A.N. So I remembered this song and thought, huh, and so here you go. The song is let me let go by Faith hill if you want to give it a listen while your reading it is so much more powerful that way.

I've been running for a while now, eventually I was going to have to face him. I would need to face him, for answers, for closure…maybe that was why I was running so hard to avoid that. Closure would mean it was done, that what we had was gone and there was no going back. That thought alone terrified me. I loved him, more than words could express, more than I ever knew a heart could hold, my love for him encompassed me and I didn't know what I would be if I let him go.

This journey had started because I had needed to find myself, but all I have found so far is more heartache with heavy doses of indecision. I don't know where I'm going, some days I would just take a road and see where it took me. When I needed money I picked up odd jobs, cleaning, waitressing, singing, all sorts of odd things. It got me by but I never stayed anywhere for more than a few weeks before I moved on.

Tonight I was in a nice looking restaurant, nice but affordable, the live band always drew in a pretty big crowd. The dance floor brought in more couples than I liked but I didn't let that stop me from working. I've been singing here for the last two weeks and I liked the place, it was comfortable. No one really bothered me, and as long as I performed well I got paid well. It was a good gig for me. This night was special because I was finally going to sing something I had written.

The band had my sheet music and I was nervous as hell in my dressing room getting ready. I had gotten a drop dead gorgeous red dress that looked good on me, it was a little tight but I could deal with it. Thanks to riding my bike everywhere I had gotten more coordinated so I wouldn't make a fool of myself in this thing. It hugged my body in the right places, it was strapless so that worried me a bit but it was so tight I doubt I needed to get worked up.

The slit up my right leg allowed me to walk easily enough, I had curled my hair, letting it lose falling in waves around my face. I didn't put too much make-up on but I did have some mascara along with a bit of lip-gloss on. I thought I didn't look half bad tonight, which was good cause I didn't want to end up crying my eyes out after this song. I still used my songs to get things off my chest, and to lift my heartache for a bit. Deep breath, and Joyce knocked on my door telling me it was time.

The boys in the band stopped prepping for tonight when they saw me, Joey even dropped his drumstick and I took that as a compliment. I smiled at them nervously and we walked out to the stage together where crowd of people were waiting for us. I was nervous, something about tonight was unsetting it was almost like I could feel all the things I was running from creeping up on me. Sometimes I feared I would look up and see Edward there, again waiting for me like he had that night I'd run from the bar.

The fear kept me from going home because I was afraid to face him and his rejection once more. I don't think my heart could take breaking anymore; I just wanted to be left alone in this so I could find my own way out. The love I felt for Edward would probably never fade, I had accepted this for what it was and I was hoping that time would help me let go of him. He was still the stick I measured every man by and they always, always, came up short for me. It killed me that I couldn't let him go no matter how much I tried to move on from this.

It wasn't healthy and it wasn't fair, that was life I guess. Edward had always been meant for someone better than me but still I held him in my heart. I knew that when I saw him again that this time I wouldn't run, it would break my heart to speak to him again but I needed to get by this. I was strong enough now I think to face him and how happy he would be without me to complicate his life. So as the lights dimmed a bit and the spotlight found me I closed my eyes. I imagined his face and knew that tonight I was singing to him.

I thought it was over, baby

We said our goodbyes

But I can't go a day without your face

Goin' through my mind

It was true; I never could get past him even in my head. He was always there, that small voice warning me against doing something to harm myself, the memory of him haunted me. As I opened my eyes to look out at the crowd I wasn't surprised this time to see him there, staring up at me. It was as if my song had summoned him to me tonight.

In fact, not a single minute

Passes without you in it

Your voice, your touch, memories of your love

Are with me all of the time

I hated that I couldn't get past him that I could never make myself love another. I was angry he left but mostly I was sad. I wanted to be done with it, I wanted to mourn his loose in peace but here he was again. It was like I fell in love again every time I looked at him, it was unfair and involuntary. I'd give anything to know his secret of falling out of love; I wished I could stop loving him as easily as he had stopped loving me. But I couldn't so here I am, singing my heart out again.


Let me let go, baby

Let me let go

If this is for the best

Why are you still in my heart

Are you still in my soul

Let me let go

Edward looked pained listening to me, I knew I wasn't the greatest singer but still it hurt him to listen to me. I was no where near as talented as him but still it made me angrier to see him there listening to me pour my heart out. He had no right to show up again, yet here he was and so I sang.

I talked to you the other day

Looks like you made your escape

You put us behind, no matter how I try

I can't do the same

I thought of that day, that day he had left me in the woods, how he had said his words so easily and it broke my heart all over again. I could not help but look at him and remember his cold words. He was still as beautiful and as unreachable as the first time I had seen him from across the room. I had run away from the memories for so long now that seeing him here now made them all the harder to bear. Still, I couldn't help but wonder why he was here tonight.

Let me let go, baby

Let me let go

It just isn't right

I've been two thousand miles

Down a dead-end road

Eventually I had accepted that this journey of mine was not helping me in the slightest. It was a dead end from the beginning but still I had run, afraid to face him. I was tired of running I just wanted to get it over with, a part of me just wanted to fade from existence quietly just to escape this shattered heart of mine. I sang the words while unconsciously reaching out to him, passion filling my voice and actions contradicting my words.

