Author Notes: Like Crimson Door, Blackened Wing's angsty, lovely and absolutely gripping Blood Moon fanfic has inspired AU scenes in my mind even before the actual chapters came out! So far, she's been the main recipient of my overactive imagination but again with her kind encouragement and permission, here they are for your reading pleasure...
Pre-requisite: Needless to say, you should be familiar with Blood Moon for these AU scenes to make sense. Otherwise, it's just spoiling a terrific read for you...
Disclaimer: The honour of owning Vampire Knight and the characters of Kaname Kuran, Zero Kiriyu & Yuki Cross belong to Matsuri Hino. The honour of owning Blood Moon belongs to Blackened Wing. Me? I just own my overactive imagination and these AU scenes :D
Summary: In Chapter 4, Kaname rescued Zero from drowning in the lake, gave him his blood then carried him back to his rooms in the Moon Dorms. After performing a blood seal on Zero to possibly lengthen his lifespan, Kaname rests on top of Zero in the bathtub. But with both of them naked, it's hard to ignore each other's presence...
Additional Comments: I wrote this Chapter 5 AU even before the actual one came out so I know it's kind of melodramatic and over the top. LOL, I was trying so hard not to make them both say those Three Little Words! But Chapters 1 to 4 had stirred up my emotions so much and I was so caught up with the boys' suffering that I just had to let it all out! It's a lemony chapter too, even though a far cry from the angsty and stupendous one in the actual Chapter 5 :D
The actual ending of Blood Moon Chapter 4:
Kaname wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, resting against Zero, listening to his heartbeat and inhaling his scent, but eventually the warmth and the nearness seeped into his bones, a warmth he had not felt since before Yuki died. Silently, the pureblood lost his long battle with himself. He could no longer ignore the way Zero's blood pulsed in his veins, the way his breath sounded, the way he smelled, the way his beautiful, familiar body was completely naked under his own... He'd never intended to touch Zero again like this, but he couldn't stop himself as he slowly turned his head, pressing a soft kiss against the hunter's sternum. He shouldn't, he should be trying to distance himself, not bring them closer... but he couldn't. He was no longer his own master and he needed Zero too much. It'd been so long...
He placed another kiss above the last, and another above that, warm lips slowly working their way in a straight line up Zero's chest, stopping to lightly lap up the few beads of water that had accumulated in the hollow of the hunter's breastbone, tasting Zero's intoxicating flavor on every drop.
You can't abandon me, Zero... you can't...
- Chapter Start --
Zero's eyes had closed as he rested in the tub. He was feeling comfortable... even a little at peace. The sting from his injuries were temporarily numb from Kaname's earlier ministrations and the warm water flowing over his legs and steam arising from it all combined to induce a lethargic kind of quiet in his limbs. The pureblood's head was a warm and sweetly familiar weight on his chest and Zero closed his eyes tight at the pain that familiarity brought. How many times had they lain like this in bed together, Kaname's head resting as it was now, their breathing slowing down together after yet another intense session of love making? But no, those times had only been one-sided. It had been just sex on Kaname's side, it always had. Zero had to remember that even though it hurt unbearably. If only to remind himself he was just a worthless pawn in the pureblood's grand scheme of life. Hot tears pricked at the back of the hunter's eyes again. Somehow, that surprised him a little. He thought he'd cried out every single hurt he had, back at the lake…
When Zero felt Kaname's warm lips on his chest, his eyes fluttered open again. It was time. Time to pay back the pureblood for the blood he'd taken earlier. The hunter's breath hiccoughed lightly as he willed more tears not to form in his eyes. He didn't care how this transaction took place, he didn't care if Kaname was rough or gentle. But he hoped with all his broken and bleeding heart that it was the former because then it might be just a little more easier to convince himself that he didn't care about the pureblood.
