Note: I have discovered that I can write a complete 5 things list in a free period – just enough time to think them up, jot them down and a quick once over. A quick polish when I get home and voila. Bad, bad discovery.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing.

1. There were certain disadvantages to this whole 'one locker room' deal. While they usually all dressed together before going out on their missions – with their years of working together closely having generated more than a passing familiarity and a quick and efficient method of change – the guys usually cleared out for a while once they got home. This afforded Sam a little privacy to wash off whatever mud, grime or alien goo she had acquired during the mission in relative peace. It was one of the few concessions to her being the 'girl on the team' that she never called them on. But on days like today, when both the smell of her shampoo and the muffled sound of her singing wafted out to the three mud-coated men waiting dutifully in the hall, Jack sure wished Danny was a girl so he could send him in after her, hauling her out so they could finally get their turn.

2. There are 147 white tiles on the infirmary ceiling, all revolving around that one black one that had been blasted, Jaffa style, a few years back. So that was 148 all up; 148 tiles, one small doctor with a penlight fetish and nine nurses all vying for the attention of the bruised and battered man in the next bed over. The man was damn near unconscious and still he had all the girls after him. It wasn't fair, the nurses never paid him any attention. Sometimes he wished that the 'good Doctor Jackson' (commonly referred to in these parts as the 'Love Doctor') was a girl, then maybe he could recover in peace.

3. Jack couldn't remember the last time they had been surprised when an alien native had handed Sam a more 'appropriate' outfit. It was just part of the routine by now: meet, greet, get changed, get shot and, if necessary, arrange to have Daniel bought back to life. Sam had long since stopped protesting and Danny, space monkey that he was, had taken to surreptitiously snapping pictures of them all, slowing building up his collection of blackmail material. When the tables had turned, however, Jack was not pleased. Somehow he didn't get the same thrill out of seeing Daniel in a weird lycra-like contraption (not to mention being in one himself), and the sight of Danny's hairy knees peeking out the bottom was downright scary. It was bad enough he was in this mess without that image following him home. He changed his mind, however, when he saw his Major sneakily pull the camera out of his pack. Sam may be sneaky, but at least she'd keep the incriminating evidence for her own amusement and torture. If Danny had been a girl, he had no doubt that the image would have been in every inbox by morning.

4. When Jack caught sight of the blonde head bobbing past the booth, he ducked his own head down closer to the table to avoid being seen himself. Damn it, why wasn't Danny a girl? Then he could at least pretend he was on a date. Then maybe the fact that he had only had one date with this perfectly nice woman before decided that, looks aside, she was not the person he was looking for wouldn't have felt so foolish.

5. Jack knew he was a pretty handsome guy, that he looked good for his age – hey, just because he didn't go looking for the ladies didn't mean he didn't hear them – but even so, the sight in front of him had him tugging on his shirt and smoothing down his hair in every attempt to make himself look more presentable. The team was going out to dinner tonight, something they did often, but today Daniel had had some diplomatic to-do to go to (one of the many jobs Hammond fobbed off on the fool too naïve to realise why), and had only his suit to change into. When he had walked down the hall to meet Sam and Teal'c at the elevators, as was their custom, Sam's mouth had dropped and she looked him over slowly, clearly appreciative of his appearance, while Jack, standing behind him in my khakis and dirty sneakers, shot daggers at the back of his head. If Danny was a girl I wouldn't have this problem.