(By "I haven't slept in over 24 hours and I feel fine! Honest!" Zar)


Yes, it's time for a roadtrip. That's narration, folks! Take notes, you might need them some day!

Anyway, on this fine windy blustery sunny rainy day that had weird little flecks of paper falling from the sky that melted when they touched anything but themselves (NOT SNOW) our favorite FFVII characters are busy running around in circles.

Well, no, that's not true, only one is.

"Wheeeeeeeeeee I fly planes WHEEEEEEE"

"Argh." Vincent is angsting and being a stoic in spite of the hyperactive little pilot running in little orbitals around him. Cloud meanwhile is trying to remove a box that has been stucked onto his spiky hair. His spikity, spikity hair.

"Why, something is stuck in my hair!" He said redundantly for no reason whatsoever. This caused Cid to leap onto his head and stomp on his spikes hyperactively.



Cid gets his foot impaled on one of Cloud's spikes. Owwy.


Cid falls off after making some kind of noise that can't be described in letters unless they are "geurtuts". Woah, for typing gibberish that almost made sense!
Vincent is sitting with a flatline face and a big vein hovering around him like a little moon. M-o-o-n, that spells angsty stoic!

"I think I know who got into all the hypers, Cloud."

"So THAT's what that box was." Cloud pulls the box off one of his spikes and smears the blood off of it, where it says "HYPERS o.o" in big letters. Cid is twitching and rolling around on the ground trying to suck on his foot through his boot and not having much success. Pffff I could have told you THAT Cid.

"MY FOOT HURTS FOR NO REASON!" Cid shouted, for no reason. Vincent and Cloud roll their eyes.
"We have to go to Midgar, for some reason."

"Yes, for some reason." Vincent nods and accepts everything, because he's not scared of invisible walls. Honest.

Something hovers around Vincent, but it's INVISIDIBLE, so no one can see it. SEEE Vincent isn't scared. NO INVISIBLE WALLS IN THIS!

Vincent throws stuff in the back of the mysterious mini van that they have somehow acquired that has a big rubber ducky painted on it. He throws in a plastic flamingo, peanut butter, Sephiroth posters, books, another box of hypers (for future use, a heh heh), beverages, and food, and car games, and tapes, lots of tapes. Tape tape tape. I wonder what my life would be like if my blood were tape. I bet it would be very inconvenient. AND A LOT SHORTER! HAR!

Vincent throws himself in the back and hopes to impale himself on a spare Parcheesi piece, because he is angsty. Cloud pokes a hole in the sunroof and not by accident. Cid is bouncing up and down and around in circles and investigating whether he can stuff everything else in the car in the glove compartment, including Cloud's foot.

"Let go Cid, I need to use the go pusher lever thing."

"YES the ACCELBIRATEOR!" Cid jumps in Cloud's lap and slams his foot down on the reverse pedal, driving the van backwards and smashing whatever home the three had at some point into rubble. Not that this doesn't stop the psycho pilot, who is driving in circles and giggling hysterically. "WHEEEEEEEEE"


Cid looks back at Vincent who is being rolled around in debris much like a dryer of some kind. "YessssssssssSssSSSSSss"

Cid becomes distracted from the word yes and gets more interested in acting like a snake. He begins wiggling around in an anime type way and making weird faces, meanwhile causing the vehicle to do things it normally can't, like figure eights and flips and flying through the air like a magic carpet.


"That's it! I'm driving!" Vincent launches himself at Cid and wrestles him into the back, where Cid tries to slither into Vincent's clothes. "AGH!"

Cloud the living pincushion tries to drive, but somehow deflates the steering wheel with his spikies. Whoops. The wheel deflates with a sound like "SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALAWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHH"

Meanwhile, Vincent has managed to tape Cid to one of the seats in the back, where he flails and generally curses and laughs hysterically. He gets back to the front of find Cloud holding a deflated steering wheel.

"It fell" says the cloudman. Vincent falls over Anime Style, and this somehow gets them a new steering wheel. MAGIC SAYS I, MAGIC!

The car tears down the street like there were evil car eating monsters after it. Oh, they're out there.

