Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Supernatural or any of the lines I borrowed from the movie
Warning: slash, language and spoilers for the Twilight movie and book
Also I know Dean didn't know about vampires until the end of season one but let's just pretend he does know. Oh and this story is set four months after Sam goes to Stanford
We love our tragedies.
We're both broken in our own little ways
We're broken and we fit together just right
You know I saw the black inside your eyes
I saw they were eclipsed that night,
And they looked just right.
Evans Blue: Eclipsed
Our Secret Lullaby
Chapter I: Frozen
When John Winchester let his eldest son go on his first hunt, by himself, he was at the age of 24. He had spent every year since he was four travelling from town to town hunting the supernatural. He'd spent every day hunting something evil since his fourteenth birthday; he'd spent everyday under fourteen staying in dingy motels, with his younger brother Sam. He'd been trained as a soldier, Daddy's little fucked up, lonely soldier, but his Father didn't care, he was obsessed with revenge, obsessed with finding the demon that killed Dean and Sam's mother nineteen years and four months ago. It wasn't to say that Dean didn't want revenge, because he did, he really did. He wanted to kill the demon that fucked up his life and who had helped turn him into an obedient little soldier.
But some days Dean just wanted to be normal, the sad thing was he wasn't sure he knew exactly what normal was. Was normal living in a home with a white picket fence, laughing everyday, finding love and getting a job then getting your own home with a white picket fence? Well if that was normal then normal could stay the hell away from Dean. So why the hell did Dean want normal in the first place, but he didn't really know what it was like to be normal. So why care, why miss something he never had. He should just stop thinking and get to Forks before sundown and get over the fact that his father is an obsessed bastard and his little brother left him to go to collage.
Yeah, he should get over that.
When Sam left, Dean didn't know what to think. It felt like he had lost an arm or a leg, because Sam had always been there and he was meant to look after him. How could he do that now? How could he look after Sam when he was hunting a possible case of vampires in Forks and Sam was in California, how the fuck could he protect him? But hey, he was in collage, how dangerous could it be? The thing that pissed Dean off the most was that Sam was safe and he had left and Dean, Dean was not safe. Sam left Dean behind, he abandon him and for that he hated him.
Sam had the courage to leave yet Dean stayed and he is the perfect fucking soldier, Daddy's perfect fucking soldier, and he wants to think for himself and he wants to love and he wants… he doesn't want normal. He wants to be free though, to be free of his demons, his past, his family, his life, but he can't run, he can't hide. For that he hated himself.
Dean turned the music up as loud as it could go and it should be hurting his ears but he was numb, always so numb. He looked up to see the sign that said Welcome to Forks and he felt relief wash over him. He could find a motel, get some rest then head out to the forest tomorrow. When he stopped at the lights he glanced around the town, it was raining outside, but hey it was Forks and it was under a near constant cover of clouds. He switched up the heat but he felt tense, perhaps it was the watchful eyes on him, seeing who the new visitor was.
The light turned green and Dean tore off, leaving the watchful eyes behind. He didn't like when people stared at him, he hated how they just looked and it made him feel like they knew, knew everything. But how could they? No one knew Dean like Dean, though sometimes he wandered how well he knew himself. He was sure he was becoming more damaged by the day and he was falling apart bit by bit and the numb feeling never left, hadn't left since the night he saw his mother pinned to the ceiling being consumed by flames. He should have felt burning heat against his face that night but all he felt was the ice freezing his heart.
Dean imagined he would be frozen forever, frozen so cold that he was numb. At the age of fourteen Dean met someone though, met someone who made him feel slightly less frozen but he was quickly whisked away, on another fucking hunt. He froze again after that and no one else could make him feel unfrozen. Not even his little brother, who could make him smile after the worst day but it was not enough to thaw him out. He was frozen, damaged and the perfect little soldier.
A motel came into view and for once it didn't look like a crap, it wasn't exactly five stars but hey it was good enough for Dean. He parked the car and he had to remind himself to turn the engine off, because someone was always sitting next to him, but not now. Not now. He walked into the office and a pretty dark hair girl served him and he should have flirted but he was tired of one-night stands and Dean loved sex but he was so damaged. He just didn't want to bring anyone else into his screwed up life.
