Okay guys. I'll admit, I've been away for a while. More than a while. I'm really sorry, but I sort of got put off with the Twilight explosion from all the teeny boppers. No offence. It's just that I don't like following really popular trends. It makes me feel like a sheep, which I hate. Almost all of my favourite authors left the fandom too, so I was a bit disappointed, but I've finally found my muse to write again. Anyways, new story. Huzzah! Oh and as for my other two stories...I'm sorry but I don't know if I'll be updating that much for those. Personally, I'm currently more into this story, but we'll see.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I do own this story.
oh, yeah. mature content. i don't write lemons or limes which i find a bit disturbing, but there will be hints and...vague discriptions. very, very, very vague. and nothing that is even close to anything gross. still, i recommend being at least 13 to read this.
One Mistake From Being Together
I chant in my head. This means nothing. This means nothing. This means nothing.
His fingertips trail across my collarbone, igniting sparks where our flesh made contact. I run my hands along the side of his face, caressing him. This means nothing. This means nothing. This means nothing. He cradles me closer to him and I lick the skin behind his ear. A tingle rushes through me and I shiver from pleasure.
He pulls my head back by my hair and pressed his lips to my neck. His tongue darts out to meet my skin and I grab closer to him. I don't want to let go. Never let go. Never let go. Never let go. I hug his head to mine, and our lips meet. Fire on contact. Our tongues twist, and dance together. He's better, he's faster, but I can hold my own. I can make him cry out, I can make him scream. The corners of my mouth curve up in a deviant smile. I have power over him.
Lust courses through me, but I know it's not only mine I'm feeling. I can feel his lust too; he wants me. The thrill of being with an empathy, every touch is sensitive, every breath is satisfaction, every moan from him lights me on fire. I scream. Yes, yes, yes. No limits, no boundaries. Nothing.
He sucks on my lips. Pressure. Happiness. I love it. Suddenly, he rips himself off of me.
"He's coming." He says as his pants are pulled on and his shirt is buttoned up.
I sit on my bed, staring. My buzz is gone. It's been extinguished, like dumping a bucket of cold water on my hot shower. The water is cold, and the moment is gone.
He tosses me my babydoll nightgown.
"Put it on." He commands and I obey.
Without a backwards glance, he jumps out the window. My eyes bore into the wall. It's gone. My rush is gone, and I want it back. I want it back. I want it back. I want it back. I groan in frustration.
A blur races through my bedroom window and I'm hopeful. Maybe, he came back. I see a flash of bronze hair. The hope dies inside of me, writhing in embarassment. What was I thinking? It's not him.
"Hello, love." Edward says. He walks over to my bed and lies down next to me.
Love. The word sounds foreign to me coming from his lips. I feel a stab in my chest. Guilt sets in and I want to take it all back. It hurts. Love. I smile back weakly. I can't take it back. I can't. I can't. Not anymore, not when I can still taste him on my lips, not when I can still smell him in the air. I know that. What's done is done.
He knows something is wrong. I can see the worry in his eyes. Don't worry. Not about me. I'm horrible. I'm a horrible person. Don't love me. I want to shout at him to run away from me. Run and leave me forever. I don't deserve you, not after what I've done. I don't say anything though, I don't want to hurt him. Not any more than I am, but that's twisted logic. Twisted, just like me. Something's wrong with me. I should be locked up. I should be alone forever.
"What's wrong?" He whispers. The wrinkles on my forehead deepen.
"Nothing." I lie.
I do that a lot now. I lie to everyone. It's easier that way, to show them an illusion of who I am. I don't think they could handle who I actually am. The real me. I'm not as innocent as they think I am. I'm not selfless, I just don't like myself very much because there's no way for me to hide what I am. Who I am.
"What did Jasper do?"
I freeze. Does he know?
"What do you mean?" I'm like a deer caught in someone's headlights. I break out in a cold sweat.
"I can smell his scent all over you. Did he say something to you?"
I unfreeze and slump slightly in relief.
"No. I'm just...tired." I smile at him again, forcing it to look as real as possible. It hurts my face.
Edward smiles at me, and my breath is snatched away. Beautiful. I wish I could be as beautiful as him, and be able to take someone's breath away. I could, I think to myself. One little bite and I'm a new person. I'd be better, faster, stronger, equal.
He starts to hum my lullaby, the notes flowing in and out of one another. They blend into a song, my song. Guilt settles in my mind again. Edward's done so much for me. He's done everything for me. I can't even begin to repay him, so instead I do the opposite? What kind of a person am I? Until I remember, right. I'm a horrible person. Horrible, horrible, horrible.
Exhaustion overtakes me. I yawn loudly, before turning over in a deep slumber. My last thoughts, before drifting into sleep, were of Edward. I'm glad of it. That's how it should be. Him, lying beside me, sing me to sleep and I dream of Edward all night long, but in my heart, I wasn't content with that. I knew why. I'd had a taste of what I could have, every night, if it weren't for Edward and I really wasnt strong enough to withstand that sort of temptation.
I knew what I wanted, and unfortunately, it wasn't Edward. It wasn't him at all.
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