Meanwhile, they mow down a hedgehog.

"WAIT!" Cloud points dramatically and rips a hole in the ceiling.

"WHISKABIBBLE AND BUMPY! EHEHEHEEEEEEEE!" Cid then proceedes to throw himself around the back, now completely out of control and untaped. Yes, he's out of control and uncensored! Wheee! Order today!

"NO! I HATE THAT GAME!" Vincent shouts to the back. Cid suddenly gets very quiet and vanishes.

"That was-!" Cloud tries to finish his sentence but Cid's hands reach around Vincent's headrest and grab his black bangies. He pulls them up.



Cid then proceeds to somehow get lost in Vincent's hair. It's a jungle out there!

Cloud continues making his point as if someone was listening. "That was...ZACK!"

Yes, the hedgehog was Zack. And he was pinned to the tire, much like a diaper. With a safety pin. SAFETY FIRST

CLoud leaps out the windshield and hits the pavement without rolling. SCKRUNCH. Vincent is trying to stop Cid from making his hair a fro. Zack is a smiling diaper. Cause he is. Yes he is.


"Come with us on our magical journey to Midgar!" Cloud peels the diaper off and throws it in the car and hops back in through the passenger window. He rolls the window up and grabs the steeringwheel, which explodes. This leaves him with white powder in his face for some reason.

"LOOK IT'S WHIPPED CREAM!" Cid shouts from the depths of Vincent's hair.

"No it is CRACK" says the cloudman, who is hugging the hedgehog who has turned back into a hedgehog. Hedgehog is a funny word. "This is how we are able to do things like..."

Cid lolls around in Vincent's hair and suddenly sprouts dragon wings and a tail. "WOOOOOOOOOO"

"Like that!"


"NO!" Vincent shrieks. "DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!"


Vincent climbs into his own hair. TAKE THAT MC ESCHER.

Zack takes his seat next to cloud near the giant ball of hair that is flying around the van at highspeeds. "Heeeeey chocobo brraaaaiinnnnn where are we goooinnnggggg"

"Midgar, nutball." Cloud is weaving back and forth trying to hit other cars on purpose. Perhaps to end his torment? OH HO NO I shall turn them to cheese. CHEESE!

The Cheesemobiles are invincible like the Popemobile, so Cloud's attempts to destroy them are like trying to destroy a pinball machine by bouncing pinballs off it. Pinball is a funny word. I had a nasty case of pinballs once, but that's not another story.

Cloud is doing a repeated full 360 in his chair for no reason. Zack uses his wiggly hedgehoggy arms to try and resume whatever control the car had. It now drives upside down. Thank you Zack.

The ball has split into hyperpuffs, one of which is not amused.




The hyperpuffs wrestle in the background and then there is a burst of flame and the smell of scorched fur, and Vincent comes up as a kitsune for no reason.

"I want to die."

"WELL YOU WON'T DO IT THERE." Zack throws Vincent out the windshield, where he goes under the tires with a thumpity noise. Thumpity! "ThERE"

Vincent materialiazes again because love is all you need. "That wasn't funny."


Vincent shoves a ball of yarn in Zack's vicinity which begins attacking him like some evil tentacle monster. "DIE EVIL YARNY VILLAIN!"


Cloud is still spinning in circles for no reason. Maybe he's on a turntable. COLORADO!

He's playing music too. "MICKEY MOUSE MICKEY MOUSE M I C K E Y" It's coming out of his eyes. Everyone knows that, Duh.

Vincent now has four tails and one of them is being chewed on by Dragon Cid who is frothing at the mouth and laughing hysterically. "Someone help me."

"I WILL!" Zack jumps in the back and knocks himself unconscious.

"Sadly, that did help." Vincent sits back down, then pulls his tails with him, along with the Dragon-Cid.


"Stop it."


The Dragon-Cid then proceeds to plant himself in Vincent's lap and begin to squiggle furiouslty. Vincent falls over and dies of tickles. Dragon-Cid exhumes the body and then revives him with his magical powers of dragon. DORAGON HAR HAR. THE LONE OF DRAGON! THE DRAGON OF LONE!

