The following is not meant to actually reflect any writing ability I may have. Call it a one-night-stand of fanfiction. AKA: one-shot.

I do not own Naruto.


Naruto fell to the ground with a thud. His body was bloody, and he was dangerously close to dying. His team-mates were not much better. Sakura had to regenerate using Tsunade's seal three times, and Sai was missing a leg. The leader of the ultimate enemy of his entire existance and his village was crackling in his sickening way. The evil Madara had finally won. All his plans had finally come to fruiting, and there was nothing that Naruto could do about it.

Suddenly, there was a beacon of hope! A shining light in the dreary ness that was this mission.

"Looks like there is only one thing to do," a confident male voice said.

"And we are the ones that are gonna have to do it," another, more femenine voice said.

It was the two twins, both perfect as people, with the best personalities. Everyone loved them and they were without peer in skills, even dwarfing the Yondaime in his prime. They had the best personalities and everyone was their friend. They had never lost a fight, and they had summoning contracts with every summon possible.

And what were these great heroes names? Why, they were Gary Stu and Mary Sue, of course. How could you not have known of the great Awe Clan? The villagers refereded the them as "Awe-sama." But they all died off of some rare skin disease that no talented medic could cure. Almost all of them. Gary and Mary had lived because they were isolated from the family having been taken on as apprentices of Orochimaru. He did terrible things that were unspeakable, like manipulating their genetic code to make them the perfect warrior.

They eventually escaped when they were three.

From there they escaped to the other side of the world where they learned how to manipulate the atoms of a molecule giving them the ability to create whatever they wanted just by thinking it. From there it was only a short step to immortality when they captured the Ten-tailed demon Dragon which they cloned and sealed inside themselves.

Later, they headed off to Wave because they were bored fighting ghosts in England. There they saved Naruto who had charged at Haku and killed her with one swing of their massive lazer cannon which they built. By hand. With twigs and mud, plus alot of atomic-powered chakra. With that, they became eternal friends/rivals with Naruto. Gary stole Sakura's fangirlism to Sasuke, and Mary became caught in a love triangle with the boys.

So they went through all the adventures, doing all the work, almost stopping Sasuke from leaving but let him go because they felt moved by his clan's death and their similarities. Like how their clan was actually killed by their Awesome older brother who secretly poisoned the entire clan when they were one.

Eventually they killed Kabuto during the sound invasion during the Chuunin exams.

With Konoha safe, the twins went on a three year fun trip around the Shinobi nations as assassins for hire. Until Akatsuki started behaiving aggresively.

So within a year, they retraced Orochimaru and found him getting frisky with Sasuke, who then killed the snake Sannin. From there, they stopped a few Akatsuki attacks on Jinchuuriki everywhere, but they couldn't be everywhere and eventually all were captured except Naruto.

So they decided that the best way to protect the Nine-Tails (Akatsuki didn't know about the Ten-Tails) was to send Naruto forth in a head on attack against Akatsuki's leader. The leader also happened to have a one-night stand before he left, making the Awe clan distant cousins of the Uchiha.

The two charged at their distant uncle with intent to kill, but with a total detachment look of a bored killer that was only forged through hundreds of victorious battles. They were only slightly affected by the black and white behind them (9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis: Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white)) as they fired off rounds of lazer cannons and then pulled out explosive kunai (powered by cold fusion, of course) and unleashed a bunshin burst of them. Tobi was not caught off guard and countered with his own gen-jutsu mind attack. But it had no effect, since they had already fused their brains with computers.

They jumped at him and made a pass over Madara's head. He countered and threw his own kunai at Mary. Contrary to what you may think, climactic battles are only long when the ninjas are of terrible skill. So the more skill you have, the faster you fight.

Rigged with a kunai, Gary through it fifty feet into the air, making a lucky shot, and hitting the really sharp stalagmite/tite on the roof. (In accordance with the 16th Law of Inverse Accuracy: The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases.) This lossened it for the next tactical battle plan the twins had.

Madara was getting pissed. So far he was not making much progress because of the Corollary:The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) He attacked with his superior speed and made several punches onto Gary's arm. His attack was swift, and using chakra, made his finger-nails strong enough to cut through bone, though it didn't do much to Gary's steel-enhanced arm. It did, however, damage the nerves in his arm.

Gary knew that the odds were against him, but the laws were with him. (Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.)

He jumped forward, using his own personal style to attack the tenketsu points of his enemy's body, scoring hits on the side.

Madara bled profusely for the remainder of the fight, but never seemed that affected by it. (18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity: The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

Finally, Mary-sue used her mental powers to throw use a pear shooter to hit the loosened Stalactite. The pea struck home and then the ceiling exploded (14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude: The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.) Rocks fell down everywhere and Madara was hit in the head.

The walls caving in, they knew what they had to do. They had been blessed so much, they decided to ascend into a higher-plane of reality. But they couldn't do that unless they had another person to sacrifice, which they couldn't because everyone loved them so. Instead, they opted to sacrifice each other while performing a regeneration jutsu to give Naruto his energy back, Sakura her arm back, and Sai's leg back.

So the two greatest people in the world, the last two Awe-sama's, twins, blonde-pink haired hybrids, ghost hunter/demon cathers, particle physicists, theorists, conspirators, and shinobi, ascended to another realm, which they conquered soon.

Naruto lived on, becoming the Ramen Kage and gaining a harem that would make Jiraiya proud.

Sakura became the next Tsunade, becoming the first person to cure Cancer, HIV, AIDS, and Space-mumps. (Naruto's Harem's First Member.)

Sai become Picasso. Until he was found by the real Picasso, when he was congratulated on impressing THE Picasso.

Sasuke become un-emo-tarded. Nuff' said.

Choji became the next Rocky. Until he ate the punching bag made of meat. Then he became Gordon Ramse.

Shikamaru became Rip Van Winkle. Until he woke up twenty years later. Then he fell asleep again.

Gaara built an igloo of sand.

Kankuro became a traveling puppeteer circus.

Temari became the Sandy-Kage

Anko eventually played strip poker. Without winning.

Shino created a flea-circus.

Hinata eventually got over her massive blush enough to enter Naruto's Harem. Until she found out she had to marry Neji. Then she beat the crap out of him and went to the Harem.

Neji recovered from a nose bleed.

Jiraiya died from a viagra overdose.

Tsunade eventually went on the Titanic. She floated to the surface. Face up.

Ino became a fashion designer. In Paris. On the otherside of the world.

Until that didn't work out and she became a stripper.

In the Carribean.

Kakashi eventually grew old and his hair turned black.

Bloody Mist eventually became un-bloodied.

It is now the Scabby-mist.

Asuma died of Cancer one day before the cure was found.

Kerunei eventually did a one-nite strip. But no one believed it, thinking it was genjutsu.

So the twins continue to watch over them, now making fanfics for old shows such as the 1960's Cyborg 009 and the newer shows such as "Detergent" (sister show to Bleach), and "King of Baseball" (sister to King of Tennis.)


In case you didn't know, this is about how alot of self-inserted characters suck. And also how the stories themselves suck. Also some gags and things. Check Profile for all 49 anime rules.

Aside from this random thing, I'm still working on an actually story, but not enough for a chapter yet. Maybe a small one, but im hoping to wait for 8K+