It's the end of the parody as we know it…it's the end of the parody as we know it…it's the end of the parody as we know it…and I feel fine!
As Sonic and Tails arrived at Station Square's train station, they were greeted by a random guy in a tuxedo who said "I will be your tour guide today! Welcome, all of you, to the number 1 waterpark in the country! Yes, I'm talking about…the Station Square Waterpark!"
Tails asked "Umm…excuse me? I don't remember a waterpark being here!"
The tour guide grinned and said "Good question! Why, just look outside!"
Sonic opened the train station doors and was greeted by a torrent of water that burst through the open doors and flooded the train station until it looked like a scene from the movie Titanic.
Tails pulled Sonic out of the water and onto the second level of the station. Due to his fear of water being brought back into him, Sonic was now in the fetal position .
A few minutes of rolling around in the fetal position later, Sonic finally got up and looked at the flooded place. He then looked out a window and gasped when he saw that the whole city had been flooded.
The tour guy said "Now do you see why this is the Station Square Waterpark?"
THE PLAYER says "Whoa…SEGA is psychic! How did they see Hurricane Katrina coming seven years ahead of time?"
Tails asked "How did this happen? It certainly has nothing to do with that evil water monster that just recently acquired some ultimate power!"
About an hour earlier, the city of Station Square was acting normally when suddenly some water started rising in the sewers below. It rose, going higher and higher until the drains suddenly burst open in the middle of the streets. THE PLAYER comments "So that's what happens when you flush the toilet while the shower is on!"
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were thrown out of a sewer drain, shouting "Cowamother(bleep)ingbunga!" as they were shot far out of the city.
Meanwhile, the writers had become bored with burning everything in the last chapter, so they chose to flood everything instead. A giant tidal wave came in and completely flooded the whole city.
Back in the present time, some windows broke on a nearby building, with water pouring out of them. This water suddenly combined to form the head of Perfect Chaos. It tried to roar, but all that came out was a tiny "aroo…".
As Sonic went outside and looked at the giant Perfect Chaos, the words REJECTED CLOVERFIELD MONSTER DESIGN appeared on the bottom of the screen. THE PLAYER says "But…that face looks the exact same as the Cloverfield monster's!"
REJECTED was then deleted from the screen and replaced by ACCEPTED. Just then, a giant flying ship arrived and started going past the sunken buildings of Station Square. Inside the cockpit, Eggman said "This secret weapon-the Egg Carrier 2- was designed for emergencies such as this! 4Kids shall be stopped!"
Just as Eggman was about to fire a laser at Perfect Chaos, the God of Destruction fired a Shoop da Whoop lazer out of its mouth, which hit the Egg Carrier 2 and sent it crashing into the water below. As Eggman was screaming "How could my ship be defeated so easily?", he noticed the tag MADE IN KOREA on the ship's control panel.
The Egg Carrier 2 fell behind some buildings and a vibration was felt coming from behind there. Eggman suddenly zoomed past Sonic in his Eggmobile, shouting "It is implied that my Egg Carrier 2 has been blown up!"
Sonic said "Oh no…Shoop da Whoop is on Chaos and 4Kids' side! What can we do now? If 4Kids continues their foul reign, we will only have horribly stereotyped voices, clichéd lines, and heavily edited action sequences from now on!"
Just then, Navi flew in again saying its usual catchphrase of "Hey! Listen!". Suddenly Navi created a flash and revealed herself to be Tikal this whole time.
As Sonic gasped in shock, Tikal said "Chaos must totally be stopped! Otherwise it will destroy the world like it did before!"
THE PLAYER says "Hold on a second…that last statement makes no sense! If Chaos actually destroyed the world before, then the world wouldn't be existing right now! You can't destroy something twice! If it's destroyed, then it's gone!"
Tikal paused, then muttered "Shut up."
Sonic asked "Well, what do we do then?"
Tikal sighed, then said "Um…oh! We'll have to seal Chaos inside the Master Emerald again and make Chaos a problem for someone else in the future! Yeah! Once again, we have short-term thinking to the rescue!"