Dragon-Cid then proceeds to roll around on the ceiling making whumpity noises. Whump whump whump.

Vincent takes the wheel from the revolving Cloud and throws him in the back, where he and Zack have mad rotating unconscious sex because they can.

At this point Sephiroth pops in and then disappears, because I don't know. He's Sephiroth, shut up. POIK GONE POOF GONE HAR HAR

Vincent takes the wheel and manages to make the car go in a straight line, which is more then I ever did. Dragon-Cid is rolling on the ceiling. Whee, upside down, stranger to this feeling! I GO CRAZY IF I'M NOT NEXT TO YOOOOU

Dragon-Cid crawls into Vincent's shirt and then snuggles up to his furry chest, because I think it's cute. Vincent tries to drive and fails, causing them to crash in a ditch and explode. Thankfully, they teleported away, because magic rotating unconscious sex gives them magic powers. MAGIC!

They are now carless.

"Now what?!" Vincent is visibly annoyed. Cid takes the annoyance off his face and eats it.

Vincent's vein has returned with it's inbred hick cousins from some hick country. They're singing.


A wild herd of goats stampedes by. Cid grabs Vin, much like something that can be grabbed, and hops on one of the yaks. Cloud manages to drag the unconscious Zack onto another one of the bison, and awaaaaaaaaay we gooooo!


"Why are we doing this?"

"Cause you blewed up the car."

"Did not."

"YES!" Cid eats Vincent's denial.

"I love you, Highwind."


Cloud is busy trying to keep the hedgehog from rolling up and flying away in many pieces, like a dandelion. Dandelion! I snorted one once. Don't do that.

"NOW YOU HAVE DANDELION IN YOUR BRAIN!" Cid shouts at the sky for no reason. He then is convinced that aliens are coming after the cheerios in his brain, and begins spinning in circles around Vincent's chest like one of those cartoon things. You know, the things.

Vincent now looks like a poodle. POODLE! He's not happy.

"I want to die."

"NOOOOOO YOU DOOOON'T I WANT MORE HYPPPERRRSSSS" Cid is now inside Vincent's shirt and isn't moving anytime soon. He's now shouting for no reason at the top of his lungs. "#$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$@#!"

Tifa stops by in the invisible quackmobile she wasn't driving, but having sex with. She hops off and looks skanky. "HEEEEY did someone mention my CALLING CARD?"

Everyone stares at her except Cid, who looks up. "THE ALIENS ARE AFTER MY BRAIN AGAIN! GO AWAY!"

Everyone sweatdrops and creates a tsunami, which they catch the wave on. The kool-aid man falls into the water and dies, because as we all know, trix are for kids. Even though only the rabbit knows how to appreciate them. Because he's the rabbit.

The rabbit appears. "I am the messiah."

Cid eats him. "Mmm, tastes like sacrilege!"

"Stops that!" Hee hee, stops.

The tsunami disappears, because the kool-aid eats water like some carnivorous being. Everyone is riding a dotted outline wave! DOTTED OUTLINE!


But everyone doesn't and they go get ice cream. Ice cream!

Everyone eats ice cream. Zack is a ball. A black ball of spike. Cloud is sitting on him, because he's a dirty slut, and that's how you like it, isn't it? Dragon-Cid is eating both his ice cream and Vincent's, because he's too hyper to care.

Red XIII flies by in the background, like Houou in the first episode of Pokémon. The melodious strains of "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LIKE CRAAAAAAAAACK" are heard as the flaming thingy goes off and burns in the sun. Crispy.

All the planets are too crunchy. Sephiroth comes in and doesn't use quotation marks, because he has no soul, that evil white-haired thing. He then poofs away in a flash of weird colored smoke that smells like Cloud panties.

Aeris runs in carrying a whip. LICORICE WHIP. She dies because I don't know where I was going with that.

Yuffie, wherever she is, dies painfully, because she must. That is the way with those too sexy space ponies.


Vincent tries to protest but Cid then crawls behind his ears somehow. Vincent falls over because he's secretly ticklish there, and he goes fully bishounen demon like in Pokémon Vincent because I like that doujinshi.

