Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: This is just a humor one-shot I thought of tonight while talking with a friend. ;) Hehe. Uhm... there is a bit of acting lingo in it, but most of it is explained. Anyway... that's about it. Read and review, please! :)
"You're sending me to acting classes?" Jeff Hardy asked his boss, Vince McMahon as he sat with him during a personal meeting for his own performance.
Mr. McMahon chuckled. "Yes, Jeff, I am. Stephanie and I have discussed it. We feel you have the ability to be one of the best, if not the best, on Smackdown right now. But with your less than par acting, its holding you back. So, we're going to send you to acting classes."
Jeff couldn't believe it. "Do I have to?" he asked coolly. Already in his head, he did not want to do it.
"Yes. Consider it an order," Vince said just as coolly. "That is all, Jeff. Have a good show tonight." Jeff nodded bitterly to Mr. McMahon as he exited his office, mumbling profanities under his breath.
One week later, Jeff stood in front of a small town acting school, not too far from his home in Cameron, North Carolina. It was the address he was given by Mr. McMahon and he was supposed to attend classes once every two weeks, for six months straight. After that, he would be reevaluated by Stephanie and Vince McMahon.
He sighed. "I can't believe I have to do this shit." Jeff than crumbled the paper, tossing it into his pocket and walking up the steps, to the door.
He entered to a cool temperature room, scanning it until he spotted an older looking woman behind a desk, deeming her the secretary. She looked at Jeff with curiosity as he walked to her. Sometimes, he wondered why he dyed his hair wild colors and why he couldn't just blend in.
"Can I help you?" the woman asked.
Jeff nodded. "Uh… yeah, uh, I have uh, appointment for an acting class with Mrs. Bailey Hanson?"
"Ah, Bailey's new student," the woman answered in a thick Southern accent. "Just take a seat. She'll be with you soon."
"Wait, this is just me and her?" Jeff asked.
The secretary nodded with a soft smile. "These are private acting lessons."
Jeff nodded and then sat down. "Well shit."
A few minutes later, a blonde woman who looked to be about Jeff's age came out, a notebook in her hands. She was dressed in dark, slimming pants, a pleasant blouse on. She was also very pretty and Jeff definitely noticed. If only he could do something other than acting with her… "Mr. Hardy?"
Jeff stood up. "That's me. But please, call me Jeff."
The woman nodded. "Okay. And you can call me Bailey. Let's go… we only have an hour to start your lessons." Jeff couldn't protest to Bailey because she moved like grease lightening behind the door she came from. Jeff followed with a sigh, hating Vince McMahon more than ever.
He came into what looked like a room that was painted black, with bright lights to illuminate it. Inside the room it was empty, except for two chairs. "Take a seat, Jeff," Bailey said, sitting in one.
Jeff did so. "H—"
"So, Jeff," Bailey said easily. "Why are you here?"
Jeff frowned, as if he was thinking about it. He finally said, "Because my boss hates me."
Bailey chuckled, opening her notebook. "Surely that isn't so. Let's see… it says you're a pro-wrestler who needs to work on his acting skills?" Jeff nodded solemnly. She stared at him for a moment. "My younger brother watches WWE. I'm sure he knows who you are. Wait until he hears that I'm doing this."
Jeff wanted to groan. "So what's the first lesson?" Jeff replied impatiently.
Bailey chuckled again. "Well, there is a lot I can teach you… but since you work doing things such as promos for a living, I'd think you'd know the jest of projection, ad-libbing, and articulation."
"Right. And since you're not looking to try out for Broadway or anything, it'll be different from most of my classes. Hmm… let's start with a game."
"Game?" Jeff asked uneasily.
"Yes, a game. Or an activity, if you will. It's easier for a person to learn how to act by playing games." Jeff thought of Vince McMahon and began to wonder if he sent Jeff to this woman – or nutcase – as a punishment for something. Bailey looked at Jeff then and realized his discomfort. "Okay, maybe not a game. We'll wait for that. How about I teach you some things about the three B's."
"Bits, business, and beats."