Sonic said "Wait a second…all of our problems in this game have been your fault in the first place!"
Tikal asked "What are you talking about?"
Sonic then said "You're the one who sealed Chaos into the Master Emerald in the first place, dumping this problem on us! Also, while Station Square was under the threat of a nuclear weapon, you had me go through that whole (bleep)ing temple in the Mystic Ruins just so I could see a (bleep)ing rock! And finally…if you hadn't distracted me with that vision last chapter, Tails and I would have gotten to the seventh Chaos Emerald before Chaos, which would have prevented any of THIS happening! In fact, I should be kicking YOUR ass right now!"
Tikal grumbled, then said "Well, we have no other choice at this point! Not unless some random plot device happens to time itself perfectly now…"
Just then, said random plot device occurred as Perfect Chaos sent the seven Chaos Emeralds flying in separate directions, having fully absorbed their negative energy. Sonic picked up one that landed next to him, and Tails said "I've got a plan! Since Chaos only used the negative energy, we can still use the positive energy in these emeralds to fight back!"
Sonic asked "Are you sure this will work?"
Tails replied "As long as all of us use our positive feelings towards each other, nothing can stand in the way!"
Sonic looked away with his eyes shifting and said "Yeah…'positive' feelings towards each other…" Just then, a crowd had started forming nearby and started booing at Sonic.
When Sonic gave them the finger, the crowd grabbed some Chaos Emeralds and decided to try stoning him to death by throwing them at him.
As Sonic was hit by a couple of them in the head, he said "OW! OW!"
Tails looked in the crowd and asked "Why are you throwing them at him, Knuckles?"
Knuckles replied "I don't know!" before angrily throwing another Chaos Emerald at Sonic. This time, it hit Sonic in a more…sensitive spot. As Sonic was crying in the fetal position, Tails rolled his eyes and had Amy and Big go get the last two Chaos Emeralds around the city. That was their only role in this whole story
THE PLAYER asks "What? SEGA didn't even bother to explain what the hell Big is doing here instead of at his home in the Mystic Ruins jungle! Man, 4Kids is really killing the continuity here…"
With all seven Chaos Emeralds in Sonic's possession, he stood up and used them to turn into Super Sonic. As he commented "This is nothing like the Super Saiyans from Dragonball Z!", the crowd started booing at him again.
Super Sonic floated over the water and faced Perfect Chaos. He opened his mouth, and was about to speak when the game paused and a voice said "If you want to see Sonic to win the fight, favorite this fic. Or if you want to see Sonic to get his ass kicked in this fight, favorite this fic. Or if you want to see Tikal strip down naked and dance around a little, you need to get laid. And favorite this fic."
The Final Jeopardy music played in the background for a few minutes, then the game unpaused and Tikal said "Why is it so hot around here? I guess I'll have to take off my clothes and move around to cool down-"
Super Sonic shouted "Stop with the Zelda: Abridged jokes and get to the fight! I can't let her steal my screen time!"
THE PLAYER says "I wonder whether this fight will attempt to use as many flashy special effects as possible…", which is quickly answered.
Super Sonic charged at Perfect Chaos, so the God of Destruction started firing its Shoop da Whoop lazers at Super Sonic. The golden hedgehog used a barrel roll to dodge these lazers, and kept going until he reached the speed of lightning. He then dived into Perfect Chaos and zoomed up to Perfect Chaos' head to do damage to it by blowing up the head.
Perfect Chaos dissipated, then reformed elsewhere in the city. THE PLAYER comments "Well, SEGA succeeded in that aspect! Hooray for using more money on flashy special effects in this fight…and having Sonic do basically nothing else in this story!"
To add to the special effects budget, Perfect Chaos started spouting out fireballs and summoning cyclones to get in Super Sonic's way. THE PLAYER then starts to notice the time limit in the corner that only increases with rings, and he/she says "(bleep)!"
After miraculously pulling off two more hits, Chaos' health bar was wiped out. Just as THE PLAYER makes a sigh of relief, Perfect Chaos suddenly popped up again, this time with another health bar. THE PLAYER shouts "Two health bars? Why didn't they just have one health bar with six hits? That's a cruel joke, SEGA!'