He took the key then headed to his room, lucky number seven, lucky number seven my arse where Dean's thoughts. He shut off the engine and the music stopped and silence fell over Dean. So quiet. So quiet. He flung his duffle over his shoulder and walked into the motel room, it was basic, a bed, a small kitchen and a bathroom. But it was clean or rather cleaner then the ones he'd stayed at. He shut the door and dropped his bag onto the bed, the only bed, and made his way to the kitchen. Coffee, he needed coffee.
As he made himself a strong coffee he listened to the silence and it screamed louder then a thousand cries of pain. It screamed the truth, it screamed that Dean Winchester was damaged and he was so fucking far from the perfect son but he so close to the perfect soldier and it was so screwed up. The silence was maddening. It was so maddening that he left half his coffee and headed to the nearest bar, so he could drown his sorrows and just forget the screaming silence and repeating thoughts.
By midnight Dean was ready to leave and head back to the motel. He was drunk and tired and he had a possible vampire hunt and he should get up and leave. But then a young woman walked over to him and she was not quit as drunk as he but she was nearly there. They started talking or rather she started talking and Dean didn't hear a word she said but she didn't care, she only wanted to go home with him. But he heard his thoughts, going around and around. It was like there was a freight train in his head and it was so noisy but it was better then the silence. He had shot after shot, trying to drown out his thoughts, trying just to feel something, anything. After awhile he did feel something, the girl's hand running up his leg and her breath in his ear, she said lets go back to my place and Dean had said no more one-night stands but he didn't say it now.
They left together, both using the other to keep themselves up right. Dean drove back to her place, both blind drunk and lucky as hell the streets were quiet. As she left Dean for a moment, he returned to his thoughts but he couldn't think anymore, he tried but he couldn't even form words let alone think about his pain and his suffering. He loved this feeling, the feeling of nothing, no numbness, no confusing thoughts running amuck in his head, just nothing. Empty. Just like he was.
When the girl came back, she pulled him towards the bedroom and he didn't have time to think again for the rest of the night.
He had time to feel though.
And all he felt was frozen.
The next day Dean stared at the local newspapers with a blinding headache and no memory of the night before. He remembered waking up beside some strange girl and he didn't need evidence to tell him what he had done. He needed coffee though, coffee and something to get rid of his pounding headache. One hour later and his head still pounded but he was no longer with the strange girl, instead he was back at the motel, eyes scanning the local paper for information on his hunt. He was pretty sure he was hunting vampires and all he needed was a machete and he'd be set. He didn't even have to wait for nightfall, the hunts happened out in the forests and since it rained most days he could head out now. If only he could keep his eyes open.
He cursed himself for drinking so much, he was working a job and he let himself get blinded. Yeah real fucking great of him, guess he was slipping away from the perfect soldier. That suited him just fine though. He was tired of being ordered around and being told to hunt this, hunt that and never did he get to do anything he wanted. No one listened to his dreams, his desires, no one cared that he had them, they just cared that he was good a hunter. Why would no one listen to his dreams, his thoughts? The silence listened though, it heard all his truths and it screamed them back at him.
You're pathetic, you're worthless, you're going nowhere, you have no future, Sam does, you don't, you're just a soldier in a never-ending war. The silence screams the truth to Dean and he grounds the palms of his hands into his eyes and begs, pleads, for the silence to shut up. But it screams and it screams and more truths pour out and Dean can't take it. He is walking out the door, keys in hand, jacket half pulled on. He is in the car and the music is chasing away the silence.
He has no idea where he is going but he drives and he drives, the town passes him by in a mass of colour. The music is blaring out but all he can hear is his heart pumping in his ears. He pulls the car to a halt, the large forest is surrounding him, the silence is surrounding him. He gets out of the car and he runs, he runs from the silence, he runs from his demons, his past, his family and he runs for himself.
