He checked the clock on the wall of exam room one. It was only 1 minute past the last he checked but it seemed like hours.
Sitting on the exam table was a twenty something year old guy holding his inflamed red and now grotesque looking right arm out to Dr. House. The area was covered with scabbed and fresh scratches that were obviously inflicted by the patient's nails clawing at the itchy rash.
"It just won't stop itching, I've tried creams, antihistamines and even oatmeal baths and nothing seems to relieve it."
"You work outside?" He asked thinking this guy is a moron and looking at the dirt covered young man.
"Yeah, and I thought it might be poison oak or ivy so I bought some of that cream, but it didn't work." The young man said continuing to scratch at the already bleeding area on his arm.
"Uh Huh, well it might work if you stopped clawing your skin off your arm with those filthy hands." House said as he nodded toward the patient's soiled hands.
"Hey I wash my hands all throughout the day. I just came here from work…." The young man was obviously insulted by the scruffy doctor's unclean accusations.
"Yeah yeah" He said cutting him off "You go through the motions but the filth under your nails has probably been there for a year and every time you rake those nails across your already infected skin you are not only putting the poison back onto your arm but pushing bacteria into the open sores… and the really gross thing is you bite your nails" He peeled a prescription away from his pad and handed it to the patient who now had his mouth open with a dumbstruck expression. "Here is a prescription for a topical cream apply it and keep your damn hands off of it…. And clean your damn nails God knows where else you scratch before chewing on it."
With that House rose and limped out of the exam room grimacing before tossing the patient's file on the nurse's station. Again he glanced at the clock. 4:30pm, finally he could get out of here. He started to make a limp for it. Before he could reach the doors to the lobby he heard the familiar click of Cuddy's do me pumps approaching.
"House got a case. 15 yr old female, broken femur and collar bone during a hiking trip, fever of 104, problems swallowing, light sensitivity and dilated pupils." Cuddy stated handing House the patient's file as well as three others.
"Do you have an alarm that goes off whenever I try to leave…injury to the head?"
"No head trauma and blood tests rule out infection" She smiled knowing he was now interested.
"No I was talking about you, because you must have brain damage if you think I don't know you're holding out. Give me the goods woman and I'm not talking about your breasts. Although you could give me those as well." He snarked
She smiled giving him an evil grin because it was rare and ohh so satisfying to have info that House wanted.
"Patient is experiencing hallucinations."
"What are these for then?" He asked holding up the additional files
"You have one week to find a replacement for thirteen and you have those three to choose from."
"I don't need another fellow, and even if I did it's my department and my pick." He whined.
"You can't have an all male team and you should have thought about that before you fired thirteen. I am not letting you hire 40 candidates to choose from this time, So You have 3 to pick from and one week to choose."
He hated it when she told him what to do but he had to admit it was such a turn on. He wasn't about to roll over and choose someone based on her picks but the easiest way to deal with Cuddy was to play along until he could come up with a battle plan.
"Wait not one of these says anything about bust size. I require at least a C cup to work for me. " He said raising his volume as he randomly flipped through the files.
She was already half way out the door before she looked over her shoulder grinning at his unusual sense of humor. At least it meant he would be looking at the prospects she gave him, hopefully it meant he would hire one of them.