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A/N: Third installment of the In Retrospect Arc, one more to go! PLEASE REVIEW!


Blue Retrospect

By Miranda Panda-chan


You've always wanted power, respect, and some recognition. You've wanted it ever since you were old enough to know that Itachi was an amazing ninja and Dad respected and praised him for it. You're life's goal was to get his acknowledgment. Beat Itachi. That's all it would entail. Beat Itachi, and you would be worthy of something.

But you never did.

In retrospect, you should've realized it was a lost cause. But you didn't at the time.

And then you turned seven years old, and you stayed out late one night running home hoping that Mom wouldn't have worried too much and maybe she hadn't noticed what time it was. And then you arrived on the scene of the worst event of Konoha's history. The Uchiha Massacre—you're mother and father slain before you, lying in a puddle of their own blood as you looked into your mother's dead, frightened eyes.

And then you learned to hate. You learned the words, revenge, avenge, slaughter, traitor, orphan, alone, and nightmare. All in the same day. The word traitor would forever be associated with brother, and vice versa. Never would you sleep soundly, never would you see your mother's smiling face, you wouldn't ever get the approval you had pined for since you were little from your father.

In retrospect, you should've seen through his cruel words and cold eyes. You should've seen the love and the hope and the pain that was hidden in those tell-tale scarlet eyes.

In retrospect, you wish you'd never have gone after him.

But you did. And you made a promise, and an Uchiha always keeps his promises. No matter what. This was your first mistake.

But then you were put with them. Team 7. You, who were the genius, the prodigy, the last survivor of the Uchiha clan, the heartthrob, were stuck with a nobody, a fangirl, and a pervy sensei who didn't seem to know what he was doing. You hated this so called "three-man-team" because you worked alone, and it was two too many for your tastes. You couldn't stand either of them, Sakura adored you, proclaiming her undying love simply because she thought you were gorgeous. Naruto hated you because you were better, smarter, and just cooler in general.

In retrospect, you should've seen it as your chance to finally let go of the hate and the bitterness barreled up inside, but you didn't. You saw it as a hindrance, a waste of time, and just plain annoying. You wish you could've known what would happen if you bypassed it the first, second, third, and fourth time it appeared after you defected. But again, you never did.

No, you were too blinded to see clearly, couldn't see that the girl in front of you—the one with bubblegum hair and bright green eyes and heart big enough for the both of you—truly was madly in love with you, and probably would've gone with you had you only asked. And that the boy, too—the one with color blindness, because no one who could differentiate color would wear that particularly blinding shade of orange, a charismatic personality and the determination of a bull and a heart of gold—was like a brother to you and probably would've made a wonderful substitution and you could've had a family, but chose to hate and pursue your own damn revenge.

In retrospect, this was probably your second mistake. This is where you lost the only other good thing you had going for you. You had respect, you had love, you had family. And you gave it up for revenge, hate, and death.

And then they came after you, once, twice, three times, and so on and so forth…so many times that you stopped counting and only hoped you'd see them again and at the same time prayed to God that they would just stop trying. They were holding you back, couldn't they see that?

Oh they could see that, it's what you couldn't see at the time, because in retrospect, you notice you were slowly losing yourself to the darkness that was enveloping your very soul every single time Kusanagi was raised over a mother's head, every time it was washed in a child's blood, and all the screams of terror and sadness and pure, unadulterated agony resounded in your ears and kept you awake at night with nightmares replaying the terrified expressions one by one. Villager by villager. Father by father, mother by mother, child by child. Innocent people slain all in the name of the Uchiha pride.

You wish they'd have killed you when they finally caught up to you, but they didn't.

No, because in retrospect, you realize that probably would've been the easy way out, and you'd committed too many sins too many times without any repentance, and they'd never let you just give up like that.

No, you had to fight. This wasn't a game anymore: everyone was all too old, seen too much death, bathed in blood too many a time for child's play anymore. No, you fought to survive because you wanted them to see that you weren't completely lost. You were still there, you would prove them wrong. They all said you wouldn't find happiness, that you wouldn't have a purpose once you went through with your revenge since it had become your life obsession, you'd show them all—you were still you, and you had a purpose. You would find something else to live for…

And that something was Team 7. The original. Because Sai was your replacement, and you two didn't get along very well at all. And Yamato was just weird. No, you lived for the Kyuubi boy who you'd tried to kill a dozen or so times, the medic-nin who you left alone on a bench in the middle of the cold night, and the sensei that you'd disappointed and shamed too many a time.

In retrospect, you realize, it was because you never severed those bonds between you and them. They'd always been with you, stalking you—or maybe it'd been the other way around?—you didn't know.

You look to your right, listening to Sakura breathe softly as she sleeps, her head nestled on your shoulder in the crook of your neck, and you can only smile softly as she breathes your name in her sleep softly.

If you listen close enough you can hear your two sons breathing softly in their sleep through the wall of your bedroom. And if you got up you would go the room on the other side of your bedroom and see your baby girl, and then you could go to the next room over where your eldest daughter rests quietly. You have a family now. You're happy. You proved them wrong, like you knew you would.

You've always wanted power, respect, and recognition. You sought power and found it to be less than you'd hoped for. You lost respect when you left the village, but you gained it back when you finally married the girl of your dreams that loved you even through your defection, and also when you first held your baby girl after five years of being in the village, two of which that were parole, another one spent courting Sakura, and the other two spent making babies and raising your other children that have already been brought into this world. You gained recognition when you made ANBU Black opps captain, and infiltrated a Sound base without getting a single one of your team killed and killing every ninja of Otokagure, including Orochimaru and Kabuto.

In retrospect, the only thing you've done that was worth something is make her happy. In retrospect, you were one of the most selfish little angsty brats you've ever come across. In retrospect, you can't believe you were so stupid, he was supposedly a genius. In retrospect, you're just glad you had a happy ending. In retrospect, you didn't need any of your earlier ambitions of power and etc. In retrospect, all you needed was a little help from your friends. In retrospect, you probably would do a lot of things very differently. But nothing can change how you feel right now, and you're sure as hell happy about that.


A/N: So yeah, tell me how much you loved/hated it in a review!