Author's Note: At first, I didn't think that I was going to post this. I wrote part of it a few weeks back, intent on writing something full of true feeling, and I still don't know if I've accomplished that or not. I think I was at first going to keep this to myself for characterization purposes--how Glinda really felt deep inside--but I decided that it needed to be shared, so that you could see my take on Glinda and what was really going through her mind when Fiyero decided that he wanted another person.
I tried to keep the flow and wordchoice peaceful and calmly, but still as heart-breaking as possible. It's a science, really. :) So tell me if you liked it, and brownie points to whoever can guess the song that provided the inspiration for this.
"Does she kiss you like I used to kiss you?"
Fiyero couldn't respond like a noble gentleman, like someone who knew where he was going, what he was doing. He couldn't respond like he knew the way, for he was lost.
"I knew that, I suppose. Does it feel the same around her? Or does the air feel different?" Glinda stepped toward him and gently touched his arm. The touch made her want more--so much more. . . .
Fiyero couldn't make himself look at her. It was too hard. So he stared forward, calmly aware of her gentle touch.
Glinda shifted gradually to his other side, touched his face with cold hands. "It feels magical, doesn't it? She's always had that effect on people. . . ."
He stiffened, and forced himself to look deep into her eyes. They sparkled with unshed tears.
Glinda heaved a sigh and stared into the distance far away from where they were. "Sometimes I wonder what's out there," she said, "and you know, Fiyero, I always hoped of exploring it with you." When she turned back, a real tear was there. Fiyero hated it when women cried. . . .
"But I'll go there one day, with or without you. I can move on, although I'm sad now." Glindaturned her whole body to face him and picked up his hand to cup her face. "I will surviveand live another day. For now I can't see the light, but tomorrow will be brighter." And she smiled, so unexpectedly that Fiyero had to smile back.
What he didn't know was that the smile was fake. Plastic.
"You may think it a petty fantasy now, but it will come. And you, I'm sure, will be forever happy with my Elphie."
"But will you be happy, Glinda?"
Glinda smiled again, however weakly. "I will one day, love." She turned away subtly, but Fiyero wasn't fooled.
"Don't cry," he said softly, and touched her shoulder.
"Elphaba won. I lost. I know, this . . . but . . . I thought, when-when—" She couldn't talk correctly, but looked back at him. "I thought you loved me. I always thought I belonged with you, Fiyero. Was I wrong? I mean . . . what did I do wrong?"
He shook his head. "You did nothing wrong."
"I was just never . . . good enough," she said. She sighed, and her voice quivered. "But I don't . . . want to talk about this. I-I don't want you to think that you've. . . . It makes me feel s-sad." Glinda held a handkerchief to her mouth. "And I don't want to cry I front of you. I feel s-so selfish!"
Fiyero took her hands into his. "I'm the one who was selfish, Glinda. I couldn't be happy with you—"
"I indulged in so many fantasies, Fiyero. You and me, growing old . . . raising a family . . . just living. . . ." Glinda stopped and her throat closed up with held back tears. "AndI wanted Elphie as a friend. I couldn't have both. And now, look, I've lost both." She moved, shying away into a silence.
The peacefulness that her statement brought about was as still as the night. Everything was silent and black. A sort of eerie calmness spread through Glinda's fingertips and toes, and at that moment, all she wanted to do was press herself against Fiyero like she always used to. It felt different to sit there, shivering and cold, and to be as far from him as possible. Like there was now a barrier between the two people, no matter how close they used to be. . . .
She didn't want to feel alone. It felt so different from what she grew up. There was always someone there. Someone to hold, cry onto. There was always someone. Now . . . there was no one.
Was it fair, Elphaba getting the only thing Glinda truly wanted? All of those trivial prized possessions seemed meaningless now. All compared to Fiyero . . . there were empty. Fiyero was more. He was everything and everyone. He was The One.
But she couldn't have him.
He was so close. She could reach out and touch his soft skin. She could try to make him love her. . . .
But she couldn't have him.
There would always be a very fine line to which she could no longer cross. He was now Elphaba's. Wasn't he?
And it hurt.
She could just . . . kiss him.
But she couldn't have him.
He was right in front of her, so very close, but . . . he couldn't be touched.
It wouldn't be fair. To try to take him back would be the worst thing to do. She missed him. She wanted him. She wanted to love him, and to have him love her back. But she couldn't.
And, for a moment, she wanted him to kill her.
The thought scared her, but it hurt so badly.
"Glinda?" Fiyero asked quietly.
"I understand, Fiyero," she said. It was agony. "You . . . love her."
"But I will always be there for you, Glinda."
She couldn't have him, but she could trust him.