Let me let go, darlin', won't you

I just gotta know, yeah

If this is for the best

Why are you still in my heart

Are you still in my soul

Let me let go

Some days I wondered what would have happened if I had fought back the day Edward had revealed he didn't love me anymore. What would he have done if I had shouted my denial? Still, I knew I couldn't do something like that because in my heart I had been waiting for him to leave me. Waiting for him to wake up to the fact I didn't deserve someone as beautiful and as perfect as him.

The lights of this strange city are shinin'

But they don't hold no fascination for me

I try to find the bright side, baby

But everywhere I look

Everywhere I turn

You're all I see

It was true, all I saw when I opened my eyes was him, in memory or in reality Edward was my whole world. Yet here he was standing no more than a few feet from me and I could not do anything but reach out for him knowing he'd never take my hand again. Such was the pain of unrequited love, the thought made me sing harder.

Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you

Let me let go

It just isn't right

I've been two thousand miles

Down a dead-end road

I looked him in the eyes while I sang, begging him to give me back my heart yet knowing I could never take it back from him. He had my heart, my soul; I had been willing once to even give him my life, and he had not wanted it. I would probably die alone in this world still pining for him but that didn't mean I wanted to do such a thing. I really wanted to move on from this love, this pain, but every time I tried something would keep me from doing it. Tonight it was him, standing their with that pained expression, that kept me from letting him go.

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you

I just gotta know

If this is for the best

Why are you still in my heart

Yeah, you're still in my soul,

let me let go

Let me let go, let me let go

Even as I sang the words I knew Edward would never be able to give me back the heart he had taken from me, because I didn't want it back. I loved him I accepted that I would die loving him but it didn't make facing him any easier. I let the cheers wash over me and I smiled a sad smile at the crowd before turning the mike over to Cole the other singer. I walked off the stage slowly; stomach sinking with every step brought me closer to him.

He was waiting for me at the end of the stage just off to the side of the bouncer, I nodded to John to let him know I was ok before I headed over to him. Edward had not changed; he was still as young and as beautiful as I remembered. Somehow I managed to make it to stand by him, "I suppose you being here means you wish to speak with me?" Edward nodded his head, I guess deeming me unworthy of speech at the moment so I just sighed. I wanted to get this over with and so I lead him back to my dressing room.

I closed and locked the door after we entered I doubted Edward wanted anyone to overhear us, I didn't want that either. "Bella…I…" He began but I turned from him I couldn't take looking at his face. "Just say it already Edward," I said somewhat harshly. "Please, Bella I'm so sorry. There are no words that could describe how much I've missed you! I was an utter fool to have left, I see that now but if you'll let me I give anything to make it up to you. Just please, Bella, please look at me," He said his voice clouded with pain, regret and anguish.

My fists were clenched at my sides, how many times had I imagined those words coming out of his mouth? How many times had I longed for him to return to me and tell me he loved me still? Yet, hearing it now just made me furiously angry. How dare he! He left me, not the other way around. I refused to look at him instead choosing to talk to my door, "Why did you leave then Edward?" "I thought it was for the best, having me in your life just put you in harms way. First James and then what happened on your birthday. Even my family wasn't safe to be around and after Jasper's attack on you I had decided it would be best if I left so you could have a normal life, a normal husband, kids, everything I couldn't give you. I'm a danger to you Bella," He whispered brokenly.

I faced him then furious, I let the anger help me say what I needed to, "Had you ever thought about what I wanted Edward? What my opinion of it all really was? No! You never once thought of talking it over with me! You just sat there, freezing me out the days before you left me not saying one god damned word! We were never on equal footing Edward, I was always a lesser being to you!" "That's not true Bella I love you!" "Not enough to respect me! Obviously! You made decisions for me, without asking me, did you even give a thought about letting me decide? No! You didn't you just left me, like a discarded toy you were done playing with! Weren't those your own words Edward, 'You're tired of playing human'. You treated me more like a pet than an equal," I was yelling now I was so spitting angry.

Not for the first time I was glad the walls were plenty thick. Edward looked like he was stunned, he stood there frozen, and I couldn't take it anymore I stormed out. I headed to the back door, hoping to get some air and to clear my head. Of course Alice was waiting for me in the alleyway. I glared at her, "What are you doing here?" I hissed at her and I think if she had been human she would have flinched. "Bella I know your hurting, but please will you talk to him? He loves you, I understand what you're going through…" Here I interrupted her because I was still spitting mad.

"Don't give me that Alice, you left too! And you could NEVER, never, understand the pain I am going through. Has Jasper ever left you after telling you he didn't love you anymore! Has your family ever just disappeared on you without so much as a goodbye leaving you there alone in your pain!? No I don't think so! So don't you DARE try to say you 'understand' because you could never!" There was a sound behind me and I turned to see Edward's heartbroken face. I hated that I wanted to wrap him up in my arms then to comfort him. Where had he been when I had been broken on the forest floor? It just wasn't fair not at all.

I turned back to go inside, it would be my turn to sing again soon. I was sure we weren't done talking tonight but I couldn't stand to look at them. Who were they to just decide to walk in and out of my life! I wouldn't let them try to control me anymore, I was sick of this and of them. I was just so angry, because how could I believe either of them? Edward had said he had loved me once before and look where I am now because of it. Why should I believe him now that he says he loves me again?