Dragon-Cid is now chewing on his ear. "SPIRITS TASTE LIKE WAAAAAAX"

Zack unspikes and throws Cloud off him at a hundred miles per hour. Cloud flies into a tree, then whiplashes back like some kind of cartoon character, only to come zooming back and knock everyone into a convenient vat of whipped cream that was being carted by the national perverts anonymous union truck whose owner was striking with the others about not knowing who's allowed to wear the pants in the family.

Everyone is creamed. HAR HAR

Vincent is not happy, although those happy yaoi freaks Zack and Cloud are. Having yaoitic time, are we?


Dragon-Cid is eating whipped cream and trying to roll around in Vincent's hair for no reason. "WAAAAAALLAAAAAAAAA"

He pokes Vincent's cheek. "WALLA WALLA"

Vincent's vein is joined by the inbred hick's cousins' girlfriends who were originally their sisters, but were good eatin and killed by giant butterflies.

Vincent drags himself out of the whipped cream and tries to get it out of his tail and hair. Fortunately, there's a fire hydrant open for no reason. Wait, never mind. CId opened it with the can opener his tail sprouted. JUST LIKE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE!

Cid and Vincent frolic in the spray that stings like nothing else and get clean. Zack and Cloud have drowned in fluffy yaoitic happy time. HEE HEE ZACK GETS A LOT OF WET ALL OVER HIM.

Sephiroth suddenly grabs Cid and kidnaps him, because unlike other characters he doesn't get announced, freaking old man. Vincent spazzes.

"No! I want my dragon back!"

"Then take him back! TAKE THAT, BIRTH OF MAN!" Sephiroth holds Dragon-Cid above his head like in Lion King, and Vincent is Nala. He's now naked and in a lion suit. Cloud and Zack are revived as Pumbaa and Timon, and still singing his gorgeous song of "IIIIIIIIIIII LIKE CRAAAAAAAAAAAACk" Red XIII the might replacement of Zazu flies overhead like launched out of a cannon that was armed with toothpaste. Because that stuff is explosive. It blew up my teeth once. Don't do that.


"Those aren't the right words!" Nala calls from the bottom, where she is accosted for having illegal drugs. Vincent is not happy with this and sent to jail for no reason. A ragtag group of adventurers rescue him for no reason, and he comes back to find Dragon Cid is now king of Pride Rock and has discovered the true meaning of Christmas.


Vincent flies up there, because he can. I didn't make that up. He really can fly, he showed me once. He goes swoooooo and tappa and swooooo and woops I fell and kissed Cid whehehehehehehee I have pictures.

Vincent flies and is now in a big white dress for no reason. He falls dramatically into Dragon-Cid's arms, who begins licking him.

"EEEE" says the goth stoic.


"HENTAI!" Vincent throws a boot at him. Meanwhile, Zack and Cloud are doing stuff that meerkats and warthogs shouldn't do. Tifa runs by as that old monkey dude going "LOOOOOK AT MY BUUUUUTTTTT"

Everyone suddenly magically transports back into a car because I remembered what I was supposed to be doing. ROAD TRIP daaaaahruuu.



Cid begins laughing in a demonic way and tearing around the entire back part of the van. Sephiroth is sitting and waiting.

"It just is."

Zack runs by going "I AM HERO OF THE YEAR!" but there are no girls, only a giant pickled kumquat. ZACK YOU PERVERT!

Cloud cries big things. Like...things. I think more things should be filled with cream. Cloud cries whales. The car explodes because whales are too large for cars.

Everyone is flopping. Like a fish. Everyone becomes a karp and flies into a river, because karps can fly.

"Karp." Says the angsty goth karp.

Everyone gets back in the car, because I need to keep them in one. Everyone is back to where they were. Zack is a spikeball. Dragon Cid is throwing him at stuff. Just stuff. Vincent gets Zack stuck to the back of his head. Cloud is driving again. Wait, no he isn't. The steering wheel divorces him and takes the kids with it.

Vincent throws Cloud into the back, where Cid rips off all his clothes and sacrifices him to the old man god while throwing dust into the air, dust he got from dead skin particles (science fact, kiddos!) . He takes a new wheel, to love and to hold, till death do they part. She wants the couch, will she have it? Vincent may never know, because he has no couch.

