Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, nor the song "Hot Pants Explosion" by the B-52s, which randomly inspired this and after which this is named.
A/N: Uh...don't even ask.
Hot Pants Explosion
Matt was sitting on the couch with his laptop when he suddenly saw something out of the corner of his eye that made him freeze like a deer in headlights. Mello had just entered the room, and he was wearing shorts.
And not just normal, knee-length guy shorts, but little, tiny, girly shorts. And not just normal girl shorts, but leather girl shorts. And they were tight! It was like he had taken his normal leather pants and cut off the pesky leg coverings.
Matt stared, mouth open and computer forgotten, as Mello's long, thin legs walked across the room. Mello noticed him.
"What are you looking at?" He snapped in annoyance.
"What are you wearing?" Matt asked. Mello blushed almost imperceptibly.
"They're called shorts. It's fucking hot in here, you got a problem with that?" Mello said defensively.
"Uh…no." Matt said, looking down at his laptop again.
"Good." Mello said, and then he went over to his desk and turned on the fan. Matt tore his gaze away from his best friend's legs and returned his attention to his computer game and its buxom heroine. He liked women. Yep. He nodded to himself in agreement with his mental assertion.
He kept on playing for about ten minutes, and even though Mello was continually in motion, walking about the room to open windows, Matt only glanced at him once or twice the whole time. Because he liked women. And that would never, ever change, or so his mind insisted.
Then Mello came over and sat next to him on the couch, putting his bare feet up on the coffee table and fanning himself with a book. His cheeks were flushed from the heat, and his hair was rumpled and starting to stick to his forehead.
Matt tensed up as Mello leaned closer to look at his computer screen, then he snapped it shut and stood up. Mello gave him a suspicious look.
"What were you doing?"
"Just playing a game."
"Then why did you close the computer when I tried to look?"
"I just remembered I had to…do something."
"That was a pretty sudden remembrance."
"Yeah, it hit my brain so fast it made my arms twitch and close the laptop." Matt said. They both blinked at each other, then Mello nodded as if this made sense, appearing to get lost in thought as he did so, staring at something just beyond his field of vision. After another few moments, Mello's attention snapped back to him.
"Okay, actually that doesn't make sense." He said. Matt shrugged and started to leave the room, but Mello got up and followed him.
"What are you doing?" Matt asked.
"I want to see where you're going. Your retarded lie piqued my curiosity."
"I'm not going anywhere, I'm just trying to get away from you!" Matt exclaimed truthfully, the heat making him irritable.
"Why?" Mello asked.
"Because you…are sweaty and need a shower." Matt said slowly.
"Oh, and you're not? Look at the underarms on your shirt!" Mello said. Matt did so and realized that he was unpleasantly damp all over, and his shirt was sticking to him in weird places.
"Ew." Matt said, abruptly pulling his shirt off and tossing it on the floor without thinking. Mello crinkled his nose up. It was adorable. Or it would have been, but Matt liked women. Yep. He turned around and tried to escape from Mello, but the blonde continued to follow him, even when he went outside.
For some reason, he'd thought Mello wouldn't leave the house in those shorts, but when he got outside he remembered that they were in a little house in the middle of nowhere, with nobody else around for miles.
It was way too hot and dry outside, so he turned around and went back in and wound his way through the house, hoping that his blonde shadow would get bored and leave him alone. He didn't.
At some point in their journey, the heat combined with the exercise led Matt to shed his jeans, leaving him walking around in his boxers. Then Mello took off his vest, but continued to follow him. They both got tired extremely quickly. Finally, Matt gave up and went back to the couch, and Mello sat next to him again.
"So that was fun." Mello said in a neutral tone.
"Yeah." Matt agreed dully.
"What do you want to do now?" He asked. Matt looked at him dazedly. The blonde had spread all his limbs apart in an attempt to cool off and lay panting and flushed in nothing but those little leather shorts. Matt liked women.
"We should have sex." Matt said, accidentally out loud. Mello sluggishly turned his head to give him an incredulous look. Fuck, now Mello was going to think he was gay and reject him and then it would be really awkward forever or he'd never see him again.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Mello said, still incredulous.
"Uh, yes. Yes I am." Matt said.
"Good. Because I am definitely not having sex with you." Mello said in a tone of certainty.
"Yeah, ha, me neither." Matt stammered.
"…Until we get the air conditioning fixed." Mello finished. Matt's brain twitched.
A/N: Review it! Now!