This is Twice Now

Hey kids, sorry for the late update (writer's block lol).

Okay this is a Bella chapter. It is inspired by Lydia, I don't know if anyone has heard of them. Anyway, check 'em out – so bloody good.

I thought that adding some depth would be good for this story.

So tell us please, what do you think?

Should I stick to light and fluffy?

Ah, well neither Daniella, nor I own anything whatsoever of the twilight world. We worship Steph for all things Edward. Ah fricken stop your rambling. Okay.

'Cos I stole your soul.

Edward's iPod had changed songs. It was loud enough to hear the voice of the lead singer. And in the meantime, he hadn't moved. He just went rigid, staring blatantly.

So I stopped too, hoping he wasn't going into another weird mood swing.

At this point, I was sitting - no straddling his lower torso. The silence between us was reaching some kind of precipice.

What do I say? My earlier bravado was wearing away, and yes alcohol had something to do with it.

So I cleared my throat awkwardly. He took that and started talking.

'Bella,' he addressed me curtly and I half expected him to push me off,' if this continues, I won't be able to stop.'

I stopped breathing, yet I was immediately relieved that he hadn't thrown me another mood swing.

'Um, Edward,' I started as I pulled myself off him voluntarily, 'you seem to be good at killing moods.'

He looked surprised then, turning his head to the side to look at me. 'Killing moods?'

I chuckled for his benefit. 'Yeah, really killing the mood. You do it all the time.'

He was stunned.

'It's generally for a reason, you know.' He was getting a little angry now. Talk about defensive.

I shrugged, knowing it would only aggravate him further.

He huffed loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

I knew I was being a little immature, but I didn't care. 'Your mind changes more often than Emmett with a remote and cable tv.'

Edward did not see my humour. Sour puss.

'You don't get it do you?' he asked, his voice was low, angry.

'What am I supposed to get?' I hissed back at him. I mean, I wasn't a mind reader.

'Don't fucking worry about it.'

'Well, if you're going to be like that,' I started snapping, gathering myself together and making the decision to leave him here in his sulking, 'well, fuck you too.'

Then I leave his bed, walk the short distance to his bedroom door and disappear without looking back.

Fucking Edward Cullen. I think I hate him right now.

Well, I thought I hated him.

That was until I snuck back into Alice's bedroom. She was most definitely feigning sleep. I could tell from the over-exaggerated snores she was pulling.

I decided to nudge her. 'Alice.'

She pretended to groan in her sleep. 'What?'

I nudge her again. 'I know you have been awake this whole time.'

She sits up quickly, huffing. 'I thought that would get me an Oscar!'

I grin at her. 'Well, if you call that acting, don't bother.'

She frowned. 'Oh yeah, real nice Bella.'

'Yeah, I know.'

She shrugs, not sleepy at all. 'So where were you exactly?'

I momentarily thought about what to say. 'Uh, I was in Edward's room.'

She frowned again. 'What happened?'

I looked up quickly to dismiss the subject, hoping to worm out the information I needed through another conversation. 'We just talked a little.'

Alice's eyes focussed on mine with an eyebrow cocked slightly.

I shrugged. 'Talking and getting to know one another.'

She still had that sceptical look on her face. 'Right.'

I didn't know what to say. But I did know what I wanted to talk about. I needed to talk about why a guy would just blow off a girl while she sits on top of him. And also taking into account that the guy had made advances on the girl as well.

I just didn't want Alice to look into it and work out what was actually going on.

I probably should have just read a stupid magazine.

Maybe I would have gotten the whole 'he's-just-not-that-into-you' thing.

Stupid magazines and the shit they shove down people's throats.

Alice caught me mid-thought. 'What's wrong with you?'

I sigh, defeated.

'Alright, if I tell you, do you promise that it stays between us?'

She nodded. 'Yeah.'

'Okay, hypothetically...' I start, my eyes darting around the room anxiously, 'let's say that a girl meets a boy and it feels like they like each other right?'

Alice nodded, already putting two and two together in her head.

'But when it comes down to it, he's so hot and cold that the girl is just so confused. But when she thinks she finally cracks him, it just seems to open up something else.'

She looks back dumbly. 'Isn't that typical boy syndrome?'

I scoff at her. 'No, it's more than just the "commitment issues" bullshit. It's like he has something he's hiding and he won't tell me.'

