Please, don't let the beginning in Spanish put you off, it will make sense! Mistakes are all mine, Spanish ones and all.
Thanks to Bob Dylan for loaning the title to this story.
Somewhere over the Corcovado National Park. Costa Rica. Present day.
"Mayday, mayday…vuelo 473 de San Jose a destino de…Puerto Jiménez…Capitán Alejandro Lopez hablando. Mayday, mayday."
"Vuelo 473. Aquí la torre de control de Puerto Jiménez. Escuchamos."
"Tenemos un problema…motor derecho en llamas…aterrizare forzoso…"
"¿Puede llegar aquí?
"Negativo…demasiado bajo…arriba Laguna Corcovado…"
"¿Vuelo 473…Capitán, Capitán?
I am deafened by the loud blast of the exploding engine. Still, I can hear the piercing sound of alarms going off in the cockpit. I look across the cabin, through the small window on the opposite side of the aircraft where the flames have engulfed the right wing of the plane and are licking at the cabin, thick black smoke bellowing out.
I brace myself for the inevitable. We are going to crash.
Is this how it all ends?
I'm not a practising catholic anymore and yet I find myself praying to God for a miracle.
They say that your life flashes before you when at death's door but I can't say it is true in my case – know that you are my last thoughts as we plunge from the sky.
Have you ever been at a crossroads?
Have you ever been at a crossroads?
Stupid question. Of course you have, many times I imagine.
Timing is everything and my timing has always been off – as far as you're concerned anyway.
Naively maybe – well definitely, I can see that now – I thought, rather hoped that my leaving CSI would be the catalyst, the dawn of my new life.
That is all I could think about. A puff of magic. A fresh start.
But it didn't quite turn out that way, not quite.
I am in limbo, for want of a better word, somehow stuck between two worlds, two periods of my lives – past and future. The present in the meantime does not interest me. I'm in a transitional state; the present only serves me in looking towards my future.
I've done it. Finally. It was with some sadness that I walked away from the best part of twenty years of my life. I have no doubt that I will miss the lab, the team, my friends, and my family but as I was to realize, not as much as the misery I have felt the past few months missing you.
Admitting as much to myself was the first step.
The end. The beginning…the rest of my life. My future, our future. "It's taken you long enough" you'd say and you'd be right.
Strangely, I feel…a little apprehensive, weary, scared even. I have never acted this impulsively before, you might even call it rashness, for spontaneity is not a trait I thought I possessed.
But I also feel liberated, relieved, elated. The list is endless. After so many months of turmoil, these are the emotions I want to hang on to, feelings I want to share with you.
Now my life is …a blank canvas. What better analogy? So many roads, endless possibilities, so much inspiration. I'm more excited now than I was thirty years ago. God Sara I'm old and yet I feel so rejuvenated.
You see, I'm trying. I'm working on it – expressing my inner thoughts, putting them into words, even if sadly, it's still only on paper. And yes, you were right. It helps. It helped with making the right decision. Whatever our outcome, my leaving CSI was the right thing to do.
A new beginning and a new man. I've thought about little else for a while now. Can people change? And more to the point, can I change? I've watched, observed, wondered, and even outright asked and… I hope I can – change that is.
And maybe I have already.
You have. I wish I could be, become what you need me to be, what you want me to be. I don't want to have to let you down again – ever, because of my ineptitudes, of my shortcomings. God knows I'm deficient in a lot of ways.
I can't afford to, really, can I?
I'm scared, I'm petrified. What if I'm too late? What if you don't need me in the new life you've forged for yourself? Have you moved on? Are you happy? With someone else, without me – away from me?
So many unanswered questions.
I have many doubts and yet I trust in you, in me – in us. I thought we could survive anything, still echoes in my mind. I have faith for both of us and I'm prepared to do what it takes to prove it to you.
I've left it all. All behind. It was the only way. And I can only imagine that what I'm feeling now is exactly how you must have felt when you left Vegas. You didn't leave me, you left it.
I can see that now. I never understood until…Warrick got killed, until you had left for the second time, until it was too late. Too late.
For someone so smart, relationships and people have always baffled me, you know that. It's not an excuse, there's no excuse for my behaviour, just another shortcoming I'm working on.
I'm ready now. It's the right time.
So I'm on my way, or rather we're on our way, Hank and I, on our way to promise you a beautiful life, a life you promised me over and over again, a life I never truly accepted, a life I now yearn for. I want to lay myself bare and start over.
You see, I've done the research. The internet, the world at your fingertips…call it coincidence, happenstance, fate, chance – well you know what my thoughts are on that front, but my departure from CSI fortunately coincides with the return of the Sea Shepherd to the US.
All that, and still our reunion isn't going to be – not quite yet.
A small hurdle.
So what if you weren't where I thought you would be. Not such a great investigator after all. I'm just going to have to do a bit more digging around, some detective work.
No big deal, right?
Do you like the premise? It's certainly going to be different from the other fics on how Grissom got to Sara in Costa Rica. All is not plain sailing for Grissom. Let me know if you want to know more...
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