AN: Ah, my first Twilight fic. I'm so proud. :)
For the last two hours she had found herself staring, for no particular reason, at the intricate detail of the ceiling as the moonlight silhouetted through her window. She had found herself unable to sleep these last few weeks so her mind had wandered, trying to keep thoughts about the subject causing her newfound insomnia away. And so she stared…and stared…and stared at anything her eyes laid themselves upon; hoping beyond hope that she would wake up and find that it all been a dream.
And not the nightmare she had been stuck in.
The dreary everyday necessities of life had been hindered by her lack of sleep, but no one noticed these days. Well, no one dared mention her change in attitude in case they accidentally let his name slip from their lips as they debated the cause of her emptiness, her hollowness…her broken heart.
There was no denying that he was the cause and if ever she found herself letting her mind wander then her heart let its prescience known, for what was left of it – the gaping hole his departure had caused – throbbed in pain at the mere thought of him. Even his name cause her pain, for all they accomplished when being uttered was remind her of his parting words - the words that broke her heart…
"I promise that this will be the last time you will ever see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It'll be as if I'd never existed."
And he had stayed true to his word for she seen no glimpse of him; no sparkle of marble skin in the sunlight nor golden hues of a hunter well fed nor the pale and oh-so achingly beautiful face that he donned.
He was gone.
She was alone.
And she hated him for the pain he left her with and ached for his return; for his love, for her happiness in his prescience, but they were long gone- lost forever and she would never see him again – not even in her mind's eye.
"It'll be as if I'd never existed…"
Bella closed her eyes, wishing for the pain that had lapped over her on good days and created a thunderous storm of crashing waves on bad ones would go away so that even her good memories of him which seemed to grow dimmer with each passing day would disappear so she could remember his face set on the verge of laughter – even if it was at her expense – or the smile that graced his lips…soon it would be hard to remember the feel of his icy smooth gentle lips against her own and the cacophony of feelings – and fiery blood – his kiss evoked.
He was disappearing from her life, no one mentioned the Cul - his family any more, at least…not in her prescience but from the response she gave when they became the subject of conversation, she wasn't surprised.
Her eyes lingered over to the CD player and the empty case where his CD for her had once lay - gone now…just like him.
She tried to remember his song – her lullaby but even that was beginning to disappear. How? That was something she couldn't understand. When she had first heard it she had believed she would never forget the beauty of it; tears had welled up in her eyes just listening to it. Now tears welled up for a different reason…
She closed her eyes, damning him for making her cry and half expecting a marble thumb to gently push the single tear she shed away.
It never came.
And when she opened her eyes again, she was not surprised – for she rarely was anymore – when she found the morning rays seeping in her window. Wishing to just curl up in bed and forget, she pushed herself up and began her day.
This was her life now - just living from day to day with no thought or point or reason or meaning. Had she not promised him - when his eyes still looked like they belong to the man she loved instead of the distant one that abandoned her – that she would not do anything reckless or stupid, she could not be certain if she would still be pretending to be normal, for Charlie's sake.
Yet this was what she had to do – live the life of someone already dying on the inside. And she could safely say that she had never been so tired…
She sighed before plastering a semblance of a smile on her face as she greeted her father and got on with her day.
AN: Review if you enjoyed...