She grins now. 'I thought this was hypothetical?'

'It is,' I sigh, 'Alice, what do you think?'

I watch as she plays with the hem on her pyjama shirt. 'Well, I think you need to take it slower maybe. The boy has still got some issues he has been trying to work out.'

I thought about that for a moment. 'That makes sense.'

'Just put yourself in his shoes,' she told me, extending a hand to touch my shoulder.

'How can I, when I have no idea what he's supposed to be going through.'

Alice just stared, unmoving. 'You'll find a way.'

I huffed, not happy with her vague answer. I turned away from her like a petulant child and decided it was time for bed.

I would deal with it in the morning.

The morning.

Oh, the headache was ridiculous.

Who can do this every weekend?

We were sitting at the breakfast table. Yes they had a separate table for breakfast.

Esme had taken the liberty of making pancakes. The kind with copious amounts of syrup and butter. The perfect remedy for a hangover.

'Thanks Esme,' I said as she handed me my plate.

She smiled. 'You're welcome.'

I was determined to avoid the empty seat in front of me. It was where Edward should be.

He was in the shower and he would be down any moment.

And I was having trouble not thinking about him under the jet of hot water as it would cascade down- oh, never mind.

I was supposed to be angry with him.

Well, all those thoughts flew out of my head as he walked down the stairs and entered the dining room.

Esme fluttered over to him like a nesting bird. I admired the way she mothered him. She was inspecting a cut on his face. He had obviously made it while shaving. I smiled despite myself.

I so desperately wanted to be the one inspecting his face. I wanted to make sure he was okay.

Goddamn, I'm supposed to be angry with him.

And he was watching me.

So I looked away.

Oh hell no, he was not getting out of this easily.

I was still angry with him. Well, I thought I was.

He took his seat before me. I tried in vain to avoid his piercing gaze.

Why is he staring at me?

And I found myself unconsciously returning his stare.

It didn't stop, even when his mother set his breakfast down in front of him. He didn't even look at the perfectly rounded and honeyed pancakes.

I shivered, silently willing his stare to stop.

I heard a loud clearing of the throat. Emmett obviously.

Edward was startled from his daze. He quickly looked down and started his breakfast.

I was mesmerised by the way he ate.

It's sick, I know.

But I couldn't stop watching him, even when he looked up and raised his eyebrow in question.

I blinked twice, unable to look away.

He only snickered, shovelling the perfect stack of pancakes down.

He was so graceful about everything, even the way he chewed. He was not messy at all.

Is he even human?

I sighed, still watching him.

He finished his plate, turning his eyes to my half eaten stack of pancakes. 'Are you eating those?'

'No.' I handed the plate over to him, and he finished mine in just a few seconds.

I heard Emmett distantly groaning. 'I wish Rosie was here, she always lets me eat hers...'

There's a collective snickering around the table before Edward finishes and looks up to meet my eyes again.

It was awkward. It felt like there was something we needed to talk about. But I had no idea what that something was.

But he knew. 'I'm just going to hang out in my room.'

He spoke to the table, but his eyes never left mine. Even when he lifted both our plates from the table and took them to the sink in the kitchen, or when came back to ruffle Alice's hair and take off again.

I watched his retreating form make its way up the grand staircase.

I wanted to follow him. So I hopped up from the table, offered my services for cleaning, was declined graciously, and then left to trace his footsteps.

I knocked on the slightly open door as I entered his room. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, relaxed.

He looked up at me while he fiddled around with his iPod and docking station.

The song that I had left him listening to last night was playing.

'Cos I stole your soul.

His eyes found mine and he sighed, it was full of some kind of grief.

You said I would never be able.

I take a step closer, carefully watching him.

But oh, the whole world is still on my string.

He didn't move, but relaxed a little when I took the space on the bed beside him.

Our bodies were touching.

'Bella,' he spoke softly, 'I'm not like Emmett or Jasper...'

He looked up at me and waited for my answer. 'I think that may be a good thing.'

He smiled, but it was without any humour. 'I don't just let people in for the sake of making friends or having a girlfriend.'

I had forgotten about any of my anger toward him. And I already knew about his coldness towards anyone else. 'Edward, I already know.'

He shook his head. 'You don't know why.'

