Warnings: This ficlet contains YAOI or SLASH [male/male homosexual content] and is rated PG13.

Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz and related characters are the property of Koyasu Takehito et al.


Control

So much in our lives depends on control. Control of time, control of words, control of information… whatever. Yes, even in my line of work, control counts. And I know this probably sounds crazy coming from someone who has been known to pull a berserk every now and again, but that alone just goes to show the importance of control as well.

One thing I find really hard to control though, is dreams. And I'm not just talking about the goddamn nightmares. It's also the everyday things that you dream about. Stuff that drives you up the wall trying to work out 'cause you never knew you could think a certain way about something... or even worse... feel a certain way about someone.

A dream where you were so close you could feel each other's breath in your mouths, the pressure of the other's body against your own too intense to be real. So even though you can see things around you, you know that you're in some place that doesn't exsist. And even though your eyes are closed you can still see every detail of his face in front of yours. Your lips graze each other's, but never quite make contact, and it's the most intensely passionate thing you've ever experienced in your life.

And then you wake up. And you're left with this gaping emptiness in your chest and a whole new set of emotions toward this person in your life that you didn't know you must've had buried deep within your subconscious. Didn't want to know.

And then you remember that you can't just start chasing after the ex of your best friend, because that's a whole other mess of emotions that you don't want to know about either.

Because now that you're awake you can remember what the hurt in Youji's eyes looked like, usually after something thoughtless the redhead said or did, or rather, didn't say or do.

And so you exert control. Wait for your breath to come back and fill that gaping hole of empty in your chest. And pray that it all doesn't coming rushing back the next time you see that red hair.


owari

Jan 9 '09

-- more fics at my site 'delirium', check my ffn profile for the link.