Jasper rolled his eyes at me. "It's not going to work, Bella. Besides, it's a bad idea."
"You don't know that." I insisted. "They're all too paranoid over the whole thing. They won't think it through."
"So then it will work. It's still a bad idea. I don't want Edward to kill me."
"He won't." I assured him, trying not to feel aggravated.
"It isn't funny."
I sighed. "It is too. Think about it. Aside from the facts of the matter."
He did, and finally conceded. "Okay, maybe. But I just don't think it's a good idea."
"After all the time they've been harassing you about our relationship?" I demanded. "You wouldn't like to get a little payback?"
His shoulders slumped in defeat. "Okay. Fine. What am I looking for?"
I told him.
"I'll be back in a couple of minutes." He said, and was out through the window in a flash. I was left alone in his room, with my plan.
I doubted. Maybe Jasper was right. Maybe it wasn't funny. Maybe it would get us into trouble. Maybe it would make Edward mad. I frowned. It probably would make him mad.
But it really was harmless, and it would, hopefully, help Jasper realize that if I could joke about something like that, then it didn't bother me and he didn't need to still be beating himself up over the birthday incident.
Besides, it would be a really cheesy dress up job.
Jasper returned, laid the bag on the bed, and looked at me expectantly. "Okay." I said, and we got to work.
Two minutes later I had plastic fangs, white face makeup, and 'bite marks' and a trail of fake blood down my neck. Jasper had reluctantly applied his own fake blood to the corners of his lips and trailing down to his chin. It was disturbing.
He scowled at me. "This is ridiculous." He declared. I simply grinned at him. He stiffened. "They're coming."
"Ready?" I asked. Before he could answer, I let out a blood-curdling scream. Jasper growled. At the same time, I heard several things outside.
A growl that was practically a roar pierced the air, followed by "Bella!" At the same time, I heard someone shriek "Jasper!" It was probably Alice.
I launched myself down the stairs, Jasper close behind and snarling. There was a moment as I nearly tripped down the stairs; Jasper caught me and set me back on balance. I bolted out the door yelling and screaming.
I collided with someone cold and hard, who took one look at me and let out a growl of rage and fury. "Bella?" Edward asked, pulling me closer. "Bella? What happened?"
"Where's Jasper?" Alice demanded. Edward turned to stare at her. "Jasper!" She called, almost desperately.
I felt mean. Carlisle and Esme came running up. "What happened?" He demanded. "Where is she?" Edward moved me towards Carlisle. "Bella?" He asked, taking in my pale skin, and the 'blood.'
I felt bad as his expression changed. There was a look of shock and guilt and regret. He began muttering as he checked my pulse and began scanning me for injuries.
Esme looked torn apart.
It was time to end this. Jasper had been right.
Rosalie and Emmett showed up as Jasper hit the door. Everything since I made it outside had taken less than five seconds. I never even had a chance to clear things up.
Edward snarled and launched himself at Jasper, and Alice shrieked. "Stop it!" She demanded. "Somebody stop them!"
Emmett dove in between the two, and grabbed Jasper, dragging him away from everyone. Edward moved forward until Alice was suddenly in front of him, glaring.
"I would appreciate it if you would not kill my husband." She informed him. "I'll do that for you."
Edward was back beside me in a flash. "Bella, it's okay. I'm so sorry."
I sighed. "Don't be. There's nothing to be sorry for. I'm fine." I said. No one was convinced. I groaned. "I'm the one who should be sorry."
Edward shook his head. "No, Bella, just because-"
He was interrupted by a huge guffaw from Emmett, who had let Jasper go as soon as Edward's attention had been focused on me. Edward turned to glare at Emmett.
Jasper was scowling. "I told you." He grumbled.
Edward was all over him in seconds. "Told her what?" He was in Jasper's face, hissing. Jasper flinched and took a step back. He didn't want a fight.
"I told her you wouldn't think it was funny." He said, speaking his words with a distinctly southern drawl.
Emmett snorted, and Edward froze. I assumed he was reading Jasper's thoughts, because he turned to study me critically, and then turned to glare at Emmett once more.
"You knew?" He demanded. Emmett shrugged.
"If you all hadn't been panicking as if it were some terrible disaster, you might have realized a couple of things. One: She had time to scream." I shuddered as I realized what that implied. If Jasper had really been going after me, I probably would have been dead in seconds. Emmett continued. "Two: She made it out the door. Three: she reached us, and we wouldn't have let Jasper kill her. Four: She wants to be a vampire anyway, so no harm would have been done. Five: She isn't sparkling."