I let out a gust of air. Was he about to let me in?

'I want to know.'

He stiffened. 'No you don't.'

I crossed my arms, determined. 'Yes, I do.'

'You'll wish I never told you. You won't want to know me after it.'

What?

'Well, just ease me into it then,' I offer him, 'you don't have to give me your life story right now.'

He smiled at this, a little more reassured. 'Okay then.'

He's agreeing with me?

'Look Bella, I don't just let any girl into my room at night, or ever,' he took in a long breath, slowly letting it back out, 'I don't do this often, actually never.'

I thought about his words for a second, finding it hard to believe he was perhaps just innocent as I was. 'Well, I don't either. I'm not the type to just walk into anyone's room in my underwear.'

Now I start cringing, remembering my bold move last night. I definitely did move a little too fast. 'Just for future reference,' I let the humour thread through my tone, 'alcohol wipes away any inhibitions I may have.'

He chuckled. 'I know what you mean.'

'Let's not get drunk again,' I suggested, noting that every time we drink too much, we end up doing something so out of character that we come to regret it so much the next morning.

'Let's not,' he agreed.

We sat there silently for a few short moments. 'Are you ready to let me in now?'

He smirked. 'Can you read my mind or something?'

'No.'

I wait for him to tell me something, anything.

'Alright,' he started, nervously tapping his foot to the beat of the music playing, 'I am so new to this that I don't know what I'm doing.'

I looked at him, mouth agape. 'But you're like a sex god.'

Oh no, did I just say that? Mental note: burn Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. An almost-eighteen-year-old shouldn't be watching that anyway.

And his musical laughter brought me out of my musings. 'But I haven't even had sex.'

It went dead quiet.

Then unexpectedly, I started laughing. Trust him to say that.

He looked back at me, confused. 'What did I say?'

I laugh harder. 'I'm laughing more at myself.' I manage to get out between my fits of chuckles.

After my embarrassing show, I quietened down and waited for him to speak again.

'I didn't mean to kill whatever it was last night, but I felt like continuing what we were doing would have brought about a negative outcome.'

I stared openly at him. '...A negative outcome?'

He sighed, knowing he had said the wrong thing. 'We weren't exactly sober.'

I crossed my arms anyway. 'Whatever.'

And then I felt his gentle touch on my arm. 'Don't be angry with me.'

I wasn't really angry with him, and I knew where he was coming from anyway.

'Well where are we going with this?' I asked him as he took his hand away.

He was silent for a while. 'I don't know.'

I lay back on his bed, my hair fanning out underneath me. Edward followed and our heads touched just slightly. 'It has to be a slow process for me,' I heard him say, 'it took me a while to get used to Esme and Carlisle, so it's just my nature to be a bit hesitant at first.'

I turned my head to face his. 'Okay.'

He was already looking at me. 'I guard things for a reason Bella.'

'I know, I think we all do in some way.'

His bronze hair fell around his face haphazardly as he lay there beside me, silently watching.

And the song was still playing on his iPod.

'Cos I stole your soul.

'Edward, what is this?' I asked. He knew already what I was talking about.

'They're called Lydia,' he began, blinking a few times as he shifted a little, 'it's called This is Twice Now.'

I was surprised. 'I haven't heard of them before.'

He shrugged, his eyes never leaving mine. 'They're not exactly mainstream.'

'But they sound good.' I listened to the lyrics, taking it all in.

But before I could realise what was happening, Edward had come closer.

He was just inches away from my face now.

And I saw his eyes dart from my eyes to my lips. I waited in anticipation. And Edward kissed me. Again.

This time was a little different. There was no sense of urgency, just the feeling of acceptance as his soft lips caught mine.

He didn't bring his arms up to hold me. He didn't deepen the kiss. He just softly captured and then let go of my lips as our heads moved collectively, never leaving the surface of his bed.

I was accepting whatever he was willing to give.

We just didn't know what that was yet.

'Cos I stole your soul.

Alright. What do you think? Reviews please!!

Okay apologies for any typos etc, I wrote this in the last two hours, I felt awful for not updating sooner.

Ah I haven't had it edited by Daniella yet either, so if there is anything, don't hesitate to tell me xx

Reviews please, you can even PM me, I love messages... Ah just stop talking. I'm stopping. Right now. Okay.