Jeff never wanted to leave a place more than he did right then. "What the hell is that?" He couldn't mask his shock anymore.
Bailey chuckled again. "Bit: A funny made up moment. Business: Doing things during a scene or play, etc. And Beat: A change in tone or pace in a scene."
Over the next fifteen minutes, Jeff and Bailey did cold-readings of a scene outline she'd pulled from underneath her chair. "Okay. That scene wasn't too bad, but I do see where you need work. Jeff, you seem very unnatural in your reading. Of course, this was the first time you read the monologue out loud and you didn't know about it, but still." Jeff nodded. "Okay. Let's try something else. Strike the chairs."
Jeff looked at her for a moment, and then hit the chair near him. Bailey burst out laughing. "What are you doing?" she said through giggles.
Jeff shrugged. "You said strike the chair… didn't you?"
Bailey giggled again. "Sorry, the word strike in theater and acting means to remove something… I shouldn't really use that kind of lingo in front of you yet, should I?"
Jeff muttered, "You think?" He removed the chairs to a corner and came back. "Okay, now what?" He was starting to loose his patience. He'd been there nearly a half hour and he felt like he hadn't learned a thing.
"Okay, back to your monologue. What I noticed is that your accent picks up the brunt of some of your words. Now, I used to have a thick accent myself and it can be very hard to loose it in acting, or at least make it less noticeable, but it's going to make your acting better if you do so. So, I want you to do another reading of the monologue, watching your articulation. After we work on that for a bit, we'll add the blocking."
"We need blocks?"
Bailey giggled. "Blocking is moving on stage. Like what you're doing as you talk. Sorry."
Jeff nodded. "I hate my boss."
Bailey patted his shoulder. "This is tough, especially since a lot of this is more so for theater than for what you do for a living… but it'll help." She then stared to guide Jeff through the script working on bits and pieces with him along the way.
He didn't even notice when his time slot went over because he found he was enjoying himself too much. Bailey made learning fun, once he allowed the games and her silly antics. They worked on different scenes and what Bailey pointed out were some of Jeff's weaknesses.
"Okay, let's do one more run through of this scene. I think this was your best yet," Bailey said, staring at the clock. "It's almost seven."
"What?" Jeff said. "I got here at five. Oh God, I'm so sorry!"
Bailey smiled. "Don't worry about it. We'll do one last run-through and then we'll call it a day until next week."
Jeff sighed, embarrassed for taking the woman's time. "Fine." He pulled out the script and began to read his character. They did the scene full out, with blocking and business. "So, Carol, I'll see you after school for the project?" Jeff said, playing Jason, a teenage boy who was working on a project with a girl name Carol.
"Of course!" Bailey as Carol said, a typical blonde who had a crush on Jason. She squealed, touching Jeff's shoulder. Jeff smiled – which wasn't even part of the script. "I'll see you then!"
Jeff smiled slyly as "Carol" went to turn away. "Hey Carol, you forgot something!" Bailey flipped around, confused since it was the end of the script, only to find her lips met with Jeff's, and his arm wrap around her waist. She returned the kiss, her heart beating faster by the second.
Finally, Jeff broke it off, grinning at her. "That… that wasn't… part of the script," Bailey said, out of breath.
Jeff continued to grin. "I added a 'bit'."
Bailey had to smile. "A bit is a funny made up moment," she whispered. "Not just a made up moment."
Jeff twirled a piece of her hair. "Well, here's the funny part," he whispered back. "It's not over." Jeff than kissed her again, crashing her body against the wall, making her moan in pleasure.
When he came up again for air, Bailey whispered, "I didn't even teach you how to kiss in acting."
Jeff smirked, brushing as stray hair from her face. "That's not something I needed to learn, sugar."
Bailey giggled like a school girl, kissing his lip gently. It was quiet for a second, as Jeff held Bailey. "Hey, Jeff?" Jeff nodded. "Do you still hate your boss?"
Jeff grinned wildly, cupping her face, beginning to kiss her again. He only stopped for a second to say, "No."
Obviously for the sake of the one-shot, Jeff is not with Beth. :) Thanks for reading, please review! :)