By the time he stops, he is in a meadow, small white flowers blanket the ground and the sun seeps through the clouds. He doubles over and he takes in a deep breath, refiling his lungs and he stands back up and screams. He screams for his mother's death, he screams for the hard life Sammy had to have and he screams because he is lonely and all he wants is to find someone to love. He wants love. He never told anyone, not Dad, not Sammy, he just kept it to himself. So now he screamed for the love he longed for and the love he needed, God he just needed to feel love, to feel loved.
As his screams come to an end, he collapses to the ground, panting and sobbing for the first time since years. He wants to scream again, to look up at the sky and yell and demand that he get some answers. Demand why God took away his mother and ruined his life, but he doesn't scream and he doesn't demand answers from the cloud filled sky. Instead he cries, he cries for his mother's death, for Sammy's hard life and he cries for himself.
He stayed in the meadow until the night air stung his face and chilled him to the bone.
The next day Dean found himself at a local diner, it was better then the ones he had been to, the food was decent and didn't taste like ass. The whole diner was better then the ones he had been to. There were people chatting, familles laughing and yet he was sitting on his own, eating a greasy breakfast and drinking coffee. He doubted anyone noticed him, he was most likely invisible to their eyes, he didn't need to be seen though, didn't need to be noticed. He felt invisible to the world around him, only being noticed when someone wanted something from him, but it was fine with Dean, he didn't need to have people asking him how he was or pretending to care.
He felt a fit rage spread through his body as fast as a bolt of lightening, he was angry as hell then he was calm. The flicker of rage left him with tears in his eyes and the need for someone to care about him. He just wanted to be loved, to have someone say they loved him and to make all the hurt go away. But as he watched the many faces pass him by he knew none of them were going to do just that.
He dropped his fork to the table then stood up and left, leaving some money behind. He stepped out into the cold, the rain was just a drizzle at the moment but heaver rain was to come. He tightened his jacket around him and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He walked down the street, taking in the smell of the fresh crisp air and the many faces that passed him by. As he walked along he wandered if he'd find the girl who'd make him feel human again, make him feel alive. He played over some images in his head. He'd turn the corner and he'd bump right into her, they'd each say sorry at the same time then their eyes would meet.
Dean shook his head to clear away the silly thoughts, it would never happen. He was more likely to turn a corner and bump into a possessed man or woman rather then find true love. But as the corner came closer and closer he couldn't help but hope that as he turned he'd walk straight into her. As he turned the corner he closed his eyes just long enough to feel a bump, his heart skipped a beat. Was this really happening? As he opened his eyes he saw a pale skinned teenage boy, he had thick dark brown hair that stuck out in all places but what caught Dean's attention were his golden eyes. They made Dean go weak at the knees.
"Sorry" he managed to say, his voice cracking slightly, as it used to do when he was nervous, but why the hell was he nervous? "Didn't see you." he couldn't help but stare at the young man, his pale skin seemed as white as snow and when he spoke his voice felt like velvet to Dean's ears.
"Mistakes all mine" he gave an odd smile with his perfect red lips then took off as fast he could.
Dean spun around but found that the young man was no longer there, no trace that he had been. But something hung in the air, a sweet smell, something so sweet he couldn't quite name it. He shook his head, he should get back to the motel, it was freezing out here but he kept staring, waiting, but the young man did not come back and Dean returned to the motel.
Dean stared at the ceiling, he'd been lying in bed for hours and sleep would not come. But he was so tired, so exhausted, but sleep would not come. He kept thinking, and it was stupid, but he kept thinking about the young man he walked into this morning. His skin so white, his eyes so bright and his voice, God his voice was like music to Dean's ears. Dean felt like he was going insane, he didn't even know the kid's name and he felt like he was falling in love. Which he couldn't be, no way, no way was he falling for a guy. Dean was just tired and confused, right?
He couldn't stop thinking though, couldn't stop hearing his voice, seeing his face and it was crazy because Dean was straight and this man, this kid, was making Dean go insane. But he knew nothing about him, didn't know his name, his age, his favourite colour, he knew nothing. But every time he closed his eyes he saw his perfect face he felt his heart beat faster.
