Okay, so I went to La Push last weekend and it was the best experience of my life. The place seriously has some weird powers, cause it's basically all I can think about and I have a sense of yearning towards it. I feel as if I just want to run away and go back there. As a product of these feelings and my visit I learned new things about the place that so many of us write from, and I want to incorporate what I have learned into my story. To do so, I had to delete the last chapter I wrote and I am going to rewrite it with accurate descriptions and the feel of La Push. Seriously guys, it was the best 24 hours of my life and I cannot wait to return to the beach again, it was pure beauty.
If you have actually stuck around for my fail updates, thank you. There are more to come, cause I need to be apart of La Push some how and this is the only way I can think of.
His face was masked in shock and his eyes were ready to burst forth from him head. My heart sputtered at the thought that I had just spoken to him, said my very first words and this was his reaction. Crap. I mean it wasn't as if I didn't know that I was acting strange, but I just wasn't expecting that reaction.
He was breathing fast from his mouth and the blank stare was consorting into something else.
Seth's lips curved to one side and his teeth barred, while his nose wrinkled up and his head shook. Then his whole body did, shake that is. He was laughing; at me. At the situation and the fact that I had spoke. Maybe he was crazy too… And if that was the case, then we were made for each other. Two peas in a very screwy pod.
With one last huffy sigh of his breath, Seth answered my greeting. "Ahh, umm, hey." Five minutes and three chuckles too late, buddy.
My answering smile was timid, small and shy. I didn't know what else to say, "Hi," pretty much summed up everything I had inside at the moment. Because all I really wanted was for him to know I wasn't mentally unstable, and that I had functioning vocal cords. I hadn't thought much past. "Hi," which sucked, cause I was pretty sure he had thought past it. Seth with his hour long stories of one stretch of beach, or ten minute descriptions of his run over. He had so much conversation up his sleeve that anything was bound to come out of his mouth next.
"So the fact that you can talk, and have just been holding out on me, should make me mad, but I think I'm way too happy to even care right now." Like I said, anything could have come out and it did.
I grimaced and nibbled on my lip for a second. "Sorry?" The word came out stammered, like I hadn't spoken for years, instead of just a few days.
And the smile just came on back to his face, bigger and brighter and unbelievable. Just my speaking brought this unknown emotion shading in all the dark lines Seth had running along his face. He was always so carefree and happy when he was around, I had no idea there was a better version waiting for me, and all I had to do was speak. All I had to do was utter words and his face crinkled and creased into the most beautiful twist of the most beautiful emotions. Smiles and wrinkles made up his face; soft eyes and wide grins. Sparks boiled in his eyes and something else waded there, something I could put my finger on; something big.
And just because I have to ruin moments, and because talking again set off some weird chain reaction of random babble, I had to speak; without thinking. "The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing." What. The. Fuck. "…did-did you know that?"
But he didn't answer, and he didn't laugh. He just stared at me, with round eyes that were melting into mine with the intensity of it all. There was a whoosh in my ear and hitch in my heartbeat, because the way he looked at me was so careful, and velvety smooth. It was if I could feel his gaze skimming over my skin as his eyes traveled from my face, and over my arms; past my collarbones. Like silk and velvet trailing over my stomach and on top of my thighs, the gesture chilled my bones and heated my cheeks. Every breath I took reverberated inside my chest and made me aware of the way my hands twitched and how I could feel the air filling my lungs. In, out, in, out. Expand, contract, expand, contract. The way my shoulders stretched and relaxed; repeat. Or how my heart set another beat, raging against my ribcage and hammering in my temple, my wrist and my neck.
His eyes settled back on mine, while my body played it's chaotic symphony. They were searching and they wondered; asking a billion questions in one twinkle. And just as they flicked away, and glued themselves to the wallpaper pattern on the wall, I could have sworn his pupils were dilated.
"No, I didn't know that." Smile, chuckle, twinkle.
I cleared my throat and just waited, for him to speak or leave or just something to happen so I wasn't sitting there like the idiot that I was. Idiot, my mind spoke on it's own.
Yeah, I know.