"EHEHEHEHEHEEEHEHHEEHEE" Cid is bouncing up and down and around and inside and outside and backwards and doing flips and doing all sorts of things he really can't do, but he can. ANYTHING YOU CAN'T DO I CAN DO BETTER. CAN!

Dragon Cid kicks a can at Vincent. Clonk.

Cloud and Seph and Zack do a can can line. "CANCANCANCNANANC" because I can't remember the words right now.

The car is now revolving in circles. Slow circles. Yet, it is still moving forward in a straight line. The laws of physics do not apply. Now be quiet and eat your applenugget, young one. APPLENUGGET!

Vincent is trying to remember where he was going. "Where are we going?"


Vincent waits for Cid's response with one of those flatline faces. FLAT FLAT HEE HEE.


The car turns into a camel. Everyone goes insane. No wait, that already happened. I take that back.

Everyone goes all arab-y. Even angsty goth boy. GOTH BOY IN A BIG HAT! HAR HAR!

Dragon Cid is singing about spiceys and talking about raiding trains. Because he's pretty, oh so pretty, and I forget the rest of the song.

Cid jumps into the air really high, because he can. Vincent thinks that agrabah is a big city, and Sephiroth wants to conquer the sand. He goes to the cave of wonder and opens it with two halves of a Barret.

Barret is all like YO YO YO MOTHER #%^#ERS HERE COMES PACMAN and everyone's like WE DON"T DO CRACK WELL WAIT MAYBE WE DO and he's like PACMAN MUSIC dadadadadadadadaadaa and has a swirly behind him. Psychedlic. Baby.

Everyone's in a plane. The bed spins in circles. The plan does too. LIKE A CORKSCREW! Tape tape. Cid falls on Vincent for no reason, other then "OH I FELL OVER".

Everyone goes back to Agrabah. Cait Sith is the genie. Aladdin who is played by the talented Red XIII on crack rubs the lamp and sets it on fire. Cait Sith flies out flaming like a homosexual. He turns into Reeve. REEEEEEVEEEEEEEEE

Cloud and Zack have sex among the trees that have rubies for fruit. This causes the cave to go be-zerk and kill everyone. Sephiroth sends Red XIII to the ends of the earth, which is after the sand. Sand. Sand sand sand sand sand.

Cthulu is a big scary god that pops up occasionally and eats stuff. SCIENCE FACT KIDDOS! The sun won't explode it'll just turn into a cow!

Barret walks like an egyptian.

Radios aren't good things, because they have tubes, and tubes were used to conquer the world in the age of cheese eatings llamas. How do I know this? Because I....was one of those llamas.

Everyone is in agrabah rolling around in sand making sandsicles. Except Vincent who's trying to keep his dignity in this circus. Sephiroth runs by screaming hysterically. "SHOULD I CUT MY BANGS SHOULD I CUT MY BANGS? I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL CUT MY BANGS I SWEAR TO GOD DON'T COME ANY CLOSER I'LL CUT MY BANGS!"

Zack is a hedgehog that has a face of sand and he wrinkles it like some kind of mole and goes. "I think Seph's having a bad hair day, I think that's clear."

He plays Jazz Trumpet. Cloud falls over and turns into a weird curled metal thingy which name escapes me. Zack sandsurfs on him. Groovy.


Red XIII has resumed his orbit around the earth. "IIIIII LIKE CRAAAAAAACK" and he falls into the sun again. That's a BADDD HABIT.

Cid explodes because he smokes. Wait, nevermind. He gets cancer and dies. Wait, no. He doesn't die at all! Because he's the sultan cause he's short! Good thing he's too hyperactively incoherent for him to protest!


Vincent is now a giraffe.

Everyone goes out of Agrabah and back into the car, because they need to do something there. I forget what. Wait, I forget where they were going anyway.

The car drives itself, because it's been blessed by the pope. I have a candybar, and I'm not afraid to use it. Actually no, I just wish I had one. I want Chex Mix for hair, but I'd get salt all over everything.

