A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed this and mega thanks to anyone who's still interested :) I'm pretty sure I really am the worst updater in the world (especially for a fic that's quite easy to write). Enjoy anyway :)
"Er… Lexie, what are you doing?"
It's been three weeks, and while he does realise that that is an extraordinarily long time for a new couple to abstain from sex, the situation he is being presented with right now is on an entirely new level of worrying.
"Shhh…." She waves a marker at him, her eyes fixed on the TV, "This is important."
He's sure she's not a drug addict (well, kind of) but she scarily resembles one; her eyes are blood shot and twitchy, her movements are predator like, horrifyingly still as if she's about to pounce on the TV at any second.
"It's the magic-"
"Shhh." She shushes him again, this time using a piece of paper that is suspiciously full of writing.
He glances at his watch out of interest and notes that it's three am, just an hour and a half before he has to sneak out the front door and an hour before Lexie has to get out of bed and be ready for rounds.
That kind of time frame isn't looking promising.
"If you call now, you will receive a complimentary blender…"
Lexie's hand scribbles erratically across the page (which he notices now has been divided into special feature, price and item columns for extra ease and understanding.)
"Er Lexie," He approaches carefully, movements careful and calculated; "Can I ask why you're writing about late night infomercials?"
It takes her a while to reply (the sales guy has just added something about content circulation and it's efficiency in liquefying ingredients and she adds it to her special feature column dutifully), when she does she keeps her eyes trained to the screen; "Helps keep my mind busy when I'm not at work."
"You mean instead of sleeping?"
"Can't sleep." She says quickly. Her sentences are uncharacteristically short and he gets the faint impression that she's far more interested in the blender than she is in her apparent insomnia.
"You're a heart beat away from turning into Edward Norton with bruises."
"No sex Mark," she says in a possessed voice that makes him raise an eyebrow; "No sex with this amazing guy who talks and laughs with you for hours and hours… Phone! Phone!"
The number for the magic bullet has appeared on screen and sheets of infomercial information fly everywhere as she scrambles for her cell.
He's sure Edward Norton had an obsession with home items at some point too, before he started project mayhem and a violent, national revolution against consumerism.
He looks at Lexie worriedly.
"First two hundred callers get a free… Damn it! The line's busy." She concentrates extra hard on the keys as she punches the 1800 number in with speedy precision.
He wonders if there are a million other men around the country watching in horrified bewilderment as their girlfriends use blenders to escape their sexless lives.
He goes to say as much when, tapping her fingers impatiently on the side of the arm chair and frowning at the wait, she uses her marker to shush him once more.
"And now on to something a little different, Sean?"
"Thanks Miranda, today, for the very first time we're introducing the new medication all men are too ashamed to ask for. Are you finding it difficult to, perform like you used to?"
His mouth drops open in horror.
"This new drug – completely approved by certified physicians' country wide – will insure that you get the best results, and that she does too!"
Sometimes he wonders who invented the phrase 'God works in mysterious ways' and whether they were being wildly ironic at the time.
"They're going to cut to a..." He barely gets the sentence out before two attractive, tanned, twenty something's in underwear appear smiling seductively at each other.
He pinches the bridge of his nose just as the TV shuts off.
He glances a look at Lexie through the dark – she appears to have dropped her cell phone and her marker and is staring at the TV with terrifying concentration once more.
"The world is obsessed."
He's quite tempted to reply with a 'Can you blame them?!' but stops himself just in time, going with a much less loaded; "Ahuh, completely."
"We don't need that. We have conversation and blenders and…"
"Conversation and…" He adds feebly.
"How many days has it been?"
The fact that she's referring to the time period in days instead of weeks is worrying in itself.
"So we're, half way right? That's, that's… Good."
Silence envelops the space between them.
"It's not that it's all about sex – because it isn't – but, I really like you, like, hide you in my bedroom so we can talk and play scrabble like and…" She sighs dramatically; "I need some sex Mark. I really need some sex."
Silence rears it's ugly head once more and Mark is more tempted than ever to risk the future health of his penis.
"Well, we don't have the magic bullet yet, but we could still blend something."
"Is it wrong that mincing fruit in a high speed blender gives me some sort of vindictive pleasure?"
He laughs loudly and pulls her into a hug; "Yeah Lex, it is."