Kaname's lips paused at the pulse beating erratically in Zero's throat and he shuddered deeply, fighting the sudden and familiar urge to pounce on that unprotected and exposed neck right beneath his lips and taste Zero's blood again, feel that sweet connection from knowing his fangs were in his lover's neck just like how Zero's had been in his earlier. But no… the boy had never wanted him. Only his blood. If the hunter could get that bottled, then he wouldn't even need to lay eyes on him. It made Kaname feel that he was expandable, made important to Zero only by the pure Kuran blood that flowed through his veins.
But even though Kaname called himself all kinds of a fool, he couldn't stop himself from nibbling on the pale skin of that neck, the smell and feel of that skin oh so sweetly familiar that it brought a rush of memories back to him. Memories of their bodies entwined on the bed, moving and rocking against each other, memories of him pressed close to the boy as they exchanged playful kisses and nips, teasing each other's necks before sheer lust and hunger drove them to sink their fangs into each other's necks, feeding on each other. Feeding each other's lust. Each memory made his body shake in remembered pain and Kaname shut his eyes tightly, feeling again the sting of tears pricking at the backs of his eyes.
He had to stop thinking, or he would drive himself crazy with wanting and longing for Zero… Kaname's lips hovered temptingly above his lover's for a moment, his breath brushing the other's face, then abruptly, he stood up. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done, turning away from that tantalising body still in the tub… With decisive movements, he twisted the tap to shut off the warm flow of water from the shower and stepped out of the tub, reaching for the towel.
Zero's eyes had closed again but they blinked open once more. Kaname was briskly drying himself but there was no hiding the fact he was still very, very much aroused. Then the pureblood turned to him and Zero swallowed, seeing the flare of desire in the red eyes that raked his naked body. It should have disgusted the hunter, knowing what Kaname wanted, it should have sickened him to know that he was about to be used again… but Zero couldn't stop the answering spike of sheer lust that shot through him… and showed the pureblood what he most likely already knew anyway.
And Kaname couldn't turn away from that anymore than he could stop breathing.
Zero made a sudden movement as if to stand up then and the pureblood reached out automatically to hold his arm. "Slowly," he said. The sudden flicker of concern in Kaname's eyes, as if he might actually be worried, made Zero pause. Kaname started to dry him off with the same slightly damp towel, and the ex-human was struck speechless. The pureblood's actions now were very different from how he had undressed the other earlier. The brief, perfunctory movements were replaced now by gentle, sweeping caresses as he moved the towel, gently swiping at the droplets of water glistening on Zero's body as if his skin was as soft and as tender than a newborn baby's...
And it just made this all the more difficult to pretend that what they were going to do was just a transaction. Zero's eyes shut tightly again as he felt himself quite suddenly lifted and cradled against Kaname's warm chest as the pureblood carried him out of the bathroom and laid him gently on the large double bed.
The room was noticeably cooler after the warm and misty air of the bathroom and Zero shivered involuntarily. "Let me warm you," Kaname's husky voice said and Zero felt the familiar weight as Kaname lowered himself to half lie on top of him. Those words rang a distant bell somewhere in the hurting and deeply ashamed recesses of Zero's mind - when had the pureblood first said those intoxicating words to him? Was it the time he'd first taken him, back in the warehouse after he'd killed Ichijo and was suffering the devastating effects of a broken bond, however unwanted it was?
Zero shivered again, brought back to the present by the feel of Kaname's lips claiming his, and the smooth fingers gliding over his chest, trailing fire in their wake, bringing Zero's numb body back to tingling life. Making him burn for the pureblood. Weakly, the hunter shook his head. Damnit, he didn't want this. He didn't want to feel. He didn't want to hurt again. He just - he just wanted Kaname to get it over with. To just take what he paid for, then leave him alone. Before Zero could trick himself into believing that they could go back to the way they were, to the way things had been.
Kaname wanted to linger with caressing Zero's beautiful body but he was already shaking with need. It had been so long and he felt like he might go insane if he didn't bury himself in the boy right now and feel him to his very core. Kaname left Zero for a moment while he searched almost frantically for lube in his nightstand drawer.