The wheel takes one look at Cloud and sprouts tiny little rubber legs. "I'M ALIVE I'M ALIVE! I'M SMARTER, MORE AGGRESSIVE! I FEEL LIKE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!" and runs away to tip cows. They have to use a plunger instead of a wheel.


Call the Super Mario Brothers, what a pair! Do you have problems with your pipes?

Luigi runs by on Yoshi to go rescue Mario. IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED shut up. The music was like dooo dooo DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO doooo doooo doo doo doo doooooooo

Everyone is driving around because they have to pull the plunger to one side to control things. Cid is bouncing. Boing boing. Cloud is a pile of ash. ASH.

Zack is stuck to a wall.

Sephiroth has bunny ears. BUNNY BUNNY HA HA HA HA

Sephiroth has a big sword. It just is. He runs in circles until he falls over and his hair causes him to die. Because....he's old. OLD. And we all know old people die for no reason. WE GOT TO EAT ALL THE OLD PEOPLE!

Your grandpa is a meal.

If heat doesn't kill the elderly, I will.

Cloud revives into a uke. UKE! Zack has mad sex with him and Cloud ukes all over him. Uke uke uke. I imagine it would be like gravy. Uke I mean. Would you like some uke on your potatos? Nooooo I'd rather have some seme. Seme would be sparkly and mean spirited.

Vincent is trying to drive the plunger. Now THERE'S a sentence you don't hear everyday. I have been reminded they are going to Midgar. They put the pedal to the metal. MEDAL!

Dragon Cid jumps in Vincent's lap and demands to drive.


He stomps on the accelerator and they mow down an old woman. Because to save the world you've got to push a few old ladies down the stairs. And bungee jump from Roosevelts nose. BOING!


Everyone drives into a large Burger King cup and are transported to the land of kids meals. FRY SLIDE! Zack drowns in a pile of shake. Shake it up baby. Cloud is turned into ketchup. Everyone becomes a hotdog and rides down to some kind of magical place called "Turnipland". It is a big turnip. Everyone makes a turnover out of it. They pour gravy around. Around baby right round doododododoo.

Penis penis penis. VAGINA! DOH!

Everyone is a turnip.

"This is not funny." Says the goth turnip.

"ROAR!" The dragon turnip rolls at you. What do you do? Attack Spell Item Run. RUN!? YOU PANSY!

The Dragon Turnip gets fifty experience! He goes up a level!

Everyone collects in a big turnippy pile. Hee hee, turnippy. They throw a party for the level five hundred and fifty TWO turnip. That's not Dragon Turnip, but in fact, a acorn. They are similarly shaped.

Dragon Turnip has wild sex with Goth Turnip. TURNIP YAOI! There's a spikity turnip and a...another spikity turnip. The two spikity ones are sold to an old woman, and there's a pig that speaks french. FRENCH I SAY!

You can lay an egg and still feel like a man.

Everyone turns into Babe. NO, that doesn't make sense. Everyone continues going to Midgar. Their car turns into a baby. BABY CARRIAGE! It rolls away to become the seed of the devil.

Now they are again, carless.

Vincent is sensible and stoic and a gothy angsty little boy, isn't he. "We need a new car, you psycho."

"DON'T CALL ME A PSYCHOOOOO" Cid bounces up and down and writes "HEY DUDE" on the wall. Yes, the invisible wall. DIDN'T THINK I'D MENTION THAT AGAIN DID YOU? DID YOOOOUUUU?

Cid suddenly turns into that crazy guy from the Shining. Vincent is the psychotic rat lady with the bat.

"No cigs and no beer make Cid go something something" says the Dragon Cid as he rides a tricycle up the stairs.

"I'm not even going to-"

"GO CRAZY DON'T MIND IF I DOOOOOO" Dragon Cid drops an anvil. Cloud goes pedalling by on a Zackmobile. OH NO WATCH OUT FOR THE CRAZY CAIT SITH CHILDREN!

The house is filled with liquid. The water music from SM64 starts playing. Doodoodoodoodoodoooooooo I love that music.

Everyone is swimming like a fish. Oh yeah, did I mention that I know a fish murderer? Everyone turns into a crab.


