Rated: K

"I said I was sorry," Parker replied to Nathan as he lectured her about the infamous fork incident that happened not a couple hours previously. The other's were out of the way, knowing that this was going to be coming. Parker jeopardized the mission, and Nathan wasn't happy about it.

"You came to me, remember?" Nathan said as he looked down at the blonde who was sitting in the chair, picking at her nails, acting like this wasn't serious.

"I remember."

"You can't just go around stabbing people, Parker. That's not what we do." Nathan said, rubbing his temples to try to work out the growing headache that seemed to be forming quickly.

"I know that."

"I'm the one that leads this team, I'm the one you go through before you stalk off and do something incredibly stupid of your own accord, I'm the good guy, remember? You all listen to me because of that reason, without me you all are hopeless on your own, which you made clear today to me and the rest of the team."

Parker rolled her eyes, "How is it, up on that high horse of yours?"

"Parker this is serious!"

"I get that, okay? Following the rules, good. Stabbing people, bad. But stop acting like you're perfect and the rest of us are just screw ups." Parker said, finally looking at him in the eyes and glaring.

"I never said I was— "

"It doesn't matter what you say," Parker said as she stood up, preparing to finish this conversation herself. "I said I was sorry, I'll follow the rules. But just so you know, you don't look very sexy to me when you post yourself up somewhere where I can't reach you."

Nathan watched her get up and give him a kiss on the lips that indicated more finality that Nathan would have wished, before she started to walk away. Nathan called out after her, "Parker!" She turned before reaching the door he continued, "Please don't walk away like that."

She just shook her head and replied, "I'll come back when you knock yourself a couple notches down, and lift me up just a bit higher. Then maybe when we're on the same level, I can start to believe that you actually care."

Nathan sighed as he watched her walk out the door. Falling back against the woodwork he whispered to the empty room, "I do care about you, Parker."


Rated: T

"What does he see in her anyway?" Hardison asked as him and Parker ducked back around the stable so that Eliot wouldn't see that they had accidently walked in on him and Aimee.

"Blonde, skinny, nice tits... I'd do her," Parker answered, shrugging.

"Yeah but she's a fake blonde, too skinny, and I'm pretty sure those cantaloupes were not home grown, if you know what I mean," Hardison replied.

"Why do you care who Eliot has sex with?" Parker asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"What? I don't," Hardison replied, shifting his eyes slightly to indicate a lie.

"Yes you do."

"No, I don't," Hardison said, narrowing his eyes to try to get the point across better.

"You want to have sex with him, don't you?" Parker asked, like it was the most natural thing in the world to inquire about.

"What?! No I— "

"Oh, sorry, you've already had sex with him, then."

"I.. No... we... I mean..." Hardison was stuttering, cursing Parker's bluntness and intuitive skills in his head.

Parker just shrugged, "Hardison, Eliot's a man-slut. We've all done him before. Hell, we'll probably all do him again."

"What??" Hardison's eyes went wide as he looked at the blonde next to him, his mind reeling with her enlightenment on the subject.

"Oh yeah, he had me in the office last night," Parker replied, waving her hand dismissively like it was nothing.

Hardison was silent, he didn't know what to make of that. Of any of this, really.

Parker just casually shrugged, "Don't worry, if you want to have more buttsex with him, all you gotta do is come on to him, the man gives it up to everyone. Don't waste your time envying other's that get him too though, it's pointless."

"Parker, don't call it 'buttsex'."

"What do you want me to call it then?"

"Just sex," Hardison replied, peeking around the corner to look at Eliot and Aimee again, though they seemed to have moved, because he couldn't see them anymore.

"Sorry, just sex, then." Parker said before looking back towards the van. "Anyway, I'm gonna get back before Nate starts yelling over the earpieces and realizes we don't have them in."

Parker ran off to the van, and Hardison looked back in the stable to see if he could see Eliot. He almost jumped out of his skin however, when Eliot ended up standing there around the corner.