Silence, and waiting.
His hand jutted out towards me, and the only thing noticeable on his face was his teeth, and the lips that stretched out to frame them. "I'm Seth."
I gaffed. He had told me this already… Did he think I wasn't capable of remembering things?
"Yeah, you mentioned that…"
"I know, I just…y'know? Wanted to do it the right way, with you telling me your name… and shaking my hand." He ducked his head, and looked at me from behind his incredibly long boy lashes. His hand was still in the same place, and I could see it twitch slightly.
And then mine was being cupped by his. Swallowed was more like it. His hand was about three times the size of mine, and four shades darker. We contrasted in a way that was attractive; cream and rust. Together we made the perfect painting, complementary colors, bring out the beauty in each other. We were brighter next to one another.
"Tatum." With that I squeezed his palm and pulled away. It was too much to just touch him, and it wasn't enough, I wanted other things. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and feel his hands on the small of my back. I imagined his hair tickling my forehead and cheeks as his face came closer to mine; I could practically feel his plush lips pushing onto mine…
I felt a slight shock as his finger tips grazed mine, and my body jumped.
"Huh?!" Did he… Does he mean… Oh sweet baby Jesus…
"Your name, it's pretty." Oh.
"Oh, uhh, thanks. You too." Really? Did I really say… fuck.
He just let out a laugh, and slipped his hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts. Another silent moment came and went, while we both appreciated the interior design of the guest room. Monet, I thought slowly, nice. I always appreciated the way his work captured the moment, plain and simple and at the same time it made your head tilt, with thought and wonder.
"Are you okay now?"
His voice drove me out of my inspection and made my head snap. He was asking if I was okay, if I was better. Was I? Yes. No.
"Slightly." My voice was timid, cause that all I had for the time being.
He just nodded, like I had asked a question, so I nodded back. And I prayed to whatever higher being there was out there that he didn't ask the questions that usually followed, "Are you okay?" The ones that made my body hurt, and sent the memories flaring through my mind. The questions that involved my mom, and her death; that involved Huntington's or Sue Clearwater.
"That's good." And then he smirked, and I… well I went insane.
My arms were around his upper arms in an instant, before I could actually stop myself. I didn't actually reach the top of him, and I didn't mind at all, because he knew. He knew not to ask, he knew it would hurt and he didn't want to hurt me. He cared. And in my hug wasn't just thanks for knowing, but for helping me. For being my Savoir and my Light; for coming back, even when he shouldn't have.
I clung to him because I could now, because he made everything feel alright; he made me feel alright. So I wrapped my arms tighter and gripped my hands together harder. And then his arms were around me, so long that they went around once and he was able to grip my sides. It wasn't awkward, or scary, it was like melting. Like just letting everything go, without caring about what came next. I felt like anything was possible. And in his arms, that was the truth.
"Seth, Carlisle- whoa. Sorry" Emmett came hurtling through the door, all smiles and winks. "Uhh, Seth, Carlisle wanted to see you and…" He just pointed towards me.
Seth jerked away, and wiped his palms on his shorts. My arms just fell to my sides, and I glanced up at Emmett. Smile. Wink.
"You seem better." Statement.
My teeth gritted, and I spoke so light that I could barely hear it. "Yeah."
"Excellent. I'll see you down stairs." And he was out the door, way too fast.
I caught my lip between my teeth and bowed my head. Hoping Seth would forget I was there, and go downstairs without me, so I wouldn't have to speak to anyone else. It was different with him, and tolerable trying to spit a word out to Emmett, but other people. More people, well, that seemed impossible. Even if Carlisle was the kind man, the one came to check on me everyday, even when I wouldn't answer his questions. The Doctor that kept my stitches clean, and listened to my breathing on every visit.
"There's a bonfire, tonight, where I live." My face tilted up towards his voice, and he didn't look so smooth anymore. His cheeks were tinted a slightly darker color than the rest of him, and his bottom lip was being gnawed on vigorously. "I was…umm. Ahem, going to skip it but… Now I want to know if you, y'know…" He shoved one of his hands in his hair and groaned, musing the locks.