Zero could hear the sounds of Kaname's urgent search and he screwed his eyes shut even tighter. Well, you drank his blood, didn't you? What did you expect, that Kaname would be satisfied with a simple, verbal 'thank you'? Zero knew he shouldn't complain really… Kaname always ensured it was an incredible experience for him. Always. There had never been a time when it hadn't been. The pureblood would inevitably wring an almost unbearable high from Zero, leaving his senses screaming with joy and his body shivering in absolute bliss.
Kaname moved over him again, his knowing fingers searching, stroking and stretching as he swiftly prepared Zero with all the limited patience he could muster. He was only just barely hanging onto his control. Zero's eyes remained shut. He knew, from the ragged breathing he could hear that Kaname wanted him very badly. He could tell from the slightly shaking fingers delving into him now that if it had been anyone else but Kaname, that person wouldn't even have bothered to get out of the tub. Probably wouldn't even have bothered to try to stretch and ready him first.
Kaname replaced his fingers with himself. He was not as rough as he had been in the past sometimes, but not as gently as he could have been either. The pureblood's body was shaking uncontrollably, his heart slamming in his chest. It had just been so long and he wanted Zero so much, he'd been so close to just taking him in the bathtub just now when he toweled him dry...
And Zero - God help him - he couldn't hold back the hopeless cry he gave then, the sound broken, wounded and anguished, as if something irreplaceable inside him was dying. He couldn't help making that sound anymore than he could stop the tears that now coursed past his closed lids and disappeared into his hair. He wanted so much for this to be more than just a – a physical coupling. More than just Kaname exacting payment from him…
That anguished cry struck at Kaname's heart like a blow and he froze immediately, the sheer pain in it echoing in his heart and in their bond. "Zero?" he breathed, horrified to see the boy's face beneath him, pale, eyes shut tight as if in pain and the wetness escaping ceaselessly from them. Oh God… he'd hurt Zero. He'd just made the hunter hate him even more, if that were possible.
"Did – Did I hurt you?" he asked urgently. Such a stupid question, of course he had, why else would Zero look like this? Sharp anguish squeezed Kaname's heart, making his breathing hitch, and he eased out of his lover at once.
"Zero, don't, please don't..." Kaname begged hoarsely, not knowing what else to say, knowing only that Zero had to stop looking like he was in pain, pain that he, Kaname, had caused. Then Zero's eyes opened and a lump appeared in Kaname's throat when he saw the stark misery reflected in the dazed, amethyst silver depths. Quickly, Zero wiped the backs of his hands across his stinging eyes. "Go on," he said hoarsely. The unmistakable tremors in that raw voice squeezed Kaname's heart even tighter.
"But-" the pureblood broke off, then glanced down between them. It was obvious Zero wanted him too, wanted this as much as he did. "But you want this..." he said and he couldn't keep the sheer confusion from colouring his voice. There was silence. "Don't you?" whispered Kaname, looking uncertain and lost.
Zero looked at him, then unbelievably, started to laugh. The sound was harsh. Mirthless... and it grated on Kaname's emotions, leaving them even more raw and hurting than they had been. "Yeah, I want this, Kaname. So what if it makes me the biggest loser in the world? So what if you think I'm just a sorry, screwed up loser who can't stop lusting after you? I can't stop wanting you anymore than I can stop breathing. Even though I despise myself. Even though I know what you think of me. Even though I know very well you're just using me each time..." Even though I die a little more each time.
Zero was past caring what Kaname thought of him now even though he'd never seen the pureblood look so shocked. So now he knew just how much Zero - cared - for him. How much he craved the pureblood's approval and respect. How much he wanted to belong at Kaname's side for always. The vision of Kaname blurred and Zero palmed his eyes angrily. "So – so just do it, OK?" he said wretchedly. "Just – just take me, anyhow you like. I don't care. And consider it as payment for the blood I took just now. And then… and then… don't – don't touch me anymore..." Or I might just beg you to keep me at your side forever.