Just as Super Sonic prepared to charge at Perfect Chaos, he was hit by a fast-moving punch. As he staggered back from it, he realized that Goku from Dragonball Z had punched him.
Goku said " Super Sonic? And you're golden while in this form? Are you kidding me? Well, I shall stop this blatant rip-off!" Goku turned Super Saiyan and started kicking Sonic's ass.
One beating later, Sonic fell to the ground and the Chaos Emeralds scattered away. Now that Sonic was back to his regular form, Goku said "My work here is done!" before flying off.
Sonic got up and saw that Perfect Chaos was still around. He then said "Whoa…all of this water is giving me the urge to go to the bathroom!" So he went into a nearby building to fulfill his bodily needs.
Meanwhile, Tails shouted "Damn it! Without our climactic fight, how can we defeat Chaos now?"
Just then, a flushing sound was heard. This was followed by Chaos suddenly sinking into the ground while screaming in agony. As Perfect Chaos disappeared, Sonic came out of the nearby building saying "All done! Now it's time to watch Chaos destroy the world-WHAT HAPPENED?!"
Tails said "I think that, by flushing the toilet, Sonic defeated Perfect Chaos and saved us all."
Knuckles asked "You mean like in Futurama? Cool!"
Chaos then appeared in its Chaos Zero form, and Tikal approached it happily. Tikal said "By defeating Chaos, Sonic must have neutralized its anger so that now Chaos doesn't want to kill us all!"
Tails commented "That makes absolutely no sense!"
Sonic replied "Then it's just as usual for us!"
A group of Chao appeared nearby, and Tikal said to Chaos "These Chao are what you used to protect. As you can see, they've survived all this time without you…so you're basically useless!"
Tikal and Chaos then grabbed each others' hands and flew up as a bright light surrounded them and the Chao. Then a huge flash occurred, and that group went on to the afterlife or the past or another dimension or some bullcrap like that to keep them from appearing in another Sonic game ever again.
Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles stood on a nearby ledge as this scene unfolded. Knuckles asked "Well, now 4Kids has been stopped. What cliché should we use to sum this all up?"
Sonic responded "Hmm…how about we don't use a cliché this time so that our viewers don't get pissed off?"
Tails said "No way! How about 'all's well that ends well'? Yes, I've found it!"
Sonic sighed and said "Good. Now if you excuse me, I have to go make another suicide attempt!" Sonic then jumped off the edge of the building and failed as usual.
And now for an ending similar to that of Animal House!
Tails would continue to fight allegations that the fox was secretly a chick. The rumors would reach the point where Tails couldn't enter a bar without a guaranteed spanking by a tough biker. Alongside a glomping by a yaoi fan girl.
Amy continued to shop until she became the number one worldwide import of pink dresses.
Knuckles would later on work hard and study until he became a highly regarded professor at Harvard, Oxford, Yale, MIT-aw screw it! He actually just continued to guard a glowing rock.
Big would continue to fish. This highly ambitious career would make him rich enough to escape SEGA before the horror known as Sonic 06 could reach him.
Gamma…well, you know what happened. Haven't you read Chapter 21?! Get that memory working again, damn it!
Eggman would continue to buy product made in Korea until the writers decided to just give him a whole space colony in the next game.
Sonic continued to be the usual pun-filled douchebag we know and hate. Little did he know that SEGA was about to bring in an emo hedgehog that would take Sonic's spot as the top Sonic bishie…
THE PLAYER teased the crap out of this game, and was now ready to repress this game out of his/her memories.
LittleKuriboh and NCHammer326 teamed up in one of the greatest lawsuits in history to get jackattack555 out of every laugh gained from the attempt to combine their two styles of humor.
Well, that's it for Sonic Adventure. Please do tell what the best jokes/lines/characters/chapters/all of the above were in this fic! It's kind of strange that I've finished this parody right around the time that Sonic: Truth or Dare has been deleted by the site. This is the beginning of a new step for my writing…