"Does this list end anytime soon?" Rosalie complained. Emmett nodded.
"Sure, babe. Last, don't transformations start almost immediately after being bitten and last for at least a day or two?" The others stared at Emmett for several seconds. He had noticed what the rest of them had not.
I was surprised. Emmett had always seemed the densest of the lot. Yet he had worked all this out, and apparently thought it was hilarious.
"Just because I let people think I'm an idiot doesn't mean I actually am one." Emmett huffed. Rosalie was by his side in a second.
"I know you're not." She murmured into his ear.
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I still don't understand." Esme said hesitantly. "Bella is okay, then?"
Edward growled. "It's Halloween makeup. It was a joke. To get us back for pestering them about getting things worked out."
"Well, it appears they've worked things out just fine, then." Carlisle said, offering a relieved smile.
"Yeah. Sure." Edward muttered darkly, turning back to Jasper. Alice groaned, Edward growled, and Alice sighed. I was left with the feeling I had missed an argument during that split second of reactions.
I gasped as Edward turned and punched Jasper right in the face. Hard. Jasper's head snapped up, and he staggered back a few steps.
"Hey!" I said. "It was my idea!"
Edward rolled his eyes. "But he agreed to it. And managed to hide it from both of us." Both him and Alice.
"You didn't have to hit him." I insisted angrily.
Edward shrugged. "He didn't have to go along with it. Shut up, Emmett. It's not funny."
Emmett was laughing again. I wondered why. He grinned at me. "Pretty good, Bella. I've never seen a vampire go white before."
Edward glared at his brother. "Shut up, Emmett!" Emmett shut up, and sulked off. Rosalie followed with a backward glance at Carlisle.
Carlisle cleared his throat and excused himself, taking Esme with him. This left the four of us alone.
Edward glared at Jasper once more and turned back to me. "You should clean up. That looks ridiculous." He told me, wrapping his arms around me. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "That doesn't even smell like real blood."
"Now you notice." I complained. "And it was my idea. I talked him into it. I think he was just humoring me."
Edward shrugged. "Yes, well, we're trying to teach him that when he lets himself get roped into doing something stupid, he has to suffer the consequences. Usually Emmett's the cause though."
"Last time it was you." Jasper muttered darkly at him.
I regarded Edward quizzically. "What'd you do?"
"Nothing." Edward grumbled. Then he kissed me on the forehead, Halloween makeup and all. "I'm glad you're okay."
"I'm sorry for worrying you." I told him honestly. I hadn't realized it would cause such disaster. I hadn't meant to set everyone on edge.
"Jasper seems fine now, though." Edward commented. So this had, at least, helped with that. I peeked around Edward to see Jasper. Alice was finally approaching him.
She smiled sweetly at him. "I spent the entire run back here seeing Bella like this while Edward ripped you to pieces."
He ducked his head. "Sorry." He said.
She nodded. "I know." Her voice was still sweeter than I had ever before heard it. She leaned forward until they were almost touching. He didn't move. She smiled again, and there was something frightening about it. "By the way," She said, turning back to go inside, "you can sleep in your room tonight."
Edward winced as Jasper sighed. "Ouch." Edward muttered, taking my hand and leading me inside.
Alice was waiting. "Get in the shower and get that stuff off you." She looked thoughtful, and burst into a grin I knew far too well. I groaned. "Of course," she continued, "we'll have to fix your hair again, you know. We can't let you run around with shower hair."
Shower hair. Alice's term for wet, unbrushed, unstyled hair. It was a worse sin than murder, and Rosalie agreed with her wholeheartedly. I was doomed.
Stupid Jasper. Why'd he even agree to go along with my idea in the first place? He could have saved us both a lot of trouble.
Author's note: I hope you like this, I was trying to think of some great joke that would just blow you all away, but it just didn't work that way. I figured, though, that it would be just Bella's luck to have an attempted prank go horribly wrong. Anyway, tell me what you think, and for those who are worried, no, Alice doesn't stay mad at him. I was going to do another chapter with them making up, but I don't think it fits here, so I'll probably write it out as a separate story. Anyway, review please!
Disclaimer: I still don't own this, just in case you mistakenly believed I thought I did.