"Jesus, Eliot! You almost gave me a heart attack, man!" Hardison said as he held his chest to help his heart slow down.

Eliot smirked at him and said, "You were watching me and Aimee, weren't you?"

"What? What, no. No of course not, that was Parker," Hardison said, trying to put the blame off on the woman who wasn't even there anymore.

"Liar," Eliot said as he advanced on Hardison, pushing him up flat against the stable wall, and leaving only about a half an inch between their bodies.

"Yeah, well, maybe I took a peak," Hardison admitted as he avoided looking Eliot in the eyes.

Eliot didn't say anything for a minute, he just pulled on his belt to undo it, and when he released it, it fell to the ground, along with his jeans. "Well maybe you want to take another peak."

Hardison's eyes went wide as he looked down, "Yeah, I think I'd like that," he managed to get out.

Eliot grabbed the back of Hardison's head and kissed him, and Hardison gasped at the feeling of Eliot's mouth on his. Hardison groaned as Eliot started to undo his pants, making them fall to the ground like nothing more than wasted material.

Eliot whispered against his lips, "You like watching me fuck her?"

Hardison shook his head and smirked, "No, because the whole time I was thinking about how much better I could do it."

Eliot laughed and bit Hardison's lower lip lightly before saying, "Oh yeah? Prove it then."


Rated: M

"Is it necessary to have this many shoes?" Parker asked Sophie as she looked in the closet of not even Sophie's home, but in the closet in her office.

"Of course it's necessary," Sophie replied as she looked over at Parker from her desk chair.

"How do you figure?"

"Because every different situation requires a different pair of shoes," Sophie answered, like she was being stupid for asking such a question.

"What? Just like every ten years of your retirement requires a different island that you bought? Where were they? Tokyo and...?"

"What's your point?" Sophie asked her, looking slightly annoyed at Parker's game of how-many-ways-can-we-shit-on-what-Sophie-likes-to-do-with-her-money.

"My point is, you have too many things," Parker said, raising her eyebrows.

"Pfft, a woman can never have too many things," Sophie said, waving her hand at her dismiss that ridiculous claim.

"I mean like these," Parker said, holding up a pair of heels that she picked up out of the closet, that had an eight inch spike heel on them and looked like they belonged more in a strip club then potential office shoes. "What situation is going to require these? A situation where you're not required to walk?"

Sophie laughed and got up from the desk, walking over to where Parker was standing, holding the stripper shoes. "Wanna see?" she asked, winking at her before gabbing the shoes from her and walking into the closet, closing the door behind her.

Parker just stood there, confused for a minute. "What, are you gonna come out of the closet? Cause you already did that a couple weeks ago."

"Just be patient for a second," Parker heard Sophie say from inside the closet.

Parker rolled her eyes and sat on Sophie's desk, waiting for whatever it was that Sophie was going to do.

When Sophie finally opened the closet door, Parker's breath caught in her throat. Sophie stood there, in nothing but her lacy black lingerie, wearing those heels.

"So... basically those are your office seduction shoes," Parker said, barely above a whisper as she looked Sophie over.

"Exactly," Sophie said as she walked over to Parker, until she was standing in front of where she was sitting, situated between her legs. "Do they work?"

"Oh yeah," Parker said as she ran her hands up Sophie's tanned stomach and to her breasts, "They work."

Sophie smirked before leaning down to kiss Parker, which made the other woman moan softly and undo the back of Sophie's bra, so she could get more of her skin exposed to her touch. Sophie gasped softly as Parker started playing with her nipples, and pushed her down on her desk so she could crawl on top of her.

Parker closed her eyes and moaned as Sophie's lips left her mouth to suck lightly on her neck, and she struggled to get her own shirt off of her body. Sophie broke away from her neck just long enough for Parker to get it over her head, and then moved her lips down to claim one of her nipples.

