It looks like I'm alone again.
Well, I guess I'm not alone in the sense of being surrounded by people every day. No, in that sense I am not alone, I have Ron and Hermione…I have the Gryffindors; I can even be classed as an extended son of the Weasley family. But I am still alone, even with Ron and Hermione around, they do not understand, but how could they? Ron has his huge loving family and is constantly showered with attention from his mother; and Hermione with her smaller, quieter family, offering her support, care and love whenever she needs it. They are not alone; not like I am.
I know what Sirius would think, what my parents would think if they knew I was having such thoughts. They would say that I am being ridiculous, that I shouldn't think about such things; that people love me as well, no matter what. I can't help it. When it's dark like this it's so easy to feel self pity, isn't it? In the darkness of my tiny little room in the Dursley's house at Privet Drive I let myself feel, really feel. I was going to escape, I had it in my grasp and then that retched Wormtail had to go and get in the way. He has stolen my new life away from me in the same way that he had stolen Sirius' from him.
I should have let him die.
He writes often. I guess that should be enough. He's well too, hasn't been caught. But I want him here, to hold the promise that he gave me. I want him to take me away. I can't help but feel like this, I don't mean to be so bitter, but it'll soon be over, I'll escape for a short while. The Quidditch World Cup is nearly here and the Weasley's are taking me, at least that's one thing to be thankful for. It'll be fun, that's for sure, nice to be part of that large unit of red headed people, treated like a son.
I just have to wait a little longer and I won't have time to dwell on this feeling of loneliness. The Weasley's won't give me time to feel like it, and Hermione will join their efforts no doubt.
Still, it doesn't matter that I'm surrounded by people. In those short but frequent silences I will be able to dwell. No one understands; I can't let them understand. If they understand they will find out exactly what I feel, and when they do it will only put them in danger…It will be my fault. So I won't let them in. I won't let them understand how I feel every waking moment. I will keep it inside me, I won't let them see. I will do nothing. I will sit and suffer in silence to protect them.
It looks like I'm alone.
But looks can be deceiving.