Never mind, they go back on the road. WATCH OUT!

F-Zero cars go careening by and try to run them over on purpose.

Everyone leaves and decides to go get candy, because candy is good and sugary. They walk through the F-Zero cars, because they are invincible. Dragon Cid has a Vincent doll in his lap that he makes do things that are unVincenty, because it's a dolly.

"Look at me, my name is Vin! I'm a gothy boy of sin!" Cid makes up a stupid rhyme that actually makes sense. Woah. He makes the Vin wrap his leg around his head and do the lambada. What the heck are you talking about, Max?

A dinosaur comes running by and takes fifteen minutes of everyone's time with it. Stupid previews. Cid makes the Vincent doll tapdance on the displaycase, which comes to life to star in it's own live show "Platey and the amazing glass tadpoles!"

Vincent has several veins around his head, and they are all fornicating and having mad, mad sex and making more veins. Vein vein vein. You know, I know someone who hates that word. He has that liney face. Liinnnneee faceeeeeee.

Cloud is sucking on a lollipop, because that's a big sexual innuendo. Zack likes candy. He eats the entire store.

Dragon Cid then locates a blanket and crawls under it and becomes...the AMOEBA!

"RUN YOU #$^#ERS!"

He flares out his wings so that the blanket is all round and amoebay and stuff. He comes after Vincent. Zack uses Cloud's lollipop in a not nice way. Whoop, can't show that.

"Stop it, Highwind!" Vincent stands and tries to look stoic as the amoeba licks over his weird little gold boots. Hee hee, gold boots. "Highwind!"

Cid takes off Vincent's boot and eats it. Vincent screams as the amoeba drags him down and has wild, wild sex with him. AMOEBA SEX

Suddenly everyone turns into the Tarzan people. Sephiroth is Kerchak and he doesn't like people. Vincent adopts a Cid baby. Zack comes swinging by as one of those skunk monkeys, and Cloud rolls down a hill as something that rolls. Tifa's that skanky Jane. Jaaaane. Cid grows up and kills her and eats her for her brain, because brains give people smarts.

Sephiroth is shot by Barret, who's that mean guy whose name escapes me now.

There is much swinging and shouting, then they go back to the candy store and get Chex Mix. Oh, Chex Mix. I'd have sex with it and have Chex Mix babies, if that wouldn't make me all salty and itchy. I bet labor would be terrible. HAR!

A leopard runs by and eats a baby. DINGOES ATE MY BABY!

Cid is still an amoeba. He slurps over Vincent again and eats him, then eats Sephiroth's foot.


Sephiroth is footless. He turns into a bunny for no reason and jumps in Zack's shirt. He doesn't care because he's Zack, and he goes and has sex with Cloud while Sephiroth is in his shirt. Wow, KINKY!

Red XIII runs by. "DAAAAAAA nipaboijnnnnggsha WALLA neepneep ehhhhhdwappa zinnnggggg shoooba zwooba! Shapapapa bluuuue stratavariiiii jababaa shwalla deep deep mwallazop bippity boo baaaaa shalpckakasha momo!"

Did I mention that I'm Sephiroth Clone number pi? 3.14253213523652...

Vincent shoves Cid in his shirt to shut him up. WOW it works! Cid is occupied in there quite a bit. Vincent plays with the doll of himself and makes it angst, because that's what he does, that angsty red man. RED!

Red XIII runs by again. "Shoobababa keepasillysillysilly jeeeeeeeeeeeeecha kolupatara jik jik jeeeek shalla wop wop gleepppaaaa."

Cid becomes an amoeba in Vincent's shirt somehow and flops out of the edges like a amoeba. He steals his doll back and hides somewhere in Vincent's shirt. Vincent tries to get it back, but Cid tickles him instead and causes Vincent to roll down the street like a barrel of some kind.

A lemur runs by smoking a crack pipe. It's closely pursued by Red, who's like EYYYYY and stuff.

Sephiroth explodes in Zack's shirt. WOW who saw that coming? Zack dies. Cloud has a big moment then gets over it like the dirty slut he is and has sex with the telephone pole.