"Oh god, Sophie," Parker moaned as she tangled her hands in the brunettes hair, arching her back slightly off the desk. "Fuck."

Sophie bit Parker's nipple lightly, which made the blonde woman squirm beneath her. Reaching her hands lower, she started to undo the button on Parker's jeans, and Parker reached down to help her get them off of her.

Parker wasn't wearing any underwear, but that wasn't a surprise. Sophie leaned back up to kiss her as her hand went lower, cupping Parker roughly and making her moan hard against her lips. "Oh fuck, please..." she begged, and Sophie smirked at her power.

"You know everyone else is still in the office, what if they walk in?" Sophie whispered, teasing her like she wasn't going to do it.

"They can watch or join in for all I fucking care, as long as you just fuck me!" Parker yelled, desperate.

Sophie laughed, "You'd like that, wouldn't you? You little slut."

"Please Sophie," Parker begged, taking Sophie's hand and using it to press down on her own clit before moaning.

Sophie smirked, but stopped teasing her before Parker exploded from her own sexual tension. Slipping two fingers inside of her, she started moving them slowly, watching the faces Parker made below her.

Parker moaned loudly and bit her bottom lip, arching her back and moving her own hips against Sophie's hand. Sophie sped up the pace, and kissed Parker again, loving how Parker would moan into her mouth and bit her bottom lip every now and then.

Parker was getting louder now, and her nails were starting to dig into Sophie's back. "Oh fuck, oh my god, Sophie!" she cried as she thrust her hips harder against Sophie's hand, more needy, more desperate for release.

When Parker came she screamed bloody murder, and Sophie was sure someone was about to come knocking to see if everything was alright. While Parker lay there, naked and breathless, Sophie just smirked as she licked her fingers and said, "See, I told you all my shoes were necessary."


Rated: M

"Jesus! Don't you knock?" Parker said as Eliot stormed into the airplane bathroom and right into her, making her glad that she was already done with her business in there.

"Don't you lock the door? It said vacant," Eliot shot back as he tried to move away from Parker, but found it difficult in the tiny space.

"Nate was rushing me, I forgot," she replied. She raised her eyebrows then added, "Didn't you already go to the bathroom like, ten minutes ago, what the hell are you doing back in here again?"

"Waiting to take care of the head of security. Sophie's going to lure him over here for me," he replied

"Oh, well let me get the hell out of here before I end up getting caught in the crossfire of punches and flying man-hair."

"Are you talking shit about my hair?" Eliot asked and ran his fingers through it, offended that anyone would ever do such a thing.

"Just move so I can go," Parker replied.

"I can't, there isn't any room!"

"Well what do you expect me to be stuck in here with you until he comes?" Parker asked indignantly.

"Looks like."

"Move, Eliot!"

"You fucking move!" He shot back, and she pushed him a little to try to get by but the plane had a slight case of turbulence, and he fell back into the sink, and her on top of him.

"See, now look what you did!"

"What I did? If you would have just moved in the first place this wouldn't have happened!" Eliot said, aggravated as he tried to get them both up.

"Eliot, that's my ass!"

"Well what your trying to grab onto isn't the doorhandle either, Darlin'"

They both just stopped trying to get up for a second and glared at each other, breathing heavily from both of their annoyance. Parker looked down at Eliot's lips for a second, before Eliot got up in a flash, pushing her up and up against the wall, and kissed her passionately.

Parker's eyes widened in shock, but once it has passed she grabbed a fistful of his hair and groaned into his mouth as his tongue claimed hers. She grabbed the hem of his shirt with her other hand, lifting it up so she could run her nails down his chest, which made him growl almost animalisticly in her mouth.

Parker moaned as Eliot lifted her off the ground by her ass, pining her against the wall in that tiny little dress so she could wrap her legs around him. As they kissed, Eliot undid his jeans and they dropped to the floor, and Parker positioned herself so he could slide inside of her.