Kaname's face drained of colour completely at the hopeless look in Zero's eyes and at his words. He swallowed convulsively. "Is that what you think of me?" he whispered. "That this... this is just a transaction? That I... make love with you because I want something in return for giving you my blood?" He swallowed hard. That thought hurt even more than the time when Yuuki had said she'd stay by his side if only he'd save Zero, that time when Ichiru had grievously wounded him… had it really been so very long ago? Or only just a few months?
"Zero, you can't – you can't mean that you think of it... of us... of me, as just a – a...…" Kaname couldn't even continue. The mere thought that Zero might be harbouring such thoughts about him was excruciatingly painful to even imagine but the fact that they might very well be true… it hurt so very much more than he could ever have thought. So this was what the one person whose opinion mattered more to him than anyone else's thought of him. Great... just freaking great. Kaname sat back, his mind stunned and his heart shattered.
Zero watched him warily. When it became obvious Kaname wasn't about to move anytime soon, the hunter slowly pushed himself up onto his elbows. "Why don't you do it, Kaname?" he asked softly. "... it's not as if I'd stop you. It's not as if I even could..." The pureblood was so compelling and passionate that each time they made love, Zero could never stop himself from falling under his spell, no matter how much he tried. But Kaname took the words to mean something else entirely – that all this time, he'd forced Zero into accepting him. Into accepting his kisses, suffering his caresses and tolerating his possession. Into thinking that Zero thought he had to give something in return for the pure blood that kept him sane.
Kaname looked up and Zero's breath caught at the sheer pain in the dark eyes, now also as wet as his. "All this time, and I never knew..." the pureblood whispered brokenly. Zero frowned a little. Kaname had never known that he was hopelessly in thrall with the pureblood all this time? He voiced his thoughts tentatively, moved despite himself at Kaname's anguish.
"No, Zero. Never knew how much you hated me," clarified Kaname, the words squeezing his chest until his breathing was coming in short pants as if he couldn't get enough air.
Zero inhaled sharply. "I don't hate you," he breathed. "But you made it so clear that night..." he swallowed painfully, Kaname's words still echoing in his mind. "That I don't have any claim on you, that I – I just warmed your bed–" he couldn't continue, it was just too painful. He sat up and turned away from Kaname, silent tears still coursing down his cheeks.
Kaname was stunned for a second time. Yes, he'd said those words and he remembered each and every one of them, shouted at Zero in a moment of blinding pain and sheer gut wrenching guilt at having made Yuuki's condition worsen. But he hadn't meant any of them then, he hadn't! They were just - just words! How could Zero have believed him? How could he have thought he was someone so worthless, to be used in exchange for blood? Oh God, was this why Zero had turned away from him and been willing to forage elsewhere for blood? What this why Zero had tried to commit suicide, because in addition to losing Yuuki, he'd thought he'd been used by Kaname all this time?
"Zero..." Kaname's voice was soft, unsure, guilty. Slowly, the silver haired vampire turned to face him and brown eyes met silvery amethyst, both filled with pain. Both filled with tears.
Kaname had to swallow again before he could speak. "I never thought that of you, Zero... that you had to pay me for my blood. I – what we had, it was never payment. I give my blood freely to you. Always."
Zero stared at him. "But you said... that..."
Kaname's eyes filled again with pain. "I know what I said then," he whispered hoarsely, holding Zero's gaze. Wanting him to believe, willing him to believe what he said now. "But I didn't mean it, I – I'd just found out about Yuuki, how her condition had worsened and I had done it. Me. Her protector. The person she trusted since the day she was born. The person her parents trusted. The person Cross had entrusted her to... and I failed her. When she needed me most, I failed her!" The words were bitter and self-condemning and the pureblood's voice shook towards the end. His head dropped forward, the long, damp hair hiding the tears from Zero.