I just stood there with my eyebrow raised and waiting for the sentence to be finished. He just looked down at me and sighed.
"Do you want to go? With me…tonight?"
And my staring tactics came back, because what Seth Clearwater said in that moment did not happen. He couldn't have asked me out. Like…like on a date. Defiantly not, he wouldn't ask me out…would he?
His eyes were delving into mine, and it wasn't uncomfortable. "Sure." The word just blew out on it's own accord, like my mind couldn't take the stream of, 'What If's,' anymore, and took action.
The look of utter excitement wielded in Seth's face made the answer all the more better, it helped secure it. "Really?"
I just nodded.
"Great…" He breathed. "Come on, we better go downstairs." He held out his hand. It took me two seconds of shock to slide mine into his, and be enveloped by something warm, something flickering; flitting around the edge of something greater. Something…beautiful.
And I walked out the door of my guest bedroom. A thing I hadn't even thought of, an activity that never crossed my mind. I just want to stay wrapped up in the Egyptian Cotton sheets, trying to forget and waiting for Seth to come. All my days at the Cullen's were just excuses for living, they were fillers for a life I didn't want to have. A live without my mom, a life were I didn't get her smile.
So as I grasped Seth's hand in my own, so tight I don't know how he wasn't hurting, I just let my eyes wander. They fell on the perfect shade of cream on the walls, and there were only three paintings hung, not wanting to be cluttered, I supposed. How the huge window didn't stop because of the separate floors, it kept going. Or the way the carpet crunched under my steps and swooshed under Seth's shuffle. It was amazing, like no house I had ever seen before. I had slept in such a grand place and I hadn't even appreciated it.
My fingers glided over the polished wood of the staircase railing, slipping into a grasp while I struggled down the carpeted steps. I was secure, Seth on one side, ,y hand trapped safely in his; the railing in the other, keeping me upright. Keeping me calm as I descended, as I walked out to attempt the small feat I didn't think I was ready to do.
I needed to talk to Carlisle, I had to at least thank him. Tell him I appreciated the way he asked before he began his examination, or how he would always be smiling, making little quips and laughing. Maybe tell told him that I appreciated the room, and the food he provided. But the prospect of having a conversation with anyone but Seth…it just sent a ringing through my ears and made my head light. I just wasn't comfortable with the idea, and I could put my finger on why, it just was.
So as my feet left the last step, and my lip trembled between my teeth; my hand sweating in Seth overly warm palm, my heart hammering with nerves, the last thing I expected happened.
There was a small flash, it blew my hair around my face and sent a dizzy spell at me. A childish high pitched giggle rang out; Seth stopped abruptly and I did in turn. My head craned to look at his face, wondering what had just occurred. His lips were set, and his eyes narrowed, the line of his jaw tightened. The ear splitting scream that echoed off the creamy wall sent ice down my back and made my breathe catch; it was followed by a voice I wasn't used to. It was soft, even at the tone it was using. A tone that wasn't even possible.
"I'll kill you Jacob Black, I swear I will! Emmett, don't hold me back!" It was shrill and liquid. Like the whistle of the wind. There was a pause in the seething, and I could feel Seth hold his breath. His hand tightened.
"Nessie only did it because he encourages her! It's his fault that mongrel, I am so sick of this! Can't Edward and Bella put their foot down on this creepy infatuation Fido has with their daughter?!" There was a shatter, and sound you hear when cars crash. Which was all washed down and followed by a cynical, sarcastic chuckle, it seemed to be built from long practice. Down pat to the huff in the beginning and ending scoff.
"Why do I have to deal with that burden? Why does she even need to stay here? Have her stay with her dog!" There was another silence, but Seth just gritted his teeth and held my hand still tighter. "That's all we need, another mutt hanging around her, pining like an idiot. …I don't care if they can hear me, Emmett!"
Another crash and quick deliberate steps. And suddenly there was beauty in my graces, and my eyes widened. I froze, my hand went limp in Seth's. The look on her face was pure hatred and disgust. Piercing.
And she was gone.