"Oh FUCK! Eliot!" Parker screamed as his cock entered her body, and her nails dug deeper into his flesh as she gasped out in pleasure.

Eliot started slamming her up against the bathroom wall, and Parker pulled that hair that she held in her hand hard as she cursed loudly. Parker could hear Nathan asking what the hell was going on through her earpiece, so she ripped it out of her ear and threw it in the toilet. She wasn't about to get interrupted.

"Oh god, HARDER!" She demanded, slamming her head back against the wall and closing her eyes as she tightened her legs around Eliot's waist.

Eliot dug his hands more into her ass to hoist her up more so he could get more leverage to get even deeper into her. He was gasping hard, getting closer, and he could tell Parker was too.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, but both of them ignored it. Parker was gasping and moaning so hard she barely had time to take another breath before the next one came out, and when he came she did too, screaming as she slammed her head back against the wall again.

When Eliot let her down, she slumped onto the floor, her legs not working anymore. Eliot redid his pants and answered the door, who's knocks were becoming more insistent, more impatient.

"What the bloody hell are you two DOING?!" Sophie demanded, and looked in to see Parker half naked on the floor. Her eyes went wide.

"We were busy," Eliot answered.

"Well you totally missed the security guy, now what?"

"My bad, bring him around again," Eliot answered as he ran his fingers through his hair, getting it out of his face.

"Bring him around again," Sophie repeated sarcastically under her breath as she stalked off, annoyed. "Bastard."


Rated: K+

"You don't even care about me!" Sophie screamed in the briefing room, when everyone else had gone their separate ways.

"How can you say that?" Nathan asked, offended that she would ever believe that ridiculous statement.

"You're joking right? You don't know when we met, you can't tell the difference between Paris and Tuscany, which are in two different countries, just in case you were confused about that too!" Sophie yelled as she slammed her book down on the table and continued, "You probably don't even know my birthday!"

"You never told me your birthday," Nathan replied, though cringed inwardly because knew that he was probably wrong on that account, too.

"Are you kidding me?!" Sophie yelled. "Paris, you selfish bastard, that was what happened in Paris! My birthday!"

"I thought that was just a con," Nathan said, which was a completely valid mistake to make in his mind.

Sophie made some sort of half yell, half screech, and picked up the book off the table and threw it at Nathan. He ducked, but it nearly hit him. She stormed out of the room, and into her office, slamming the door so hard it made the walls shake.

Nathan stared after her in shock. Why did she always blow things way out of proportion? He was a man, he was liable to be stupid on some accounts. Okay, maybe on most accounts.

"And you guys call me crazy," Parker said, shaking her head.

Nathan looked up to see Parker in the doorway. He had no idea how she had gotten there, or how long she had been standing there, but he learned not to ask those kind of questions anymore.

"I'm handling this, Parker," Nathan replied, trying to make her go away.

"Yeah, great job your doing," Parker said sarcastically, before laughing a little and disappearing around the corner again, though Nathan could still hear: "Man, you should just sex her and get it over with, already."

Nathan sighed and rubbed his temples. He had to go fix this, somehow. He rose from his seat and made his way to Sophie's office, and knocked on the door cautiously.

"I thought throwing the book at your head made it clear I didn't want to speak to you anymore," Sophie said from inside the room.

Nathan opened the door and saw Sophie sitting at her desk, looking out the window, her eyes glassy. "Sophie, I'm sorry..."

"I'm sick of hearing your apologies, Nate," Sophie replied, and turned to look at him. "I don't deserve this."

"No, you don't," Nathan replied, though wasn't exactly sure what he was doing that was so horrible to her. But agreeing with her seemed like the safest route to go.

"Then why do you do this?"

"I'm an idiot, okay?"

Sophie scoffed a little, "Understatement."

Nathan crossed the distance between them, and took Sophie's face in his hands. "You know I care about you, Sophie. I might not remember all the details, but the doesn't change how I feel."

