Hi and thanks for finding my story. This is my first ever fanfic. I have an outline for the entire story, some parts stick to the saga but there's quite a lot different. If people like my story and want me to continue then I will, so please review, send messages or whatever if you want me to continue. Thanks again and I hope you like the first chapter of Eclipsed
All work in italics is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. I do not own any of the characters, unfortunately!
Follows on from chapter 23, Monster, In eclipse.
I'd been lying to myself.
Jacob was right. He'd been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That's why it was impossible to tell him goodbye - because I was in love with him. Too. I loved him, much more than I should, and yet still no where near enough...
My head swam as Jacob increased the pressure of our kiss, more, so much more. Not for one second did his lips leave mine. I struggled to breathe, cursing my body and its weakness, its inability to respond as the situation required. No matter how close we were, no matter how forcefully I grasped his hair between my fingers, or how deep his nails dug into the snowy expanse of my lower back, it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. I wanted to be a part of him, to pour my heart into him.
A single warm tear steered its way over the contours of my face. It eventually landed on the gentle curve of Jakes upper lip. His body stiffened and he inched away from me, his eyes searching my face and eventually resting upon my eyes. The gentleness, regard and , what could only be described as love, that flowed from his gaze brought a flood of tears to my eyes. I didn't know how much more I could take.
"Bells..." he murmured.
"Stop right there Jacob Black" I blurted. "Don't you dare get all selfless on me. I know your going to say we shouldn't be doing this, and you don't want to upset me, but damn it Jake I deserve to be upset. I'm greedy and cruel and you don't need this right now". My monologue ended in a pitiful sob, and I went to turn way from him. Jacob. My Jacob. Would he let me call him that again if we survived today?
I felt his warm hand clutch my elbow. "Bells..." he started again. "I wasn't going to give you a speech. The last thing I want to hear from you right now is any kind of regret about what just happened. I was just going to say that that was the most amazing, life affirming moment of my life". He looked sheepishly at me, as if expecting me to deny everything he'd just fracture that ran through my heart, separating the Edward side and the Jacob side, became a clean break. It was impossible to tell which side was bigger. My breath caught in my throat and I stammered the first thing that came to my mind.
"I'm never going to leave you Bella, I'm going to fight with every breath left in my body to keep you from being one of them" he spat.
"I mean here, now, stay with me Jake. Don't fight. Don't leave me". My head drooped towards my chest with an overwhelming sense of shame coursing through my body.
Selfish. Thats what I was. I had already guilt tripped Edward into removing himself from the fight, and now I was trying to do the same to Jacob. I knew the loyalty he felt towards the pack, they were his brothers, each an extension of his limbs, his soul. To ask this of him was the act of a selfish, monstrous, desperate person. But I didn't care. I wanted him safe. I needed him safe. If they both stayed with me then I would know they were ok. Then, maybe, I would be able to make my decision - the one that only five minutes ago was so certain, now was a fuzzy mess.
I stole a glance at Jake, his hands balled in fists by his sides. His expression was unreadable, as if there was a war going on in side his head.
"Why should I Bella? He's going to be here to protect you, you don't need me. The pack needs me". His tone was bitter, and I sensed the hurt he felt in every word.
I grabbed his hands and held them to an inch away from my chest. 'I do need you Jake. I need to know your safe". I bit my lip so hard I drew blood. I pulled his hands towards my chest so he could feel my heart trying to break through. So he knew it beat for him too. "I love you".
My confession stunned him momentarily, and my favorite sunshine smile made a brief appearance. " I already knew that Bella, but thank you. You have no idea how good it feels to finally hear you say that". He pulled me into one of his rib cracking hugs and dragged me upwards so we were face to face, before planting the sweetest, most gentle kiss of my life on my forehead. "It doesn't change anything though Bells, I need to fight. I need to protect you, so I can come back and prove to myself that this isn't a dream".
"No!" I cried. "Please Jake". I had to do it, use the only tool at my disposal. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the pain I was about the cause.
"I don't know who I want anymore Jake, I'm so confused. Up until now I was certain. But things are different, now I know I love you both. I need to make my decision and I can't do that if you leave me. If you do, he'll win".
I winced inside as I was sure he was going to see through my obvious lie. I did love them both, that was true, and I was no longer certain about my future, or my desire to become like Edward. But my feelings wouldn't change if he fought. I kept my face steady in the hope I could convince him my words were the truth.
Jake continued to stare at me. It was as if the hurt I'd caused him was coming back to me, pouring out of his skin and mixing with his unnaturally high body heat. The part of my heart devoted solely to Jacob deflated as he continued to stare into my eyes, his thick eyebrows bunching, causing a shadow to cross his face.
"Ok Bells, you win" he sighed " and I swear to you there's no way he will. Wait for me, I'll be back". He lowered my gently to the ground, his body already convulsing, the horse sized wolf I loved yearning to break free. He ran towards the forrest and disappeared between two mammoth trees, phasing into the wolf as he hit the green space.
Without realizing I'd been holding my breath, I exhaled in a long, rattling breath. All the worry and confusion that had been building up inside fought its way out alongside it. Tears rolled down my face unannounced. Throwing myself on the ground, I sobbed until my throat was sore, sobbed until i couldn't focus on anything anymore. What had I done?
I lifted my head to rub my eyes, and was met with the pair of golden, burning eyes that belonged to my fiancee