Zero swallowed in return, hearing the pain the words and feeling the echo of pain in their bond. "You couldn't have known," he whispered. He shouldn't have raged at Kaname back then, he knew how Kaname felt about Yuuki, he knew how much the pureblood had always loved her. He remembered how Kaname had stopped himself from feeding on her even when he was weak from the constant torture and starving with hunger back in Ichijo's cellar. How could Zero have said those damning words to Kaname? Yes, he had been frightened out of his mind that Yuuki's life was slipping away and there wasn't anything they could do... but.... to have said, no shouted, those words in Kaname's face, knowing he had to have been already devastated with guilt...
Kaname looked at him. "I killed her, Zero," he stated flatly. "I killed her," he repeated, in a hoarse whisper. "I kept you from protecting her when she needed you, and I tried to hard to save her but I killed her instead. And now, there's only you left, and you... hate me." There was a sense of finality in those soft words and Kaname got off the bed a little unsteadily, dragging his hands through his hair, trying to control the tears that were still trying to escape his eyes. He thought he'd cried them all out, but it looked like he hadn't. He was just a bloody idiot who'd screwed up his life and the lives of the two people he cared for most in the world.
Zero stared at Kaname's back, digesting the words and feeling the brutal and painful honesty in each spoken syllable. He knew Kaname had not wanted Yuuki to die like that. He knew that with Yuuki gone, he was the only other person Kaname had to cling onto. Someone who was closer than just a friend, closer than just an acquaintance. Someone who had gone through pretty much the same hell he had. Someone who understood him. Or should, anyway... And he was that person. Only he'd been so wrapped up in his own guilt and pain that he hadn't noticed just how much the pureblood was hurting. Just as much as him if not more, only Kaname could never have voiced it out to anyone but him. And Zero had stayed away from him, pushing him away when the pureblood had needed him the most.
They'd both been in such pain. They'd both been at fault. Zero swallowed again. So much to say, so much that had already been said. Was it still possible they had anything left in common, other than the bond they shared? He had to believe they did, and he had to try.
"Kaname, hold me," he whispered. The pureblood started then he swung around. "What did you say?" he demanded disbelievingly.
Zero stretched out his hand. "Make love to me," he whispered, colour creeping up his pale cheeks. Kaname hesitated, his eyes on Zero as he moved forward slowly, entwining his fingers with Zero's. The pureblood was looking heartbreakingly uncertain. "Zero, you want this? You want me?" he murmured. After all that I've said to you? After all that I've done?
Zero nodded, his eyes holding Kaname's as well. "I want you," he said softly. It was the first time he'd ever said that and his face warmed even more. There was a moment when he thought Kaname would actually refuse him, but the pureblood uttered a choked sound then they were in each other's arms, holding on tightly to each other.
It seemed to take forever before their bodies stopped trembling but Kaname finally lifted Zero's chin and kissed him then they were falling back onto the bed, tongues mating, fingers touching and stroking. Soft moans and pants filled the air as their bodies shifted on the bed. And when Kaname took Zero this time, the hunter only whispered his name, his arms and legs holding the pureblood close to him as they moved together in unison. Kissing and touching like they'd never kissed or touched before. Remembering again the feel and scent of each other's skin and hair. And every touch and motion between them swept them both deeper and deeper into a shatteringly intense release that left them trembling in each other's arms.
Kaname's head was pillowed on Zero's chest, their breathing slowing down and getting more regular. Zero's fingers were slowly combing through the pureblood's long, damp hair. He didn't know what to think anymore but for the first time in so many weeks, he felt a sense of peace. This was where he belonged... in Kaname's arms.
Kaname's eyes were closed, listening to the slowly steadying thud of Zero's heartbeat against his ear, feeling the boy's fingers in his hair. It had been so long since Zero had let him near like this, so long since he had put his arms around him. It was so peaceful where he was right now. This was where he belonged... in Zero's arms.
-- Chapter End --