This was crazy; Dean was acting crazy, mental even. He didn't know a thing about the young man, he could be a killer for all he knew, possessed by a demon even. Dean had to clear his head and sleep. For God's sake he had a job to do and he had already wasted enough time. Dean closed his eyes and he willed himself to sleep. He would not think of the strange young man, he would not think of the hunt ahead of him. He would sleep and tomorrow he would do his job then leave this town.
And never, ever come back.
The next day Dean is sitting at the same diner, he liked it, good food and great coffee, but it wasn't the real reason he was here. As he sipped his coffee he scanned the room, trying to find the mysterious young man from yesterday. He watches pretty girls walk past and they smile at him and one even winks but he doesn't really notice, he can't stop thinking, (can't stop seeing his face) He looks back down at his meal and tries to think of something else, anything else. He thinks of the hunt, of what he must do and what he should have done already. He is wasting his time, he should have this job finished, hell he should get up right now and finish it. (But he stays and doesn't move)
He stays for five more coffees and it is nearing midday and he should get up and hunt those damn vampires (but he doesn't move) he is waiting and he is praying that the young man will come back (he doesn't, but he stays) eventually the waitress walks over to him and she is pretty, tan skin and honey coloured hair and green eyes but all he sees his pale skin and golden eyes.
"You lonely hun?" she asks and her voice is sweet but not soft like velvet.
"I'm looking for someone," he says, meeting her green eyes (all he sees is gold)
"Who may that be luv?"
Dean chews the inside of his lip, should he ask, should he find out who the mysterious young man is? It might help him feel saner. "A young man, about seventeen, dark hair, snow white skin-"
"-And golden eyes" she says with a giggle "He just walked in."
Dean turned around to see the pale skinned man standing in the doorway, his golden eyes staring at Dean. Dean turns away, back to face the waitress and he looks at her (she's pretty) but he sees nothing. "Thanks" he stands then turns to face the young man, who is leaning against a booth; his firm arms were dangling beside him and his gold eyes hypnotized Dean. He wants to walk to him but he just stares and he can't make his legs work and he must look like a fool.
He doesn't have to move though; the pale skinned man walks to him. Even that makes Dean weak at the knees. He walks so gracefully, like he is walking on air. Dean wanders what the hell is wrong with him, he wants to know why he can't move or breath and he wants to know what the hell is happening?
"Hi" he says, voice so smooth and a sweet smell hangs in the air around them "I'm sorry for yesterday."
"Ah…" damnit! Why can't he find words? What the hell was happening? "It's ok…"
"No, it's not" he says and Dean feels his heart race and this is stupid so fucking stupid "I was rude and I apologise."
"Well apology accepted" he found his voice now, the only thing was it sounded different, sounded rough and dry (not like velvet.)
The man before Dean looked around the diner then back at Dean "I'm Edward" he stuck out his hand, "Edward Cullen."
"Dean Winchester" he said reached out and accepted Edward's hand, he jumped in surprise when he felt how cold it was. As cold as ice.
"Sorry" Edward said pulling his hand back "I get cold hands" he laughed softly "as most people do in Forks."
"As they would" Dean smiled then asked, "so you live here?"
"Yeah I do" he smiled and Dean had a funny feeling that Edward Cullen was an angel "but you don't, do you?"
"Just staying a few nights," he said with a smile of his own "I'm here hunting."
"Hunting what?" Edward asked.
"Deer" he lied "I was raised as a hunter." Least it's half true he thought.
Edward went to speak when someone walked through the door, a gust of cold wind blowing through the diner. "Well good luck" he took a step back "Be careful though, strange things have been happening" he gave the same odd smile he had given yesterday then turned and walked off.
"Wait" Dean ran after him, slamming the diner's door roughly behind him (he didn't care though) but Edward was gone. Dean sighed then pulled his jacket around him, he had to get out of this town and leave 'Edward Cullen' in his re-view mirror.
If only he could stop seeing his face every time he closed his eyes.
To be continued
Please leave a review and let me know what you think of this very different pairing :)