Sophie just looked away for a moment, before looking back. "I just want to be happy with you."

"We can be happy," Nathan said, before leaning down to kiss her. Sophie closed her eyes and sank into the feeling of Nathan's lips, forgetting her anger almost instantly.

When they broke apart Sophie whispered, "Fine, just stop being such an idiot, okay?"

Nathan laughed a little, "I'll try."


Rated: K+

"I can't believe we had to give all the money away," Parker said in a voice that indicated she might be in some kind of physical pain because of it.

"To the people that fought and got injured in the war? You're kidding, right?" Hardison asked her.


"Don't you think you're being a little bit— "Hardison started, but was cut off by Parker.

"Don't call me greedy. I just like money. Lots of money. Lots of money that is all mine."

Hardison rolled his eyes, "Tell me again what you think the definition of greedy is, then."

Parker sighed, and got off of the couch to go get the watering can from the kitchen. Hardison followed.

"You just don't understand," she said finally as she picked it up, and turned to look at him.

"Try me," he replied, wanting her to at least open up and share a little bit about herself. The woman was a complete mystery to him.

She just shook her head and walked into her office, where she would find her plant. It was green, she liked things that were green.

"Parker," Hardison said, following her. He was starting to feel like a stalker, but the woman never stayed put long enough to finish a conversation.

She started watering the plant, and Hardison put a hand on top of hers. "Parker," he repeated.

Parker sighed and put the watering can down. "It's not like I cared about giving it to them after I was done with it," she said.

"What do you mean, 'after you were done with it?'" Hardison asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"All that money... just piles and piles of it," Parker started, and bit her lower lip. "I kind of wanted to have sex with you on top of it."

Hardison's eyes went wide, "Say what?"

"Come on, wouldn't that be sexy? I mean all that money... and you..." she ran her hands down his chest.

"Well.. It wouldn't not be sexy," he said, finally after thinking about it. "We might get some nasty papercuts though, in places I'd rather not have them."

"Pain is pleasure, Hardison," Parker replied, winking at him before kissing him and softly nibbling on his bottom lip.

"Well hey, the next time we come across a big pile of cash like that, I'll have it happen if it really turns you on that much," Hardison said through Parker's kisses.

"Oh yeah," she replied. "That would turn me on a lot."


Rated: K+

"Are you playing that stupid game again?" Nathan asked as he entered Hardison's office and saw him equipt with a headset and a look of concentration on his face as he heard sounds that sounded strangely not like hacking into a bank account, like he was supposed to be doing.

"You clearly just don't understand the greatness that is World of Warcraft, Nate," Hardison replied, still not taking his eyes off the game.

"Clearly," Nate replied sarcastically before taking Hardison's headset off of him.

"Hey man!" Hardison protested, trying to get the headset back, but Nathan held it out of his reach.

"What else I clearly don't understand is why you insist on being lazy and fooling around with this game when you should be working."

"I did work, I was taking a break!"

Nathan sighed and sat on the edge of his desk. "Look, I understand this stuff gets you off, and I didn't complain when you made me dress up like a Storm Trooper that one night, but when it interferes with your work it's getting a little out of control."

Hardison waved his finger in protest. "Okay first of all, WoW doesn't get me off, it's just for fun. Second of all, you enjoyed dressing like the Storm Trooper, so I don't know why you're complaining."

"I'm not complaining, I'm just— "

"Raining on my parade," Hardison finished for him. "Look, if it makes you happy, I'll finish doing work and then I'll play my game."

"Thank you," Nathan said, and kissed him lightly on the lips. "That would make me happy."

"But you SO owe me."

Nathan rolled his eyes, "Fine, whatever you want."

Hardison smirked and grabbed the hem of Nate's shirt to get him closer to him before whispering in his ear, "Tonight, you're dressing up as Legolas."